Chapter 32
“Where do you want these?” Viv held the bouquet of balloons from Jack. I’d returned to The Lacey Group and tried to busy myself by organizing my new office. So far, I’d put some pens in a drawer and punched my desk a couple of times.
“Over there.” I waved at the back corner, and Viv complied.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, dropping down into the fold-up chair in front of my desk. Lacey had given me a catalog to select the ones I wanted. It remained unopened in my to-do pile.
I concentrated on opening and shutting my empty drawers. “Nothing.”
“Honey, there’s nothing in there.” Viv tucked her legs underneath her. “So what’s wrong?”
“Hailey balled me out because I turned up late for lunch. I’ve got a to-do pile the size of Mount fuckin’ Everest, and I can feel my period coming on,” I spewed.
She toyed with the gold zodiac pendant hanging from her necklace. “Sisters fight; they make up. I have four. Ay dios mío, the things we say to each other.”
Typical Leo. “She said Denzel was maybe right about me.” I picked at a hangnail on my thumb.
Viv cringed. “Ooh, that’s a third-degree burn.”
“Do you think I’m selfish?”
“Yes.”
I ripped the skin off my nail. “Thanks.”
“You have the luxury of being selfish though. You just have yourself to look after. In some ways, I’m jealous.”
“Jealous?”
She held the pendant against her mouth. “Sure. No kid relying on you for homework and a bedtime story. You can go home on Friday and not leave your bed until Sunday. No rush to cook dinner and run back out. My life sounds like your idea of torture, huh?”
“Nah, but I don’t know how you do it,” I answered. The skin around my cuticle turned red, and I applied pressure, enjoying the sting. “What’s the secret I’m missing?”
“I have different priorities,” she explained. “For you, work has always come first. All you have to do is shift your mindset a little.”
“Oh good, because that will happen overnight,” I drawled. “Might as well give me a lobotomy. It would be quicker.” Note to self: Check if doctors still perform lobotomies.
Viv stood up. “If you give me ten minutes, I’ll go get a long needle and a hammer, and we can try it right now.”
I laughed, despite my mood. “Go test it on Clarissa first.”
Viv gave me a thumbs up. “You gonna call Hailey?”
I rocked in my chair. “Not sure. Maybe it’s better I give her time to cool off. What do you think?”
“She’s your sister. You know her better than me.”
“According to her, she talks to you more than me.”
“That might be true,” Viv said, “but she’s still your sister.”
“I’ll give her time to cool off,” I decided.
When we were kids, I could stew in a mood for days. Hailey could forget about it three seconds after the fight finished. But something in her face told me this time had hit different. She’d looked like Mom, and it scared me because Mom had walked away.
“Good shout.”
“Speaking of a pissed-off woman, what happened with your girlfriend after Lacey’s party?”
Viv propped her legs over the arm of the chair. “She got annoyed that I pushed her about going public. There’s a complication that she’s not sure how to handle, and I made a comment about her playing me, and it blew up.”
I opened my bottom drawer and pulled out two of the Snickers bars I stashed for these types of conversations. “What’s the complication?”
Viv grabbed the one I threw her in mid-air, then peeled the wrapper back and muttered, “She’s living with her ex-girlfriend and doesn’t know how to tell her.”
A piece of chocolate lodged in my throat, and I thumped my chest to clear it. “What did you say?”
“Um”—she took a huge bite to stall— “she lives with her ex-girlfriend.”
“C’mon, Viv, how do you know she’s not still sleeping with her? You’re smarter than this.”
Her mouth turned down. “I know. I know it sounds bad. Her ex is being a pendejo and refusing to leave because she got dumped. They have another two months on the lease, and she’s trying to keep her sweet till then so the living situation is bearable.”
“Alarm bells. Ringing. Everywhere,” I sang. “Run for your life.”
“I can’t.” She tapped the pendant off her cheek. “I love her.”
“Awww,” I teased. “You love her. That’s cute.” Wait, what’s happening to me?
Viv swiveled her legs round to the floor and stared at me. “What’s happening to you?”
“I have no idea.”
“You don’t believe in love. You never call anything cute.”
“I know I don’t.”
She clapped her hands together and squealed. “It’s because you’re in love.” She jumped out of her seat and booty popped in time to singing, “Scarlett’s in love, Scarlett’s in?—”
I couldn’t be. “No, I’m not. No way.”
“Save it, honey. You’re a changed woman.” Viv pulled me out of my seat and waved my hands in the air. “Scarlett’s in love…”
People in love knew they were in love. Denzel had told me he loved me on our seventh date and I’d gone along with it, mistaking like for love. Let’s see. Think about him all the time? Check. Bared my soul to him? Check. Can’t imagine not seeing him every day and feeling his kiss on the top of my head in the morning? Check.
I felt the lightning bolt when he walked in the room and the mental fuzziness when he wasn’t around. Jack was the real deal.
“You gonna admit it?” Viv danced around me in a circle.
Fuckity fuck fuck.
Off-key and shaking my ass, I joined in. “Scarlett’s in love…”
* * *
Jack let out a long whistle when I emerged from the front door of my building. I’d chosen a pink playsuit with ruffled sleeves instead of a dress from my greige wardrobe. That night, we were attending a swanky open house for Clarissa that she’d titled “Cocktails with Clarissa.”
He’d offered to pick me up in a cab since it turned out we lived six blocks away from each other in Brooklyn. His mom and niece still lived in Boston, but he wanted to buy a place for them closer to his new apartment.
“Look at those legs,” he complimented, jumping out of the cab and running around to open the door for me.
My mother hadn’t given me much, but she’d given me long pins that allowed me to carry myself a little more elegantly. “Thank you.” I slid in and waited for him to close the door and run back around.
“You look like Ken,” I told him when he slid in next to me and planted a kiss on my neck.
He pulled his head back. “Who the hell’s Ken?”
“Barbie and Ken?” I explained. “If Ken was going grey.” In his blue suit and lemon shirt, he looked so perfect he belonged in a box on a toy-store shelf.
He continued nuzzling my neck. “Cool. I thought you’d grown bored of me already. And it’s not grey; it’s turning a distinguished silver.”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” I wriggled as his tongue hit a sweet spot in the crevice of my neck.
He continued licking. “Thanks to you, I haven’t gotten much sleep at all.”
Christ, he knows how to use that tongue. “Don’t blame me.”
“Let’s ditch this and go back to your place,” he suggested.
“Can’t. Mandatory,” I told him.
Lacey had made it a thing that everyone in the office must attend each other’s open houses, not least because it showed support, but we might wind up having a buyer for it. And this three-bedroom penthouse on the Upper East Side did seem like a good fit for a client of mine who was a celebrity chef.
He sighed and rocked his head back onto the seat. “Fine. Guess I’ll need to wait until later to eat.”
I caught the lift in his lips. “You’re so vulgar.”
His hand tickled the back of my knee. “That’s not what you were saying last night.”
“I don’t remember using actual words,” I said. “Did you see David’s email about the final units?”
He pulled out his phone. “Yeah, but I’m not worried. So what is this thing tonight?”
“Open house for my sworn enemy,” I told him. “Don’t worry—we can show face and then head to dinner.”
He looked out the window. “Can’t wait to meet her.”
I looked out the other window. “Trust me, you’re not missing much.”
“I went to see an apartment today,” he chirped.
Did he think we were too near each other? Or did he want us to move in together already? I gulped and forced my voice to stay neutral. “Are you moving?”
“No, it’s for my mom and Francesca. Three bedrooms, two and a half baths, and a balcony.” He smiled.
I exhaled. “Sounds nice. Where is it?”
“The building around the corner from me. It could work out great. I could check in on them every day, and you’re not too far away either. You could pop in if you felt up to it.” He smiled.
“Why would I pop in?” I didn’t have time for my own family, as Hailey had not-so-kindly pointed out.
He shrugged. “Dunno. Say Francesca wanted another woman to talk to, or my mom wanted some female company. She doesn’t get out much since my dad died, and she’s nervous about moving.”
“I’ll be too busy for all that, and Francesca has your mom.” Butterflies whipped up a tornado in my stomach. “She’s not gonna take advice from someone she doesn’t know.”
He wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “She will once she gets to know you. You’d be great at keeping her on the straight and narrow.”
“Yeah, but the reason I don’t have kids is because I don’t want the responsibility. I don’t wanna be a stand-in for someone else’s,” I barked, harsher than I’d intended.
“That’s not what I meant,” he said. “You could never replace her mom.”
Sweat accumulated at the backs of my knees and made them stick to the leather seat. “Look, I’m not trying to be a bitch. I just want to be clear on where I stand with the whole kid thing.”
“We’re clear.” He looked pained and pulled a wad of dollars from his wallet as we pulled up. I didn’t wait for him to come around and open the door this time.
* * *
Jack followed behind me, reaching for my hand and giving it a squeeze. My lungs were fighting for breath. It felt too much, too fast. I wished Viv was with us, but I’d told her she could skip this to go see her dad in the nursing home and then go watch Connor’s basketball game.
People I hadn’t seen since the announcement stopped to congratulate me, and Jack smiled and waited like a dutiful partner on the red carpet until I’d finished. Each time I wanted to tell the person shaking my hand that I didn’t deserve it.
“You want me to grab you a drink?” he asked as Aria approached.
“Yes please, with whatever has the most alcohol content,” I told him.
Aria licked her lips as he walked away. “Thought ya didn’t have a boyfriend? He is a dish.”
Hadn’t that phrase gone out of fashion in the 1950s? I recalled Mr. Anderson calling the concierge a dish once. God, I hadn’t called him about brunch. “Uh, yeah, kind of. I think. Yes.” Had we used that term? Or even agreed to date?
“Well, whatever he is, ooof.” She fanned herself. “Keep him on a tight leash, boss.” She tittered and continued past.
Therein lay the problem. I wanted to keep him on a tight leash because the thought of him walking away killed a little bit of my soul. But the conversation in the cab had strengthened my fear that we wanted different things. He expected me to slot into his ready-made family—the sort of family I’d fought my whole life to stay away from. Hailey was right; I’d distanced myself from hers because it kept me safe.
My career would never wake up one morning and tell me it didn’t love me anymore.
“My, my, look who turned up. Nice dress,” Clarissa sneered with a Cosmopolitan in hand. “I didn’t realize Target did formal wear.”
Tonight she’d outdone herself in a black-and-white-striped fitted pantsuit that made her look like a zebra.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, and I’m your boss so you can bite me,” I sang.
Before she could respond, Jack appeared beside her. “Here you go.” He handed me a tall glass of pink liquid topped with a tiny umbrella.
Clarissa’s eyes widened. “Jack?”
His eyes bulged as he registered the six-foot zebra next to him. “Clarissa.”
“You two know each other?” I looked between them both. Of course they did. We were in real estate. It was a small world. Minuscule.
Clarissa removed the monochrome glasses that matched her outfit and laughed. “He’s my ex.”
There went my intestines. “Your ex what?” Please say gardener, personal trainer, life coach, anything but whatI’m?—
“Boyfriend, duh. Quite a wild six months, huh?” She sidled up to him, and Jack’s face went chalk-white.
The veins in his neck bulged. “That long? I blocked out most of it. Except for the part where you cheated on me. That memory is still pretty vivid.”
“Darling, I had a one-night thing.” She rubbed his arm, and he pulled it away like it burned.
“From what I’ve heard, that one-night thing has lasted almost eighteen months,” he bit back.
Clarissa knew she’d been pushed into a corner. “What are you doing here anyway? I didn’t send you an invite.”
He moved to stand beside me. “I’m here with Scarlett.”
She looked between both of us. “Why would you bring him to this? It’s nothing to do with The Crys— Oh, wait a minute. Are you two together?”
“No,” I answered.
“Yes,” Jack answered at the same time.
Clarissa clutched her stomach. “That is hilarious. Enjoy eating my leftovers,” she told me, replacing her glasses and sashaying off.
Jack put his whisky glass on the table and grabbed both my shoulders. “Scarlett, I can explain…”
“Did you know I worked with her when we met?” I asked, a numbness spreading through my limbs.
“Not at first,” he admitted. “I’d forgotten the name of the place she worked, but when I saw her at the open house where my… my college friends were, that’s why I ducked out. I didn’t want her to see me. It clicked then.”
My toes curled. “Do you still want to be with her? Is this some weird, lame attempt to make her jealous?”
His fingers dug into my skin. “How can you think that?”
“Did she break up with you?” I questioned, steel filling the space in my body where clouds had floated hours ago.
“Yeah,” he sighed. “But I’m glad. It would never have gone anywhere. Not after she admitted cheating.”
“Says every man with a bruised ego,” I spat, shaking off his hands. “I’m going home.”
“Scarlett, c’mon. This doesn’t change anything.”
He moved to clutch my arm, but I pulled out of his reach. “It changes everything.” Second best. Never enough, hummed in my ears as I ran outside and flagged down a cab.
Jack blew up my phone as I gave the driver my address. When we pulled away, I spotted him running out of the building, his neon-green socks illuminated by the passing headlights and ducked down in the seat. The cabbie said nothing as I sniffed and dabbed at my eyes. This was New York. A woman crying in the back of his cab over a man had to be a normal occurrence.
Hitting decline on Jack’s calls, I pivoted between calling Viv or Hailey. Viv had been looking forward to her night. She didn’t deserve me wasting it with my problems. After all, she spent enough time trying to hold me together during the day. And I doubted Hailey would even pick up. Everyone had someone. Viv had her son. Hailey had her husband and sons. Jack had his mom and niece.
Why had I thought this time would be any different?
The city skipped by faster as the cab driver ignored the speed limit and my ugly Kim Kardashian crying.