20. Lee
Lee
This was my first Thanksgiving free in five years, and damn near everything about it looked different from the last one I remembered.
Before I went away, Thanksgiving was always at Grandma Gwen’s house. Didn’t matter who was mad at who, who had a new boyfriend, or who swore they weren’t coming that year. By the time dinner was ready, everybody ended up at Grandma’s.
She passed during my second year inside.
I still remembered getting that call on one of them hard plastic phones and trying not to lose it with everybody around me.
I couldn’t even go somewhere by myself and cry.
Missing her funeral was one of the hardest parts of those five years, and I had spent so much time thinking about my first Thanksgiving home that I never really let myself think about the fact Grandma Gwen wouldn’t be here for it.
I missed her bad, but I was still happy as hell to be home.
This year, Thanksgiving was at the house Anika and Trevon had just bought out in Semmes. Thanksgiving and a housewarming all in one because apparently my little sister was grown-grown now.
The place was packed. On our side there was Mama, me, Anika, Mama’s sister Aunt Josie, her husband Uncle Melvin, Melissa, and Melissa’s brother MJ.
Trevon’s people filled in the rest, with his mama already elbow-deep in the kitchen helping out, relatives crowded around the football game, and cousins and kids running in and out the back door.
Trevon kept getting pulled in five different directions trying to host everybody, but he ain’t seem bothered by it.
Mama had been watching Anika all day. Every time somebody complimented the house or told her dinner smelled good, Mama got this proud little look on her face like she wanted to remind everybody she had raised her.
It made me laugh.
Mama was actually the reason Anika and Trevon met in the first place. Her and Trevon worked for the same company, and when their job had a Christmas party, Mama invited Anika to go with her. She met Trevon that night, and they had pretty much been stuck to each other ever since.
At one point, I watched him bring Anika a glass of water without her asking. She took it, kissed his cheek, and kept right on talking to somebody like him knowing what she needed was just normal for them.
At least one of us got it right.
I looked away before I could sit there comparing too much. I had something else to worry about anyway.
My period was late.
I had been ignoring that little fact all week, telling myself it was travel, stress, the breakup, my body still adjusting to being home. Anything sounded better than pregnant.
Then the food started getting to me.
By the time everybody began fixing plates, the smell of turkey, dressing, greens, macaroni, all of it had my stomach rolling. I normally loved Thanksgiving food, but watching people pile it onto their plates had me feeling like I might throw up right there on Anika’s brand-new floor.
I turned away from the kitchen island and Mama caught it immediately.
“You ain’t ate nothing.”
“I’m good, Mama.”
“Three bites ain’t eating.”
“I’m just not that hungry right now.”
She narrowed her eyes at me, and I got out of that kitchen before she could start putting pieces together.
The rest of the afternoon was loud enough to keep my mind busy. Aunt Josie brought the peach cobbler everybody expected every year. Melissa and MJ got into an argument over some childhood memory like they were still ten, and Trevon’s family fit right in with ours.
During the prayer before dinner, Uncle Melvin mentioned Grandma Gwen and the whole table quieted.
I stared down at my plate because I already knew better than to look at Mama or Aunt Josie. My eyes started burning anyway.
A minute later, Melissa accused MJ of taking half the macaroni, and just like that, everybody was talking again.
I was glad.
By late evening, Trevon’s family had headed out, and Aunt Josie, Uncle Melvin, Melissa, and MJ packed up enough leftovers to feed themselves for another two days before leaving too.
The house finally got quiet.
Trevon was outside taking out the last of the trash while me, Mama, and Anika stayed in the kitchen cleaning up. I was rinsing a bowl at the sink when another wave of nausea rolled through me. I grabbed the edge of the counter and stood still until it passed.
When I looked up, Mama wasn’t cleaning anymore. She was staring at me.
“When your period supposed to come on?”
My whole body froze.
“Mama.”
“When?”
I turned back toward the sink. “I’m just stressed.”
“That ain’t what I asked you.”
Behind me, Anika stopped messing with the trash bag.
“Wait. Your period late?”
I dropped the sponge into the sink. “Why y’all interrogating me?”
“Because you ain’t ate all day,” Mama said, coming closer, “and every time somebody opens the oven, you look like you finna throw up.”
Anika’s eyes widened. “Hold on. But you took that Plan B.”
“I know what I took.”
“And that don’t mean it worked,” Mama said.
I ain’t want to hear that. I had managed to go the whole week without buying a test because as long as I didn’t take one, I could keep telling myself my period was just late.
Anika suddenly snapped her fingers.
“Wait.”
She disappeared down the hall before either one of us could ask anything and came back holding a little cardboard box.
I stared at it. “Why the hell you got a pregnancy test?”
“Me and Trevon had a scare a couple months ago. We bought a two-pack, and I only used one.”
“Of course you got a pregnancy test just laying around.”
Anika held the box out to me. “Would you rather I didn’t?”
I looked at Mama.
She pointed toward the hallway. “Go.”
I started toward the bathroom, and both of them fell in behind me.
I looked back over my shoulder. “Why both of y’all gotta come?”
“Because,” Anika said, already walking, “you look like you might run out the back door.”
“Both of y’all get on my nerves.”
Anika laughed. “You’ll live.”
All three of us ended up squeezed into Anika’s guest bathroom like this was some kind of family event. I tore open the wrapper, did what I had to do, and set the test on the counter. After that, there wasn’t nothing left to do but wait, which turned out to be harder than taking the damn thing.
I made it maybe thirty seconds before looking at Anika. “How long?”
She checked the box. “Three minutes.”
“It’s been three minutes.”
“It’s been forty seconds, Lee. Sit down before you pass out.”
“I’m not finna pass out.”
Anika watched me pace from the sink to the door and back again. “You walking a hole in the floor in a bathroom the size of a closet.”
“I can pace if I want to.”
Mama stayed near the door, quiet for once, while I turned back toward the counter. I don’t know how long I stood there staring before something finally started showing in the little window.
One line came up first.
Then another.
My stomach dropped.
I snatched the test off the counter and stared at it, turning it a little like maybe I was looking at the damn thing wrong.
“No.”
Anika’s face changed. “Lee…”
“No.” I shook my head, still staring at those two lines. “That pill was supposed to work.”
Mama reached over and put her hand on my shoulder. “Baby.”
That was all it took. The tears came before I could stop them, and I covered my mouth like that was gonna somehow hold everything else in.
“I’m never gonna be free of him.”
Anika was already wrapping her arms around me. “Don’t say that.”
“It’s true.” I buried my face against her shoulder. “I was just starting to get some distance from him, and now I’m having his baby.”
Mama didn’t tell me everything happened for a reason. She didn’t start talking about blessings or God’s plan or none of that. She just stood there rubbing my back while I cried into Anika’s shoulder.
After a while, Anika eased back enough to look at me. “You still feel how you felt before?”
I wiped under my eyes. “About keeping it?”
“Yeah.”
That part didn’t take no thinking. “I’m keeping my baby. That ain’t even the question.” My voice cracked, and I looked back down at the test in my hand. “I just don’t know how the hell I’m supposed to do this with him.”
Mama stepped closer. “Then don’t try to figure all of it out tonight. You cry tonight. Tomorrow, you figure out the next thing.” She squeezed my shoulder. “And that baby ain’t responsible for what its daddy did.”
“I know.”
I did know.
But knowing it didn’t stop me from crying.
I had spent the last few weeks trying to figure out how to have a life that didn’t revolve around JB, and now I was standing in my sister’s bathroom holding a positive pregnancy test.
I was having his baby.