35. Lee #2
The second I heard the shower turn on, all the confidence I’d had twenty minutes ago disappeared too. What the hell was I nervous for?
I was really about to have sex with Van.
The same man whose dog had knocked me flat on my back the first time I met him, who I had insisted was just my friend, then blocked because he went on a Valentine’s date.
Somewhere along the way, he had become my son’s goddaddy and my boyfriend, and now he was about to become only the second man I had ever had sex with.
That was the part making my nerves act stupid.
Van knew JB had been my only sexual partner. I’d told him that way back when we were barely friends, before either one of us knew we would end up here. Still, knowing he knew wasn’t helping.
When the shower cut off, I almost reached for my pajamas. Instead, I took the robe off and sat against the headboard.
Van came out a few minutes later with a towel wrapped around his waist, rubbing another one over his head. He made it two steps into the bedroom before he stopped and slowly lowered the towel.
“Damn.”
His eyes moved over me, and I let him look.
“You like it?”
Van tossed the towel he’d been using into the hamper. “Come on, Lee.”
“That ain’t an answer.”
“Yes.” He walked closer to the bed. “I like it.”
“How much?”
He laughed. “You fishing now.”
“I asked a question.”
“I like it enough that you need to tell me what all this is before I get in that bed.”
That wasn’t what I expected.
I sat up a little straighter. “What you mean?”
“You sent Myles away. Got food. Put this on.” He gestured toward me. “What’s going on?”
I shrugged. “I wanted to do something for you.”
“For what?”
“For everything.”
Van’s face changed, and I already knew he wasn’t about to let that answer slide.
“For everything what?”
I sighed. “For helping me with Myles. For getting up with him. Coming home and taking him when I’m tired. Moving us in here. Just… everything.”
He stood there looking at me.
“What?”
“You think you gotta fuck me because I help take care of Myles?”
“That ain’t what I said.”
“Kinda sound like it.”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t ruin this.”
“I’m serious.”
“So am I.”
Van sat on the edge of the mattress. “Lee, you don’t owe me sex for doing shit I’m choosing to do.”
“I know that.”
“Do you?”
“Yes.”
“Because I’m not touching you if this some thank-you gift.”
I stared at him. This damn man.
“You know what? Fine.” I reached for my robe. “Forget it.”
Van caught my wrist before I could grab it. “Stop.”
“No. You done made it weird.”
“I asked you a question.”
“And I’m telling you I know I don’t owe you nothing.” I looked him dead in his face. “I appreciate everything you do, yes. But I also want you. Both can be true.”
He let go of my wrist and I kept going because apparently now we had to have a whole damn meeting before I could get laid. “I haven’t wanted you touching me like that since I had Myles. Half the time I’ve been too tired. But now I do.”
Van’s mouth twitched.
“Don’t smile.”
“I ain’t.”
“You are.”
“A little.”
I pushed his shoulder, and he caught my hand. His smile faded as his fingers closed around mine.
“You sure?”
There wasn’t a joke in his voice that time.
I nodded. “Yes.”
“Physically too?”
“My doctor cleared me six weeks ago.”
“That ain’t what I asked.”
I looked down at our hands because, damn, I hadn’t really thought about that part. “I think so.”
“You think?”
“I don’t know, Van. I ain’t done it yet.”
That made him laugh.
“Shut up.”
“I ain’t laughing at you.”
“Yes, you are.”
He lifted my hand and kissed my knuckles. “If something hurt, we stop.”
“Okay.”
“If you change your mind, we stop.”
“I know.”
“And…”
“Oh my God, Evander, kiss me before I lose my nerve.”
That finally shut him up. He leaned in and kissed me, slow at first, one hand settling at my waist. I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him closer, and whatever patience he had been holding onto loosened a little.
His mouth opened over mine as he eased me down against the pillows, his hand sliding from my waist to my ass.
I had missed this, and not just getting off because Van had handled that plenty of times. I missed being able to kiss him and let things go wherever they went without my pregnancy sitting in the back of my mind.
His mouth moved along my jaw and down my neck before he kissed lower. His hands followed, moving over the lace until his fingers found the clasp of my bra.
I lifted my back off the mattress to help him, and Van unhooked it, sliding the straps down my arms before tossing it somewhere beside the bed.
The second my breasts were bare, his eyes dropped to them.
“Just remember they got milk in them.”
His mouth twitched. “I remember.”
Then he leaned down and took one nipple into his mouth.
My back came off the bed. “Oh, damn.”
Van didn’t rush. He kept his mouth there, sucking slowly while his hand moved up to cup my other breast. His thumb passed over my nipple before he pinched it lightly, and the little sting went straight between my legs.
“Van.”
He made a low sound against me and sucked harder, and that was when I felt it.
Milk had leaked from the breast in his hand and was running over his fingers. My whole body tensed as I looked down at him, waiting for him to pull back or make a face, but he didn’t.
Instead, Van moved to the other breast and dragged his tongue over my nipple before taking it into his mouth too. When his teeth caught it in a soft little nibble, I grabbed the back of his head.
“Oh, fuck.”
More milk leaked against his tongue, and Van swallowed without pulling away. The fact that he just kept sucking made my pussy get wetter almost immediately.
I had spent three months treating my breasts like equipment. They fed Myles, filled bottles, leaked through shirts, and woke me up sore whenever I went too long without pumping. Half the time, I didn’t even think of them as something sexual anymore.
Van clearly did not have that problem.
He pulled back just enough to look at me, his hand still wrapped around one breast.
“That pump might have to start sharing these motherfuckers.”
I stared at him because there he was. Freaky-ass Van had officially entered the conversation.
“You nasty.”
“Mhm.”
Then he lowered his head and took my nipple back into his mouth.
By the time his mouth finally left my breasts, my nipples were wet, my skin was hot, and my panties were damn near useless.
Van kissed his way down my stomach, his hand sliding over the soft skin below my belly button. I tensed before I could stop myself, and the way his hand paused told me he felt it.
“My stomach ugly,” I said before he could ask.
Van looked down at it, then ran his hand slowly over the softness. “It ain’t ugly.”
I gave him a look.
“It’s a little pouch,” he said. “That’s it.”
“A little pouch I ain’t asked for.”
Van smiled and leaned down, pressing his mouth against me. Instead of kissing me once and moving on, he stayed there, dragging his lips over the soft skin while his hands held my hips.
I watched him kiss his way across my stretch marks before sucking lightly at the skin near my hip.
“Van…”
His tongue circled my belly button before dipping inside it, and I jerked underneath him.
“Boy.”
He laughed against me and did it again, slower this time, and apparently my belly button was part of foreplay now.
Van kissed lower, then came back up and sucked softly at another spot like he had all night to convince me there wasn’t a damn thing wrong with my body. My fingers slid into his hair.
“If it really bother you,” he said against my skin, “we can start working out together.”
“Mm-hmm.”
He lifted his head and looked at me. “I’m serious.”
I spread my thighs a little wider beneath him. “Right now I just want you to work this pussy out.”
Van paused, and then that slow smile spread across his face.
“That I can do.”
He kissed my stomach one last time before moving lower.
His fingers hooked into the sides of my panties and pulled them slowly down my legs. I lifted my hips to help him, and once they were gone, I was suddenly very aware that I was completely naked while this man was still sitting there in a towel.
I looked down at the towel. “You a little overdressed.”
Van laughed under his breath, stood, and let it drop to the floor.
My eyes went straight to his dick, and damn. It had been months since Point Clear, and apparently sometime between then and now I had convinced myself I’d exaggerated how big he was.
I definitely had not.
Van climbed back onto the bed and kissed me before moving down my body. The second his tongue found my clit, whatever nerves I had left started to fade. I stopped thinking about his size, my body, or whether this was going to feel different from what I was used to and let myself enjoy him.
He took his time, giving me exactly what he already knew I liked, and I let him until wanting more became harder to ignore.
Tonight, I wanted more than what we had already done.
I reached down and touched his shoulder. “Come here.”
Van lifted his head and looked at me.
“I want you,” I said.
He came back up the bed and kissed me, and this time I could feel how hard he was against my thigh. Any hesitation I had left disappeared.
I reached into the nightstand drawer and pulled out a condom.
Van took it from me. “You had this planned.”
“Very much so. I love Myles, but I ain’t taking no chances on another baby anytime soon.”
He smiled, tore the packet open, and rolled it on. Watching him do it made the reality of what was about to happen hit me all over again.
My stomach fluttered. This was really happening, and Van must’ve seen the nerves come back because his hand settled against my thigh.
“Lee,” Van said quietly.
I reached for him and pulled him closer. “I’m good.”
Van kissed me before settling between my legs. When he eased into me, I sucked in a sharp breath and grabbed his shoulders. It had been a long time, and with the size of him, that first stretch had me holding on tighter than I meant to.