Chapter 5 #3
“Think about it,” I add, warming to my subject.
“The Josie in your reality was also riding to meet you at a gallery, right? And our paths would have crossed. Maybe because they crossed at exactly the same time, or because we both crashed at exactly the same time and exactly the same place, this shift happened. Of course—” I break off, aware of how nonsensical it all sounds.
“There’s no logical explanation. Unless a tear in the fabric of the space-time continuum is, you know, a real thing. ” I laugh, trying to brighten the mood.
Rob smiles uncomfortably but says nothing. He takes another sip of champagne and stares past me, toward the sparkling lights of Manhattan.
I hesitate, then add the kicker.
“There’s one other thing I’m wondering. Whether there’s only me, and I shifted from one path to another, and that’s it.
Or whether there are two Josies, and two realities.
And in the crash, we switched. So your wife, your real wife, is stuck in my life.
Without you. Probably trying to work out how to get back to you. ”
Rob’s eyes snaps back to me, his expression dark. “No. No way. You’re my wife.”
He picks up the dinner plates, stacking them with a clatter, and takes them up the steps to the kitchen.
I follow him with the salad bowl. “I get that it’s not what you want to hear, Rob, but we have to at least consider the possibility that if I’m here, from another life, she might be there.
But . . . who the hell knows? Maybe there’s just me, and I’m on an alternate path, and that’s all.
Maybe I’ve plugged in fake memories, like the doctor said, and there is no other reality. Maybe I’m losing my goddamn mind.”
I grip the cold salad bowl, the scent of the vinaigrette sharp. Sobs rise in my throat. I swallow hard. “I don’t understand what the hell is happening.”
Rob takes the bowl from me, placing it on the counter, then unexpectedly pulls me close. He wraps his big arms around me, and I sink into his chest, his bearded chin against my forehead.
“You’re not crazy,” he murmurs against my hair. “I promise. I’m going to take care of you. It will work out.”
I say nothing, letting my cheek rest on his collarbone, feeling myself calm. Nobody has held me like this in a long time. In this world or any other. It feels warm and safe, and for a moment I believe him. Everything will be fine.
We stand in silence for a while, clinging to each other. Then he strokes my hair and pulls back to look down at me.
“What do you want to be the truth?” he asks. “To be right, about your belief in another life? Wouldn’t it be easier to be wrong? To be amnesiac, and be my wife, even if you don’t remember me?”
“Sure, easier. One world, no crazy parallel realities, the laws of the universe as we know them fully intact. Boring old amnesia. But I have to believe I’m right.”
“Why?” Rob asks, in a small voice.
“Because in this world, David is dead.” There, I’ve said it out loud. “In the end, it doesn’t matter where I live or whom I’m with. Here, David is dead. I have to believe there is a world where he is surfing in Australia right now. And that world is my home.”
Rob pulls away. “That’s what this is about? David? That’s why you’ve barely cried for him since we told you?” He turns to me, his face drawn. “You still think he’s alive.”
“He is to me. Somewhere.”
Rob shakes his head. I put my hand on his arm. “Rob, I’m sorry. But I won’t lie to you, or lie by omission.”
“So . . . what? You hang out here a while until you go . . . home? Back to your old life? Are you planning on leaving?” His voice breaks.
“I’ve no idea.” I really don’t. I can feel the pull of him, and of this life, conflicting with my need to find a way back to my old reality.
“I’m trying to make the best of everything.
I’m trying to live this life. I’ll do this new job.
I’ve even emailed my old choir director to rejoin the group in January.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go home, and I’m utterly confused about it all.
Because, the truth is, I like it here. I like being here with you.
It’s a dream home. And you seem lovely. But David’s my brother, you know?
And we’re really close. I can’t abandon him. ”
“I’m sorry.” Rob steps back, rubbing his face.
“I can’t stand this. You’re my wife and I love you.
I need you to remember me, our whole life together.
I’m trying to be strong for you, and I’ll be as patient as I can.
But it’s so messed up. How is anyone supposed to handle this? ” He looks so miserable.
“You’re being amazing, I swear,” I sniff.
Everything’s blurring. I dab at my eyes with a hand towel.
“There’s no guidebook for how to handle parallel-universe switch-ups.
” Even saying that sounds insane. “You haven’t had me committed to a mental institution, so I figure you’re doing great.
And I’m sorry for crying. It’s so unattractive. ”
Rob picks up the plates. “You could never be unattractive to me.”
He turns away.