Chapter 33 Grey
GREY
Iwake up to the pleasant patter of rain and the scent of chocolate. Rarely do I need an alarm to wake up, but I overslept. It’s almost nine am.
From downstairs, I hear the rise and fall of Everly and Sonny, singing and laughing. How we’ve woven into each other’s lives is nothing short of a miracle and I’m grateful, but I can’t deny that I still feel like part of me is stuck in the past. Maybe to avoid the future?
But there’s no stopping time, especially considering today is my birthday, something I prefer not to think about.
Downstairs, Everly and Sonny greet me like a king, complete with a paper crown. Sonny starts singing the Happy Birthday song.
“Let’s wait to sing it until we have candles on the cake.” Everly wears my Kiss the Cook apron.
So I do and then ask, “Cake for breakfast?”
“No, silly. But we can have ice cream.” Everly winks and gestures to three smoothies lined up on the counter. “Don’t worry, yours has that protein powder you use. They’re healthy.”
I glance at an assortment of bowls and ingredients there, too. “Looks like you guys were up early.”
“We had to make preparations for a feast fit for a king, including a special birthday cake.”
“You didn’t have to go through the trouble, Buttercup.”
“You deserve a cake. You deserve more.”
“I’m not a huge fan of my birthday.”
She shrugs like it’s no big deal. “Then think of it as your Unbirthday instead. Like in Alice in Wonderland, it can be any day, so we picked today, which happens to be the day you were born. But next year it can be some other day.”
I give my head a little shake. “I can’t quite follow you down that rabbit hole, but okay. I’ll play along.”
“I should ask, did you have any special birthday traditions growing up?”
“Day out fishing with Dad. Typically, Mom cooked the usual meat and potatoes kinds of meals, but on our birthdays, we could have anything we wanted.”
Everly rubs her hands together. “Ooh. What was it? I love special birthday meals. Heidi did something similar and would have cookies for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.” I notice she doesn’t mention her father celebrating her birthday.
“Mine was macaroni and cheese and Bran loved pizza rolls.”
She inclines her head. “Did you share a birthday?”
“No, but it’s hard not to think about him today. No matter where we were or what we were doing, we always made it a point to do something together to celebrate.” Sadness pits my voice. “I wish he weren’t the one who lost his life.” The words spill from me, ugly but true.
“Grey, don’t think that way. I’m not sure if it’s my place to say this, but we have our new set of rules.
” She swallows as if moving past trepidation.
“Bran went into military duty knowing the risks. Although I never met him, from what you’ve said, I can promise he would not want you to give your life up for him.
He gave his for you. For our country. For freedom. ”
My jaw trembles and my muscles hum with energy. I want to bolt or break something. The vulnerability is too raw. Bran was invincible, or so I thought, so where does that leave me?
Everly rests her hand on my forearm, instantly calming the furor inside.
“It’s okay to be upset or confused about how you feel. Speaking from experience, you have to let it pass through you. If you bottle it up—”
Sonny runs between us, calling, “Hulk smash!”
Our gazes meet, both of us wide-eyed. “Where did you learn that?” she asks.
“Mathias.” Sonny lumbers around with his arms wide and his pudgy little hands in fists, chanting, “Hulk smash, Hulk smash.”
I grunt. “Elsie’s fiancé.”
“The one with the stinky feet?”
We stifle laughter, and I say, “Let me handle this.”
A strong sense of affection for Sonny and protection of his innocence replaces the tumult of emotions I felt. It’s like they drop from my mind and erase like chalk off a blackboard.
As I chase after Sonny and then say, “Hulk tickle,” I can’t help but laugh it all away.
Everly joins in and soon we’re in a family tickle and hug pile. I whisper, “Thank you. Thank you for diffusing the bomb that is my heart and mind.”
We spend the afternoon swimming and floating around in the lake. I plan to get a boat for next season and once more, think about the future and how ours will look.
For dinner, we have macaroni and cheese pizza rolls. Everly and Sonny sing a robust rendition of the happy birthday song, and I blow out my candles.
“Forty of them? Really?” From time to time, I think about how I’m a bit older than Everly and if the age gap will work in the long term. What if she wants someone younger? More fun like she is and less moody?
“And I’m thankful for every single one of those candles,” she says, kissing me on each cheek.
“Now, prepare yourself for a Concordian delicacy made by yours truly with a little help from my sidekick.” She cuts into the cake.
“I have to make a big deal out of this because it’s your birthday present too, since there aren’t any stores nearby. ”
“Best gift ever.”
“Best day ever,” Sonny says. His eyes sparkle and I realize this family is actually the greatest gift ever.
Everly proceeds with her grand cake reveal. “The pressure is on. Okay, ready? This is a triple-layer cake. The top and bottom layers are your standard rich and moist chocolate. Then sandwiched between is the fudgiest chocolate brownie you’ve ever eaten. I sampled it.”
“I’m drooling.”
“The glue that holds them together is a ganache. Think thick chocolate pudding. Then on the top, as you can see, is a double chocolate frosting with dark chocolate chips sprinkled all over...and some rainbow sprinkles too. You can thank Sonny.”
“Do you really love chocolate?” I ask, hugging her to my side.
“I really love you,” she says.
“I love you too. Thank you for making today special.”
We dig in and I have seconds, because birthdays, and preseason starts soon, so that means no more sweets...but what does it mean for us?
We take an after-dinner walk, exhaust Sonny with a game of tag, and then do our usual bedtime routine.
Afterward, Everly and I meet on the back deck to watch the sunset. The dusky rays sparkle in her eyes like it’s shining for us alone.
Today has been about me, but it wouldn’t be but for her. “So, tell me more about Everly, book lover, baker extraordinaire, and accomplished figure skater.”
We talk about her years spent on the ice.
“If you could go back in time and follow your dreams instead of what your father had planned for you, what would you do?” I ask.
She lets out a long sigh. “I wouldn’t go back because then we’d never have met. But be things as they may, moving forward, I suppose I’d like to get back into skating at some point.”
“Like make another run for the Olympics?”
She laughs. “No, that ship has sailed...into an iceberg.”
“Like the Titanic?”
“If that boat had my father’s face on it, yes.”
But I instantly regret asking about the future because I’m not sure how a family fits into a professional football player’s plan.
“Your turn. Tell me about the guy who I thought was a grumpy beast, but turned out to be the most amazing man I’ve ever met.”
A smile plays on my lips. “Don’t tell anyone. I have a reputation to uphold.” My voice is husky in the dark, like I’m well acquainted with wood and sandpaper and other manly things.
Everly tilts her head and I meet her big green eyes.
As the fireflies blink in the field surrounding the deck, I lean in for a kiss. As ever, it’s magical. Unlike anything that I’ve ever experienced. It lights me up from within, but in contrast to the flashing fireflies, the glow doesn’t go dark.
My mouth presses against hers. Hungry, desperate. Am I trying to distract myself from thinking about the future? How will we make things work?
I give back as our mouths move together. The kiss deepens, and our hands and hearts tangle. But with her lips on mine, I can’t help but think about how I got the scar.
When we part, my fingers drift to it, and I say, “Want to know how I really got this scar on my face? The fish story was a little tale Mom used to tell me before I went to sleep. I always asked how I didn’t have a mark from the fishhook.
” I fear what she’ll think about this so-called amazing man, but she needs to know.
“If you want to tell me.”
“I went dark after I found out about Bran. I smashed everything I came into contact with, including a few faces. One of the faces I smashed wasn’t too happy and shoved me into a window. For a split second, I saw my reflection and was glad for the pain because it dulled what really hurt.”
“I’m sorry, Grey.” Ache fills Everly’s voice like she hates that truth for me.
“As you’ve said, I’m a dangerous gentleman, and I regret some of the things I’ve done. I—”
“You don’t have to beat yourself up...or anyone else.” She can’t help but let in a little sunshine as she bumps me with her shoulder, lightening the mood.
All the same, I’m painfully aware of the dog tags around my neck.
While in the Air Force, Bran was more open about his assignments.
When he became a special operator, he never talked about where he went or what he did.
My brother was told to take off the tags before he went on a covert mission.
He couldn’t have any identification on him, which is why his body was never found.
As if sensing I’m spiraling into a muddy thought hole, Everly says, “You voiced your regrets. I imagine the scar is enough of a reminder.”
“Yeah, I suppose so.” Little by little, the burden of who I was and what I’ve done these last months begins to leave and in place of the nothingness are two amazing people—Everly and Sonny—who fill me up with so much purpose, I hardly feel worthy.
But I’ll prove that I am with everything I do from now on.