Chapter 18 #2
Sofia waited until he’d unlocked the cupboard before passing him the paints. ‘It’s kind of compulsory when you come from South America. I remember dancing on my first day of pre-school, I still had a pacifier in my mouth.’
He laughed. ‘How old were you when you moved to the UK?’
‘Five, but we’ve visited a lot over the years. Papi’s family still live there, I have numerous cousins and extended family all over the place. Everyone dances in South America, young and old, even at home. Birthday parties, barbecues, funerals, no matter the occasion, someone will end up dancing.’
Connor nodded to where the dancers were attempting underarm turns. ‘Like they’re doing?’
‘Mostly merengue. It has a similar rhythm, but you move side-to-side as opposed to back and forth.’ She glanced at him. ‘What about you, can you dance?’
He shook his head. ‘God, no. Not since school. I was left traumatised after being made to dance in front of the whole school. It wasn’t a great experience.’
She smiled as she handed him the bucket of brushes. ‘How come?’
‘I volunteered to help make scenery for a production of The King and I, but it turns out I ticked the wrong box and signed up for the chorus instead. The teacher was so excited to have a boy in the chorus I didn’t like to back out.
I was forced to wear pantaloons and dance with eleven girls, all older than me. ’
Sofia laughed. ‘Some boys might like that.’
‘Not this boy.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘I couldn’t remember the steps or keep up, so they had to adapt the routine to dance around me, which made me stand out even more.
You know it’s bad when people use words to describe your performance like brave and comment on how much enthusiasm you had.
It did nothing for my street cred, I can tell you. ’
She watched him secure the padlock. ‘And you haven’t danced since?’
‘I can hold my own in a mosh pit, but it’s not a pretty sight.’
Sofia held out her hand. ‘Shall we have a go?’
He stared at her hand like she was holding a grenade. ‘You’ve just told me you’ve danced since childhood, and you expect me to dance with you now? No way.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because you already intimidate me enough as it is, that’s why not.’
She dropped her hand. ‘I intimidate you? How on earth do I do that?’
He lifted his hands. ‘Where do I start? You’ve fixed the accountancy problem.
You’ve decorated a room like it’s something from the Tate Modern, and you made matching cushions and beanbags.
You’re like Superwoman. It’d be like that school production all over again.
Me looking like an idiot, humiliating himself in front of a goddess. ’
He thought she was a goddess? ‘And I thought my self-esteem was low.’
He frowned. ‘Why would your self-esteem be low? You’re smart, talented, and you look like … well, you look like that.’ He gestured to her face and body, and then ran his hands into his hair. ‘I’m going to shut up now.’
Her hands went to her hips. ‘Hasn’t anyone told you not to make assumptions based on appearance? You’re not the only one who’s had their confidence knocked, and you’re certainly not the only person who fakes feeling more positive than they really feel.’
He looked mortified and reached for her hand. ‘I’m so sorry, Sofia. You’re right, that was wrong of me. It’s just you seem so confident all the time, but I was wrong to assume. Please forgive me.’
‘People often make incorrect assumptions about me,’ she admitted, staring at their entwined hands, and glad he hadn’t let go yet. ‘Dancing can help improve confidence, you know. It’s empowering, and lifts your mood.’ She lifted her eyes to his. ‘Will you let me show you?’
He looked hesitant. ‘I’m not sure.’
‘We’re in a community centre with a load of other novices. There’s no audience, no one’s paying us any attention, they’re too busy concentrating on themselves to notice us.’ She stepped into the hall and gently tugged on his hand. ‘Come on, show me how brave you are.’
He laughed. ‘Like that, is it? I admit my inner trauma and you take the piss.’ He was smiling, so she knew he wasn’t really upset as he followed her into the hall. ‘Don’t say I didn’t warn you.’
Sofia led him to the back of the hall away from the main group, where the music wasn’t quite so deafening. ‘Take both my hands. We move forwards and then backwards, like this.’
He had no problems following the rhythm, and within a few beats he was mirroring her movements.
‘Relax your arms,’ she said, demonstrating. ‘That’s it. Now soften your knees and loosen your hips. See? Easy.’ She lifted her arm and turned underneath, catching his hand as she returned to face him. ‘You’re a natural.’
‘Is that a euphemism for enthusiastic?’
She laughed. ‘You’re doing fine. How does it feel?’ She hoped he felt the way she did. Sparks were flying.
‘Nice,’ he said, his eyes were locked on hers.
‘I dance at home sometimes, when I’m feeling a bit down,’ she admitted, moving closer to him. ‘I put on Papi’s Latin playlists full blast and dance while I’m cleaning, or cooking. I always feel better afterwards. It helps shake off negative thoughts.’
He smiled. ‘I’m starting to see the appeal.’
‘Luisa feels the same way about painting, and my older sister uses sport to manage her anxiety. We all need an outlet.’ She turned under his arm again, brushing against him as he assisted the move this time.
He was definitely getting the hang of it.
‘Do you have anything like that in your life? An outlet for your anxiety?’
He seemed to think about it. ‘Not really, although volunteering helps. Working here lifts my mood, and I feel better after a shift than when I’ve been at home alone.
My counsellor says I’m still healing from an “emotional injury”, and it’ll take time to recover.
I need to be patient and kind to myself.
’ There was a hesitation in his expression, as though it had taken a lot for him to admit that.
‘Is this the thing that happened to you last year?’
He nodded. ‘Please don’t ask me to explain.’
‘I won’t.’ She changed direction, pleased that he followed her lead and moved seamlessly with her. ‘But you offered to support me earlier, so the offer is reciprocated. If I can help you in anyway, I will. I won’t judge, I’ll just be there for you, whatever you need.’
‘Thank you.’ He looked sheepish. ‘I’m sorry for what I said before.’
‘No harm done.’ She smiled at him. ‘You’re a natural dancer, by the way.’
‘I think that’s down to my partner.’ His face softened, and she slowed her movements, making them smaller so the gap between them reduced.
They stayed like that for a long while, moving slowly, their eyes never leaving each other. She never wanted the evening to end.
‘What’s your happiest memory?’ she said, their bodies now touching. ‘You know, the time you revisit in your head when you want a reminder of how good life can be.’
He thought for a moment. ‘I guess it would be the last summer before I went to university. My dad took an extended break from work and we travelled Europe for a few weeks. It was something we’d done the first summer after my birth parents died, but I was only five then, so I don’t remember much. We decided to repeat the trip.’
Sofia was confused. ‘Your parents died?’
He paused dancing. ‘Haven’t I mentioned that? It was a long time ago.’ He shook his head. ‘Anyway, my brother, who’s fourteen years older than me, became my guardian. I call him Dad sometimes, because that’s what he is, really. He’s the only parent I’ve ever known.’
‘Goodness.’ It was a lot to absorb. ‘And it’s just the two of you?’
He nodded. ‘Just the two of us. Plus, Hugh, my dad’s best mate. That’s who I was staying with this weekend, Hugh and his family. They kind of helped raise me.’
They resumed dancing, Sofia still processing this new information.
‘Anyway, we went on this trip around Europe and it was amazing. We went scuba diving, canoeing, and hiking. We travelled by boat and train, and even hired scooters at one point. It was magical. When we came home I was so excited for uni, I felt ready to join the world and start my adult life.’ His smile was genuine and endearing.
‘Yeah, that’s definitely my happiest memory. ’
‘I can see why.’
‘What about you? What’s your happiest memory?’
‘Similar to yours, I suppose.’ The music had switched to a slower rhythm and she settled her body against his.
It felt right, natural. He wasn’t much taller than her, so her chin rested perfectly against his shoulder.
‘It was last summer, before my mum died. Luisa’s health was good, and life was happy, no dramas.
We spent two weeks staying with my grandparents in Colombia.
They live in a small village near Medellin, it’s quite rural and we spent the whole time horse-riding, swimming in the lake, and going on picnics.
My grandparents run a farm, and they’d host these weekly open events for tourists and the locals, where they’d parade the bulls and demonstrate ranch skills.
There’d be a huge buffet, with local specialities, like ajiaco, sancocho and empanadas.
A band would play live music, and the staff would dress in traditional costume and perform dances for the guests. ’
His eyes crinkled as he smiled. ‘It sounds amazing.’
‘It was.’ Her heart ached a little at the memory. ‘It was such a special holiday.’
‘Have you been back since?’
‘Not since Mum died. Papi’s there at the moment, dealing with some business stuff.
Although in truth, I think it’s more about avoiding his grief than anything.
Some people need to keep occupied, and he’s one of them.
I’d like to go back again soon, though. Maybe once I sort my life out and start earning some money again. ’
His thumb ran over her palm. ‘I hope you do.’
‘In the meantime, I close my eyes and transport myself back to happier times and hold onto the belief that one day those feelings will return for good.’
Connor slowed to a stop and stared at her, his eyes dark and intense. ‘Sofia—’
What he would have said, she’d never know. The music cut out, the lights lifted, and the group of dancers started clapping. The Salsa class was over.
They held eye-contact for a moment, before stepping away from their embrace.
‘I’d better head home to check on Luisa,’ Sofia said, savouring the last of his touch as her hand slid from his. ‘I’m sure you need to lock up.’
‘Can I see you home?’ Connor said, walking over to the door with her.
‘I’ll be fine, but thanks for offering.’ Before she could stop herself, she leaned over and kissed his cheek. ‘I liked dancing with you,’ she said, before almost running from the centre, unwilling to witness his reaction.
It hadn’t exactly been the classiest of moves. More clumsy teenager than grown adult. What must he think of her?
If she’d been unsure of her feelings before tonight, all doubt had now vanished. She was falling in love with Connor. It wasn’t rational, but it was how she felt.
But did he feel the same way? It was evident Connor had issues to work through, and she needed to tread carefully. Had she blown it by kissing him?
Her phone pinged with a message.
It was from Connor.
She opened the message, her hands shaking.
I liked dancing with you too. x