Chapter 19
Early April
I realize now I’ve been in love with Rob for a couple of months.
I just wasn’t willing to admit it until this past, blissful weekend on Orcas Island.
I can see how falling in love would have been virtually instantaneous between us, under normal circumstances — as it apparently was between him and the Other Me, when they met.
I suppose it was only because of the shock of being catapulted into his world, and having to adjust to a new reality, that slowed my feelings down.
That, and the crush I had on Peter at the time of the accident, and the hope he had raised in me about getting together.
But with Peter still with Michelle and having a baby — at least in this world — and Rob being so wonderful .
. . if I’m honest, I was pretty much in love with Rob by the end of January. Only two months into this new life.
I’m shocked at how easily I’ve adapted to this “new normal”.
I’ve taken over someone else’s life, marriage, home, job and friends.
In doing so, I’ve left most of my life behind — aside from a few consistent friends and family members, who are thankfully in both lives.
But my Brooklyn home, my radio show, Peter and — most of all — my brother: I’ve abandoned them all for this new reality.
And, aside from missing David desperately, I’m okay with it.
Of course, it doesn’t hurt that my new instant husband is smokin’ hot and fabulously wealthy. And, I think, the most amazing, gentle, kind man I’ve ever met.
But deep down, there’s still an underlying sense of unease. That this is not my life. That I’m an impostor.
* * *
“So,” I tell Suzie, sipping my cocktail, “it’s been incredible. We haven’t been able to keep our hands off each other for more than a few minutes, since we flew back from Seattle on Monday. We both took four extra days of leave, so we’ve spent almost the entire week in bed. He’s wonderful.”
I’m grinning like a teenager, but I don’t care.
Suzie gazes at me, rapt. “Wow, Josie. That’s so wonderful. So happy for you and for Rob.” She takes a glug of her prosecco. “But I’m going to need more details. I mean, exactly how great is he?” She raises one eyebrow. “Now you’re living as husband and wife, and all?”
I can feel myself blushing. “The best ever. I joke with him that it’s all muscle memory, my body remembering how to be with him. But our physical relationship is the best I’ve ever known. And our emotional relationship. Well, I struck gold.” I push the guilt away.
Suzie gives a slow nod. “Yep. Always figured Rob had to be a beast in the sack. Those big hands, big feet — dead giveaway.”
“Suzie!” I laugh. “Okay. Yes. Happy?”
“Very. So, you guys are going to live happily ever after, right? Doesn’t matter if your memories return?”
“I guess,” I reply, ignoring a niggling feeling that this could all end as quickly as it began.
“I’ll just live day to day. Get up, go to fun job, go back to incredible home, eat lovely dinner, watch a good movie, have amazing sex with my adoring husband.
Then do it again the next day. Doesn’t suck. ”
“That’s it?” She sounds as if there should be something more. “I mean, I get it. When Don and I got married, we were deliriously happy for the first year or two, but it gets mundane. It’s not all a fairytale. It’s only since the twins came along that we found . . . a reason.”
I laugh again. “Are you asking if we’ll have kids? Play dates with the twins?”
“Yeah, I guess so. You’d make great parents. And a mini Rob or Josie running around, it’d be so cute. Sure, it’d be fun for me and Don. But it’s you I’m thinking about.”
“Well, you’re too kind, but no, we haven’t discussed it.
” I pause. “Yes, Rob and I are in love and very happy. But you’ve got to remember, for me, it feels like we’ve only known each other four months, and became a couple last week.
It doesn’t even feel like we’re really married, as I have no memory of our wedding. It’s all very new to me, still.”
“I didn’t think about it like that,” Suzie admits. “Must be weird to be married but not remember your wedding. Could be a good thing though, considering what happened in Hawaii.” She pushes her lips out, looks thoughtful. “You need a fresh start.”
“That’s what we have,” I tell her. “Rob says it’s like we’ve pressed reset. That it’s better now than ever.”
And therein lies the guilt.