Chapter 3 Marsha #2
The waitress came over to take our orders before he could respond.
I already knew what I wanted since this was my favorite restaurant.
My cheeks warmed when Orion placed my order perfectly.
Pull yourself together, woman! He leaned forward onto the table after she left.
“Now, why exactly am I wrong, love? I’m wrong for aggressively pursuing the woman that is my soulmate? ”
I scoffed, crossed my arms over myself, then sat back. “Okay, Orion. You didn’t seem to have a problem cheating on your soulmate and having children with other women.”
His jaw and eyes tightened for a moment.
He took a deep breath before his eyes softened.
“Marsha, let’s have a real conversation with all the petty bullshit aside.
Yes, I cheated on you when Euri was two years old.
It was wrong as fuck, and I was a fuck nigga for doing it.
There is no real excuse I can give you for why I did what I did, except that I was a selfish nigga.
Trust me, if I could turn back the hands of time, there’s so much I would do differently. ”
He took a sip of what I assumed was whiskey before he continued.
“I am in no way trying to diminish the hurt and damage that I caused to our relationship, your trust, and your heart. You know that I have tried to apologize and make it up in any way that I can. What I want to ask you is aren’t you tired, love? ”
My forehead creased. “Tired of what, Orion? What are you talking about?”
“Aren’t you tired of holding on to this feigned anger about something that happened over thirty years ago and that I have proven from the bottom of my heart that I was apologetic and regretful about?
” He held his finger up like he knew I was about to have something smart to say.
He knows me. “I call it feigned anger because, Marsha, I know you. Your cut off game is impeccable, and you don’t double back.
The fact that I’m still in your life and have never left tells me everything that I need to know. ”
It was my finger that went into the air this time. “No, that’s not fair. You are Euri’s father. It wasn’t like I could just remove you from my life. That wouldn’t have been fair to him.”
He chuckled with a nod. “Alright, I get your point. Yeah, that wouldn’t have been fair, and I thank you for never being on flawed shit when it came to my son.
Even after that shit went down and he was shot.
” He sat back in his seat. “Marsha, you didn’t want to remove me from your life, which we agree upon.
Let me ask this, why was there so much inclusion though?
“You’re not a stupid or weak woman. I know enough about you to know that you do everything for a reason.
Derrick, Aaron, and Karla, you took them in as if they were yours.
At no time did I ask you to, but you still did.
If you were truly as mad as you want people to think you were or are, it would have been fuck all that,” he said with a tilted head.
I shifted in my seat before I picked up my drink to take a sip. We had never had an in-depth conversation like this about everything in all these years. Most of the conversations were very surface level. I said something witty, he returned with his own witty comment, then we had sex.
“Orion, I wasn’t going to blame kids for what adults consented to. They were Euri’s brothers and sister. That would have been evil to treat them badly because my feelings were hurt.” I shook my head. “You know I’m not that person.”
His handsome smile took over the conversation for a beat.
“You are not that person at all. You also are not a person that gets one hundred percent invested just because. Marsha, you never missed a basketball, football, or any other kind of ball game that Derrick or Aaron had and went to every mommy-daughter thing that Karla had. You were an emergency contact at their schools, love. So, yes, you didn’t have to treat them badly, but you didn’t have to do all of that either.
My children are reflections of me. It was you that told me that a person couldn’t love a child of a person that they hate. ”
I did tell him that, and I did believe that.
I sat there in my thoughts, silently. His voice broke through them to ask me if I was tired again.
His question triggered a question that he hadn’t asked but that I asked myself for years.
Who was I truly mad with at this point? I forgave Orion umpteen years ago, but I just never told him that.
Games, I was playing games. Self-reflection during a date is not sexy.
I started to respond, but Orion stopped me. “Marsha, love, we’re both over fifty. If you’re not going to tell me something real, then don’t say anything at all. We can just sit here, have a nice evening talking about whatever you want to talk about, then leave. So, what’s it gonna be?”
I tittered. “You are such a damn bully, Orion. I know that about you, though, and it’s actually one of the things that I love about you. We can talk about something real. I want love, I want you, but I’m scared.”
The waitress came out with our food just as my sentence concluded.
She set our food in front of us and asked if we needed anything else.
Once we confirmed that we were fine, she went on her way.
For the rest of the main course, we talked about what was real.
For the first time, which was crazy, I told Orion why I feared committing to him.
It was one thing to say that Orion was my baby daddy and favorite dick.
It was completely a different thing to say Orion was my man.
There was nothing I loved more than crème br?lée, and Orion knew it.
My heart fluttered when the waitress brought it out to the table as our dessert.
Our conversation was fruitful throughout dinner, but I still had a lot to think about.
I had one question to ask that weighed heavily on me.
“Orion, if we try this again and commit to each other, what’s going to be different?
How do you know that you won’t just, um, cheat on me again and break my heart? ”
Orion smiled before he reached his hand out to me.
His hands squeezed mine after I placed mine in his.
“What is different, not going to be different, but what is different is that I fully understand my heart. I understand what my heart needs from me to pump at its maximum strength. It’s my job to make sure my heart stays healthy and happy.
Before, in my immaturity, I didn’t correlate how my actions truly impacted my heart. I took my heart for granted.
“Marsha, I didn’t realize until years later that you were my heart.
It was like I was a dude that indulged in fat, greasy foods, but I thought if I just worked out every day that it would be good enough.
Yeah, I found out real fast that I could still have a heart attack,” he said with a chuckle before he asked me if he made sense.
I lowered my head with a giggle. “Yes, Orion, I understand. Well, it sounds like you’ve given a lot of thought about this.
” I gazed into his eyes. “I hear everything that you’re saying.
Can I have a little more time to sort some things out in my heart?
I want to make sure that all the gunk and bad feelings are out of it before I truly give it to you.
“Like you said earlier, we are both over fifty. Orion, I can’t afford to get this wrong.” I huffed. “My feigned anger, as you call it, has already caused me to miss out on things that I wanted and now can never have.”
His eyes softened. I didn’t have to say it because he knew.
“You can have a little more time, Marsha. Love, I want to be clear on what I mean by a little more time.” When the corner of his lip turned up, I knew at that moment that we would have a very different view on what more time meant.
“By the time I get my next line up, you need to have made a decision.”
He’s such a damn bully!