Chapter 20
20
“I feel…well, I guess the plainest way to put it is that I really, really like being with Angel,” Iris said.
She was sitting on Marie’s comfy leather couch. There were many things that Iris appreciated about having Marie as her therapist, but high on the list was that Marie kept Saturday hours during summer. That way Iris could meet with her on Saturday mornings while Calla was at karate.
“You look very at ease,” Marie said, observing Iris with a smile. Today her nails were painted hot pink. “You’re glowing, actually. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this.”
Iris glanced at her lap, feeling herself blush. “I do feel at ease…but I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t also feeling cautious.”
“Cautious, okay,” Marie said. “Can you explain further?”
“My job doesn’t know about us, and I don’t like that I’m lying by omission to my boss.” Iris bit her lip. “People are so invested in Angel’s personal life, so I’m not sure how long someone like him can keep a relationship secret. He’s been pretty low-key while working on his album, so he’s not out and about that much right now, and we’ve been really careful, but I’m not sure how long this phase will last. At the same time, I’m just trying my best to focus on the present and enjoy my time with him while I have it.”
Marie nodded. “I think it’s important to acknowledge the progress that you’ve made here, Iris,” she said. “You’ve put yourself back out there and you’re trying. That’s something you didn’t always know if you were capable of.”
“Thank you,” Iris said quietly. She glanced at the framed photograph on Marie’s desk of her young son and their border collie puppy. “Sometimes I wonder what Terry would think of this whole thing. What he’d think of Angel.”
Marie tilted her head. “What do you think he’d say?”
“I think he’d be really surprised.” Iris laughed softly to herself. “ I’m surprised. Terry was…well, he was my type, I guess. And I didn’t think that Angel was my type, but it turns out that he is too. They’re so different.” She stopped herself. “I don’t want to compare them.”
“It’s natural to compare them,” Marie said easily. “Terry was your first love and Angel is the first person that you’ve shown real interest in after Terry.”
Iris nodded, conceding Marie’s point. The truth was that she wasn’t exactly sure what Terry would think about her and Angel. But she hoped that he’d be relieved to know that she was spending time with someone who really cared about her and who made her happy.
—
After therapy, Iris drove to pick Calla up from karate. She waited in the dojo parking lot along with the other parents and stayed in her car to avoid running into Janet and Viv. Through the windows, she could look inside the dojo and see Calla punching and kicking, sporting her focused expression.
Look, Terry, Iris thought to herself, smiling. Look at our baby. Isn’t she so amazing?
Calla’s instructor ended class and Calla and the other pupils bowed. Calla glanced out the window and spotted Iris’s car. She waved and rushed outside, bouncing on the balls of her feet as Iris unlocked the door. Calla climbed inside the backseat, tossing her duffel next to her.
“Burger Hero?” she said eagerly.
“Burger Hero,” Iris replied, grinning.
It was their post-karate Saturday tradition. Turkey burgers and fries from Burger Hero, the fast-food chain restaurant that existed only in North Jersey.
Iris took a picture of her Burger Hero curly fries and sent it to Angel.
In addition to Friendly’s, you’re missing out on Burger Hero.
He’d told her that he’d be in the studio all day, so she wasn’t expecting to hear from him for a while. They’d seen each other once more since she’d visited him at the studio. She’d briefly stopped by his condo after work one day last week. She’d helped him give Maxine a bath, which Maxine hated. She’d jumped on Iris, wetting her button-up and skirt. Of course, then Iris had to take off all of her clothes and put them in the dryer, and while she waited for her clothes to dry, she and Angel conveniently found their way to his bed.
Her phone vibrated a few minutes later with his response: Promise you’ll take me there.
She smiled and texted back, Promise.
After eating, she and Calla stopped at the grocery store to buy snacks. They were having a girls’ night tonight, just the two of them. The deal was that they each got to pick a movie. Calla had already made her choice: an animated movie, The Good Dinosaur . Iris was still deciding between 13 Going on 30 and 10 Things I Hate About You . Both seemed like appropriate choices to watch with her six-year-old.
The last stop before heading home was to swing by Greenehouse so that Iris could pick up fertilizer. When they arrived, Iris breathed in the familiarity. The smell of soil and plants, the natural light and warm breeze thanks to the high ceilings and open windows. She knew this place better than she knew her own home.
Saturday was usually the busiest day of the week, but this was something else. Customers filled the aisles, holding various plants and flower bouquets. Iris held on to Calla’s hand as she maneuvered through the store. Amina and Harry, employees and local college students, buzzed around, assisting customers. Iris spotted her dad at the register, rubbing his lower back as he rang up a customer.
“Hey, Dad,” Iris said as she and Calla approached.
“Hi, Grandpa,” Calla said, standing right beside him. She was fascinated with the workings of the computer register. She stared at the numbers on the screen, barely noticing when Benjamin bent downward to hug her.
He kissed Iris on the cheek before helping the next customer in line.
“You okay?” Iris asked, eyeing him. “I see you rubbing your back.”
“I’m fine, Iris,” Benjamin said. He gave her a look. “Don’t fret over me. You sound like your mother.”
Iris decided to drop the issue with his back, for now. “It’s really busy in here.”
“The Flower Studio in Bridgewood closed down.”
Iris blinked. For years, the Flower Studio had been Greenehouse’s main competitor in their area.
“What happened?” Iris asked as Benjamin swiped the customer’s credit card. Calla followed the action with her eyes and looked at the computer screen. She grabbed the receipt and handed it to the customer, who smiled at her. “Was business bad?”
Benjamin shook his head. “The family moved to Texas. I think they might be planning to open something down there.”
“Wow.”
So now Greenehouse would get double the business. This was even more reason for her parents to hire a manager to help them. But Iris didn’t want to start a heated discussion, especially not right now when Benjamin needed to focus on the store.
“Can I help?” she asked.
“No, you go on about your day,” Benjamin said.
“Is that my grandbaby I hear?” Dahlia poked her head out of the back office. She hurried forward and Calla skipped, meeting her halfway. Dahlia scooped Calla up in her arms and squeezed her.
“I want to take Calla with me to the floral show up in Averton tonight,” Dahlia said. “I just got the invite.”
Calla looked to Iris, her expression filled with hope. “Can I go, Mom?”
“What about our movie night?” Iris asked.
“Maybe we can do movie night next Saturday,” Calla suggested gently.
Iris smiled at her sweet, thoughtful daughter who didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Iris had been looking forward to movie night, but of course she would let Calla attend the floral show.
She brushed her hand over Calla’s hair. “Okay, that’s fine.”
“Thank you!” Calla beamed. “Can I stay over at Grandma’s too? That way I can have her Sunday pancakes for breakfast.”
Iris looked at Dahlia and raised her eyebrow in question.
“You know you don’t have to ask,” Dahlia said.
They discussed what time Dahlia would get Calla for the show. And suddenly, Iris had a Saturday evening to herself.
—
Home alone, Iris was flipping through channels. She’d just ordered a pizza and wanted to find something to watch before she went to pick it up. Suddenly, Angel popped up on her screen, starring in an energy drink commercial. He was dancing in the studio, sweating and looking focused. Then he paused and grabbed the energy drink and flashed his gorgeous, blinding smile as he took a huge swig.
She’d seen the commercial dozens of times in the past, but that was before Angel had become hers.
I’m dating him right now.
This beautiful man who had a golden voice and made regular appearances on her TV screen was the same person whom she texted on and off throughout the day and whom she spoke to every night on the phone until she was so sleepy, her eyelids drooped closed. It was still so surreal.
Iris’s body ached with how much she missed him, how much she wished he were here with her now. So naturally, she went on YouTube and looked up his music videos. She started with the videos from his debut album. Then she went deeper and found footage from his old gospel performances. He looked so young, barely older than a teenager. He was skinnier, less well dressed, but he sang with such passion. That passion for singing was present in all of his songs, Iris realized.
Wryly, she was starting to wonder if she was no better than an obsessed fan.
Her phone vibrated, interrupting her video. Angel was FaceTiming her.
“I was just watching videos of you,” she said as she answered.
He smiled as he lounged on his couch. “Which ones?”
“All of them. Even your gospel ones.” She peered at his background. “You’re home?”
“Yeah, just got back from the studio.” He was still smiling. “What did you think of the videos?”
“I think that I could watch clips of you singing all day.”
His grin widened. “I hope I’m not interrupting movie night.”
“Nope. Calla’s with my mom and they’re having a sleepover. I’m here alone and I guess I don’t know what to do with myself.”
He wiggled his eyebrows. “You’ve got a free house? You should throw a party.”
Iris laughed, shaking her head.
“Or…I could come over,” he said.
Iris paused. She stared at Angel and quietly, he stared back. Her heartbeat picked up pace. Was she ready to have him in her space this way? She was here alone, and she wouldn’t have to worry about introducing him to Calla. The plan was to pick her up from her parents’ shop tomorrow afternoon.
And she missed him.
“I like that idea,” she said.
Angel sat up. “Really?”
She nodded, and he hurried to say that he’d be there soon. After they hung up, Iris sent him her address and rushed to her private bathroom. She brushed her teeth and combed her curls into a presentable bun. She was wearing an old Greenehouse T-shirt and sweats.
She threw off her clothes and changed into the only sexy lingerie that she owned. She’d bought them on sale at Macy’s last year. Then she slipped into a silk robe and realized that it might look like she was trying too hard. She shrugged on her Greenehouse T-shirt again but instead of sweatpants, she changed into biker shorts that made her butt look great.
By the time that Angel rang her doorbell, Iris’s harried feelings melted away. She opened the door and Angel hugged her, and she eased into his embrace. A fancy-looking black car was parked in her driveway.
“I drove myself,” he explained. “I rarely get the chance to do it.”
She nodded, impressed. “It’s a nice car.”
“Thank you,” he said, grinning.
She stepped aside to let him into the foyer. Noticing the shoes by the door, he slipped out of his sneakers. His cinnamon cologne enveloped her. He followed her down the hall and paused at the photographs that lined the walls. There were pictures of Iris and her sisters and parents at various holidays throughout the years. Iris and Calla when they’d first brought her home from the hospital and later at her pre-K graduation last year. There was a photo of Iris when she was pregnant with Calla, sitting on the front steps of this very house, right next to the For Sale sign. And then there was a photo of her and Terry on their wedding day in Brooklyn, holding hands. Iris was leaning her head against Terry’s shoulder. She wondered how these snapshots from her life looked to Angel as she stood beside him.
He pointed to the wedding photograph. “This is a great picture.”
“Thank you.”
He stepped closer, examining the pictures. A soft smile played out on his lips.
“Let me take your bag,” she said, reaching for his duffel.
He backed away from the photographs and trailed after Iris into the living room. She left his bag by the couch and he joined her in the kitchen. She poured him a glass of wine as he sat at the island. He eased out of his jacket and folded it on the back of the chair.
“You have a nice house,” he said. “It looks how I imagined it would.”
Iris smirked, sitting across from him. “What does that mean?”
“It’s neat and organized,” he said. “And homey. It feels lived in. Like there are stories here.”
Iris looked around at her kitchen, trying to see things through his eyes.
“I love this house,” she said. “But it’s a little big for just Calla and me.”
“Have you thought about moving?”
She nodded. “Not right now, though. I don’t have the time or energy to go through the moving and selling process. And…I want Calla to live in the same house where her dad lived for a bit longer.”
She thought of how Elaine and Terrance senior were selling their DC home, and how she still hadn’t settled on a date for her and Calla to visit and look through Terry’s things.
“I get that,” Angel said softly.
Neither of them bothered to drink their wine. Instead, they studied each other across the island.
“Do you want to have more kids?” Angel asked. “Then you might not need to sell the house.”
“Sometimes I think it would be nice for Calla to have a sibling,” she said slowly, intrigued that he’d asked this question. “Especially since my sisters and I are so close, and I know how important that bond is. But that’s not in the cards for me at the moment.” She tilted her head, looking at him. “What about you? Do you want kids?”
“I do.” He smiled easily. “I want a big family. And I want my kids to feel loved and supported. Not judged.”
She nodded. Given the current state of his relationship with his parents, Iris understood why he’d want his relationship with his own future children to be a lot different.
For a moment, she pictured it: Angel holding a chubby baby in his arms who looked like him, and who looked like her. Standing beside them, she saw herself, smiling with pride. And beside Iris, there was Calla. A happy, blended family. The image caused Iris’s stomach to twist in wanting. Foolish wanting. She and Angel weren’t working toward marriage and babies. They were having fun.
“I have to pick up the pizza I ordered,” she said, changing the subject. “Are you okay to hang out here for a few minutes?”
Angel stood. “Nah, I want to come with you. I want to see Willow Ridge.”
Iris paused and bit her lip, watching as Angel walked toward his duffel bag. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Somebody might see you—”
She stopped short as Angel produced a baseball cap, sunglasses and fake beard from his bag. The Tom Wyatt disguise. He turned to her as he began fastening the fake beard over his real one.
“If they see me, they won’t know who I am,” he said, lips curving in a grin.
Iris laughed, shaking her head as she looked at him. A feeling of lightness and warmth spread from her toes to the top of her head. He did that to her.
“Let me get my purse,” she said.
She took the long way to Pat’s Pizzeria, showing Angel around Willow Ridge the same way that he’d shown her Maren. She drove him by the high school where Xavier worked and the library where she’d spent so much of her youth. She drove him past Greenehouse and by Calla’s karate dojo. Angel smiled, engaged and delighted, as he listened to Iris.
“What about the TGI Fridays where you worked?” he asked.
Iris laughed in surprise. She’d mentioned working at TGI Fridays once and he’d remembered. “That’s near Princeton, where I went to college,” she said. “I’ll have to take you there another day.”
He leaned back and nodded, smiling. “Can’t wait.”
And she knew that he actually meant it.
She pulled into the Pat’s Pizzeria parking lot and left the car running as she went inside to get the pizza. Angel rolled his window down and looked around at the shopping complex. Thankfully, the pizza was ready, and Iris quickly paid after grabbing a two-liter bottle of ginger ale. She held the hot pizza box in one hand and the ginger ale in the other. She used her hip to open the door. Watching her, Angel got out of the car and jogged toward her, ready to help.
“Hi, Ms. Greene!”
Iris startled, fumbling with her pizza. She turned and saw Calla’s friend Nena walking toward her…followed by her mom, Janet.
Oh God.
Panic overtook Iris as she glanced between Janet and her daughter, and Angel who came up to her, taking the pizza and soda from her hands. Her pulse slowed a bit when she remembered his disguise. But still, she was being seen with an unknown man in her town by the biggest gossiper in the karate mom group chat.
“H-hi, Nena,” Iris said. She looked at Janet, who was staring at Angel, eyebrows lifted in intrigue. “Hey, Janet.”
“ Hiiii ,” Janet sang. Her gaze was glued to Angel, flitting from his hat to his sunglasses to his beard. She looked at Iris and waited for an introduction.
“Oh, um, this is, uh—” Iris fumbled for a response. She hadn’t expected Angel to get out of the car, and she certainly hadn’t expected to run into Janet at Pat’s Pizzeria of all places. She didn’t even know that Janet ate pizza. At a dojo fundraiser last year, Janet had warned Iris that she shouldn’t make a habit out of eating hoagies because bread contained too many carbs.
“I’m Tom,” Angel said, easily smoothing over Iris’s stalled sentence. He smiled as he shifted the ginger ale under his arm to shake Janet’s hand. “Nice to meet you. Janet, is it?”
“Yes, nice to meet you too,” Janet said, tilting her head slightly as she observed him. “Something about you is a bit familiar. Have we met before?”
Only Iris noticed the sly edge to Angel’s smile. “No,” he said. “I don’t think we have.”
“It was nice running into you,” Iris said, placing her hand against Angel’s back and steering him toward her car. “I’ll tell Calla that you said hi, Nena.”
Nena waved goodbye and Janet stared after Iris and Angel, sporting that same expression of shock and intrigue.
“How do you know her?” Angel asked as Iris pulled out of the parking lot.
“She’s another mom from karate.” Iris briefly glanced at her rearview mirror as she pulled out of the lot. “Is she still looking?”
Angel twisted to look out the back window. “Yep.”
Iris groaned.
Angel gently placed his hand on her thigh. “She didn’t know that it was me.”
“I know,” Iris said, resting her hand on top of his, grateful that he was trying to calm her. “She’s just very nosy, and I try to tell her very little about my personal life because she can’t keep anything to herself. The next time I see her, she’ll probably ask about you until she’s blue in the face.”
On cue, her phone vibrated on her center console. At a quick glance, she saw that she’d received a text from Janet.
Girl!! He’s cute!! Hard to tell with the big beard and glasses, but he definitely has a hottie vibe! What’s the story there???
Iris groaned again, and Angel gave her thigh a squeeze. He sent her a soft smile. “Tell her that I’m a traveling salesman who stays at your house when I’m passing through town.”
She snort-laughed, glancing at him, shaking her head. “Yeah, that would put an end to her questioning for sure.”
Angel’s smile widened into a full grin. He seemed satisfied that he’d managed to lessen her anxiety and make her laugh. And he was right. Janet hadn’t recognized him, and it wasn’t the end of the world if Iris was seen out with an unknown man. Janet and Viv would definitely gossip but they didn’t have any facts. Their interest would die down in a couple weeks. And more important, Iris remembered that she wanted to be in the moment whenever she was with Angel. She didn’t want to waste their evening together worrying.
She threaded her fingers through his. “I’m really glad that you’re here,” she said.
His expression softened. He lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed it. She shivered.
“Me too,” he said.
Back at her house, they tried to find something to watch while they ate. They sat side by side on her couch.
“What are you in the mood to watch?” she asked.
Angel tapped his chin, thinking. “I don’t know. What’s good right now?”
“Oh!” Iris suddenly clapped her hands, and Angel jumped. “We can watch SpongeBob .”
Angel laughed as he took a sip of his soda. His eyes lit up.
“Just one episode,” Iris said. “A good one.”
She found the show on a streaming app. She flicked through the episodes, trying to best determine which episode they should watch. She hadn’t watched SpongeBob in years, but many scenes and lines of dialogue were imbedded in her brain, like every other millennial who’d grown up on Nickelodeon. Finally, she made her choice and pivoted to face Angel head-on.
“So,” she said, “to give a quick overview. SpongeBob is a sea sponge who lives in a pineapple under the sea, and he works at a fast-food restaurant called the Krusty Krab, and the show is basically about him and his friends.”
Angel nodded. “Okay. I knew that much.”
“I’m sure there’s plenty of debate about which SpongeBob episode is the best ,” she continued. “There’s the classic episode when SpongeBob and his neighbor-slash-coworker Squidward deliver a pizza. There’s the episode when he and his best friend, Patrick, go camping and Patrick accuses SpongeBob of eating his candy. So much Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. I don’t think I can even get into that right now. Oh, then there’s the episode when SpongeBob and Patrick basically become a couple and adopt a baby clam.”
At this, Angel quirked an eyebrow. “Are they best friends or boyfriends?”
“You know, I’m not exactly sure now that I think about it,” she said. “Anyway, I think the best thing for us to do is watch an episode that I remember as my favorite, and that’s ‘Karate Island.’ SpongeBob and his friend Sandy Cheeks go on a journey because SpongeBob has been told that he’s the king of karate, but Sandy is suspicious.”
“Sandy Cheeks is the squirrel in the astronaut suit, right?”
“Yes.” Iris cued up the episode. “Ready?”
Angel grinned and nodded. “Thanks for the presentation,” he said. He slung his arm around her shoulders as she settled closer to him.
As they watched the episode, Iris realized that she’d forgotten that this show was hilarious yet unhinged. After being invited to Karate Island, SpongeBob was kidnapped, and Sandy had to fight several people in order to rescue him. As it turned out, SpongeBob was lured to the island for a real estate scam.
Angel was laughing so hard, there were basically tears coming out of his eyes by the time the episode ended.
“Wow,” he said, sighing. “I can see why everyone at school was obsessed with this show.”
Iris smiled at him, pleased that this small gesture had made him so happy. He set his plate on the coffee table and rolled his shoulders, wincing.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“My muscles are sore from working out.”
“Do you want me to run a bath for you?” Once the question was out in the open, she realized that taking a bath with Angel was exactly what she wanted to do. She probably should have suggested that before SpongeBob , to be honest.
“Will you join me?” he asked, gazing at her.
A warm flush crept over her body. “Yes.”
Upstairs in her bathroom, she ran the bathwater. Angel set his bag down by her bed and walked slowly around her room, looking at the items on her dresser, calling out to her that he wasn’t surprised by how organized her bedroom was. When the water was hot, Angel joined her. He stripped, and Iris did as well. He marveled over her alluring black lingerie as he unhooked her bra and slid down her panties. He climbed into the tub and held her hand as she climbed in after him. They settled into the soapy water. She leaned her back against his chest. She could feel the steady pounding of his heartbeat, the hardness of his length poking her backside.
“I’m really glad I’m here,” he said, voice husky at the curve of her ear, repeating back what she’d said to him in the car.
One hand lingered at the space between her thighs. He used the other to cup her breast.
“Me too,” she whispered.
He kissed her neck and whispered to her too, telling her how beautiful and soft she was. He coaxed her to rise up on her knees and he played with her until she was pliant and moaning. He rose from the water and picked her up, wiping her off and carrying her into her bedroom.
“You have so many pillows,” he said, smirking as he laid her down.
She twisted, looking at the various light blue and white pillows that she kept stacked on her bed. “I know,” she said, laughing quietly. “It’s just that my bed is so big…and I guess the pillows make it feel less empty.”
Angel paused in the act of pushing some of the pillows out of their way. He looked down at Iris, his gaze focused and warm. He cradled her cheek in his palm.
“Well, I’m here now,” he said softly.
He was here, in her bed, in her space. It was a new level of intimacy. He was the first man who’d been here since Terry. She realized just how much she’d craved and longed for this closeness, to share this part of herself with Angel.
It felt like her heart was doubling in size as he bent down and kissed her, slower and deeper than before. He briefly broke away to grab a condom, and he returned to her. Together, they slid the condom onto him, and he covered her body with his own and entered her slowly, then pumping into her with deep, fast thrusts. She wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him closer to her until they felt like one breathing being. She closed her eyes and bit his shoulder, languishing in the feel of their connection until it sent her over the edge.
Later, both exhausted, they climbed under the covers. Iris liked to have her many pillows situated behind her head, just so. When Angel reached for one of her favorite pillows, she bit her lip.
He paused, brows raised. His mouth displayed a hint of a smile. “Did I do something wrong?”
“I like this pillow,” she said. She handed him a different pillow that looked identical to the one he’d reached for but inexplicably wasn’t her favorite. “You can have this one. If that’s okay.”
“Thank you.” He fluffed the pillow before lying back. He turned on his side, facing her. “Anything else I should know about your sleeping habits? Do you snore? Drool?”
She wrinkled her nose. “I don’t drool . But…I do snore when I’m really tired.”
Angel laughed. “Remind me to buy some earplugs for the future.”
For the future. Those words ran on a loop through Iris’s mind as Angel cocooned her from behind, one hand draped across her stomach, the other fitting behind her pillow. He fell asleep fast, breathing deeply behind her. Iris realized that this was something else that she had missed. Being held. With Angel, she felt taken care of.
For the future, he’d said. A future they most likely wouldn’t have together.
She felt the deep twist of wanting in the pit of her stomach again. This time, it was much harder to ignore.