Chapter 11 #2
The whole ride there is grave and serious.
I don’t even put music on, reflecting the entire time.
I’m aware of the magnitude of my actions.
Aware this isn’t just a minor detour on the wrong side of the law.
The moment it happens, I’ll become a criminal.
The feds will look into Nammota again—with more resources than they ever did because this is bigger than anything he ever pulled off.
And this time, it’s me they’ll be looking for.
But it’ll all be worth it in the end. I know it.
Silence follows me all the way to the visiting booth that a guard leads me to. There are all sorts of noises around me, but I don’t hear them. I’m in my head, and in there, it’s alarmingly clear and determined. I know what I’m doing, and nothing can stop me.
When Lex arrives, I wait quietly as the guard handcuffs his wrist to the tablet. He looks even worse than last time, which only serves as a reminder that he’s running out of time. But today is the day.
We stare at one another for a long time.
There’s rage in his eyes. Dormant, almost hidden by the hollowness in his gaze, but it’s there.
It’s been over three weeks since I subtly let him know my plan.
Three weeks of ruminating on it. Three weeks of resenting me for going against his wishes.
Three weeks of worrying about me messing it up and blowing up my entire life for him.
There’s some white in his hair, near his temples.
In his growing beard, too, close to the chin.
Did the stress do that to him? I feel bad for causing him such turmoil, but not for the result.
It suits him. And although it’s barely anything, it gives me a glimpse into the silver fox he’ll become in a couple of decades.
The scar on his eyebrow has healed, leaving a slit of flesh there. He looks nothing like the put-together man I met all those months ago. Between the scar and the beard, there’s something roguish about him. Something that somehow works well.
I’d say we stay like this for five entire minutes. No words, no arguments, no shouting. Just that. Looking. But God, do I hear his thoughts, as though screaming right into my ears.
I’m the one who picks up the phone first. Even if it’s as full of bitterness as his gaze, I need to hear his voice. One more time. Maybe one last time.
“Hey, baby,” I say into the phone once he picks up. He doesn’t answer, but something flinches in the stormy gray of his gaze. “I missed you,” I continue. Still nothing. “I was surprised they let me in. I thought you would have removed me from your list by now.”
“The thought crossed my mind, but I didn’t think you’d return.”
There. Through a phone and tempered glass, but there it is. His voice.
“I have a meeting in Portland this afternoon, so I thought I’d come see you first.” He doesn’t ask what it’s about, and I decide he doesn’t need to know.
But I doubt he imagines I’m ready to get him out. That it’s all unfolding today. There’s still time before the trial, so he must think I’ll give myself as much time as I can to succeed. Which maybe I should, but why wait when I’m as ready as I’ll ever be?
By not letting him know just how close we are, I’ll spare him more anguish. It’ll be like ripping off a Band-Aid, and by the time he hears of it, everything will be over. For now, the best thing I can give him is a glimpse out of this place. A reminder of what awaits out there.
“Did you know,” I start, “that there’s a website out there where you can rent a small private island?
I looked into it, and it’s expensive as hell, but you can afford it.
I scrolled through a few, and I think I found the perfect one, baby.
It’s a small patch of white sand and coconut trees in Belize.
And in the middle, a house that has more openings than walls, and white curtains that lazily fly through them, dancing in the Caribbean wind.
There’s a small pool, a gorgeous primary bedroom, a bathroom with a massive tub …
They offer full-time service, but we’d decline, wouldn’t we?
Just you, me, and a boat with supplies now and then.
And the website says there are no mosquitoes, so—”
I stop talking when I notice that the sad shimmer in Lex’s eyes has turned into a tear. I watch as it rolls down his chiseled cheekbone, then down to what used to be a stubble but is now a grown beard.
It hurts him to hear what we’ll miss, the adventures we would have lived. A few weeks ago, I would have been right there with him. But I have faith now. And soon, he’ll see. This isn’t just a fantasy, a dream we’ll never experience.
This is a slice of our future. Of our very near future. In fact, the only reason I haven’t booked it yet is that it would look suspicious. But as soon as he’s out, we’ll work on it.
The least he can do to thank me for breaking him out of jail is take me on our dream vacation, isn’t it?
Lunch at my parents’ place is a given. I wanted to see Lex one last time in case it all goes south, and the same applies to them.
I need some last hugs, a last delicious dish from my abuela, and a last meal together, all of us.
Kate and Rafa are also there, since I insisted.
I do my best not to raise suspicions, but these people know me better than anyone else, so they notice my lack of participation.
But I can’t help it. As I look at them talking, joking, and laughing, I can’t help but think of everything I’ll lose if this doesn’t work out. Lex has been my main focus, so much so that it gave me tunnel vision. But I’m not backing down. It’s too late for that.
My mom, dad, and Rafa would be devastated if I were to end up in prison, like Lex. I get the feeling MC would get it, but it’d still take a toll on her. As for Kate … She’d never forgive herself, cursing the day she pushed me into Lex’s arms.
“I need to go,” I say after glancing at the wall-mounted clock above the door.
“I’ll go too,” Kate decides. “I’m parked behind you, and I need to head back to work.”
I hug my mom for a little too long, which she notices. “Is everything okay, pollito?” she caringly wonders.
“Yes, I’m just nervous about the interview. Maybe I’ll come back after, if that’s okay.”
“Of course, mija.” I give her another tight hug and let her go.
Once everyone has gotten the same treatment from me, Kate and I walk out of the house. “What’s going on?” she asks.
“Hm?”
“I know you, Dee. What are you up to?”
I poorly hide my uneasiness. I’ve never been a good liar, but I can when it’s important. With her, though, I’m a lost cause. She can always, always, tell when I’m lying. “What makes you say that?”
“There’s a finality to you. You’re not just mopey, you’re determined. And you insisted on Rafa and me coming for lunch, which is … suspicious.”
It’s disconcerting how well she knows me. I don’t have time to get into it or to think of a lie, so I say, “You don’t want to know.”
“But you’re wrong. I do.”
“Plausible deniability, Kay. Trust me on this one.”
She ponders for some seconds, looking down at me as if she wishes she could read my mind. Eventually, she says, “Maybe it’s a good thing I never got that tattoo on my back.”
A frown and a confused smile twist my face. “What?”
“Yeah, at least now there’s room to tattoo the map of whatever penitentiary you’ll end up in.”
Some of the tension that’s been building up in my shoulders releases with a laugh. “You’re an idiot.”
“And you’re not, so I hope I won’t have to get some ugly design all over me to break you out, you reckless bitch.”
“I promise I know what I’m doing, Kay.”
“You better.” She takes me in her arms, and this time, she’s the one who holds on for a little too long. “Anyway, one day your brother will make an honest woman out of me, and I’ll become the daughter your parents always wanted, so they probably wouldn’t even miss you,” she mumbles in our hug.
“You asshole,” I giggle. “Okay, let go of me. I have an FBI agent to meet.”
When she releases me, I find her tearful. God, no. If she cries, I’ll cry, and my eyeliner will get messy. “Go, move your car,” I order, refusing to let it happen.
She complies, and a minute later, I’m on my way to Portland’s Federal Bureau of Investigation.
There’s barely any traffic, and even though I take my time and drive under the speed limit the whole way, I arrive a little early. I’m in an odd state as I sit in the car, mustering the courage to do what must be done. This doesn’t feel real, but I can’t remember the last time life felt real.
That morning, before Lex’s arrest. When he took me out for breakfast to make up for the pancakes he messed up by adding too much baking powder. He wanted to make them extra fluffy, just for me. I smile softly at the memory of that morning. That’s the last time life felt real.
I never got to teach him how to make fluffy pancakes like I said I would. And I refuse to live in a world where I don’t get to fulfill that promise.
I take out the prepaid phone and dial the number I’ve learned by heart. It only rings for half a tone before connecting me to the line I created for Iris.
“Hello, Andrea,” she greets me with her electronic voice. “Is this your signal?”
“Twenty-three minutes. You wait twenty-three minutes, and then you unleash hell.”
“Will do.”
I hang up and immediately break the phone in half, flipping it the wrong way. I then remove the battery and take out the chip. I then lodge it between my molars and bite down to destroy it. This should be enough, but I’ll burn it all as soon as I’m out.
The rest seems like what I imagine an out-of-body experience to be.
I exit the car with my bag, lock it, and walk up to the entrance.
I smile and nod when I pass agents, all the way to the front desk.
Then, I introduce myself and explain who I’m here to see.
When I’m told to go sit in a chair and wait, I comply.