Epilogue #2
I lift my eyebrows because I’m not sure how that works, but far be it from me to try to make sense of this, especially why I’m here.
Tobias originally said to pretend we’re already married and now it sounds like there’s a wedding to be planned.
I give him a solid side-eye. It’s one for the history books, people!
“Um, Mom—” His attempt to correct her is weak.
We’re supposed to be fake married, meaning I could also get a fake divorce. Nowhere in our negotiations did I sign up to go along with fake wedding planning with Mom-zilla.”
“If you haven’t selected a date yet, things can change,” Mrs. Flick purrs as if changing plans.
I nod because yes, I would like that very much. I would like things to change STAT, as in I’d like to get out of here and forget I ever agreed to this nonsense.
Mrs. Flick clicks her tongue. “In fact, Tobias, have you heard from Chardonni lately?”
At the risk of choking again, my side eye goes deep. Chardonni? Does she mean Chardonnay? Who is Chardonnay? Is Tobias cheating on me? Never mind. I don’t want to know. This isn’t real, anyway.
“Mom, I’ve told you a hundred times. It’s over between us. For one, she changed her name to Chandi—”
“Candi?”
“Candy? I’d like some of those orange marshmallow peanuts,” Mr. Flick says.
“I thought her name was Brandi,” Ursula says, coming up from her phone hole at the merest whiff of gossip.
“Chandi ran off with Armanji, an up-and-coming street performer.” Tobias sags in his seat like he’s genuinely disappointed in losing whatever-her-name is.
“I heard she’s in Texas with the DJ—” She elbows Rubio. “What was his name? The guy you saw on social media that looked like—”
I can’t keep up. It’s a miracle I’ve lasted this long. Oh, the things people will do for money, and by people, I mean me.
“Tobias, I, for one, think you could do better than a fisherman, shrimp catcher, or whatever it is you do.” Mrs. Flick actually lifts her nose in the air like a snooty snob.
For the third time in the space of three minutes, I almost gag on my food because there is a bat in the cave. Alert, there is a nose goblin in the vicinity.
See? I’m not serious all the time, but that is a serious booger. Far be it from me to do a sister a solid and tell her if being a marine biologist is beneath her esteemed Lady status.
“Mom,” Tobias scolds in a don’t-be-rude tone.
Rude? My friend—or Arapahoe Regional High School resident Loki, who suckered me into this shindig—that ship has long since sailed.
“I adored Chardonni. We would go shopping together and—” Lady Flick outlines all the ways in which she prefers Tobias’s former girlfriend over yours truly, his very, very fake and getting faker by the moment something—I didn’t quite get the story straight before I agreed to be his fake dinner guest. Originally, I thought I was his fake wife, hence the rings on my finger.
“I want dessert,” Mr. Flick barks, literally pounding the table with his fists, utensils in hand.
“I want a billion dollars,” Ursula says as if it, along with waitstaff, will appear in the room upon their utterance.
“I want to collect the Shadow Onyx Glyph so I can defeat Lord Valquaith the Destroyer, but passing this level is—” Rubio groans. Digital beeping plays from his phone and I wonder if he was raised by humans or a robot.
Mrs. Flick sniffs the air as if those demands are sillier than whatever she’s going to say. “I want my son to marry Chardonni, not you.” Her serpentine gaze lands on me.
I want to be on the boat, staring into the expanse of the vast ocean and knitting the socks I make every year for Christmas. Instead, I got suckered into this shindig.
Notably, Tobias remains silent. Ironic, since he had something to say about every girl on the cross-country team in high school. The kid was a chameleon, one day bringing us doughnuts and the next, wrangling us into a ringing-and-running prank.
However, I am done here. It’s time to be that girl.
With a tight smile, I push out from my chair, set my napkin at my place setting, and consider telling them all what I really think.
Instead, I say, “Well, folks, it’s been lovely.
I really must be on my way. Thank you for your hospitality.
The boat won’t wait for me and it’ll be a few months before I return, so do get those wedding plans under way. Ta ta.”
I hurry toward the door, thrilled they’re not the kind of well-mannered people who would show me out.
A Christmas jingle filters from behind me and I realize I left my phone on the sideboard. If it weren’t my lifeline to civilization when I’m out at sea and I could afford a replacement, I’d cut my losses.
Going to retrieve it, I find Tobias arguing with his mother about our so-called wedding, as if he realized that he dropped the ball on our little act.
“Forgot my phone.” I pluck it from the table in the corner.
Tobias scrambles to his feet and rushes after me as I speed walk toward the door.
“No need to apologize. But I really must be going.”
“I wasn’t going to apologize. But I thought we had something special.”
“Your mother thinks you and Chardonnay have a love connection, so perhaps pursue her for your future bride.”
“No, she only loved me for my money and good looks.”
Standing in the foyer, I squint, wondering what exactly she sees in Tobias.
“I’d take her back, but I can’t bring her on shopping sprees like I used to.”
“And that’s what bothers you?” I mutter.
He gives his head a little shake. “Rachel, I’ve known since high school that you and I are meant to be.”
“Do you mean you realized I was leaving and that means your mother is going to continue to pressure you to get married, so you want me to stick around to deflect her nagging?”
“Yes, no. It’s just that, you’re so—”
My phone jingles again. With Christmas less than a month away, I thought it would be fun to change up my ringtone. But I really don’t want to associate “I’ll be Home for Christmas” with this particular household.
With a semester to go before I graduate, I can’t take time off, which means I’ll be working through the holidays. On the upside, I’ll be meeting Mom in the Caribbean when the winter gets extra stark come late January and I have a week-long break.
“I want the rings back.” Tobias holds out his hand, palm flat.
“Of course.” I tug on the gaudy engagement and wedding band pair, but they don’t budge.
He stares at me expectantly.
The heat and the salty liver and onions Mrs. Flick served must’ve caused my fingers to swell. “Why’d you give me the rings if your mom thought we hadn’t yet gotten married?”
“I had the rings from before.”
“Chardonnay?”
He hangs his head. For half a second, I forget about what a jerk he was in high school and feel bad for him, especially having grown up with that family. For the other half of the second, I panic because the rings will not come off my finger.
“Um, can I mail it to you?” My phone jingles repeatedly, upping the stress factor.
“Rachel, you can keep the money for doing me this favor, but those rings are special. I even have the matching wedding band.” He flashes his pudgy fingers.
“I understand, but it’s hot out and my fingers swell from humidity and salt, so—” Again, my phone rings, this time with a call from my mom’s best friend, Bea.
My panic doubles as I step outside, edging slowly away.
I could describe Tobias Flick as a Loki-like character.
A trickster, but not in a good-humored way like a pesky brother—not that I have one.
More like he’d just as soon shove me in the fountain with a horse in a rearing-up position, but instead of a regular head, it has a giant snail on its shoulders with a googly-eyed face and steal my purse as chop off my finger to get the rings back.
Okay, maybe that’s extreme, but so is the extremely bizarre fountain, befitting the Flicks.
As my phone continues to interrupt and his stare turns into a glare, my mind melts down.
I give my device a wiggle and glance at the number scrolling across the screen. “I should take this. Someone with our old area code really wants to get a hold of me. I’ll get you the rings back.” With a wave to Tobias, I hurry down the front path.
If this were a Hallmark movie, it would’ve been the perfect setup for a meet-cute, but it rapidly devolved into more of a meet-catastrophe.
In addition to Rylen, Tobias is another ghost from my past that I’m all too happy to leave behind when I get back on the boat. Despite eight years and a lottery windfall, Tobias hasn’t changed much. I doubt anyone else from Blizzard Bluff has either.
And that’s the last place I plan to go this year.
Good riddance.
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