Chapter 11 #2
Audrey clucks in agreement, then continues after a moment, ‘So what happened with your husband?’ She nods at Paula. ‘John, was it? Awful dickhead, I’m assuming?’
‘Yes,’ Paula begins, ‘I mean, no! I meant yes, he was called John, but no, he wasn’t a .
. . thing head.’ She sighs but it’s lost in the noisy engine.
‘Look, I really didn’t kill him! I loved him very much.
It sounds like you’ve both had a terrible time of it, and I’m sorry.
But I didn’t kill my husband. We were happy.
He died in a car accident. I had nothing to do with it.
I wouldn’t . . . I wasn’t even there or .
. .’ she trails off. The more she speaks, the more unconvincing she sounds.
Why is it so hard to sound truthful when you know everyone thinks you’re lying?
‘Sure, babe,’ Teddy says coolly. Paula can’t see her face but she can hear the sarcasm in her voice. It’s the same amused disbelief Teddy maintained around the kitchen table during their last conversation about John.
Audrey cackles again. ‘OK, my dear, there’s no pressure to tell us the truth. I know we’ve only just met and this is a lot. You take your time.’
Paula takes a deep breath. How can she convince these women that she didn’t murder her husband? And should she even try? After all, she’s trapped in a car with a pair of killers right now. On her way to see two more! Maybe it’s better if they think she’s somewhat capable of holding her own.
Also – and Paula’s aware this shouldn’t really be a factor – having to insist these women are wrong about her and John over and over is starting to get a bit . . . well, awkward . . . Maybe it would be less embarrassing to just let them think she murdered John? Since they clearly believe it anyway.
They drive in silence for a few minutes, the wind whipping through them, the dog whining happily at their feet.
Paula wonders what kind of breed the dog is.
It looks part Jack Russell, part Chihuahua?
But the ears are pure spaniel. It’s no good guessing, so instead she considers the two women they’re going to see.
Perhaps they’re not really killers. Surely Teddy and Audrey have it wrong, like they do with her.
‘What exactly is the plan today?’ she enquires meekly, reaching up to try to pat down her mussed hair. ‘Are we just going to knock on their doors and hope they want to talk to us?’
‘It worked with you,’ Teddy observes dryly.
‘You didn’t knock,’ Paula points out but her words are lost on the wind. She picks up her volume a little. ‘I was just thinking maybe you shouldn’t go straight in with the murder-y part?’
Audrey veers too fast around a tight bend. ‘But that’s the fun bit!’ she says happily. ‘And it’s what we have in common.’
‘There’s also the lottery,’ Paula says quickly. ‘We could just say we’re millionaire winners, like them. We’re lucky like them.’
‘It wasn’t luck,’ Audrey says smoothly, with determination.
‘I made it happen,’ she nods with certainty.
‘Every week I manifested it. I told the universe I was going to win and I did.’ She flicks her loose scarf back over her shoulder.
‘It wasn’t even surprising when I got the message about winning.
So, of course my husband didn’t deserve any of it. I was the one who made it happen.’
Teddy tuts. ‘Don’t you think everyone who plays the lottery feels that way? We all tell ourselves we can make it happen by believing.’
The older woman waves her hands at the group. ‘And look! It worked for all of us. Manifesting works .’
Teddy sighs, as though the logic is inescapable.
‘But doesn’t money make you . . . unhappy?’ Paula gives voice to one of the many fears that have plagued her since she met with Amy, the Lotto lady. ‘Don’t people say it ruins your life? That having money is a curse and you can’t buy happiness?’
‘What a bunch of absolute hogwash!’ Audrey yells as the dog yips.
‘Total rot. All of it. It’s just the internet making things up and looking for the sad stories – the Michael Carrolls – in something that is bloody magical.
People act like money is evil – like having it drives you to become a whole other person.
As if having a few bob is suddenly going to transform you into a terrible gambler or a drug addict.
I mean, for goodness’ sake, my darling, cocaine is perfectly nice, but surely most of us couldn’t get through millions of pounds’ worth of the stuff? ’
Teddy joins in, ‘From my experience, I’d say money can entirely buy you happiness, babe. It can buy you all sorts of things – houses, cars, personalised pyjamas – whatever’s your bag.’
‘Bags, too!’ Audrey sings.
‘Of course, there are exceptions,’ Teddy continues. ‘You really need to have some level of happiness inside you already. Because, as we all know from that one horrible math teacher, it’s no good multiplying things by zero.’
Audrey smirks, ‘Not even seven zeroes on a big, fat cheque.’
‘And after all, isn’t being poor one of the biggest stressors in life?’ Teddy shifts beneath Paula. ‘Take that away and what do you get?’
‘A chance to focus on other stressful things!’ Audrey shrieks.
‘Exactly!’ Teddy nods. ‘Finally your enormous forehead can get the attention it demands in every group photo.’
Audrey shrieks again and tries to reach over to slap Teddy, briefly veering onto the wrong side of the road.
Paula touches her forehead, suddenly self-conscious. ‘Should I get a fringe, do you think?’
‘Definitely. Everyone should have a fringe, that’s what I always say,’ Audrey nods from the driver’s seat.
‘But the point is, having more money allows you to do all the things you’ve always wanted to do and takes away the fear.
You can carry on doing anything that already brought you happiness.
Most lottery winners continue working, did you know that?
They just work less. I still go to my ladies choir every week’ – she pauses – ‘we only sing Disney songs, isn’t that the most wonderful thing you ever heard? ’
Paula nods as Teddy makes a noise that would imply disagreement.
She considers what they’ve said. Does this win make her special? She doesn’t feel special. The only thing she feels is broken and confused. But she felt that way before. This money just makes everything even more complicated.
If Paula were a better person, she’d give the whole lot – the entire twenty-one million – to a charity. She glances down at the dog at her feet. Maybe to an animal charity? She watches as the dog licks her own bits, then Teddy’s hand.
Maybe not an animal charity.
But why shouldn’t she try to enjoy this money and spend it on herself? You’d have to be an absolute saint to give away that kind of money. Paula is a nice enough person – she’s not exactly going around punching people in the street – but she’s also not a saint.
So why not splash the cash a little on herself? Why not buy herself a nice car with more seating options than this one?
She looks around at this small group of women. ‘What was the first thing you bought with your money?’
‘I booked a trip,’ Teddy explains. ‘Spent my first year after winning the money travelling around Italy and Spain.’ She pauses. ‘I don’t recommend it actually. Too many English people living there. I only officially moved from New York to London a few months ago—’
‘Oh?’ Paula interrupts, jumping on the identifying clue. ‘You’re from New York?’
‘Nope,’ Teddy says smoothly.
‘I bought a diamond necklace I’d always wanted,’ Audrey jumps in. ‘De Beers, 18k white gold, with combined diamond carat-age of 14.34.’ She sighs dreamily. ‘Gorgeous little blighter. Guess how much?’
Paula shakes her head, trying to fathom such a thing. ‘I don’t know,’ she replies. ‘Five thousand pounds?’
‘Try fifty-eight thousand pounds!’ Audrey tells her triumphantly. ‘Isn’t that ludicrous! Of course, I can never wear the bloody thing. My daughters won’t let me. Too dangerous, they say. And it’s not like I’m attending too many royal balls these days.’
Paula’s head spins at the number, but something unfurls in her stomach. How . . . exciting . Just imagine being able to throw away such an enormous sum of money like that. Just imagine!
‘So,’ Teddy begins, ‘if a house isn’t something you want to buy right now, what do you want, Paula?’
Paula strokes the interior of the Jaguar.
Terrifying as Audrey’s driving is, it’s also undeniably fun.
Her insides are jangling with nerves but also a sort of thrilling feeling.
She thinks about how she felt after the house viewing, when she considered the idea of buying a car. How wonderful that felt.
After a few seconds, she tells them in a whisper, ‘A car.’
She can practically hear Teddy smiling. ‘I know the perfect place,’ she says. ‘I’ll make a call. We’ll recruit our new members, then all go shopping together. It’ll be a great bonding experience.’
Audrey nods. ‘Today, Maisie and Ivy. Tomorrow, we help Paula buy a brand-new vehicle.’
A feeling blooms in Paula’s chest that feels a lot like . . . happiness?