Pepper
~
I wasn’t a huge coffee person, but I needed it this morning, and I was probably going to survive on it all day long.
I hadn’t gotten any sleep last night, and it’d been about more than just my attack.
Knowing that Josiah had been sleeping on the floor of my shed after having saved my life had been unsettling, and that’s why I was knocking on my own shed so early in the morning.
When the door swung open, I handed a rumbled Josiah Austin a mug of hot coffee. “I’m not sure if you’re a coffee person or not, but I thought you could use a cup.”
“Thank you,” he said as he took it from my hand, his voice a gruffy roughness. “I used to live off it when I was in the service.”
Jerking my head towards the house, I said, “Join me for breakfast.”
“Pepper-”
“Please,” I said, interrupting his protests. “I already cooked for two, and it’ll just go to waste if you don’t join me.”
“Well, aren’t you a gifted manipulator,” he quipped before taking a sip of his coffee.
“We all have our own talents,” I quipped back, grinning.
“Is it okay if I leave my stuff here?”
I nodded. “Absolutely.”
Once we got settled in the kitchen, I prepared his plate, making sure not to pile it on too high. Being homeless, my guess was that he didn’t eat much, and I didn’t want him to get sick. Plus, there was plenty more for seconds if the first plate wasn’t enough.
When I took my seat across from him at the table, I said, “I’m going to get very rude and very personal, but you can tell me to shut up at any time.”
Josiah smirked, and even through the dirty scruff, I could tell that the man was good-looking. “Considering that you didn’t have me arrested for trespassing, ask me anything that you want.”
“Why don’t you work?”
“I have PTSD from my last tour, and...well, once all the veteran support centers shut down in this town...I just...that online stuff doesn’t work for me,” he answered.
“My retirement stipend isn’t enough to live off of, so.
..it’s amazing how one little thing can turn into a pit of quicksand before you even know it. ”
“Wouldn’t it be easier to move to another town for the support that you need than stay here?” I asked, very aware that I was sounding rude, but I was genuinely curious.
“It would have been, but that ship has sailed,” he agreed easily. “Even if I were able to find the help that I need, I’m hardly hire-ready.”
“So, what exactly keeps you from holding down a job?”
“My...my issues stem from a mistake that the military covered up for the sake of the greater good, but just because the facts were manipulated on paper...” He took a bite of his bacon, buying himself some time, and I understood that.
“We made a mistake, and as a result, several innocent children were killed, and...and defending one’s country shouldn’t include murdering children, no matter the circumstances. ”
“I’m sorry,” I replied quietly, having no idea what it was like to live with such a thing on my conscience. “I really am.”
“I have nightmares that can incapacitate me, and every now and again, a panic attack will sneak up on me,” he went on.
“So, that makes me an unreliable employee. When I got out of the service, I worked for a hardware store, and the owner had done his best to work with me, but...” He shrugged like his life falling apart had been no big deal. “Well, business is business.”
We ate in silence for a while, and as we ate, I did my best to try to process all that he’d told me.
He’d made some mistakes trying to navigate the aftermath of his military career, but those mistakes never should have had this huge of an impact on his life.
In my opinion, not enough was done to thank the men and women that protected this country, and Josiah Austin was a prime example of that failure.
“What if I offered you a job?” I finally asked as he cleared his plate.
“What?”
“What if I offered you a job?” I repeated as I got up to get him a second helping. “I own a flower shop, and I could always use the extra help.”
“Did you not just hear what I said?” he asked, though not unkindly. “I’m not reliable. Never mind that I can hardly show up to work looking like this.”
Trying to leave him some of his pride, I kept my back to him as I prepared him another plate of breakfast, saying, “Along with me working there, I have two-full time employees that run the shop for me, but at any given time, I also employ between two-to-three high school students part-time. I have plenty of people to chip in if you can’t make it to work. ”
“Look, I understand that you’re feeling grateful for what I did last night, and I can also recognize pity when I see it,” he said, making my heart drop. “But I don’t need you to return the save, Pepper. I’ve made peace with the way that my life is now.”
I turned from the counter, then set the plate in front of him, hoping that pride wouldn’t keep him from eating more.
“I am grateful for what you did last night, but my offer has nothing to do with last night or pity, Josiah. There’s a bigger picture here, and I think that your pride is stopping you from seeing it. ”
“And what bigger picture is that?”
“How many people would starve if no one ever stepped in to help?” I asked.
“How many children would die if no one ever spoke up on their behalf? Where would this world be if everyone chose to mind their own business, rather than step up when they could? You spent your entire life defending our freedoms, and I’m just supposed to ignore that very significant fact and not offer you a chance when I’m able to?
” I shook my head before turning to go sit back down.
“Like I said last night, I’m not an asshole. ”
After a few seconds of silence, I looked across the table to see Josiah staring back at me. “Pepper, you don’t know me.”
“Knowing your favorite color is not as significant to me as knowing that your sense of morality is important enough that you still have nightmares from something that your conscience still struggles with.”
“All the same, thank you, but I’m going to have to pass,” he said, making my heart hurt.
“Well, the offer will always stand, Josiah,” I told him, meaning it.
After another few seconds of silence, he said, “And thank you for breakfast.”
“Thank you for saving my life.”
~
Josiah~
“Thank you for saving my life.”
After breakfast yesterday morning, I couldn’t get Pepper’s words out of my head, and though we’d spoken more about my situation and her family, those six little words had haunted me all day long.
She’d made it clear that she didn’t appreciate how everyone was treating my interference like it’d been no big deal when the truth was that her life at been at risk.
Pepper felt that the easy dismissal of my help was like dismissing the importance of her life, but that wasn’t true at all.
Nevertheless, I hadn’t slept for shit, her offer like the Tell-Tale Heart come to life.
Pepper had offered me a chance at a new beginning, and because she was beautiful, successful, smart, and fiery, I had turned it down, acting like it hadn’t been one of the most important things that had happened to me in a long time.
Most of the time, people liked to act like I didn’t exist, but not Pepper Milo.
Instead of judging me for fucking things up early on during my spiral, she had offered me a job; one with no expectations.
So, after thinking of nothing else yesterday and last night, I had slept in the back of Rudden’s Alley, sharing what little that I’d had with two other homeless men, then had woken up this morning, feeling stupider than I’d had in years.
That level of regret was what had me standing on Pepper’s front porch this morning, forcing me to ignore that I was supposed to be the man in this scenario.
When Pepper swung the front door open, her blue eyes widened, but her surprise was quickly replaced with a huge smile. “Josiah, good morning.”
“I’m sorry if it’s too early,” I said, noting her plain t-shirt, pajama pants, and Cookie Monster slippers. “I wasn’t sure what time you started your day.”
“Depends on what kind of night I had,” she replied easily. “And if I’ll need coffee to operate.”
Deciding to bypass the awkwardness that was sure to come, I said, “I’ve decided to take you up on your offer of a job. That is, if it’s still available.”
She shot me a look that I imagined was reserved for her daughter. “I told you that the offer would always be available.”
“Then I appreciate the opportunity, though I cannot make you any promises, Pepper,” I told her. “I want to be absolutely clear about that. I can look for other online support groups to...to try to help me out, but I cannot make any promises.”
“I don’t recall asking you for any,” she retorted sassily, making me smile.
“Well, come on in, and you can join me for breakfast,” she offered, as if we’d been friends for years. “I’m a breakfast person, usually skipping lunch because we’re often busy, so I’m warning you now to bring your appetite to the table in the mornings.”
Not wanting to read too much into her ramblings, I ignored her comments, asking, “I know that this might be a lot to ask, but I can’t show up to work like this, Pepper.”
She scowled as she stepped back to let me inside her home again. “I imagine not,” she agreed. “That’s why I assumed that you’d be using my bathroom to ready yourself once you started working.”
“Jesus Christ, woman,” I swore as I shook my head. “You’re killing me.”
“What?” she asked as she shut the door.
“For someone who was attacked in her home, I’d think that you’d be more careful about just opening the door to strangers,” I drawled out.
“Well, I’m having cameras installed tomorrow morning or whenever, and so if you kill me, you’ll get caught,” she replied with another touch of sass.
“Some advice? In the future, don’t tip off potential criminals about the cameras.”
Instead of addressing my very valid point, she said, “The downstairs bathroom is all yours.”
Pride almost choked me as I said, “Uhm...while you have no idea how much I appreciate that, if I could get a small advance for deodor-”
“No need,” she announced, grinning at me again, her Cookie Monster slippers mocking me. “In the hopes that you might change your mind, I went to the store yesterday and got you everything that I thought you might need.”
I could feel my heart freeze in my chest. “You did what?’
Still beaming at me, she said, “I got you some deodorant, shampoo, conditioner, men’s bodywash, a toothbrush, a comb, some aftershave if you need it, and I made sure to stock the bathroom with toilet paper, toothpaste, towels, Q-tips, and hand soap.”
“You’re crazy.”
“You’re welcome,” she replied, arching a brow and putting me in my place.
“Thank you, Pepper,” I said, meaning every word. “For everything.”
Her face softened, and she looked wrecked when she said, “Even if you didn’t save my life from death, you saved it from something that could have ruined me fundamentally, and while you might see some deodorant and shampoo as a big deal, to me, none of it comes even close to what I owe you, Josiah.
You stepped up in a world where most people would have gotten their phones out to record my attack rather than help me, and that’s the big deal. Not a toothbrush and some aftershave.”
“Be that as it may, you still deserve a thank you, Pepper,” I told her, my mouth practically salivating at the thought of a real shower. “And you’re still taking a very big chance on me.”
Her brows knitted over those bright blue eyes of hers.
“Like the one that you took the other night? For all that you’d known, that man could have had a gun or knife, but that unknown still didn’t stop you from doing the right thing and helping me.
So, if you were willing to take that chance on me, then I’m more than willing to return the favor, Josiah. ”
She was going to kill me.
Absolutely kill me.
Pepper Milo was turning out to be everything that I didn’t dare hope for, and if I had any sense in my head, I’d race right back out her front door, never seeing her again.
She was looking at me and treating me like a real person, and that was dangerous for a man like me.
Hope was a cruel mistress, and she was standing before me in the form of Pepper Milo.
Nevertheless, I couldn’t find it in me to walk away from her. At least, not yet.
“I’ll do my best not to let you down, Pepper,” I told her, not really knowing what else to say.
She cocked her head, her face as serious as I’d ever seen it. “How can you let me down when I already know what to expect?”
“You’re already expecting me to let you down?”
Pepper immediately shook her head. “No, I’m already expecting you to struggle, so I’m already prepared to be there for you when you do.”
With that, Pepper turned, leaving me in the living room, and for the first time in years, I could feel that familiar pressure behind my eyes, threatening to make me feel human again.
I had no idea if I was ever going to be able to repay her, but I was going to try, and that meant giving the online counseling another chance, despite how it hadn’t worked before.