Chapter Twenty-Seven
It was a masterstroke.
There was no point in Gabe being modest about it. His plan was flawless.
He had known a few moments of panic when he’d convinced himself that Ella was sure to have removed all three volumes of Pride and Prejudice from the library.
Then he’d unlocked the safe and there they were. It was a small matter to summon Elizabeth Bennet, who was far more amenable than her surly suitor when Gabe threw himself on her mercy.
Truthfully, she wasn’t quite so amenable after they’d trudged all over Hyde Park trying to find him, and even less amenable than that when she saw the other woman that Darcy was with.
‘She looks most vivacious. I don’t believe you mentioned that,’ she said, peering inquisitively over at the fetching tableau of Darcy lounging on his elbows while Tess appeared to hang on his every word.
She wasn’t even eating, and although Ella was not his favourite person at this moment in time, Gabe had to concede she always put together an excellent picnic.
‘I thought it went without saying,’ Gabe muttered. ‘Can you understand why I had to do something now? I couldn’t just let this happen.’
‘May I speak plainly, Mr Sharma?’ Elizabeth asked.
Gabe couldn’t refuse. There was something about her, a forthrightness, that he found a little terrifying. ‘Yes, of course,’ he said, watching as Tess suddenly twisted round and caught sight of him, of them.
‘Do not mistake me as an elegant female, intending to play you, but as a sensible creature, speaking the truth from her heart,’ Elizabeth said sharply, so Gabe had to look at her, though there was a very real possibility that she might turn him to stone.
‘For a man of sense and education, who has lived freely in the world, you have as much sense as a donkey. And are just as stubborn, I fear.’
As insults went, it was entirely unfounded. ‘I’m famed for my rationality, actually.’
‘Indeed.’ She lowered her parasol so her face was obscured, but Gabe had the distinct impression that she was laughing at him.
‘You didn’t think to bring a morsel of food with you, Mr Sharma?
’ she added sorrowfully. ‘They have strawberries. I’m inordinately fond of strawberries and it’s been a long three hours since luncheon.
Do you think we should go over? Indeed, they’ve seen us so there’s nothing to be gained by dissembling. ’
That had been the plan, but Tess was now eating a Scotch egg.
She’d told Gabe before that she ate her feelings, and it seemed as if currently her feelings were quite out of sorts.
He’d seen her eat dim sum and picky bits after less than successful dates and she was exhibiting the same behaviour.
He also had to factor in the filthy looks she was sending his way.
‘I think we’re fine where we are,’ Gabe said quickly even as Darcy, fucking Darcy, walked towards them. Tess stayed where she was to demolish a sausage roll in three savage bites and throw such a poisonous glance at Gabe it was a wonder that the top layer of his skin was still intact.
He wasn’t in the mood for more barbed words with Darcy either. But Darcy had no time or words for Gabe.
‘Mrs Darcy,’ he said as he reached them and sketched a bow.
‘Mr Darcy,’ Elizabeth said warmly, holding out her hand for her husband, fucking Darcy, to kiss, which he did willingly. ‘I feel that I should be most at odds with you.’
‘While I would counter that we were both brought here under false pretences,’ Darcy said as he considered Gabe with an expression that conveyed mild to middling dislike.
‘Very much so. Is she …?’ She paused delicately.
‘You mean, Miss Hardy … Tess …’
‘Is Miss Hardy as much of a fool as Mr Sharma?’ There was the acerbic Lizzie Bennet of Pride and Prejudice again.
‘Sheath those claws, my dear,’ Darcy said fondly. ‘Miss Hardy, Tess, seems to be blinkered to Sharma’s true intentions.’
They both stopped gazing moonily at each other to look at Gabe. ‘My intentions are honourable,’ he insisted as he glanced over to where Tess was now making short work of a fistful of cocktail sausages.
She absolutely refused to look in his direction, but she was breathing hard, which did delightful things to her breasts displayed to full advantage in a white dress that made her look like an angel.
Gabe felt his cock perk up in a way that made a mockery of his claim that his intentions towards Tess couldn’t be faulted.
‘I should like to meet Miss Hardy,’ Elizabeth announced.
‘Oh, I don’t think that’s a very good idea.’ There was an ascending note of panic in Gabe’s voice as Darcy held out his hand to help his wife rise gracefully to her feet. ‘You have nothing in common.’
‘On the contrary, I believe that Miss Hardy and I will have much to converse about.’ Elizabeth gaily twirled her parasol as she took Darcy’s arm, who was smiling in a very smug way. Fucking Darcy. ‘I can see from my new vantage point that there are scones. I’m very fond of scones.’
‘Then you shall have some,’ Darcy decreed and before Gabe could voice more protests, off they strolled and he was left to scramble after them.
Tess and Elizabeth were introduced. Tess had to make her ‘Hellos’ and ‘Pleased to meet yous’ through a chocolate cupcake, as she’d now moved on to the sweet part of the picnic.
From the glint in her narrowed eyes, which had never been such an icy blue before, Gabe could tell that she was still furious.
Furious was fine. He could cope with Tess being furious. As long as he kept reminding himself that he was doing all this for her greater good.
Elizabeth was carefully handed to the ground by her husband, fucking Darcy, her legs tucked neatly under her, still twirling her parasol. Then Darcy sat down next to her. They both looked at Tess expectantly.
She stopped glaring at Gabe to blink at them, until light dawned that these were people who had servants to cater to most of their needs and whims. ‘Are you hungry? Shall I make you up a plate? You don’t mind fingers, do you?’ Tess looked doubtfully at her hands. ‘I’ll use a napkin.’
Once Elizabeth was provided with a plate full of sweet delicacies which she exclaimed over delightedly, as Dubai chocolate cupcakes and salted caramel macarons weren’t readily available in 1813, and Darcy had a glass of Prosecco, it turned out that Gabe and Tess were surplus to requirements.
Anyone watching might have thought that they were double dating, but the reality was that they were a third and fourth wheel as Darcy, fucking Darcy, and his missus giggled together, canoodled and fed each other strawberries.
‘I’ve stained my gloves,’ Elizabeth murmured at one point and Darcy lifted the strawberry-stained tips of her white lace gloves to his lips.
‘I shall buy you a hundred pairs more,’ he promised.
Gabe felt like making gagging noises. He stole a glance at Tess, who was staring at the lovestruck pair but trying to pretend she wasn’t.
‘I know that you must have a lot of questions,’ Gabe began, but Tess silenced him by shoving her hand so close to his face that it was almost a slap on the mouth.
‘Do not even speak to me,’ she said, her voice low and urgent, her eyes promising Gabe an untimely and very painful death.
Which was to be expected, but one day, she’d thank him. Hopefully. Probably.
Anyway, even if Tess was too angry to talk and Gabe was forbidden from speaking, it wasn’t as if either of them could get a word in.
Not with Darcy and Elizabeth pointing out all the wonders of the modern world. They were particularly taken with two French bulldogs who came bounding over and were rewarded with a cocktail sausage apiece.
Eventually they remembered that they were in company and Elizabeth started quizzing Tess on her family, background and marital status.
‘You’re three and thirty and not married?’ she asked with some incredulity. ‘I suppose it does not signify. My good friend Charlotte Lucas is of the opinion that happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance.’
‘In which case, I am the luckiest man in England,’ Darcy, fucking Darcy, murmured.
Gabe was very pleased to be saved by his phone ringing. Not so pleased when he saw who was calling. ‘I’m going to kill you,’ Ella said when he answered.
‘You’ll have to join the queue,’ Gabe told her equably, aware of Tess sitting within earshot.
She was actually quivering with what Gabe assumed was rage because it had to be thirty-two degrees even in the shade, so she couldn’t possibly be cold.
The quivering did not bode well, but he had more pressing matters to deal with.
‘What have you done with our three-volume set of Pride and Prejudice?’ Ella demanded. ‘It’s not in the safe so I know you’ve taken it.’
‘You don’t need to worry about that,’ Gabe said smoothly, though he actually felt rather ragged.
‘Oh my God, where are you? If you’ve done anything to ruin Tess’s date, then I’ll … I’ll …’
‘Everything’s fine. Everything’s under control.’
Tess snorted at that like an irate little dragon warming up to breathe fire out of her nostrils and burn Gabe extra crispy.
‘I’m going to make a formal complaint to the Board of Trustees,’ Ella promised as in the background he heard Avi start to cry.
‘We’ll talk about this tomorrow,’ Gabe said. ‘But really there’s nothing for you to worry about. I’ll take them both back to the library and return them to P&P.’
‘Them? Both?’ It was a shriek that threatened to perforate Gabe’s eardrum. ‘If you’ve done what I think you’ve done …’
‘Yes, yes. Talk soon. Go and tend to the little fat baby,’ Gabe said soothingly and before Ella could squawk at him some more, he hung up. ‘We should probably be heading back quite soon.’
‘Oh, should we?’ Elizabeth looked quite mournful. ‘For in this moment I am exceedingly happy and have no desire for it to end.’
‘Have some conscience, Sharma,’ Darcy said. ‘Let Mrs Darcy and me linger here as some small recompense for your many trespasses.’
As Darcy, fucking Darcy, had got to go on a date with Tess and had then spent the last hour fussing and fawning over his missus, he should be thanking Gabe, not berating him.
‘We should go back now,’ Tess said in a flat voice. ‘It’s getting late.’
‘But Miss Hardy, dusk is yet to fall!’
‘It’s getting late,’ Tess repeated, her face set in a stubborn expression. ‘We need to go back to the library.’
There was a lot of grumbling and Darcy kept sending black looks in Gabe’s direction, even as his beloved was happily munching on another cupcake as they walked through the park towards Marble Arch.
Elizabeth’s silly slippers weren’t really designed for modern pavements and as they threaded their way through Mayfair, she was aghast that sedan chairs were no longer a thing.
‘Maybe a tuktuk?’ Tess suggested.
There was a part of Gabe that would have loved to have seen Darcy, fucking Darcy, in a tuktuk, preferably one blaring rave classics, but it might be too much for their Regency sensibilities and something untoward and unprecedented might occur.
‘It’s really not that far,’ Gabe said, as they reached Hanover Square. He was quite tempted to strike up a conversation about the House of Hanover and what Darcy and Elizabeth thought of being ruled over by a regent rather than a monarch, but that could wait until another time.
Crossing Regent Street was … challenging. The pair of them had coped quite well with cars and taxis but big red London buses were something else entirely.
‘We’ll be home soon,’ Darcy murmured once they were slowly making their way through the relatively traffic-free streets of Soho. ‘Back at our beloved Pemberley.’
‘Might you take a dip in the lake to cleanse away the grime of the city?’ Elizabeth asked, with a coquettish tap of her closed parasol on Darcy’s shoulder. ‘I confess I am quite fond of the sight of my husband emerging from its depths, his shirt damp …’
Tess hissed. It seemed as if she was now rendered non-verbal because she didn’t say another word until they finally had the library in their sights.
‘Honestly,’ she muttered. ‘What an absolute pair of smug marrieds.’
Although he knew that Tess wasn’t speaking to him, Gabe was still speaking to her, and he couldn’t help him himself. ‘What on earth is a smug married?’
The scathing look she sent his way would have hobbled weaker men but as they climbed the library steps, Gabe was still upright.
‘It’s from Bridget Jones.’
‘Why does everyone keep going on about this Bridget Jones? She seems to know every woman in the Greater London area,’ he mused.
Tess threw her head back and screamed, which made Darcy and Elizabeth look at her in consternation.
‘Is she a lunatic?’ Darcy wondered out loud. ‘Indeed, that would explain certain matters.’
‘Oh, I’m mad all right,’ Tess said, eyes still like deadly pointy weapons as she looked at Gabe, which made him fumble with his keys as he tried to unlock the library door.
‘Bridget Jones from Bridget Jones’s Diary.
It’s yet another novel that you haven’t read, Gabe.
Maybe if you had, you’d have some idea of what women actually want. ’