Chapter 6
6
Iris had confirmation now. Angel had written the song about her.
He said that he’d written it because he felt like she could use a song, and she could tell that he hadn’t been lying. He’d wanted to write the song about her. She’d been on his mind heavy enough that she’d inspired an entire song. She pictured him in the studio piecing the lyrics together. Her body buzzed until her limbs started to feel like jelly. Angel creating that song was one of the loveliest things that anyone had ever done for her. It was wild! It was unbelievable! It was—
“Iris?” Dominique said, looking at Iris expectantly.
Iris blinked, once again on the other side of Dominique’s desk because she’d wanted to quickly chat before her eleven o’clock meeting, and Iris was too busy thinking about Angel to pay attention to whatever her boss was saying.
“I’m sorry,” Iris said. “Can you please repeat that?”
“I said that I wanted to discuss something with you about next week’s tour.”
Now Dominique had Iris’s full attention. She sat up straighter.
“From what I observed in the hallway just now, you and Angel seem to get along pretty well already, which is great. I know that you’re familiar with each other because of the work that he does with your sister.” Dominique paused and drummed her fingers against her desk. Iris’s stomach clenched, anxious to hear what her boss would say next. She’d probably witnessed Iris staring at Angel with googly eyes. “Angel is obviously very charming and we all know that he has a bit of a reputation for dating beautiful women. Spending time with an attractive, famous man who is known for his romantic pursuits can have its…let’s say, temptations . Now, I know that I’d never have to worry about this with you, but regardless, I must remind you that things need to stay professional during this tour. We can’t have any inappropriate behavior reflecting poorly on the company. We’ve already been through enough this year.”
Iris gulped and nodded quickly. “Yes, of course. I wouldn’t think otherwise.”
On cue, the tune of Angel’s song began to play in her head. She shoved it deep into the back of her mind. Yes, the song did make her happy, and seeing Angel just now had made her happy too, but she couldn’t entertain anything beyond that. They had to work together and there was too much at stake.
Dominique smiled, appeased with Iris’s answer. “I’m glad we’re on the same page.”
Iris knew she’d have to keep the truth about the song to herself.
—
Well, she did reveal the truth to someone. Her therapist, Marie. Iris had started seeing Marie six months after Terry’s accident. Iris had searched far and wide for a Black woman therapist who specialized in grief therapy and took her work’s insurance. She and Marie had developed a comfortable rapport over the years, a rapport that Iris cherished because Marie had helped see Iris through some of her darkest days.
Later that afternoon, as Iris sat in Marie’s office, she recounted the story of hearing the song for the first time this morning and her subsequent conversation with Angel.
“Do you like the song?” Marie asked. She had dark brown skin and a low-cut Afro. Her long nails had a new, elaborate design every month. Most recently, they were painted a shiny, cobalt blue with silver stars.
“I do,” Iris answered honestly, sitting on the couch in Marie’s cozy office. “It’s very catchy. And, I mean, obviously I like that it’s about me.”
She laughed, a little embarrassed at admitting this, and Marie smiled.
“And how do you feel when you listen to it?” she asked.
Iris picked at a piece of lint on her skirt, thinking. “I feel admired and paid attention to. It was really sweet that he took notice of me and that I was on his mind. The song is beautiful.” She took a breath and paused.
Marie tilted her head. “I feel a ‘but’ coming on.”
“ But I’m trying to be realistic about this situation. The song is beautiful, and I love it, but Angel is a celebrity. It wouldn’t make any sense for me to pursue him because he’s our brand ambassador, and professionally that’s a line I won’t cross, and two, he’s not the kind of partner that I have in mind to join my and Calla’s lives.”
Marie nodded, aware of the qualities that Iris was looking for in a future partner. Stability and a similar lifestyle being the main factors.
“But Angel taking notice of you is a good sign, wouldn’t you say?” Marie said. “It could be an indicator that others might notice you as well and appreciate your qualities if they spend time with you.”
“I suppose,” Iris said. Beyond creating a profile on Meet Me, a popular dating app, she hadn’t made much progress on the Attempting to Date Again front. The thought of starting all over kind of exhausted her. But it wasn’t like she could wake up one day in a healthy, long-term relationship. If she wanted companionship again, which she did, she’d have to put in the effort to find it.
“I’m working on it,” she said, although she was hardly doing the bare minimum.
—
Over the next few days, it was as though Iris heard Angel’s song everywhere. Not just on the radio but playing in Duane Reade as she waited in the checkout line, and a group of teens had blasted the song on a loop while she rode the subway. She still hadn’t told anyone outside of Marie about the song. She especially hadn’t told her sisters because they’d make a big deal out of it and she didn’t want to deal with the fuss or questions.
Sunday evening, the night before the tour started, Iris brought Calla with her to her parents’ house for Sunday dinner, which was really an excuse for her mother, Dahlia, to force Iris and her sisters to listen to her plans for the annual July 15th barbecue that she and their father threw every year to celebrate their joint birthdays.
“Since your father and I are turning sixty-five this year, I think we should do something big,” Dahlia said. “Like hire one of those Prince impersonators to perform.”
Iris paused in the act of slicing tomatoes for a salad. There were so many ways that an impersonator could go wrong. Especially with Prince. Not everyone could hit those high notes. She glanced across the kitchen table at Violet and Lily, who looked back at her with varying degrees of amusement on their faces.
“I love it,” Violet said, grinning mischievously. She was sun-kissed and glowing, having recently returned from her honeymoon with Xavier in St. Barts. They’d come back just in time for Calla’s graduation a few days ago. “Why stop at Prince? You should add Rick James and Sheila E. too.”
“You think so?” Dahlia asked, not picking up on Violet’s sarcasm.
Lily turned away, hiding her grin as she laughed quietly.
“Vi is joking ,” Iris said, rolling her eyes, but trying not to laugh too.
Dahlia swatted at Violet, who continued laughing and dodged out of the way.
“It could be fun,” Lily said, trying to appease their mother and find common ground.
“What if we hire a really good DJ who can play some Prince instead?” Iris suggested. It was usually her job to see reason.
Dahlia pointed at Iris. “That’s what we’ll do.”
As their mom went to the oven and pulled out the roast chicken, Violet and Lily grinned at Iris knowingly. They had a running joke that Iris was Dahlia’s favorite. Iris didn’t think that was the case. She just made things easy and always had. When her Ivy League–educated parents pushed her to get straights As in school and join every extracurricular that would look good on college applications, Iris had thrown herself into pleasing them without complaint. Her parents had struggled with Violet, who’d always marched to the beat of her own drum, and Lily, who’d rather disappear for hours with her books. Iris had been a steady, reliable fixture, and they’d depended on her to help steer her younger sisters in the right direction. They still depended on her for that now.
Dahlia slid open the patio door and called, “Dinner’s ready!”
First, Xavier and Nick walked inside. They’d been playing a pickup basketball game in the driveway. Years ago, Iris hadn’t known why her father had bothered setting up the hoop since neither she nor her sisters played basketball. But his patience won out in the end, because Xavier and Nick were finally making use of it.
“Smells good in here,” Xavier said, going to the sink and washing his hands. Xavier taught English and coached varsity basketball at Willow Ridge High School. He used to live in town too, but now he and Violet lived in Jersey City, since it was the middle point between Willow Ridge and Violet’s work studio in New York City.
“Is there anything that I can do to help?” Nick asked. He stood beside Dahlia and offered a small smile.
“No, you sit yourself down, Mr. Bestseller,” Dahlia said. “I don’t need any help but thank you.”
“Okay.” Nick rubbed the back of his neck as he sat beside Lily. The second book in his popular fantasy series had landed at the top of the New York Times bestseller list recently, but you wouldn’t know that by talking to Nick. Iris didn’t think she’d ever met anyone who hated attention more than her youngest sister’s boyfriend.
Lily patted Nick’s hand and smiled at him lovingly. Xavier kissed Violet on the forehead as he took the empty seat next to her. Iris felt that familiar tug of loneliness in her stomach as she watched them. She loved Xavier and Nick, and even more, she loved that they made her sisters happy. But sometimes, being around all four of them at once only reminded Iris of her singleness.
Their father, Benjamin, came inside, rubbing his lower back. Calla followed behind him. She’d been helping him outside in his garden. He was testing new soil that they were considering selling at the shop.
“Grandpa said his back hurts,” Calla announced to the room.
“I’m fine.” Benjamin waved away everyone’s looks of concern.
“You sure?” Iris asked, eyeing Benjamin as he washed his hands before taking his seat at the head of the table.
Benjamin nodded. “Yeah, just getting old. Nothing special.”
Iris smirked and shook her head. Her dad was turning sixty-five in a month, and he still insisted on being hands-on with everything. Her parents ran the shop themselves, even though Iris and her sisters had been trying to convince them to hire a full-time manager.
“You and Mom need a vacation,” Iris said, adding her chopped tomatoes to the salad in the middle of the table.
Dahlia laughed. “If we could trust someone to run the place when we’re not here, we’d take one.”
“I can help you find someone,” Iris offered. She wanted to be able to help in some way, since it was unrealistic that she or her sisters would be able to watch over the shop while their parents were gone.
“Don’t you worry about that,” Dahlia said. “You’ve got too much on your plate as it is.” When Iris began to protest, Dahlia refused to hear any more on the subject and told everyone to make their plates.
—
After dinner, Iris offered to wash dishes. She wanted her parents to rest, especially since they’d agreed to watch Calla for the week while she traveled for work. Lily dried dishes. Xavier and Nick had joined Benjamin in the living room to watch the Yankees game, and Dahlia was upstairs with Calla, helping her unpack.
Violet sat at the kitchen table, using Iris’s phone to play music. They were listening to a playlist that the app automatically generated based on what Iris had been listening to lately. So she shouldn’t have been surprised when she heard the familiar opening tune of “Summertime Fine.” She pictured Angel’s handsome face, smiling at her in front of the elevator at the office earlier that week. Her pulse pounded.
“Ooh, turn that up,” Lily said. “I love this song.”
Violet complied and swiveled her hips in her chair. “It’s so good, right?”
At the sink, Iris swallowed thickly. Maybe she should just tell them about the song and get rid of the elephant in the room that only she could see. She took a deep breath and turned around.
“Iris…” Violet said, staring at Iris’s phone. “What is this?”
“What is what?” Iris dried off her hands and walked closer. Ridiculously, she worried that somehow the truth of the song’s origins had materialized on her phone screen for Violet to read.
Violet flipped Iris’s phone around. “Is this the Meet Me app?”
“Oh,” Iris said, releasing a sigh of relief. Then, “Yes.”
Lily’s eyes widened as she held a plate and dishrag to her chest. “You’re on a dating app? Since when?”
“Since a few weeks ago,” Iris said. “I’m trying to put myself back out there slowly. It’s something I talked about with my therapist…I wasn’t going to say anything to either of you until I’d officially set up a first date.”
When the three of them were together, they tended to weave a web of constant chatter. But now her sisters stared at her in silence. They exchanged a glance.
“Wait, this is huge,” Violet said softly. “The fact that you feel ready enough to take this step. I’m really proud of you.”
Lily nodded eagerly. “Me too.”
“Thank you.” Iris chewed the inside of her cheek. “I at least want to try. But that’s a process too.”
“Can I look at your account?” Violet asked.
Iris nodded and stood behind Violet. Lily stood on Violet’s other side as they hovered over Iris’s phone. For her profile image, Iris had chosen a picture she’d taken at last year’s SFB holiday party. She was wearing a white sweater and wine red lipstick, laughing at something Paloma had said.
“That’s a pretty picture of you,” Lily said, and Violet voiced her agreement.
“Thanks,” Iris said, watching as Violet continued scrolling to the “about me” section.
“Why is this part blank?” Violet asked.
“I’m not sure what to put yet.” Iris sighed and bit her lip. “I know that on paper, I look accomplished with my work stuff, but I’m not sure if I’ll sound very interesting.”
“What do you mean? Of course you’re interesting!” Lily protested.
At the same time, Violet said, “You, my dear sister, are a badass MILF. Put that in your ‘about me’ section. ‘I’m Iris and I’m a MILF.’ The men are gonna come running.”
Iris snorted and shook her head.
“It’s true!” Violet said.
“She has a point,” Lily said, laughing.
“I don’t know if this app stuff is really for me,” Iris said. “I want to meet someone the old-fashioned way. In person.”
“You’d have to go out for that to happen,” Lily said. “If you ever want me to go out with you, just let me know. There are some really cool bars near me in Brooklyn.”
“You’d need me to come with you too because I’m the friendly one,” Violet said. She angled in her seat, looking at Iris. “What kind of guy are you interested in?”
“I guess someone who wants commitment,” Iris said. “He needs to have a job, obviously. It would be nice if he had a career that he felt fulfilled him. Someone who wants a family and simplicity, and Calla would have to approve of him, of course. He’d have to be someone that I can talk to.” An image of Angel in the vineyard, talking with her easily, materialized in her mind. Goose bumps spread across her skin and she rubbed her arms, shaking off the thought. “A normal guy.”
Violet tilted her head and squinted at Iris. She opened her mouth, then closed it. “I—never mind.”
“What?” Iris said.
“Nothing. All I’ll say is that the person who might be the one for you might not come in the package that you’re expecting.”
“Hmm,” Iris said noncommittally. It was a nice thought, and not one that she necessarily disagreed with on principle, but she had a pretty good idea of the kind of partnership that she wanted.
“Wow, Vi,” Lily said. “That was pretty profound coming from you.”
Violet gasped. “What is that supposed to mean? I can be deep when I want to be. I read that poetry book you gave me.”
Lily blinked. “You did?”
Violet looked away. “Well, no. But I plan to.”
While her sisters latched on to a new topic, Iris took her phone and slipped it in her back pocket. That was enough dating-app talk and talk about her in general for the night.
She had to get going soon anyway.
She needed to pack for what was sure to be an interesting workweek with Angel.