Chapter 28
Atlas
“Mom, this shirt itches.”
How Eve manages to keep her cool at a time like this is beyond a miracle.
I had tutors my entire life and never got to experience the ‘first day of school’ like my son is right now, but I’m not sure I would have wanted to. It seems stressful.
Abel has changed six times, repacked his bag three times, and has continuously been checking Eve’s phone for the time. It’s cute in a crazy, annoying way.
“What about the blue one we bought from the mall on Saturday?” I watch Eve dig through Abel’s closet, trying to find the shirt I bought a few days ago.
This whole dad thing is completely new to me, but I’m trying to figure it out. Right now, I’m starting with the basics – helping with school supplies and being here for his first day.
Eve moves his last hanger to the side and turns toward me. “Did you take it over to Wylder’s by mistake?"
“No, all I bought was a few things for Roman and he would’ve known it if he tried to put on a shirt ten sizes too small.”
She turns back around and starts to dig through Abel’s dresser, tucking her long, blond curls back behind her ear.
She’s so…fuck. Every time I look at her every sensible word falls from my mind.
She’s perfect. Ten years ago, I knew I had found my wife and that hasn’t changed; but damn the urge to claim her has grown to the point where it’s all I can think about.
I need her like I need my next breath, and I still don’t think she understands.
Even after telling her how much she haunted me, she refuses to believe in ghosts. She refuses to believe I could still need her this bad.
Maybe it’s the anger that I know she still feels from the situation or maybe it’s her secrets Kortez is becoming obsessed with figuring out, but she isn’t opening herself up to me.
Not in the way she has with Roman or Kortez or hell, not the way she’s opened up to the man she’s been with for the past three years.
The man who’s made it clear he’s okay with sharing and even started a bet about who will get her pregnant next.
How did he even know it was a possibility now when it wasn’t before?
My eyes land on her stomach. She could be pregnant already. One of them could have already won and she wouldn’t even know. We wouldn’t know.
I push away from my place against the wall, halfway to move closer to her and my son and halfway to move my aching cock into a new position so it quits scratching against my zipper.
“I can’t find anything you bought.” She turns, her eyes narrowing just enough to show she’s upset as she looks over at Abel. My son makes it a point to look anywhere but at her – or me – and decides to repack his bag for a fourth time.
“Abel Patton, where are the clothes you got on Saturday?”
Our son shrugs in response, changing the order of his pencils in his pouch. Eve shoots me an apologetic look before walking over and sitting down on his bed next to him.
“Abel, hun, Atlas bought you those clothes for school.”
He shrugs off her touch and moves a few inches away from her on the bed.
Is this where I start fathering him? What do I even say? Will Eve be mad if I do say something? What the hell –
Eve’s frantic waving makes me focus back on them, the two most important people in my life. Her eyes are wide and beginning to fill with tears as she waves me over. “Please,” she mouths.
I walk over and crouch down in front of Abel. He nearly stretches his neck in an effort to look away from me, and it hurts me to know he’s going through this much effort to keep distance between us.
“Abel, son – “
“I am not your son.” His voice is harsher than I would expect from a nine-year-old, but I shouldn’t be surprised. He is my son after all, no matter how much he tries to deny it.
Eve gives me an encouraging nod and leans down to take my hand, lacing our fingers together and squeezing her palm around mine in a silent show of support.
“No, Abel, you are.” My son turns with his mouth wide, ready to tell me off, but I hold up a hand to stop him. “I know you’re pissed. I know you’re hurt.”
Abel scoffs. “You couldn’t hurt me. I’m strong.”
I nod and give him a small smile. “You are. You’re the strongest boy I know.”
“Good.” He narrows his eyes down at me and in that moment, I see more Evangeline in him than I ever have. “You spend time with other kids?”
I give him a shrug. “A little. Some…people who work for me have kids and I’ve met them a few times, but you’re definitely stronger than all of them.”
I see his little chest puff out with pride, so I continue. “Can I tell you a secret?”
Abel looks at me skeptically before looking over at Eve. She gives him a small nod, and he turns back to me, “As long as my mom can know, too.”
God, she’s done such a good job raising him. What if I fuck him up somehow?
“Of course she can, this secret is about both of you.”
Abel leans in, waiting for the big reveal. I see Eve do the same from the corner of my eye.
“You’re stronger than me right now.” I see his eyes widen in surprise.
“I didn’t know you existed, Abel, and I couldn’t find your mom no matter how much I tried.
It hurts me that I missed so much of your life, of your mom’s life, and I’m trying to be strong because I was taught that men always have to be strong. But guess what?”
“What?”
I lean closer, feeling brave enough to reach out with my other hand to grab Abel’s. His hand feels so fragile in mine, but he doesn’t take it away. Emotion clogs my throat as the feeling of both their hands in mine lifts an invisible weight off my chest.
“Being strong isn’t all about muscles. Sometimes, strong men cry.
” I look over at Eve, making sure she knows that this admission is for her as much as it is for our son.
“I cried when I found you guys. When I got over to Wylder’s house and laid down, I ended up crying until I fell asleep.
Not because I was upset that I found you, I was excited, but I was upset I missed so much.
I was upset that we didn’t know each other.
I cried for all the time I wished I had a son but didn’t know you even existed. ”
I clear my throat, and Eve reaches up to wipe at my eyes, but I give her a small shake of my head.
“So, you see, Abel, you can be upset with me because I’m upset with me, too.
You can be angry at me because I’m angry with myself, too.
You’re being so strong letting your emotions show and telling us how you feel. ”
The room is quiet when I finish, neither one of them saying anything but looking at me as if I hold all the answers in the universe.
For them, I’d find them.
“Will I still be strong if I…if I talk to you?” Abel’s voice is soft now as he looks down at me and I finally watch some of his walls come down.
“You’ll be strong no matter what you choose to do, Abel, but I hope you consider talking to me. I would love to get to know you.”
He’s quiet again as he thinks it over. “Okay, but I don’t want to call you dad yet.”
“That’s okay. You can call me Atlas for as long as you like.”
I give his hand a final squeeze as he gets down from the bed, reaching underneath it to grab at the bags from the mall. He pulls out the blue shirt Eve was looking for and looks up at me sheepishly. “I’m sorry I hid the clothes.”
I stand with him, keeping Eve’s hand in mine as she rises after me. “It’s okay, but you should probably change if you want to catch the bus, it’s almost time for it to be here.”
He nods and immediately strips his itchy shirt to trade it for the blue polo. “This one is soft. I like it.”
“Good.” Eve reaches down and finishes packing his bag before handing it over to him. “Get outside, Bel, I hear the bus coming.”
How the hell – oh, there it is.
“Bye!” Abel gives Eve a quick hug and shoots me a wave before running downstairs. I hear the guy’s saying goodbye, and we make it down just in time to see Abel running out the door with a waffle in his hand.
Eve stops beside me and wraps an arm around my waist. “You did good up there.” She huffs out a soft laugh and wipes her face. “Ruined my fucking mascara, though.”
I look down into her steel grey eyes, red rimmed and surrounded by bits of makeup that’s come off from her tears. “You’re beautiful, Eve, and tears can’t decay a diamond.”
She smiles, coming around to lay her head on my chest. We stand there in the middle of the living room as I watch Abel get on the bus through the window. Roman walks through the living room with a bagel in one hand and a gray blob in the other.
“Who’s a good boy? You are! Yes, you are.”
“Roman! Did you steal my fucking cat?” Eve unwraps herself from my arms and places her hands on her hips as Roman freezes in his tracks.
“Um…”
Wylder walks into the living room and places a cup of coffee in Eve’s hand before dropping a kiss onto her forehead. “Yes, he did. Haven’t you realized Terry’s been missing ever since Roman moved into my place?”
Eve crosses her arms and grumbles, “Well, not really. He’s always been independent.” She sighs and rubs her forehead, “I’m a bad cat mom.”
I wrap an arm around her waist and pull her back to me. “No, you’re not; Roman’s just a fucking thief.”
My phone begins to buzz in my pocket and as much as I want to let it go to voicemail, I know I can’t.
Eve stays where she is as I slide my phone from my pocket and hold it up to my ear, “Atlas here.”
I feel Eve’s laugh but the voice on the other end of the line grabs my attention before I can say anything else.
“Wade is in Colorado.”