Chapter 20
Eve
It’s well past nine o’clock by the time I pull into my neighborhood, the streetlamps making the modern cottages look almost eerie in the fog that’s beginning to roll through.
My playlist plays softly through my car speakers as I pass by Wylder’s house, my eyes catching on the shadow moving back and forth in the living room, the one pacing behind the curtain.
Even from a shadow, I know who it is.
Kortez.
All day I’ve been trying to make sense of it all. My entire life in the last ten years has revolved around the fact that my best friend was killed, and my ex-boyfriend had killed him – but I was wrong.
What does a person do when they fuck up on such a colossal level like I have? What do they do when they have so much riding on what they believe to be true, only to figure out that it’s a lie?
I sigh, pulling into my driveway and parking the car beside Wylder’s pickup truck. At least I’m not alone in this.
My eyes travel up to the rear-view mirror and my son’s sleeping form that’s reflected back at me.
He looks so much like Atlas. I thought it would bother me when I started seeing his father’s features but instead, I realized I liked that he looked like him.
I hated the fact that I hated Atlas, but Abel was a part of him I could love wholeheartedly with no regrets.
After, I only hated that I didn’t have a part of Kortez, too.
Now, they’re both back. Alive. Whole. Friends.
I don’t have to miss Kortez anymore. I don’t have to cry over what was lost. I can hold him so close to me that he can never disappear again.
And Atlas…I don’t have to hate him anymore. There’s a thin line between love and hate and ours has been blurred for ten years.
My eyes take in Abel as his chest rises and falls, his jacket sliding off his shoulder from where he tried to use it as a blanket.
I hope Abel doesn’t hold the same hate.
I grab my purse and climb out of the car, opening the back door and leaning in to gently rock Abel. “Bel, sweetie, we’re home.”
He bats my hand away as his head turns, grumbling nonsense as he immediately falls back asleep.
I try a few more times before realizing there’s no use and he’s hit a sugar crash from our trip to the ice cream parlor.
I’m surprised he didn’t crash sooner. I wanted one more day of just Abel and I before Atlas came into the picture – before Abel started asking questions.
We went to the arcade, the trampoline park, out to lunch, to the store for a new Lego set, and then to get ice cream.
Hell, I’m surprised I haven’t crashed yet.
Making sure my bag is high up on my shoulder, I unclip his seatbelt and reach in, grabbing him as gently as I can and pulling him up to my chest, heaving with the effort. “Good Lord, Abel, this was a lot easier when you were little.”
I have to readjust him and my bag a little and then I use my foot to slam his door shut, causing him to mumble again in his sleep.
My yard is pretty dark compared to some of the others in the neighborhood since there isn’t a streetlight directly on the edge, so my walk towards the door is slow and measured as to not accidentally trip over my own feet – which I’ve done more times than I care to admit.
I’m only a few feet away from my car when a voice sounds from up on the porch. “Shit, Eve, hold on.”
I suck in a breath, one hand tightening on Abel as the other travels down to my bag and the gun I always keep hidden inside it. I flick the safety off right as Atlas’s face is highlighted by the moon, his short beard and dark hair making his usual tan skin look paler than normal.
“What are you doing here?” I bring my hand out of my bag and wrap it back around Abel, a small barrier to the man now standing in front of me, his wide eyes set on the boy I have in my arms.
His face goes slack as his eyes work to take in every inch of our son. I stay quiet, letting him have this moment, this silent assessment of the child we created together during the night our world turned upside down.
When he stops, it’s with tear filled eyes and a shaky hand stroking his beard. Tattoos move and flex on his corded forearm as he sighs, causing my mind to flashback to the night I met him at that party all those years ago.
I thought he was the darkness while I was just a misfit trying to find a way to feel alive. Kor was the light.
What if we’re all just misfits, alive and thriving in the dark while bits of light shine in? Are we running from the light or trying to swallow it whole?
Did Atlas devour Kor? Is that why he’s so…different?
His clearing throat brings my mind back to the present and I swear I see him wipe at a lone tear, “I didn’t realize he was so…big.”
I can’t help the snort that comes out, “Well, he’s nine.”
Atlas nods slowly, as if he’s processing when we both know he already knew how old his son was. We had only been together once.
I shift my hips, the weight of holding a nine-year-old boy getting to me. “Why are you here, Atlas? Didn’t Wylder set you guys up at his house?”
He brings his eyes back up to me and nods, “He did, yeah, I just…I just couldn’t sleep without seeing you again.
” Before I know it, he’s standing in front of me, one hand in my hair, pushing it back and tilting my head up for me to look at him.
“I can’t believe you’re real. I can’t believe after all these years…
I’m touching you again.” His eyes dart over to Abel before finding mine again. “And we have a son.”
I lick my lips and his eyes follow every second. My voice is hoarse when I say, “We do, and I am.”
He leans down and places his forehead on mine. I can feel his body shaking, warm and radiating with tension. “I want to kiss you, Eve. It’s all I’ve been dreaming about for the last ten years. You haunt me.”
Now my body shakes. My breath stutters and my heart skips a beat as everything in my heart screams yes, but my mind tells me no. It’s so hard to decipher.
“I…”
“Mama?” Abel’s head rubs against my shoulder, and I look over to see his eyes fluttering a few times before they fall back closed.
Turning back to Atlas, I see him still standing as close as before with a small smile on his face.
“I need to get him inside.”
Atlas nods, “Do you want me to unlock the door?”
“Please.” I hand him my keys and follow him up to the porch where he quickly unlocks the front door, opening it to show Wylder sitting in the living room on his laptop.
The room itself is spotless, not a shard of glass or a drop of blood that I can see, and I even have a few new pieces of furniture, too.
I wonder what happened to the old ones.
Wylder’s eyes narrow as Atlas follows me inside, but I shoot him a soft smile to let him know it’s okay. “I’m going to go put him down, we had a long day.”
Wyld nods, “I’m just finishing off some work emails, and I’ll be up to bed.”
I begin to head up the stairs but a hand on my back has me turning around to see Atlas standing at the bottom of the stairs with an odd look on his face. “Can I come with you?”
I give him a small shrug, “Just stay in the doorway so you don’t trip on anything.”
We make our way upstairs and I open Abel’s door to hear Atlas let out a sharp gasp behind me.
I turn around and raise an eyebrow, a smirk on my lips as I carefully walk over the miles upon miles of toy car tracks that line his bedroom.
I tried cleaning them up once but quickly learned Abel was very particular about how the track was supposed to go back together and he spent days rebuilding it.
Ever since then, I’ll clean everything else and leave the track.
Pulling the blankets back, I gently lay Abel down in his bed, his dark hair falling to the side as he immediately begins to roll and try to get comfortable.
I reach down and take off his shoes before fixing the covers around him.
It’s pretty much pointless to cover him in them because he’ll probably have his blanket kicked off before I even leave the room.
I lean down and press a soft kiss to his forehead and make my way back out of his bedroom, feeling Atlas’s eyes on me the entire time. When I get back into the hall, I leave the door open just a crack before turning around to meet Atlas head on for the first time since he knocked on my front door.
For a long few minutes, neither one of us says a word.
I feel his eyes on me, and I let my eyes wander over him.
I haven’t allowed myself the pleasure yet, because I knew it would open the floodgates of emotions I wasn’t sure I was ready to feel.
I’m still not – but I can’t hold myself back anymore.
When I met Atlas, he was young, with new muscles and fresh tattoos, his eyes, even dark, still had some light in them. His face was bare, and his skin was free of any blemishes.
This Atlas…he’s different. Older. Stronger. Darker.
There’s no mistaking his muscles for new because it’s clear he’s been building them for years, and the few tattoos he had at twenty are now faded with age and joined by new ones of all shapes, sizes, and colors that turn his skin into a living art piece.
His eyes are…dark, completely black and a window to emotions that are so strong I can see that it hurts for him to feel them.
It hurts me to even see them. There’s blood soaked into his iris’.
Not only does he have a beard now, but his face has been marked by a long scar going from underneath the beard all the way up to his hairline, a diagonal slash from one side to the other. It hurt, and whoever did that to him wanted it to.
My hand reaches up and my fingers trail over the scar, all the way from his hairline down to where it disappears.
Atlas shivers underneath my touch, his eyes boring into mine as I take a small step back.
Already, my body and my heart are begging for me to fall into his arms. I want his darkness to embrace my own.
Only my mind is stopping me, telling me to remember my plan – telling me to remember I need to figure out what it means for Atlas first.
“Eve…” His voice breaks on that one, simple little word, but he continues.
“I am so sorry…I am so sorry we left you. I’m sorry my father took Kortez, and we left you alone and worried for ten years.
I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help raise our son and tell you every day how much I love you.
” He shakes his head and lets out a soft, shallow laugh before bringing it back up to look at me.
“I probably sound ridiculous but I’m not lying and I didn’t earlier.
You fucking haunt me, Evangeline. Your ghost lived with me every day for the last ten years and you know what?
I wanted to be haunted. You could have dragged me to the pits of hell and tied me up at the Devil’s altar and I would have thanked you as long as I got to look at your face while he burned me.
That’s how fucking crazy you make me, Eve. ”
My heart is throbbing, beating out of my chest as the weight of his words makes its landing.
Here I was planning his murder, and he was dreaming about me because he still loved me.
“I…I need to get some sleep. We’ll talk more tomorrow.” Before he can say a word to stop me, I’m rushing to my room and slamming the door, my hand resting over my racing heart and begging it to stop torturing me with its whispers.
As Atlas’s footsteps descend the stairs, my heart continues its relentless reminder.
“Liar. Liar. Liar.”