Chapter 25
Subject: Counselling
Oh John, Tilly’s so upset with me and I don’t know what to do. T
Paula stops typing, pausing over the letter T.
She wants to talk, she needs to talk, but it no longer feels like John is the only person she can talk to. There are others. Her friends.
She hasn’t had close friends in years. Sure, Paula used to have people in her life, when she was young, people she worked with or went to school with.
But life happens. Things got in the way.
Some moved, some argued, some had more than two children and were therefore never heard from again.
Either way, everyone drifted apart. Long ago.
But it seems that, somehow, Paula now has real friends again.
She picks up the phone. She wants to speak to her three friends, right now.
Opening their WhatsApp group, Paula taps the call icon. Seb showed her how to do this a while back, but this is her first chance to have a go for herself.
‘Call TLWWC group?’ it asks and she feels a calm settling over her even at the question.
Ivy is the first to answer.
‘Paula, are you OK?’ The concern in her voice is evident.
‘Oh! Yes,’ Paula blusters, feeling a little silly. She’s forgotten that Ivy’s generation panic about unsolicited phone calls. ‘I’m sorry to ring. I just wanted to talk. How’s your foot?’
She hears Ivy move, settling into some kind of seat. ‘Don’t say sorry, that’s really lovely. It’s nice to hear your voice. And yes, my foot is almost back to normal, thank you for asking.’
‘Hellooooo?’ Audrey booms into the receiver. ‘Darlings? What is happening on my phone?’
‘It’s a group video call,’ Ivy explains nicely.
Audrey crows, ‘Oh, how thrilling . I didn’t know you could do that.
Isn’t the modern world such a joy? I know I’m still young – I plan to be the first one in my family to get to a hundred and fifteen, you know – but I do sometimes wish I could be born right now, so I could see for myself the whole, wild future unfold.
It’s going to be so exciting. You should’ve seen me when pagers came out!
’ She cackles. ‘Ooh, I know! We’ll have to arrange a group call the next time we’re planning a M-U-R-D-E-R. ’ She laughs joyously again.
‘Well, it can’t go any worse than the last attempt.’ Teddy has joined the call during Audrey’s speech.
‘I think it worked out perfectly,’ Paula says, smiling to herself at the thought of last week’s absurd antics.
According to Teddy’s lawyer friends, Dominic Shipman is currently sitting in jail after his arrest for being drunk in charge of a vehicle.
And for aggravated assault. It turns out that when the officers arrived to breathalyse him, a newly woken Dominic got belligerent.
He punched the woman trying to arrest him and the situation quickly escalated, with backup being called for.
He is now facing major charges for assault on a police officer and for resisting arrest, as well as the original drink-driving offence.
And he’s been formally suspended from the force. At last.
All in all, that horrible, horrible man – the Evil Bastard, Dominic Shipman – is now potentially facing years in jail, thanks to Teddy and the rest of the group.
Paula has felt strangely alive and full of joy ever since. She hasn’t done anything so . . . well, silly in years. Probably ever! And yes, OK, she wasn’t terribly keen on the kill-y part of things, but that didn’t happen after all. And if it had, wouldn’t he have deserved it?
It’s funny how quickly you can come round to a way of thinking.
Either way, she had fun – she’s having fun. And one cannot underestimate how important fun is at her age.
Paula self-corrects. She was having fun. Until today. Until the latest family grief counselling session with Tilly and Seb.
She sighs and Ivy pipes up, ‘Paula, are you sure you’re OK?’
Paula nods into the phone, feeling a bit emotional. ‘Yes. Well, I’m not sure, if I’m being honest. It hasn’t been the best day. Tilly is upset with me. I don’t know what to do. She feels distant lately and I can’t fix it.’
‘Grown-up children are so much harder than children children,’ Audrey says solemnly. ‘My two girls are in their fifties and I haven’t a clue what they’re thinking half the time. You should see the partners they’ve chosen! It’s like they were brought up with no imagination whatsoever!’
‘What happened?’ Ivy asks Paula softly.
‘Goodness knows!’ Audrey replies. ‘I have told the girls they can do miles better and they deserve the best, but neither of them ever listens.’
‘Er,’ Ivy sounds awkward, ‘Audrey, I was actually talking to Paula. I was wondering what happened with her daughter, Tilly.’
‘Oh, sorry, darling. Maybe these group calls aren’t all they’re cracked up to be after all. Terribly confusing.’
Paula inhales deeply, trying not to get upset.
‘We’ve been having these grief counselling sessions once a week, you remember?
’ She adds sheepishly, ‘Though I may have missed the odd one . . .’ Paula pauses.
‘Anyway, Tilly doesn’t think I’m sharing enough.
’ She pauses. ‘Or reacting in the right way, I suppose. She wants more grief tentacles from me. She thinks I’m repressing my feelings, which is leading to .
. .’ Paula pauses, trying to remember the odd wording her daughter used.
‘It’s leading to trauma and something called a psychosomatic effect on my body.
’ She hesitates again. ‘I think it’s something to do with sleep.
’ Paula sighs. ‘She wants more from me, but I don’t think I have it in me to give it to her.
And this counsellor keeps asking me questions about John and my feelings and my life now – and I don’t have answers for him either.
And there are just things I can’t talk about.
’ She looks across the kitchen now, towards the drawer where she’s keeping the money.
The money for Craig and his cohort. She has several thousand in there now, but it’s not enough. Not nearly.
‘Maybe you need a different therapist,’ Teddy says. ‘You can’t just assume the first one to come along is the right fit. It can take a while to find someone you gel with.’
Audrey nods, her face mostly nostrils on the screen. ‘She’s right, I went through fourteen therapists before I found Gráinne.’
Teddy shakes her head. ‘That’s too many. That’s a you problem, Audrey.’
‘Gerald is nice enough,’ Paula says begrudgingly.
‘I don’t think this is his fault. I’m sure he’s doing a good job.
And it really seems to be helping Tilly and Seb!
But it’s not helping us . My daughter seems to be getting further and further away from me with every session.
’ She takes another deep breath. ‘Today, Gerald asked me to share some nice family memories and my mind went blank. I have such a dreadful memory at the best of times, and put on the spot like that, I couldn’t think of anything.
Then Tilly got sad, so I said what about that nice Christmas with the new video camera where they performed Sleeping Beauty , or the day at the theme park when we went on the biggest roller coaster.
She looked so upset and said that those were her memories – the ones she’d shared during a session a few weeks ago – and of course I know that.
But I didn’t know what else to say. I couldn’t think of anything.
I didn’t mean to steal her memories. She was crying and said it feels like I don’t care about her or her dad. It was horrible.’
There is an understanding silence on the phone as they digest this.
Paula sighs. ‘Then Seb tried to defend me and that only made things worse. Tilly ended up running out. Seb went after her, and it was very awkward with just me and Gerald sitting there. I ended up asking him if he was a fan of Strictly Come Dancing , just to say something.’
‘And is he?’ Audrey enquires.
Paula shakes her head into the phone. ‘No, so then I really didn’t know what to say to him. Imagine not liking Strictly Come Dancing ! What’s not to like?’
‘I use the same fake tan as the professional dancers,’ says Teddy.
‘Do you really?’ Audrey sounds thrilled. ‘Where do you get it, my darling?’
‘I’ll send you a link,’ Teddy says with authority. ‘I’ll send you all a link.’
‘Can you send me a link to your shampoo as well?’ Paula asks anxiously, and Teddy shrugs.
‘Sure, I guess.’
‘Have you thought about talking to your daughter about their dad?’ Ivy asks in that nice way of hers.
‘What do you mean?’ Paula frowns.
‘I mean . . .’ Ivy trails off. ‘Maybe they should know the truth about him?’
‘The truth . . .?’ Oh, for goodness’ sake, she means the murder thing. Again. How many times does Paula have to tell them? It doesn’t feel like there’s much point in denying it at this point – not again – especially since they’re so certain she’s lying.
She reaches for a truth, if not the truth: ‘I don’t think Tilly’s ready to listen to anything I have to say these days.’
‘What about Seb?’ Ivy suggests. ‘He seemed a bit more open to things. He seems very kind.’
‘Maybe,’ Paula says lamely. Is her son kind?
He certainly used to be when he was little.
He had a lot of emotional intelligence and sweetness; Paula had great hopes for him back then.
But lately, she’s been so focused on the whole him living at home and playing silly games thing, she forgot to check if Seb is a nice person. Maybe he is. She hopes he is.
The trouble is, of course, that Paula now has this other big secret hanging over her head.
This group – her friends – are murderers!
How can she be honest with her children about anything while she’s keeping this enormous, gigantic, illegal thing from them?
Never mind her own participation in attempted murder.
‘Will we . . .’ she begins hesitantly. ‘Do we think we’re . . . Are we done with the murdering now, do we think?’ She adds hopefully, ‘We weren’t very good at it, after all.’
‘It was only our first go as a group!’ Audrey cries. ‘We’ll get better. We just need some practice.’
‘There were certainly a lot of obstacles we hadn’t considered,’ Teddy adds carefully.
Ivy smiles shyly. ‘Well, I have another name on my support group list, if we do want to try again . . .’
‘I’m game!’ Audrey says, gamely. She has a new floral pashmina on today and Paula wonders if the last one got too drainpipe-y during their visit to Dominic Shipman’s house.
‘I don’t know if it’s a good idea,’ Paula tries valiantly.
‘What about the police officer, that Columbo man investigating you? What about the weird messages I’ve been getting on my phone and online from strangers?
It feels like we’re being watched.’ She doesn’t say the truth, which is that it feels like she’s being watched.
‘Pish posh,’ Audrey tells her. ‘I haven’t even seen Columbo in a week or so.
I think he’s given up on me. And the messages have calmed down a bit now that you’ve made your Facebook private, haven’t they, Paula?
Teddy got the article about you taken down as well, isn’t that right?
’ Teddy nods, but Audrey doesn’t wait for a reply from Paula before continuing, ‘Ivy darling, tell us about this awful man who needs a good baseball bat around the head.’
There is a rustling on the line as Ivy moves about. ‘His name is Owen Max. He’s a serial abuser.’
‘What else do we know about him?’ Teddy’s voice is serious.
‘That’s all I need to know!’ Audrey pronounces.
Teddy tuts. ‘I meant more, like, what do we know about him that we might be able to use?’
‘Well,’ Ivy sounds reticent, ‘he’s a professional bodybuilder. He’s . . . big.’
‘He sounds far too dangerous,’ Paula gasps. ‘We can’t!’
‘Danger is my middle name!’ Audrey says gleefully.
‘He could really hurt one of us. We can’t!’ Paula says with heavy emphasis.
‘Actually, my middle name is Meredith.’ Audrey’s voice is thoughtful. ‘But I never much liked that. Danger is far better. Audrey Danger Swift.’
‘Paula, stop panicking,’ Teddy instructs calmly. ‘Audrey, have a day off.’
‘It’s too much of a risk,’ Paula cries, still very much panicking.
‘We got lucky with Dominic Shipman, but what if they start looking into who reported him? What if they link her to Ivy and back to Gemma? Columbo’s coming after Audrey and the world is still calling me a murderer. Not to mention I’ve got Cra—’
She stops short of mentioning Craig and his henchman, and Audrey helpfully distracts the group.
‘It’s funny that more parents don’t actually give their children the middle name Danger, isn’t it?
It would be so funny! I wish I’d thought of it when I was having my girls.
What a waste. Harold and I went with the middle names Janice and Margaret.
Very tedious. No wonder they’ve ended up making such boring life choices. ’
‘We’ll have to think of something different for this guy, Owen.
’ Ivy ignores both Paula’s protests and Audrey’s bizarre tangent.
‘We can’t confront him. Not even all four of us combined could push this guy down the stairs or get his head into freezer bags tied together.
And we can’t keep getting men arrested like we did with Dominic.
’ She makes a noise akin to a growl. ‘Even though Owen’s been accused of sexual assault by so many women.
So many. Only two per cent of rape cases ever end up going to court, do you know that? ’ She sounds enraged.
‘I do know that,’ says former lawyer Teddy. ‘Why do you think I obsessively played the Powerball lottery? It wasn’t so I could kill my husband and move into an overpriced apartment with a pool I never use. It was so I could get away from the terrible justice system I worked in.’
‘You could’ve got a new job,’ Paula mutters, but Teddy doesn’t hear her. Or chooses not to.
‘I think we should talk more about this,’ Teddy says loudly.
‘Let’s do something fun together this week, where we can properly hatch a plan.
A better plan this time.’ She pauses. ‘And it’ll be good for you, Paula.
Distract you from this argument with your daughter and from any remaining internet troll stuff. ’
‘I’ve got something fun we can do,’ Audrey says. There is mischief in her voice. She leaves a dramatic pause, which – Paula thinks – is so Audrey. ‘I reckon,’ Audrey begins, ‘we should get on a private jet and go on holiday to Saint-Tropez.’
‘To plot a murder?’ Paula says, incredulous.
‘Yes, my darling!’ Audrey laughs. ‘Why the hell not?’