Chapter 38
Mid-April
Josie reread the last pages of her counterpart’s journal for what must have been the seventh or eighth time over the past few months.
I never meant to steal your husband. You know that. The guilt of betraying you has been unbearable.
I know what you want me to do. You tell me in my dreams, insisting I give you back your love, your life.
I know you’re coming for him. I know how and when. It’s soon. And the answer is yes. I’ll do it.
She put the book down on the terrace coffee table.
It broke her a little every time she read the diary of the year Other Josie had spent with Rob.
But it healed her a little more each time, too.
Seeing how gradually their relationship developed, how hard Other Josie had tried not to betray her, how impossible it was for them not to be together.
It made sense. It hurt, but there was no other way it could have gone.
She could forgive Other Josie.
And if she could do that, surely she could forgive her husband?
Then maybe he would forgive her.
She circled her right ankle, a habit she had formed ever since it came out of its cast after the New Year, and looked out over Union Square’s cherry blossoms. Today, in another world, it was her brother’s forty-first birthday.
An occasion he would be celebrating with his wife, baby, and possibly even his sister Josie. His real sister in that life.
Hearing Rob come into the apartment, Josie raised her glass of wine in salute to David, to Daisy, and to any other future nieces and nephews she would never meet. “To you,” she saluted, draining her glass, before going inside.
Rob was unpacking groceries in the kitchen. He looked up and smiled.
“It’s beautiful out there,” Josie said, returning the smile.
“Yeah. I’ve been stuck in the office and haven’t been able to enjoy it. It finally feels like winter is over and spring is here. Did you go out, or were you writing all day?” He walked over to the refrigerator, stowing some items.
“Got an article done this morning for that interior designer you connected me with. He said he’d recommend me to a bunch of home stagers and realtors who need blog content, so I feel like I’m finally getting this freelancing off the ground.
Then I just finished re-reading the Book of Revelations.
I got so caught up in it, I didn’t even go out. I’ve done zero exercise today.”
Rob glanced toward the terrace windows, through which the spring sunlight was streaming.
“How about we pack up some food and take it to the park? Have the first picnic of the year? It might do us good to eat al fresco. Remember what Dr. Palmer said about doing things together for the first time since . . . everything.”
Josie nodded. “Great idea. I’ll go change. Give me ten minutes.”
In Union Square park, under a tree bursting with blossoms, Rob spread a blanket while Josie laid out cold chicken and salad. Rob poured them each a plastic cup of wine from a water bottle.
“I didn’t forget what day it is today.” He raised his cup to her. “To David. Happy birthday.”
“To David,” Josie echoed, and took a sip. She laughed. “But you did forget last year, right? Isn’t that what you’re referring to? Remember, the Book of Revelations reveals all.”
Rob looked sheepish. “Yeah. I did. But the Book . . . Man, how many times have you read that thing now? You must know it by heart.”
“A bunch. More than you, that’s for sure. But then, you were there, so . . .” She shrugged.
“True. I’ve only read it twice, but I remember everything that happened.
Including the reason I forgot David’s fortieth birthday that day.
Which, since you’ve just re-read the journal, you probably know too.
I dunno, I figure we should talk about it, be open.
Share what we’re feeling, like Dr. Palmer said. ”
“You’re right,” Josie agreed, more than a little nervous. “Okay. You forgot David’s birthday because you were distracted, as that was the day of your remarriage proposal. To Other Me. You had the sapphire ring in your pocket, and you made her a fancy dinner.”
Rob looked equally unsettled. “I did, yes. So . . . how do you feel about that now?”
“Honestly? It’s never going to be great,” she admitted. “But better. Much better. Rereading all her thought processes, and how you both acted through it all . . . I guess I get it now. I’ll never like it, but I get it.”
Rob nodded. “Yeah. That’s about where I’m at, in terms of what happened with you while you were away. It still hurts you were with someone else, but I understand. And seeing you gradually work through your pain has helped me work through mine.”
He paused, and added, “I know you were initially planning on removing the tattoo Other Josie had done. So when you cancelled your tattoo removal sessions, that was a big deal for me. I didn’t want to make a fuss of it, but it felt huge.
Like, you were beginning to accept you and she are one.
That your love for me, both of your love for me, is the same. ”
Josie reached to the back of her neck. “Yeah. I’m used to the tattoo now.
I’m even beginning to like it. It’s beautiful, but more than that, it’s joyful.
It’s a celebration of you and me, our life path, no matter how many twists and turns we’ve gone through.
No matter which ‘me’ we’re talking about.
Accepting the tattoo feels like accepting you being with Other Josie, since she’s a part of me. ”
“Exactly, right? It’s got to be about acceptance and moving on. And as much as you’ve had to find a way to forgive me, I’ve had to forgive you too, Josie.”
“I get it, baby. I do.” Josie put her hand on his. Was that the first time she had called him “baby” since she’d returned? It was hard to tell, it came out so naturally.
She looked into his deep brown eyes. Behind them, she saw her soulmate, the man she married, the only man she’d ever love.
“You know I still love you, don’t you?” Her voice caught at the words. “I still really love you. And even though I betrayed you, I never loved anyone else. It’s always been you. It always will be.”
“I know, baby. I love you too. So, so much.”
Rob brushed some hair away from her face and kept his finger under her chin, waiting for her response. She held the moment, let it stretch out, feeling the weight of it. A life decision. But not a hard one to make.
Josie smiled at him, reached out to stroke his beard, and brought her face to his.