Chapter 18
18
Iris stood stiffly in place as she watched Angel get pulled toward the stage. His fans shouted his name and reached out to touch him, but their attempts at contact were thwarted by Ray.
Iris knew that Angel deserved an explanation after the way she’d reacted last night. She hadn’t spent the last few years in therapy without learning about the power of communication. But how could she face Angel? Her job had been to make sure that things went smoothly this past week, to make sure that he had everything he needed. That did not include climbing into his lap, shoving up her dress and letting him finger her into another blissful dimension.
She should feel ashamed of herself and her behavior. She had felt shame last night, but as the hours passed and she continued to think of Angel nonstop, her feelings of shame were slowly replaced by a fantasy. A fantasy life where she and Angel gave this thing between them a chance and they were happy somehow.
That was what scared her. The fantasies and delusion. Because how could that ever be real life?
Her gaze was still fixed on Angel when Dominique reappeared with the sweepstakes winners in tow, three young women who looked to be in their early twenties. They were armed with Save Face Beauty goody bags.
“These ladies are from all over the country,” Dominique explained. “Krystal here is from Arkansas. Delia is from San Antonio and Myra is from Montana.”
“I can’t believe I’m here!” Krystal said, bouncing on her toes. “I’ve never been to New York City before. I feel like I’m in a movie.”
Delia was less enthused as she sifted through her goody bag. “Yeah, real cool to be here. A few months ago, people were saying that Save Face Beauty was over, but this event is fire, and the skincare products are actually dope. I’m not gonna lie, I’m shocked.”
“I love Angel so much!” Myra added.
Dominique looked like she was going to burst into a pile of confetti. She proudly patted Iris on the shoulder. The event was fire. Their skincare products were dope. And people loved Angel. The meet-and-greet tour had been a success. Iris’s hard work had paid off. So then why did she feel zero sense of relief?
Dominique ushered the sweepstakes winners away toward the pop-up bakery. Realizing that she had a few moments to herself, Iris walked to the bar area and ordered a club soda to help calm her nerves. As she sipped her drink, someone tapped her shoulder. She turned to see Violet.
“Oh, hey,” Iris said.
“?‘Oh, hey’? That’s all I get?” Violet frowned. “It’s a party. Why do you look like you’re in the waiting room at the dentist?”
Iris tried her best to smooth her expression into one of ease. “I’m fine. Where’s Lily?”
“Couldn’t make it,” Violet said. “Something about too many people being here, didn’t have extrovert energy. Et cetera, et cetera. You know how she is.”
Iris nodded, but she was hardly paying attention. Her eyes were glued to the stage. “Right.”
“Okay, what is up with you?” Violet folded her arms across her chest and gave Iris a pointed look.
“What do you mean?”
“You’re being weird and distracted.” Violet frowned again. “Angel was acting the same way…” She trailed off, then squinted. “Wait a minute. Something happened between the two of you, didn’t it?”
Iris gulped as her stomach seized. She was a bad liar, and Violet knew this, so Iris neither confirmed nor denied Violet’s accusation. Instead, she averted her eyes and continued to sip her soda.
“I fucking knew it.” Violet flashed a victorious smile. “This is amazing! Two of my favorite people finally came together…literally?”
Iris swatted Violet’s arm. “Stop talking like that. I’m working,” she whispered. “I don’t want to talk about it, and I don’t want you talking about it either.”
“Why not? This is a good thing.” Violet’s voice softened. “Isn’t it?”
Iris didn’t speak. She gripped her plastic cup tightly in her hands. Her emotions warred inside of her. Violet moved closer to Iris and gently placed her hand on her shoulder.
“Do you care about Angel?” she asked.
“Yes,” Iris said quietly.
Violet peered at her. “Then you should be happy, right?”
Iris bit her lip, unsure of how to respond. Buried beneath her worry and doubts, she did feel happy. Happy that she’d managed to connect with Angel so strongly. But what was she supposed to do with that connection if it couldn’t go anywhere?
“He wrote ‘Summertime Fine’ about me,” she said eventually.
Violet’s eyes widened. Then she laughed quietly. “Oh, he is so sneaky. And romantic! This is wonderful.”
“Is it?” Iris asked, voice strained. “How can it be wonderful if our relationship would create a conflict for my job, and there’s a very low chance that Angel and I would last because our lives are so different? What about Calla?”
“You don’t have to marry him,” Violet said gently. “You’ve been wanting to date again. Maybe this can be your way of getting back out there. Maybe you and Angel can just spend time together when you can and have fun. It doesn’t have to be serious.” She wrinkled her nose. “And you’re better than me because I would not give a flying fuck about my boss’s thoughts on my personal life.”
A loud, thundering cheer rang throughout the room as Angel walked onto the stage. He took his place behind the mic and smiled and waved. The beat for “Summertime Fine” began to play, and Angel serenaded the crowd, making eye contact with the fans in front, singing to them directly. He breezed across the small stage, wrapping everyone in his charismatic web, sounding beautiful as he sang the song that he’d written about Iris.
Her heart pounded painfully as she watched him. Over the last week, he’d not only made her feel happy, he’d made her feel understood. And Violet had a point. Iris wanted to put herself back out there. Why not try with someone who she genuinely liked? Angel might not be able to live a simple, low-key life alongside her, and he wasn’t the long-term partner whom she’d envisioned, but to Violet’s other point, it wasn’t like Iris needed to marry him. She didn’t have to introduce him to Calla or anything so serious.
And in terms of her job…she realized it was unprofessional to pursue Angel, reckless even. So unlike her. But regardless of how unprofessional or reckless it may have been, she wasn’t ready to let go of him yet. She’d put her job above her personal life for years, and she’d been so lonely. What if they found a way to spend time together that didn’t affect her job or draw the attention of his fans?
After everything she’d been through, couldn’t she keep this thing that made her happy, even if for a little while?
“You’re right,” Iris said to Violet.
Violet was bobbing her head and singing along with Angel. “Of course I’m right. Aren’t I always?”
Iris laughed.
When the song ended, the crowd erupted into a new round of cheers. Iris wondered if Angel could see her. He paused in her general direction for a moment before he spoke again.
“Thank y’all so much for coming out and for showing love to me and Save Face Beauty,” he said. “I promise you my next album is on the way—” He was cut off by more cheers. He laughed and spoke louder. “Thank you. Have a good night.”
The audience’s cheers shook the room. Iris watched as Angel basked in his fans’ love. His smile lit up his entire face.
Iris hugged Violet goodbye. “I’ll text you later. Get home safe.”
“Go get your man, girl,” Violet said, eagerly clapping her hands.
Iris moved through the crowd toward the stage, and she waited patiently as Angel spoke with his team. When he glanced over and noticed her there, he made a beeline for her. She kept her smile polite, knowing that people were watching.
“You did a really great job,” she said.
His gaze was focused, questioning. “Thank you.”
She backed away a little, easing behind Ray, and Angel followed, picking up on her desire for a bit of privacy.
“I’m sorry about how I left you last night,” she whispered.
He leaned down closer to her. “What happened?”
“I freaked out.” She bit her lip as she stared up at him. “I just wanted to apologize to you now. But maybe we can talk later if you have more time.”
Angel peered at her silently. Then, “What about tonight?”
“Tonight?”
“Can you come over tonight?” he asked. “So that we can talk more?”
Her parents were watching Calla until tomorrow. She was free tonight.
Last chance to get off this train.
She could walk away and let him go and spend the rest of her life wondering what might have been. Or, for once, she could take a chance and live in the moment. She figured she’d earned that much.
“Yes,” she said. “I can come over.”
He lightly touched her elbow before dropping his hand. “Okay.”
—
Angel left before the event ended. Long after the influencers and fans departed with their free gifts and aesthetically pleasing pictures, Iris dutifully stayed behind with Dominique and the rest of the SFB team. Dominique gave a special toast to Iris and Bree, praising them on the well-executed and profitable meet-and-greet tour. Iris accepted everyone’s congratulations and she was trying her best not to appear jittery with impatience.
Finally, she was able to slip outside into the town car that waited to bring her to Angel’s condo in Chelsea. Once she reached his building, suitcase in tow, she went to the front desk attendant, who’d already received instructions from Angel. He directed Iris to the elevator and she rode it up to the penthouse floor.
Am I really doing this? Her stomach tied and untied itself in knots, a mixture of both nervousness and excitement. By the time she reached his floor, her entire body buzzed in anticipation.
Angel was waiting at his door, leaning against the doorjamb. He’d changed out of his stylish outfit and into a black T-shirt and sweatpants.
“Hey,” he said. He smiled at her softly.
For some reason, she suddenly felt bashful as she walked toward him. “Hey.”
He pulled her into a hug and they stood there, embraced for a few silent moments. They were alone again. They didn’t have to worry about who was watching or listening. He pressed a soft kiss to her temple and pulled away, taking her suitcase from her.
“I’m really sorry in advance,” he said, lowering his voice. “But my sister is here, and she refuses to leave until she meets you.”
Iris blinked. “Oh.”
“She’s nosy but mostly harmless. I’m going to kick her out ASAP.”
Iris laughed as she followed Angel inside. His penthouse was spacious and pristine. He had massive floor-to-ceiling windows with an immaculate view of the city. The interior was well decorated with nude-toned furniture. A massive television hung against the wall above a modern fireplace. A piano was by the window.
“It’s beautiful in here,” Iris said, looking around.
“Thanks.” He smiled and lifted his shoulder in a shrug. “I can’t take any credit, though. I hired someone to do all of this. I also feel like I’m not here enough to enjoy it.”
Iris startled as a dog came barreling toward her. The boxer jumped up on its hind legs and smacked its paws against Iris’s thighs, barking and wagging its tail. Iris recognized the dog from the pictures Angel had shown her—Maxine.
“ Max ,” Angel scolded. He crouched down and pulled the dog away, holding her to his chest. “You have to pretend like you have some manners, okay?”
In answer, Maxine whimpered. She thumped her tail against the floor and gazed at Iris with thinly veiled enthusiasm. Iris crouched too and brought herself eye level with Maxine.
“Hi, Maxine.” Iris rubbed her hand over Maxine’s head. The dog whimpered louder, inching closer to receive more pets. She lurched forward and licked Iris’s face. Iris laughed, and Maxine took that as her cue to jump on Iris again.
“Okay, okay,” Angel said, pulling Maxine away. “Sit… sit .”
“You know she doesn’t listen to you.” A girl with a half-shaved head and several hoop earrings in both ears walked toward them. She wore a sleeveless leather minidress and black Dr. Martens. She smiled brightly at Iris. She and Angel had the same smile, warm and inviting like they’d been waiting for the moment to talk to you. “I’m Leah. Angel’s favorite sister.”
“Only sister,” Angel said, smirking.
Iris stood and held out her hand. “It’s really nice to meet you.”
Leah shook Iris’s hand in quick, hearty pumps. “I’ve never seen Angel clean his place so quickly in my life,” she said. “He must really like you.”
Angel shot his sister a look, and Iris laughed.
“In fact,” Leah continued, “I know he really likes you because he said—”
Angel grabbed Leah’s backpack and slung it over her shoulder as he directed her to the door. Maxine trotted after them, wagging her tail. “Don’t you have an exam to study for or something?”
“Nope.” Leah twisted around, looking at Iris again. “You’re really pretty, by the way.”
Iris smiled. “Thank you. So are you. I really love your hair.”
“Thanks!” Leah grinned and then she turned to her brother, who held the door open. “Okay, I’m going! Jeez. No need to escort me out. Bye!”
Leah closed the door behind her, and Maxine whined. Angel ran a hand over his face, exhausted, but he smiled at Iris.
“See,” he said. “Mostly harmless. Can I get you something to drink?”
“Water is fine.” She followed him into the kitchen area, which was sparkling white. “I wanted to hear the rest of what your sister was going to say.”
Angel poured her a glass of water and handed it to her. “She was probably going to say that I told her I was nervous.”
“Really?” Iris asked. Angel nodded, and she swallowed thickly. “I am too.”
Angel stepped closer to her, but Maxine nudged her way between them. Angel picked up a toy and threw it. Maxine flew across the room and gripped the toy between her teeth. She dragged it to her dog bed by the living room windows and chewed. The toy squeaked with each bite. Iris squinted, trying to get a good look at the toy.
“Is that a lizard?” she asked.
“It was a fish.” Angel motioned for Iris to come with him into the living room. “But she bit its head off.”
They sat on the soft, plush couch. Iris wondered how to bring up their conversation from earlier. Thankfully, Angel wasted no time.
“So, what else did you want to tell me?” he asked.
Iris took a deep, steadying breath. “First, I want to clarify something that I didn’t say last night,” she said. “I do like you.”
“Okay.” The corners of his mouth lifted slightly, but it was almost like he wouldn’t allow himself to smile fully until she’d said all that she had to say.
“I would like to keep spending time with you,” she continued. “I wonder how you feel about us finding time to see each other when we can and see where things go. But we’d have to keep it between us.”
His brows raised. “So you want us to be a secret?”
Putting it that way made it sound like she was ashamed of him, which she certainly wasn’t. What she didn’t want was for anyone to be in their business.
“My job can’t know about us,” she said. “And I don’t want your fans to know about me. I have to protect my and my daughter’s privacy.”
“I understand that,” he said. He stared at her fixedly, and she waited with bated breath as his heavy pause stretched between them. “I want to keep spending time with you too. We can keep this between us.”
Instant relief washed over her. Iris bit her lip as she looked at him. “I’m sure you’ve guessed this, but I haven’t dated in a very long time. I don’t really know how to go about this.”
“We can take things slow then,” he said, moving closer to her. “You want to watch a movie?”
She stared at him, thinking of how he’d touched her last night. “Not really.”
He chuckled softly. “Yeah, me neither.”
He lifted her feet into his lap and began to massage her arches. She relaxed against the couch, watching him. His lashes lowered as he stared back at her. He eased his hands farther up her legs, over her knees and settling against her thighs. The air thickened. Her breath hitched as his fingers brushed against the hem of her skirt.
Maxine gripped her toy and shook it between her teeth. She plopped it by the couch and stared at Angel and Iris expectantly. Iris laughed.
“I think maybe we need a bit more privacy,” Angel said, smirking.
He picked up Maxine’s toy and led her back over to her dog bed. He placed more toys around her, and he spoke to her in a lower whisper, using that baby voice. Maxine beat her tail against the floor as she basked in his attention. When he stood, and Maxine remained where she was, chewing mindlessly on two toys, Angel smiled at Iris and walked back over to her, holding out his hand.
She placed her hand in his, and he led her down the hall. They walked by a glass case displaying his album covers and awards. He led her into his room. A king-size bed was covered in a similar nude comforter, and his dressers were a dark brown. A walk-in closet to their left, which was almost half the size of her old Lower East Side studio, housed racks and racks of clothing.
They sat on his bed, and Iris felt that unmistakable spark between them again.
“I should tell you that it’s been a while since I’ve had sex,” she said, exhaling a breath. “A few years. Not since Terry.”
Angel was quiet, watching her. “Okay.” He moved closer and brushed his fingers against her collarbone, placing a soft kiss against her neck. “Like I said, we can go slow.”
He continued to kiss her neck as he unbuttoned her shirt, and as she eased out of the sleeves and slipped off her bra, he lowered his mouth, pressing kisses in the space between her breasts. Iris closed her eyes and breathed him in. She loved the way that he touched her. She unzipped her skirt and stood, easing it down. She hadn’t been naked like this in front of a man since Terry. She had stretch marks on her stomach and thighs. She didn’t usually feel self-conscious about them—they were part of life and motherhood. Angel pulled her to him and kissed her stomach and the tops of her thighs as she slid off her panties. Bringing her back down next to him on the bed, he kissed her lips and neck, moved to her shoulders, then trailed down between her breasts. He pressed his palm flat against her stomach, easing her backward until she lay on her back. He moved over her, continuing to kiss his way down her body. When he kissed her between her legs, she gasped as his tongue brushed against her heat, and he used his fingers to touch her.
“I’ve thought about this all day,” he whispered, looking up at her.
She breathed deeply, too aroused to respond.
He lifted her legs to rest on his shoulders as he continued to lick and kiss her there so intimately. When she felt like she might fall apart, Angel finally released her and stood, shrugging out of his clothes too. They gazed at each other, completely naked and exposed. Her breath hitched as she observed him, his strong arms and powerful legs. Angel lowered himself back onto her, closing the space between them with a deep, hungry kiss.
His body rocked against hers in a soft, slow rhythm. She couldn’t help herself as she reached down and wrapped her fingers around his length. Angel sucked in a breath, and she moved her hand up and down on him. He groaned and kissed her neck again, biting at her soft, supple skin. When her touches became too much, he reached up to his nightstand and pulled out a condom. Iris watched eagerly as he slid the condom on and reached for her again.
“I want you to tell me if it hurts, okay?” he whispered, placing a tender kiss against her mouth. She nodded and placed her arms around his neck.
He sank inside of her slowly. Beads of sweat dotted his brow and he closed his eyes. Her flesh was tight, and she winced at first. Angel froze.
“Are you okay?” he asked, voice strained.
“I’m okay,” she said, breathless. “Keep going.”
Slowly, he began thrusting at a deep, thorough rhythm. Her muscles gradually eased to accept him. Slight pain turned into intense pleasure. He kissed her mouth, her jaw, her cheeks, her forehead and neck. She arched into him and he moaned as his hips surged faster. She hitched her legs to his waist, taking him deeper. He groaned in her mouth and held her face between his hands, sealing his lips over hers. She felt so cared for, so adored.
Soon, she felt the intensity of his thrusts build to a peak inside of her. They locked eyes as she came in hard, wrenching spasms. The intimacy of it was too much for him to last longer.
“Fuck,” he hissed. He groaned her name and his thrusts turned shallow and erratic as he came.
She wrapped her arms around him and they breathed together unsteadily. After a moment, he eased out of her and she already missed being connected to him there. She buried her face in his neck, breathing him in. Angel squeezed her closer, and she felt the pounding of his quick heartbeat.
She felt brand-new, like someone who’d woken out of a deep slumber to find that everything around her had changed. She held on to him tighter. Angel sweetly kissed the top of her head.
A loud bump sounded against his bedroom door, followed by the squeeze of Maxine’s toy and her bark.
Angel lifted his head and they both glanced at the door, laughing.
“I hate to say this, but I should probably take her for a walk,” he said. Reluctantly, he sat up and gazed down at Iris. He gently brushed his fingers across her hip. “Can you stay over?”
She’d probably be sore in the morning. She’d need to take a hot bath. But for now, she wasn’t thinking about that. She just wanted to be closer to him.
“Yes,” she said.
His smile was the perfect reward.