Chapter 34
Emma
Ifelt Liam’s absence everywhere.
Though he wasn’t a loud person to begin with, the house was far too quiet with him gone. There was no quiet strumming of a guitar downstairs, no sound of the shower running or the espresso machine brewing. The sofa bed was folded back up, blankets and pillows folded neatly in the corner, any sign of him having slept there entirely gone.
Even the fact that his shoes weren’t by the front door bothered me. I’d never thought I’d miss the sight of those old, dirty cowboy boots he never went anywhere without, but I did.
What I had feared was right.
Liam leaving this time was so much worse than the first time.
Because now that I’d had a taste of what it meant to truly have him, I’d dared to let my heart feel more, and now he was back in California, where he belonged, and I was here, where I belonged, alone.
I didn’t know a heart could ache this fiercely.
Trying to shove the pieces of my heart into a box to be dealt with later, I pulled into the parking garage of the convention center, determined to try to enjoy this experience that I’d waited so long to be able to go to. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t here with me, that I’d be walking through the exhibits and showcases alone.
All that mattered right now was seeing all the new weather tech and doing what I loved for a while.
After briefly getting lost trying to find the hall that it was being held in, I finally walked inside, a quiet gasp slipping through my lips. Rows upon rows of booths and screens were set up, showing off new gear, new radars, and new research.
But what really caught my eye was the ginormous diorama of a twister on the back wall that towered over the entire convention. It looked so real and lifelike that I was immediately drawn to it, before getting sucked into all the other booths.
Needless to say, the Storm Chasing Convention was everything I ever hoped it would be. I’d never felt more at home among my fellow weather nerds. Seeing and testing out the latest and greatest in chasing equipment and instruments was a blast. Getting to nerd out without fear of judgement or weird looks was a breath of fresh air. Being around people who were just as excited and passionate about severe weather as me was everything. I hadn’t realized how much I needed it.
And yet, every time I started to enjoy myself, something tugged at my heart, reminding me that I was here alone, and the man that would have been at my side was halfway across the country doing what he loved.
I kept thinking I saw him, my heart racing for a moment, until I realized it was only some stranger. I saw him when my fingers fiddled over the updated versions of my own gadgets, reminding me of being in the garage with Liam staring at me in that way that sent heat flooding through my body.
After a while, I had to put on imaginary blinders just so I’d stop thinking about him, seeing him everywhere, and enjoy the rest of the convention.
But still…it was hard not to feel like half of me was missing.
I really wanted to be there for him, to support his dreams and his music. But I had been so excited for him to come to the SCC with me. It felt like maybe we were a real couple. Finally.
And I knew that he had contracts and obligations requiring him to leave when he did, but it also felt like him backing out so easily made it seem like my dreams didn’t mean as much to him as his did to me.
Maybe they never would. Perhaps that’s why Liam and I were never meant to be together in the first place. He was married to his music career, and I wanted more than just sitting around waiting for him to come home every night. I wanted to know my husband would support me just as much as I supported him.
And I didn’t know if Liam was capable of that. Especially not when Bridget pulled his strings like a puppet.
Where that left Liam and me…I had no idea.
The three-hour convention passed quickly, and soon it was time for the closing ceremony. Yes—a weather convention had a closing ceremony just like the Olympics. It was extra nerdy, and I loved it.
Glancing at my ticket for my seat number, I made my way across the room to the chair with P2 on it, trying not to look at P1 where Liam should have been sitting. Slumping into my seat, I buried my face in the brochure that highlighted all the exhibits and keynote speakers that I had seen today. Anything to distract myself.
The lights flashed overhead, giving the five-minute warning that the closing ceremony would be starting soon.
“Is this seat taken?” a voice said next to me, and I almost snapped at the stranger, telling him to look at his ticket for where he could sit, but as I looked up, I froze.
Liam stood there, his blond hair ruffled and band T-shirt askew as if he had jogged here. His eyes shone with apology.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, breathless. Liam showing up out of the blue shouldn’t have made me feel like I had just run a marathon.
The corner of his mouth lifted into a half-smile. “This is where I’m meant to be.”
I fervently tried to ignore the jolt that went through my heart at those words and stood to face him. There were hundreds of people in the room, but he was the only one I could see.
“What about the rest of your gigs? Won’t Bridget be—”
“I don’t care about what Bridget thinks, or about the gigs. None of it means anything unless you’re there with me anyway.”
I could only blink at him. Those were words I had never imagined would come out of Liam’s mouth. Not to me anyway.
I was vaguely aware of people trying to get to their seats, but Liam’s tall frame was too broad for people to get by. I barely spared them a thought as he wound his fingers between mine and tugged me closer.
“Ever since I left two years ago, there’s always been something missing,” he admitted. “I searched and searched, ending up in a lot of places I shouldn’t have been, but could never find the missing piece.”
His thumb grazed my cheek as he cupped it with his palm.
“I was so blind for so long, never realizing that the thing I longed for was right in front of me.”
“What?” I breathed, unable to tear my gaze from his.
“It’s always been you, Emma.”
My brain stuttered to a stop. Words were suddenly impossible, and I couldn’t say anything other than, “What?”
“It’s. Always. Been. You,” he repeated, his hands skimming an inch up my arm with each word. Goosebumps erupted over my skin. My lungs were void of air.
“To put it in terms you’ll understand,” Liam continued, oblivious to my inner meltdown, “you’ve always been the sunshine to my rainy days. The sweet relief of wind on a hot, humid day. The radar to my tornado.”
A soft snort came out of me at the last one, but I quickly sobered when he stepped closer, our chests touching.
The lights went down at that moment, and a man cleared his throat into the microphone. I couldn’t help glancing around, noticing a lot of eyes fixed on us instead of the man on stage. A shaky breath escaped my lips. There wasn’t enough time for this right now.
I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t get air into my lungs.
“I need some air,” I said before pushing out of his arms and running toward the exit.
The evening air was sticky, making my skin clammy as I stepped outside and leaned against the building, trying in vain to catch my breath.
“Emma?” Liam pushed out the door, his eyes searching the parking lot for me.
“Right here,” I croaked, and his shoulders relaxed when he caught sight of me.
“Are you okay?” he asked. I was thankful that he kept his distance because I couldn’t think straight when he was touching me.
“Um, blurgyderdy.” Complete gibberish. That’s what my brain had been reduced to. I didn’t even know what that word was supposed to be. There was nothing in my noggin’.
“I don’t believe I’m familiar with that word,” Liam joked, daring to step closer. “Care to try again?”
I put a hand on his chest to stop him, desperate for air to move unhindered into my lungs. He waited with an insane amount of patience, his gaze fixed on my face as I silently melted down.
“Maybe we’ve just been fooling ourselves, Liam,” I finally whispered.
A beat of silence. I couldn’t meet his gaze.
“What are you talking about?”
I threw my arms in the air, exasperated. “We don’t fit! Our lives are so different. You have your dream and I have mine, and neither of us is willing to sacrifice them for each other. I don’t want to be some skin-tight dress wannabe groupie that follows you around, and I would never want to take you away from your music.” I paused to catch my breath. Liam’s brows lowered over his eyes as he listened.
“You’re going to go back to California eventually, and I’m going to be here where I’ve always belonged. We’re just…” I flung my hands in the air again, at a loss for words. “I don’t know. Caught in the moment or something.”
I turned pleading eyes on him, silently begging him to tell me I was right while desperately hoping he’d say I was wrong.
“We’ve been best friends forever. I’ve…”—I took a deep breath, preparing to admit the words I’d never said aloud—“had feelings for you forever, but I knew that you’d never reciprocate, and these last few days, acting like a real couple…” I paused, swiping angrily at the tears slipping down my cheeks.
“I can’t keep doing it, Liam. I can’t keep pretending that I don’t feel anything for you, faking this marriage, when I—”
“I love you, Emma.”
It felt like someone had tied a belt around my throat, halting every word that sat on my tongue and every thought in my brain.
Thoughts? What are those?
Liam took one of my hands and pressed it to his heart.
“Forgive me for taking so long to see it. You’ve always been right here, and I think part of me always loved you, but I was never brave enough to face it. You meant so much to me—you were the only one who ever believed in me, who saw the real me, and I didn’t want to risk that, so I…turned my feelings off.”
He tugged me closer. “At least until we got married, and then I was forced to face every emotion and feeling I had barricaded in my heart.”
Liam…loves me?
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner—see it sooner.” He brought my hand to his lips and repeated his words from earlier. “It’s always been you, Emma.”
I still couldn’t speak, couldn’t form coherent thoughts.
After twenty years of friendship, Liam loved me? He shared my feelings?
It was something I’d never let myself imagine because I couldn’t take the heartbreak of it never happening, but now that he had confessed, I didn’t know what to feel or what to think.
There was so much hope shining in his eyes that I did the only thing I could get my body to do, and leaned forward and pressed my lips to his.
Liam’s arms enveloped me, his scent smothering in the best way. The tidal wave of thoughts pummeling my brain was enough to drown me, but I did my best to push them away. I didn’t know what the heck would happen next, and honestly, I didn’t want to think about it. I was content to have this moment, live in it completely and take it one minute at a time.
I pulled back just enough to say, “Hey, Liam?”
“Hmm?” He smiled against my lips.
“Let’s get out of here.”