Chapter 29 Olivia
I wave from the sand as he strides toward me. His body tall and lean, deliciously tan. His hair as pale and blond as it gets from a summer out on the surf.
I don’t take my eyes off him as he gets closer.
This might be the last time we see each other, and I want to memorize everything about him.
His slightly loping gait, borne of teenage years with awkwardly long legs.
His firm jawline, those high cheekbones.
The strong nose and deep brow. The soft, golden hair on his arms.
I don’t know whether I’ll be getting my own Jake back tomorrow, so I have to remember this version of him. Today is my last full day, in this world, at least. Maybe in any world.
He sits beside me on the sand, folding his legs just like mine.
“Hey,” I say.
Jake smiles slightly. “Hey.”
“Thanks for meeting me. I know you don’t have much time.”
He nods, screwing up his face as he glances at his waterproof watch. His eyes are reddening. He already knows what I’m going to say.
I can’t look at him, or I’ll start crying too. I gaze out at the ocean, where a group of surfers are drifting in the silvery swell.
“This is where I saw you coming in from the surf, that day I accosted you, and you had no idea who I was. I was sitting exactly here,” I say it more to myself than to him.
He blows out a breath, saying nothing.
“You know I came to say goodbye, don’t you, Jake?”
I see his nod in my peripheral vision.
“Where are you going?” he asks, his voice quiet.
I trace a circle, a tiny planet, a miniature universe, in the sand. “I’m gonna try to get back home. See if I can find a way back to my own reality. My own Jake.”
His head snaps to me. “What? How, Liv? Your soft spot? The quarry?”
I shrug, still watching the surfers. “I don’t know any other way.”
“That’s crazy, Liv. You won’t . . . jump, will you, Liv? Swear to me you won’t do anything to hurt yourself.”
I turn to him. His lashes are damp, his face stricken. I place a hand on his bare knee. “I won’t hurt myself.”
That’s only half a lie. I’m pretty sure that whatever happens, it won’t hurt. Not for long, anyways.
“I have to go, Jake. I don’t belong here. Yes, I belong with you, but another version of you, the one who loves only me. He’s looking for me, Jake. I feel it. I have to believe it. And I have to try to get back to him.”
Jake’s face crumples. “I’ll never see you again.” He takes my hand in his and I squeeze it.
“No, you won’t. But you have your answers, Jake.
My death as a child was in no way your fault, and you can be secure in the knowledge that somewhere, in another life, I lived.
You saved me, and I lived, and we were happy.
And it means you are free to be with Savannah, to be a good husband to her, to love only her.
It’s much better if I’m not around for that.
And you know I need to be with my own Jake. It’s the only answer. You know it.”
He drops his forehead onto my shoulder, breathing heavily. “I’m gonna miss you. I only just got you back. Apart from everything else, you were my best friend. The very best friend I ever had.”
A tear spills down my cheek, dropping onto his flaxen hair. “I’ll miss you too, Jake, so much. Even if I get my own Jake back, I’ll always think of you, and wonder how you are.” I sniff inelegantly, and he raises his face to me.
“This sucks.” He gives a sad half-laugh, half-snort through his blocked nose.
I nod, wiping my face on my T-shirt. “Yep. But we’ll both be okay. Come on, help me up.” I hold out my hands and he rises, pulling me to my feet. “You’ll be late to pick up Savannah for her birthday weekend, and you have a big day tomorrow.”
“I guess we both do.”
I smile at him, not letting go of his hands. “Have you got a ring for her?”
He tries to pull away at this, not wanting to talk about it. “Liv . . .”
“Jake.” I hold his hands firmly, shaking them slightly. “I want you to be happy. If you love her, and you’re going to propose to her tomorrow, I want to know that it goes well for you. Do you have a ring?” It takes everything in me to ask that.
Jake pauses, then pulls a tiny black box from his pocket. I raise my eyebrows. I didn’t expect he’d have it with him.
“May I?”
He nods, looking away.
Inside is an oval engagement ring, a large stone surrounded by dozens of tiny ones. It’s much glitzier than the simple square diamond my Jake bought me last year. But it’s more Savannah’s style, and it’s beautiful in a different way.
“She’ll love it,” I tell him, closing the box and handing it back. “Go give it to her. And promise me you’ll be happy, Jake.”
His face breaks again, but he makes a conscious effort to keep his composure. “I promise, Liv. You be happy, too. Tell the other me to be good to you.”
I stretch up on the sand and kiss his damp cheek, squeezing him for a moment.
Then I let him go and walk away, without turning back.
I’m too shaken to ride my bike home, so I walk it most of the way, trying to breathe through my sadness. After a half-hour of pushing it in the warm evening sun, I mount the bike, my tears finally subsiding.
One major farewell down.
Only my family to go.
Not long later, I glide into my parents’ driveway. Charlotte’s blue car is parked there. She and Taylor are here for dinner with Meemaw and Pappy, giving me one more opportunity to see them again. I push my bike through the side gate and leave it by the pool house.
“Auntie Livvie!” Taylor shrieks as I step into the kitchen. She flings her little arms around my legs, Muffin the bunny in hand.
One very important thing I will never get back, if I make it home. My gorgeous little niece.
“Hi, baby girl. Hey there, Muffin. I’m so happy you’re both here.” I smile up at Charlotte, who is watching her daughter with raised eyebrows. “Hey, Charlotte.”
She smiles back, the first truly warm response I’ve gotten out of her since I arrived. “Hey. Looks like you’re a hit now.”
I laugh. “I think it was the cookies that did it.”
“Probably.”
We share a surprisingly amicable dinner with our parents on the terrace, Taylor insisting on sitting next to me.
Mom looks a little strained around the eyes and Dad is quieter than usual, but we manage to keep up a conversation about their recent golfing vacation in Florida, and Charlotte’s plans for a spa trip with girlfriends on Labor Day weekend.
“We’ll take care of our beautiful grandbaby. We’ll have fun, won’t we, Tay?” There’s an anxious note in Mom’s voice. “Maybe Auntie Livvie will help out, too.” She looks up at me, a question in her eyes.
She’s asking if I’ll still be around on Labor Day.
I break eye contact, sipping my glass of wine. I answer her question without saying a word.
Scraping back my chair, I rise, reaching for the dishes. “I’ll clear the table.”
Dad helps me gather plates and bring them into the kitchen, where he opens the dishwasher. He coughs, a telltale sign he has something to say. I rinse the plates as he stacks them into the dishwasher with a clatter, waiting.
“You sticking around, now the restaurant job is over?” Dad’s voice is gruff.
I pass him the last plate. “Probably not, Dad. I need to go . . . go figure some stuff out.”
He coughs again, heading out in the direction of the terrace.
But he stops next to me, laying his hand on my shoulder and patting it, just once.
“I can understand that, Livvie.” And looking at him, I think he does.
“It’s been good having you with us. Even for this little while.
” He clears his throat, and steps outside without looking back.
Charlotte brings some glasses into the kitchen, a sleepy Taylor following her, thumb in mouth. “I’ve got to get this one home,” she says. “It was . . . nice seeing you, Liv.”
I don’t want her to see my face, so I lean in for a hug, surprising her. Charlotte freezes for a second, then gives me a quick squeeze back.
“Good seeing you, too,” I say to the side of her head. I drop into a crouch to Taylor’s level, hurriedly wiping my eyes as I do so. “Hey, kiddo. It was wonderful to spend time with you. And with Muffin too, of course. Have a good sleep, baby girl.”
I kiss Taylor on her soft temple, holding my mouth there for just a moment. I’ll never see this little girl again. I rub her little back and stand, turning away, busying myself with clearing glasses.
“Safe drive home.”
In a moment, they’re gone.
I wipe my face and finish the clean-up, stepping out into the terrace. It’s now mercifully dark, so my parents can’t see the red rims of my eyes.
“I’m heading to bed, it’s been a long day. Goodnight, Dad.”
I won’t be able to say goodbye to Mom tomorrow morning. She’d break down, beg me to stay, never let me go. Even though she knows I don’t belong with her.
This is it.
I lean down and kiss the top of her finely haired head. “Thanks for a lovely dinner, Mom.”
She takes my hand on her shoulder and looks up at me, sensing something is up. Maybe Dad said something to her about me leaving. She rises, pushing her chair away, and gives me a tight hug. Just like when I was little.
“You’re welcome, Livvie, my love. Good night.”
I hug her back. “Good night, Mom. Love you.”
I gently pull away and let myself into the pool house, locking the door, and closing the blinds. My goodbyes done.
Even though I feel like something’s breaking inside me, I don’t belong here. I don’t fit in. And maybe, tomorrow, I’ll get my real family back. No Taylor, and that hurts, but a family who truly loves and wants me.
It’s worth risking everything for that.
Isn’t it?