39. Jane
39
JANE
A fter writing a quick note for Jackson and leaving it on the pillow, I picked up my bag and crept out of his bedroom, down the stairs, then out the door.
It was almost seven in the morning and I was on my way to meet Mum.
When I’d got up to go to the toilet about an hour ago, I’d checked my phone and as well as some vile messages from Dad, there were dozens of concerned texts from Mum, checking I was okay.
The most recent ones said that she understood why I was upset and that if I met her this morning, she’d bring me some clean clothes and some other bits and pieces in case I needed to stay away for a few days.
A few days? I was never stepping foot in that house again. But I needed my clothes, so I agreed to meet her.
Like me, Jackson tossed and turned a lot last night, so I doubted he’d got much rest. And before I left he finally seemed like he was in a deep sleep, so I didn’t want to wake him .
Plus, there was a chance he’d try to discourage me from going. I completely understood why. He wanted to protect me. And I loved him for that.
The way he ran to get me last night was one of the kindest things anyone had ever done for me.
When he said he’d run to get me from Scotland if I needed him, I believed every word.
Jackson was amazing.
He’d carried me when I felt like I wasn’t strong enough to walk.
He’d held me when I cried.
He’d brought me tea and biscuits.
And he’d understood when I said I couldn’t listen to any more bad news.
I’d felt terrible putting off whatever he wanted to tell me. But I had said that if it really couldn’t wait, then I’d listen. As soon as I got a break today, we’d talk. But first I had to get this done.
‘Hiya,’ Mum said when I walked towards her at the station.
It’d crossed my mind that when I hadn’t replied to his texts, Dad had asked her to message me. Saying she wanted to meet to give me clothes could’ve been a lie. That was why I suggested we met at the station. If Dad turned up and there were other people around, he wouldn’t make a scene.
‘Hi,’ I said, scanning the entrance to see if there was any sign of him.
‘He’s not here,’ she said, reading my mind. Mum handed me a bag. ‘I’ve put in some blouses, skirts, tights, underwear and toiletries.’
‘Thanks.’ I took the bag. ‘Look, Mum… ’
‘I’m sorry, Jane. Your dad’s… set in his ways. He’s not good with change. To him, you’re still his little girl. So when a friend saw you with that man a few times late at night at the station and told him, he was upset.’
‘So what if I was with Jackson? We could’ve just been friends. But now we’re together and I don’t care if that makes Dad upset. He’s an ignorant dinosaur! How can you stay with him?’
Sometimes Mum openly agreed with him and other times when Dad spouted his nonsense, she’d either just sit there or busy herself in the kitchen, so I never truly knew where she stood.
I’d always thought it was because she didn’t like confrontation. I didn’t either. And maybe that was why, up until I’d started working at The Romance Library, I was also afraid to speak up.
But now I realised that silence wasn’t always good.
By saying nothing, we were both guilty of enabling his actions.
I knew why I’d kept schtum. I was scared that he’d be angry that I disagreed with his archaic views. But mostly, scared he’d kick me out of the house and I’d have nowhere to go.
Not anymore, though.
‘I don’t agree with everything he says.’ Mum hung her head. ‘But for all his faults, I still love him,’ she sighed.
Although it was hard for me to understand what there was to love about Dad, I knew that Mum wouldn’t be the first woman to fall for a bad man and she wouldn’t be the last.
‘The thing is, Mum, his opinions aren’t just awful, they’re dangerous . Someone like him really shouldn’t be allowed to be in a position of power. So if you support his campaign, you’re condoning his views and his actions. I’ve spent too long turning a blind eye to his toxic views, but I can’t do it anymore. I’m sorry. Thanks again for the clothes. Bye.’
I walked away from her, willing myself not to cry.
Although I was upset, I was also proud of myself for finding the strength to say what I thought, to Dad last night and to Mum this morning.
Knowing that there was a chance I might not ever see either of them again was hard, but I’d done the right thing. It was painful now, but all I could hope was that in time, it would hurt a little less.
My phone beeped. When I checked the screen, I saw a message from Jackson.
Jackson
I overslept! Just saw your note. You okay?
Me
Yeah, fine. Just met Mum. On my way to work now.
I’ll be there ASAP. Might be a bit late, though. Can you let Jess know?
Will do.
Can we talk later?
Course.
See you soon, Beautiful .
My heart fluttered. I love when he calls me beautiful .
After I sent him a row of blowing kisses emojis, I put my phone away and pulled out my Kindle.
Time to get lost in another world.
‘Are you okay to hold the fort with Jackson for the rest of the day?’ Jess whispered as she stood in front of the meet-cute desk.
‘Yeah, course.’
‘I received this today, so I really need to nip this shit in the bud.’
Jess handed me a piece of white paper which had been folded in half. I opened it up and saw two sentences typed in bold caps in the centre of the page.
SHUT THE LIbrARY DOWN NOW OR YOU’LL REGRET IT.
THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING.
‘Oh my God!’ I mouthed, then jumped up and rushed to the corridor so we could speak. ‘This is terrible! Have you told the police?’
‘Theo’s on the phone to them now. But I just called my ex’s office and he’s definitely there today. Obviously I didn’t say who I was. Anyway, me and Theo want to go there now to have it out with him. But it’s gonna take a while for us to get there and back.’
‘Go! Me and Jackson will take care of things here.’
‘Thanks. Now Celeste is back, I was hoping she could do a shift, but she’s with friends in London today. I should be back for our drinks tonight, but don’t wait for me. Just go ahead and I’ll join you later.’
‘Okay. Good luck.’
Jess raced off and I returned to my desk.
I really hoped they got to speak to her ex. From what Jess had told me, he sounded like a nasty piece of work. What he did to Jess’s books was horrendous. The bastard probably hated the fact that she had moved on and was doing so well, so he was trying to bring her down. Here’s hoping that they found a way to get him to confess and the police locked him up.
My phone vibrated.
Jackson
Did Jess tell you what happened?
Me
Yep. It’s awful.
I know, right?! I probably won’t be able to get away for lunch to talk now, so can we speak tonight instead?
By the time Jackson got to work, I was already serving members, so couldn’t chat. And when I got a break, he had a delivery he had to deal with. So we’d agreed to speak at lunch, but now it was clear we wouldn’t be able to go out today. Jess and Theo needed us.
Can’t tonight. Going to the pub with Jess, Maddie and Kara.
Oh yeah. I remember you mentioned that. Okay, cool .
‘Excuse me, can I check these two books out?’
I looked up and saw a member clutching two dark romance novels.
‘Of course!’
I quickly fired off a reply to Jackson, telling him I had to go and we’d speak later.
The rest of the day flew by. Luckily Tamsin from Love & Lattes made us sandwiches for lunch, so we had something to eat. And she closed the cafe briefly to cover the meet-cute desk whilst I had a loo break too.
After seven, Jess and Theo returned. Jess looked drained.
‘How did it go?’ I asked.
‘It’s not him.’ She blew out a frustrated breath. ‘Theo and Jackson are gonna stay until eight, so we can head to the pub now.’
Once I’d grabbed my coat and bag, I said a quick goodbye to Jackson, who was happy to tell me how much he loved the third blind date book that he’d just finished: the romantic Christmas adventure I’d picked, Five Gold Rings by Kristen Bailey. I was glad he was enjoying my recommendations.
I left the bookshop, found Jess and then we left.
‘So what happened with your ex? How do you know it’s not him?’
‘He said he had no idea what I was talking about. But when I told him about the library, he said it sounded like a place for sad, desperate women and even if he knew it existed, he wouldn’t humiliate himself by going inside it. He thought it was in the red light district, like a sex shop!’
‘Sounds like he’s still an arsehole.’
‘Definitely. ’
‘I’m surprised Theo didn’t punch him.’
‘I asked him to wait in the car. It was something I wanted to do by myself. It was the first time I’d seen my ex since I left, so I needed to prove to myself that I was strong enough. That I was able to stand up to him.’
‘I get it,’ I said, thinking about how I’d done the same to Dad. It was important to show those bullies that we weren’t afraid anymore.
‘So, yeah. We’re back to square one. Anyway, I want to forget about it for tonight and have some fun.’
‘Yes!’ I cheered, thinking the same. It’d been an intense twenty-four hours for me too, so I was looking forward to letting my hair down.
When we got in the pub, Maddie and Kara were already there.
With Celeste.
Shit.
I hadn’t seen or spoken to her since she caught me and Jackson kissing on the beach. I really hoped she hadn’t said anything.
‘Hi!’ Maddie said.
‘Hi!’ I gave her a hug.
After I’d greeted Kara, then Celeste, who gave me a wink when we hugged, we ordered drinks, then sat down.
Bob brought over two bottles of wine with some glasses, then Kara filled us in with how things were at the salon, Maddie shared how happy she was with Love & Lattes and Celeste spoke about how she was dreading going back to uni.
‘But enough about work stuff!’ Celeste said. ‘What have I missed since I’ve been away? Done anything outrageous? Anything to add to the crazy places you’ve had sex list that we spoke about last time?’ She grinned, then turned to face me.
On the one hand, I felt a sense of relief. The last time we were all here, I was single and a thirty-one-year-old virgin.
I had absolutely nothing to contribute to the ‘wildest places I’d had sex’ conversation. I’d never done anything exciting in or out of the bedroom.
But since then, so much had changed.
Not only had I lost my V-card with the hottest man ever created, I’d also had sex on a sofa at work, multiple times, been fucked against a bookcase in a library and had a man go down on me there too.
And now that man was my amazing boyfriend.
Talk about going from zero to sixty.
If I told Celeste all the things I’d been up to, I doubted she’d believe it. But even someone as sexually experienced as she was would be impressed. Not that it was a competition, but it was wild, even by her standards.
But of course, I wouldn’t talk about what I’d done with Jackson. Our sex life (still hard to believe that I actually had one) was private. And even if it wasn’t, as close as I was to Jess, I was hardly about to admit that we’d spent multiple nights fucking all over the library. She was a cool boss, but that would be pushing it.
So yeah, it felt good to finally belong. Not to be an outcast like I was before.
At the same time, though, this conversation made me nervous because Celeste knew about me and Jackson and I was worried she’d spill the beans.
‘Nothing new to report!’ Maddie replied. ‘Been too busy running two cafes. ’
‘Same!’ Kara added. ‘Not the cafe-running, obvs! Just with work. We had another big wedding party last weekend.’
‘Oh yeah!’ I said. ‘Glenda said they were all staying at the B&B.’
‘That’s right.’ Kara nodded.
‘I’m moving in there next week,’ I said, keen to steer the conversation away from Celeste’s sex-related question.
I knew Jackson had let me stay last night and he’d said I could stay for as long as I needed, but I didn’t want to impose. His mum might not be happy with it, so maybe it was best that I went and stayed at Glenda’s as planned.
‘That’s great!’ Kara said.
‘I was really happy there,’ Jess added. She’d said the same thing when I told her that Glenda had given me the green light to stay at the B&B.
‘Hopefully I will be too.’
‘And will Jackson be staying over there with you too?’ Celeste smirked and my stomach twisted.
‘Jackson?’ Kara said.
‘Uh-huh…’ Celeste grinned mischievously. ‘I caught the two of them snogging on the beach the other day!’
My eyes bulged and I gave her a WTF glare before taking a large glug of my wine. We’d asked her not to say anything.
‘You’re with Jackson ?’ Maddie gasped. ‘You’re a very lucky lady!’
‘I know, right?’ Celeste replied, which I used as an excuse to avoid responding. ‘That’s what I said! I’m having to rely on the internet to get my rocks off. There’s literally no one decent left at uni.’
‘What are you watching? Porn?’ Kara asked .
‘Yeah, sort of. But it’s not your average porno with a couple shagging. I’ve been watching this guy, who’s sooo hot! Sounds really random, but he takes his clothes off whilst he’s cleaning and he touches himself with whatever he’s using.’
‘What?’ Jess laughed.
I never thought I’d be relieved to hear Celeste talking about her favourite pornos, but right now I was. The more time she spent talking about that, the less she’d focus on me and Jackson.
‘Yeah! So like, the first video I saw, he was basically touching himself whilst he was wearing an apron. But the apron had a bit cut out, so at the end, he whipped out his dick, which is huge , and basically starts wanking! Oh my God. When he did that, I came so hard! It’s definitely a favourite for my wank bank!’ She cackled. ‘And now he takes special requests.’
‘What kind of requests?’ Kara frowned.
‘Basically, if you subscribe to his platinum package, you can choose what he should touch himself with next!’
‘Have you done that?’ Maddie’s eyebrows shot up.
‘Course I have!’ She rolled her eyes like it was obvious that she would. ‘I asked him to use rubber gloves, but sexy black ones whilst he lathers up his body with a sponge.’
‘Did he do it?’ Kara asked, her eyes wide with excitement.
‘Yep! Haven’t seen it yet, but when he replied he said the video will be up this weekend!’
‘OMG!’ Jess said.
‘Yeah. It’s so cool. Now I’m wondering how much it’d cost to spend the night with him. ’
‘You’d pay ?’ Kara’s jaw dropped. ‘What, is he like an escort too?’
‘Hell yeah, I’d pay! Don’t know, but it’s worth asking. With a monster dick like that, whatever he charged would be worth every penny!’ She cackled again.
‘Is it really that big?’ Kara asked.
‘ Totally! Hang on.’ She pulled out her phone. ‘I’ll show you the video.’ After tapping away, she spun her phone around, then pressed play.
‘Oooh!’ Kara cooed. ‘He’s got a great body.’
I couldn’t see the screen very well, so I leant in closer, just as the guy unzipped the pouch on his apron.
As he pulled out his dick, Jess, Celeste, Maddie and Kara gasped with shock, then squealed with delight.
‘Wow! He really is huge !’ Maddie said.
But whilst they were laughing and swooning, I frowned.
That background looked familiar. I recognised the faded blue striped wallpaper.
And it wasn’t just the wallpaper that looked familiar.
The dick that Celeste had just helpfully zoomed in to admire more closely looked familiar too.
My stomach bottomed out.
I could be wrong, but that looked very much like Jackson’s dick.
It was a similar length and thickness.
Yeah, it was possible that there was another guy somewhere else in the world that had the same skin colour and same-sized penis, but the same wallpaper that Jackson had in his bedroom too?
That was too much of a coincidence.
And Jackson loved cleaning .
And OMG.
Now I remembered that the morning after we’d first slept together, there was a tripod and a load of cleaning tools in his room too.
He’d said it was to take pictures to help sell the house, but at the time I thought that sounded strange.
I wasn’t a gambler, but I’d bet good money on the fact that was Jackson in the video.
I always felt like he was hiding something, and I was right.
He agreed that our bodies were for each other’s eyes only.
Now I knew for certain that he’d lied to me.
And I needed to know why.