14. Lee #4
“JB,” she said. “Come on. We need to go.”
For another second, he didn’t move. Then his hand finally came away from his waist, and some of the tightness in my chest eased. Van stayed quiet, which was probably for the best because there wasn’t shit left to say.
People were watching us now, and I heard somebody nearby ask if they needed to call the police. That was enough to finally get everybody moving.
Hannah grabbed JJ’s hand. “Come on.”
JB stood there another second before finally letting Hannah lead him away. The wagon was still sitting where Van had abandoned it during all the commotion, but he didn’t bother going back for it. He just looked at me.
“Are you ready?”
I nodded because I still couldn’t get any words out, and we started toward the parking lot. We hadn’t made it far when JB called my name.
“Lee.”
I stopped and turned back. Van stayed beside me while Hannah, still holding JJ’s hand, tried to get JB to keep walking, but he had planted himself in the middle of the path. His eyes moved from me to Van before settling back on me.
“Since you wanna go off with that nigga so bad, go be with him. Live with him too. Get the fuck out my house before I get there.”
For a second, I just stared at him, trying to understand how we had gotten here. I had found out he had a whole child, another baby on the way, and a relationship he had been hiding from me for years, yet somehow he was the one standing there mad.
“And leave my car too,” he added.
“Aight.”
JB’s expression didn’t change. “Aight.”
That hurt more than I expected it to. He didn’t argue, take it back, or even hesitate. He just stood there looking at me like fifteen years could really end that easily, right there between a row of pumpkins and a bunch of strangers pretending not to watch us.
My eyes dropped to my wrist, where the bracelet he had given me was still sitting like it belonged there. I unclasped it with shaking fingers and walked back toward him. JB watched me the whole way, but I didn’t say anything. I held the bracelet out between us.
He looked down at my hand. “What you doing?”
“You know what the fuck I’m doing.”
When he didn’t reach for it, I opened my fingers and let it fall at his feet. Hannah glanced down, but JB kept his eyes on me.
I backed away before I did something stupid like pick it back up. I hated him right then, but I still loved him too, and having both of those feelings sitting in my chest at the same time was fucking me up almost as much as everything else.
“Come on, Lee,” Van said quietly.
I turned and walked away with him without looking back. I could feel JB watching me, and I knew if I turned around, I might cry harder, run back, cuss him out some more, or ask him the one question I didn’t want the answer to.
Why wasn’t I enough?
Probably all four.
Neither one of us mentioned the wagon as we made our way through the crowd.
Everything around us kept moving like my whole life hadn’t just fallen apart.
Kids were laughing. Somebody posed for pictures beside a stack of hay.
A woman passed us carrying two pumpkin pies, and under any other circumstance, I probably would’ve turned around just to tell Van they looked nasty.
I couldn’t even make myself care.
We were halfway to the parking lot when I finally noticed the caramel apple still clenched in my hand. I slowed to a stop and stared at it.
Van stopped beside me. “What?”
A laugh slipped out as I looked at the damn thing, my fingers still wrapped around the stick like I hadn’t just found out my whole life was some bullshit.
“I been holding this fucking apple the whole time.”
Van looked at the apple, then at me, and something about that made another laugh come out, but this one broke halfway through. Before I could stop it, I was crying so hard I could barely breathe. The caramel apple slipped from my hand and hit the ground while I covered my face.
Van moved closer but didn’t touch me or start asking questions. He just stayed there while I cried like somebody had died.
Maybe somebody had. Not JB or me, but whatever the fuck I thought we were.
When the worst of it finally passed, my face was wet, my nose was running, and I felt stupid as hell standing in the middle of a parking lot falling apart. Van handed me a napkin from his pocket, and I took it without looking at him.
“Thank you.”
“Are you okay to walk?”
I nodded, even though we both knew I wasn’t okay, and he didn’t point it out.
We made it to his truck, and Van opened the passenger door for me.
I climbed inside and stared through the windshield while he walked around to the driver’s side.
When he got in, he didn’t ask questions, tell me JB was a piece of shit, or try to tell me what I needed to do next.
He just sat there and gave me enough quiet to pull myself together.
I wiped underneath my eyes and looked out the windshield. “Take me home.”
Van started the truck and pulled away from the parking lot before the words really settled over me.
Take me home.
I didn’t have one anymore.