Chapter 25 Grey
GREY
Igive up trying to follow the plot of Biler og Lastebiler and not because I don’t understand the dilemma the cars and trucks that speak Norwegian are trying to solve.
The plot doesn’t quite make sense. But neither does this one, the real-life story that I’m living.
I zone out, thinking about what just happened.
I admit, I’m an idiot because I didn’t clue in Everly about Sonny. I took the easy way out by not telling her, even if it was difficult to do, even if I was afraid she’d pick up her bags and leave.
The truth is, I’m not the big, honorable guy I portray and that blemish burns almost as bad as temporarily losing my son and permanently losing my brother.
It’s been easier to block out that I have a son and didn’t tell anyone about him; that I didn’t try harder to work things out with my ex and be a dutiful father and husband. My brother wouldn’t even be able to look at me.
The guy he believed I was and the loser I turned out to be have been at war inside of me for months. I can’t reconcile the two. The shame and guilt spar daily.
After a bath and books, we say our prayers, then Everly and I say goodnight to Sonny.
“God natt, Pappa. God natt, Mamma.” His eyes dip and he’s out like a light.
Liquid fills Everly’s eyes as she whispers, “Good night, Sonny.”
Once down the hallway, I ask, “Would you like to go out on the deck? The window for beautiful nights like this up north is small.”
She nods, but her smile tinges with sadness.
The night air is like a warm, light blanket. Tiny waves roll into the lakeshore like a lullaby, and the woodsy scent coupled with Everly’s proximity makes the island feel like a version of home I rarely feel—except when I’m here.
We sit side by side on the oversized bench swing outfitted with all-weather pillows. Everly tucks her feet underneath her while I plant my feet firmly on the wood deck, rocking us slowly.
I sigh and it’s like the earth itself is content at this moment. Me too, but I sense that Everly still has questions and I owe her answers.
After a beat, I inhale deeply, not at all sure how this will go, but I have to try. I have to do better. “My brother Bran loved it here. I wish he could see what I’ve done with the place.”
“You said that in the past tense,” her voice is barely above a hush.
“This was our place, our island. We’d hike, hunt, and camp.
We were a lot like two cavemen.” I pause, trying to anticipate how she’ll see this and for a moment, can almost see myself through her eyes—stony silence, hulking figure, lacking in personality.
“Maybe that’s where the grunting comes from. ”
Everly’s easy laugh prompts my own. Since arriving here and reuniting with Sonny, my laughter comes easier and I chuckle, but this next part is going to be tough.
I go still, holding my breath until this is over, even though I know it’ll be easier if I let go.
“Bran and I looked a lot alike, too. We were called the Adams twins even though we were several years apart. Our mother said that the difference in our size when we were young was sometimes the only thing that made it so people could tell who was who. The truth was our eyes were different. His were—” I brace the swing, bringing it to a stop. “Kinder. More honest. Honorable.”
As if she knows this story doesn’t have a happy ending, Everly’s hand finds mine and grips it tight.
“I haven’t said his name out loud until tonight.
The loss hurts, but so does the disappointment he’d have in me for how I’ve handled things.
He was a hero. Air Force pilot. When we were kids, I looked up to him.
Still did as an adult, but we were also best friends.
” Into the night, I add, “I’m not the man he thought I was and now it’s too late to prove otherwise. ”
“If you mean with Sonny—”
“Exactly. I’ve failed everyone. You included. I heard from my lawyer not long ago and I had to be married to get custody—it had something to do with various state laws.”
“Technically, you didn’t marry me for convenience.”
“But I didn’t tell you that you’re Sonny’s other legal guardian.”
“Wouldn’t I need to sign something or—?”
“We’re married. The lawyer took care of it. I pay them a lot of money.” I exhale through puffed cheeks. “I’m trying to do the right thing, but it seems like I keep messing up.”
“I appreciate you telling me all this now, and let’s agree that you’ll tell me everything from now on.”
“What about rules one and two?” I ask.
“Forget the rules.”
“It’s hard to forget my mistakes.”
“You know how that Viking rode in on a stallion and rescued me?”
I remember her sketch.
“Grey, you’re not a damsel in distress, but—”
I interrupt. “Neither were you.”
Everly’s laughter is dark. “I was definitely in distress, both when you and I got married and when Todd tracked me down in Concordia. I could choose to be upset with you for going along with the marriage of convenience and not telling me about Sonny. But we had our rules and made our choices. Ultimately, the choice you made was the courageous one. The right one. You picked Sonny.”
“And I want to pick you, but I can hardly look at myself in the mirror, knowing I turned my back on my family. Shame burns me up.” My explosion in Shonda’s salon comes to mind.
She rearranges herself so she’s looking into my eyes. Searching, determined to find the fire or prove me wrong. “But you didn’t. We’re here now. It’s not too late to make things right. In fact, you are doing just that.”
The swing goes still. The air, too. The crickets are quiet. The lake holds its breath.
Everly fixes me with those sunny green eyes, cracking something open inside of me.
The corners of her lips lift and her eyes soften. “I don’t see the emptiness, darkness, or fire. I see kindness, honesty, strength.”
My lips part to argue, but as usual, words don’t come. Instead, I tip my head left-right, wanting to hold onto the silence, the true peace spreading between us, surrounding me, and inside of me, because Everly sees the real me. Because I let her.
“What happened to Sonny’s mother?” Everly’s question almost disappears into the velvety night.
“She works for a cruise line. The police tracked her down. The lawyer informed her of her parental rights. She forfeited them. Said she didn’t want the responsibility.”
Everly whimpers and her eyes fill with liquid.
“So, Sonny is stuck with me.”
“Doesn’t sound too bad to me.” Everly rests her head against my chest as we resume rocking on the bench swing.
“If you don’t mind me asking, what happened to your mother?” I ask.
“She had an aggressive form of cancer and passed away before I turned five.”
“So, you were raised by a single dad.”
Everly nods and pulls the scarf she wears tight. “That would’ve been the end of my story too, but I made a difficult decision.” She glances down at her chest. “I’m guessing my mother would’ve as well had it been caught in time.”
“Was that scarf hers?”
“Yeah, I’ve had it forever. Now that I’m too old for a security blanket, I wear it because it feels like she’s giving me a hug from heaven.”
Sudden fear for Everly’s health and guilt for bringing her into my mess practically capsizes me. “Listen, this is probably asking a lot of you. It’s not fair. I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry? Grey, this is a blessing.”
“But you don’t have to do a thing.”
She sits up, meeting my eyes. “What if I want to?”
“Sonny isn’t your responsibility. I don’t know what I was thinking—” I scrub my hand down my face.
Instead of fear, she wears a fierce look of determination. “I’m your wife, meaning this is also my responsibility.”
“You don’t owe me anything.”
“Don’t you dare push me away right now, Greyson Adams.”
The fight inside continues. I reach out for her, not wanting to let it beat me. I pull her close. “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
“Things are going to happen to me. That’s life. And I’m going to laugh about them. And pray, and talk because the first rule of Marriage for Real Club is communication.”
“Marriage for Real Club?” I ask, processing that she didn’t instantly enact rule number three, divorce.
“You don’t have to do everything yourself.” Authority fills her voice.
“You don’t either.”
“Then we agree. We’re going to play house.” She launches to her feet like it’s an official proclamation, then pulls me to mine.
A smile slides over Everly’s face and our eyes meet. “I think there’s candy in the pinata, after all,” she says, bringing to mind her comment about hitting a wasps’ nest when we reunited as client and coach.
A moment breezes between us and I could plant my lips on hers, revisiting the kiss on our wedding day and see what happens. My pulse thunders and lightning flashes through my veins.
Her eyes sparkle in the low light.
My lips quirk. “In that case, we probably ought to test things out. We should do what married people do.”
“Such as?” Her smile turns flirtatious like she knows exactly what I’m thinking.
If I were to look in the mirror, I wouldn’t see my brother or anyone I recognize, because I can hardly identify the feelings that consume me. Longing, desire. All for Buttercup, for Everly.
We’re suspended in time, held here between our pasts and whatever will happen in the future, but on this secret island, there is only this moment.
Only the two of us.
I pick up our hands and kiss the slim wedding band on Everly’s finger.
She turns my hand over and wiggles my ring finger. “Looks like you’re missing something.”
“Not anymore.” I’ll put my wedding band on after I unpack and I never plan to take it off again.