Chapter 20
HELENA KNEW SHE was sinking deeper into a state of denial.
She couldn’t help it. It was as though the rational part of her brain had been stunned into silence.
Instead of swinging into action, she wanted to bury her head in the sand.
The landlord’s words rang in her ears. She lay aimlessly in bed, not even able to summon the energy to move, to open her curtains.
It was hopeless. She drank bottle after bottle of wine, not even tasting it, slowly making her way through Noah’s prized collection.
It was the only thing she could do to numb the pain.
Day blurred into night, night into day. Her head ached, her mouth was dry.
She smelt. She looked a mess. She was disgusting herself.
It had been over two weeks since Noah had left.
Like a ticking timebomb, two weeks remained until she had to move out of her home.
The landlord had been around with viewers.
Preferring not to face him she had made herself get up, open the curtains and make her bed.
She had done a cursory tidy, hauling a sack of empties out to the bin.
She had left the house each time, not wanting to bump into anyone that might recognise her in the village.
She got in her car, praying she wouldn’t bump into Margery or Johnny as she pulled out of the gate, before driving a mile or so then parking on the side of the road.
She had sat there, vacantly staring into the distance, tears rolling down her cheeks.
After enough time had passed, and more, she had driven home, making sure there was no car visible in the driveway at Hazel Cottage.
She just couldn’t face seeing another soul.
There was a knock at the front door. Her pulse raced as she darted behind the island.
It was Margery, calling her name. She could hear Johnny, too.
Margery must have noticed she’d been hiding away.
Helena cowered close to the floor, there was no way she could receive visitors.
She would rather die than let Johnny see her like this.
When she was sure their voices had faded away she crept to the window.
There was no one there, only the vacant spot where Noah’s car had been.
Someone had collected it a couple of days before – a company car, apparently Noah had arranged its return.
At least her car was her own, she had bought it with some of the money her mother had left her – the one thing Noah couldn’t take away from her.
Unwilling to be spotted, she crept back upstairs with her laptop. She sat on Raffy’s bed, feeling the tears spill over yet again as she looked at all his beloved possessions, forever abandoned here, probably on the other side of the world to where he was now.
She checked her phone, scanning the screen for any new notifications, never losing the hope that today might be the day when she heard from Noah, that this all went away. Nothing. Of course there was nothing.
Taking a deep breath in, she exhaled slowly.
She needed to take a closer look at her finances.
Opening her personal account she looked at the balance on the screen.
She had spent almost all of her savings, but there was a small amount left.
She probably had enough to tide her over for a couple of months.
With trembling hands she opened a tab and loaded .
She registered her details. She would need to find a room in a flat share: there was no way she could afford to stay in Sussex if she rented alone.
She selected her search area and set the results to display the least expensive rental first. She clicked on the cheapest. She could just about afford it with the savings she had in her personal account, at least for a month or two.
She needed to start earning, and to start earning quickly.
Not stopping to think, she forced herself to contact the landlord and arrange to view the property.