CHAPTER SEVENTEEN #2
“Be friends, Melly. I was just going to say I hope we can be friends.”
“I’ve gotta go. I’ll call you later.”
I hang up before he can say anything else. I try to box breathe my way out of the weight bearing down on me. Bryson back in my life? In Harper’s life?
He’s not an evil monster. He wasn’t even a terrible husband. He just didn’t want to be a husband and father at twenty-two.
And now he’s asking to be in Harper’s life like it’s easy. Like he can just show up and make her fall for him, and it won’t tear her into a million pieces when he decides she’s not enough and leaves.
I press a hand to my chest, gasping for air.
“Amelia?” Stacey Bradshaw says, a hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay?”
Stacey is not someone who’ll understand what I’m going through. She’s thirty-five and happily married. She finished college before she had kids. She waited until she was a grown-up to choose her husband.
Plus, she collects vintage tea sets and reads classic literature for fun. We are nothing alike.
“I’m fine,” I say. “I just had a call from my sister. I didn’t want to miss it, because it’s so hard for her to find time to call with her busy schedule.” Some might say damn near impossible and still be right.
“Oh, how is she? I hope everything’s okay?”
“It’s fine. Her little shih-tzu has gone missing, and it, um, upset me.” Let’s hope Stacey never talks to my sister and finds out she doesn’t own a pet.
“You are such an animal lover,” Stacey says.
“I am. Did Harper tell you about our new cat?”
I get drawn into conversation with the other parents and, for a little while, I almost forget that my ex-husband is trying to crawl back into my life.
***
Later that night, when Harper’s in bed and I’m all alone, it’s not Bryson I want to call. I don’t want to hear his story of reformation and his promises to do better this time.
Nope. I just want to talk to HandsyGuy37.
He’s outside of all of this. He’s not going to remember what a good husband Bryson once was like my parents will. Because they loved him once too.
HandsGuy37 doesn’t know about all the hours I’ve spent wondering if I’ve been doing a disservice to Harper by not tracking Bryson down and insisting he show up for her like Ellery does.
He doesn’t want to punish Bryson for hurting me and abandoning his niece like Asher does.
Not that they won’t all support me no matter what I decide, but I’ll feel the weight of that history with them in a way I won’t with HandsyGuy37, because it just doesn’t exist for him.
DogPerson158: My life just got impossibly more complicated.
He answers right away, and I sigh in relief. Thank goodness.
HandsyGuy37: That doesn’t sound good. Want to talk about it?
DogPerson158: We’ve agreed we’re never going to meet in person, right?
He takes a long time to answer, and I second-guess my message, or, by the time he answers, thirty-guess it. But we did agree, right? We aren’t meeting in person.
HandsyGuy37: We’ve agreed. I know where we stand. I just want to be clear that if you ever change your mind, I’d love to meet in person.
It’s so tempting, but there’s no way this guy could possibly be as good in person as he is virtually. Men like that don’t exist. Or if they do, they’ve never shown an interest in me.
DogPerson158: We are never meeting and, if you do figure out who I am, you are to pretend you don’t know me if you see me in person. Deal?
HandsyGuy37: I’m not sure I can agree to that. Can I ask why?
I breathe in deeply. DogPerson 158: I want to break one of our rules. I want to reveal personal information.
His answer is almost instantaneous. HandsyGuy37: I’ll make that deal for the opportunity to get to know you better.
For some weird reason, his answer makes my eyes burn. I’m not crying over a guy wanting to get to know me with absolutely no chance of sex. I am not.
DogPerson158: My ex-husband is moving back to town, and he wants to be in my daughter’s life.
There’s a longer pause this time before he answers. HandsyGuy37: How do you feel about that? Any chance of reuniting as a happy little family?
His words project an image into my mind, one I imagined many times before Harper was born, of me and Bryson and Harper together and happy. Is it possible Bryson’s changed enough that we could work out this time? Would it be the right thing to do for Harper?
DogPerson158: Unlikely, but I’m not ruling it out entirely. We were both immature and young when we were married the first time, so it’s possible we’ve grown up enough to make things work this time around. And it seems like it might be the right thing to do for my daughter.
I hit send before I change my mind. I need to get the thought out of my head and get an outside opinion, because I’m flying blind right now and I hate not knowing my next steps. I hate not knowing the right thing to do.
HandsyGuy37: I admit to being biased against you with any man who’s not me, but I don’t think it ever goes well when a couple gets together or stays together for the sake of the kids. Your daughter doesn’t need her parents to be together to know she’s loved.
A bit of tension eases out of me. He’s right. I knew it before he said it, but it’s still good to hear it from someone outside the situation. And I’m going to ignore him saying he wants to be with me.
I have to.
I need him to be my friend right now. Just my friend.
DogPerson158: Thanks. I just really needed to hear that I can be a good mom without getting back together with him, because I don’t even want to see him.
To be honest, I’m still furious with him for walking out of our lives and contributing nothing to help us.
He hasn’t even called to see how Harper is doing in the four years she’s been alive, and now he thinks he can just walk back in and be her daddy?
DogPerson158: Sorry, I got a little carried away. I would have toned it down and edited it, but I accidentally hit send before I could.
And, damn it, I used Harper’s name. If this guy wants to figure out who I am, he very easily can. Let’s hope he realizes I’m way too much drama and doesn’t bother.
HandsyGuy37: Don’t edit yourself on my account. You have every right to be angry. Can you meet with him before you decide if you’re going to let him see your daughter?
DogPerson158: That’s a good idea. Think I can hold him off that way until she’s eighteen? I could keep making him jump through more and more hoops until she’s a grown-up.
HandsyGuy37: I think you can do whatever you want. The very fact that you were even considering getting back with this guy for your daughter proves you have only her best interests at heart. Trust your gut.
HandsyGuy37: And if you need him scared out of town, let me know. I know a few people who can be very scary when they want to be.
I laugh, the tension I’ve been holding onto since I got Bryson’s call easing somewhat.
DogPerson158: That’s good to know.
HandsyGuy37: Not to pry, but do you have to worry about this guy taking legal action to get what he wants?
There’s no harm in revealing that detail, right? I don’t want HandsyGuy to worry.
DogPerson158: He gave up his parental rights when she was born. But enough about me, how are you doing?
HandsGuy37: I’m actually in the middle of something. Can I message you later?
The fact that he stopped whatever he was doing to answer me so quickly, gives me major warm fuzzies. This guy is going to make some woman very happy someday.
DogPerson158: No problem. I should probably call my ex back. I need to get this conversation over with.
But I don’t call Bryson right away. I pace and peek in on Harper, who’s sleeping so soundly she’s kicked off all her covers. I pull them back over her because it’s a chilly night, even with the heat on.
Then, I search the fridge for something with sugar, because I deserve a treat for even contemplating calling my ex.
Nothing. Whoever’s week it is to buy me a sugary treat for my hour of need has fallen down on the job.
Too bad that person is me.
With nothing left to help me procrastinate, I take the phone to the front porch, just in case Harper wakes up and overhears me talking on the phone and is somehow able to intuit that I’m talking to her father.
Whatever. It makes me feel better to be sure she can’t overhear anything.
Bryson answers on the first ring like he’s been waiting for my call.
“Melly. Thanks for calling me back. Is Harper asleep?”
I sigh. I hate this so much. “You don’t need to know anything about Harper, Bryson. You don’t get to just pop back into her life like you didn’t abandon us four years ago.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I have so much to make up for, and I’m going to do it. I’ve figured out how much back child support I owe, with interest. I can’t pay you back all at once, but I’ve sent a payment for the first year to your parents. They still have the same PO box, right?”
“I’m going to call you back,” I say.
I don’t give him a chance to answer before I hang up and call my parents.
“Hey, baby, I was just about to call you. We ran down to the post office after work and picked up our mail. There’s something here for you.”
“I think it might be a check. Can I stop over and pick it up—”
“It is a check, honey, and it’s for a lot of money. It’s from Bryson. Have you talked to him? What does he want?”
There’s no point in telling my mother she shouldn’t have opened my mail. She’s my mom. She’s nosy, and she loves me. Of course she’s going to open it. “He called me today. He’s moving back to Catalpa Creek soon, and he wants to see Harper. This is his way of making up for everything, I guess.”
“It’s a lot of money, honey. Enough to probably cover your first year of vet school if you don’t get that scholarship.”
I grip the couch to keep from falling over. That’s a life-changing amount of money. A ‘fifty fewer things to worry about’ amount of money. And it will go straight to Harper’s college fund.
If I accept it.
But accepting it means I have to let him see her.
“Hold on to it until I see you again?”
“Of course.”
I hang up and call Bryson back. “How do I know the check won’t bounce?”
“Wow,” he says. “Still blunt as hell.”
“And on the verge of hanging up on you.”
“Don’t hang up!” he says, sounding genuinely panicked.
“You’re right to ask. It won’t bounce. I swear.
I’ve got a good job, and I’ve been saving for years.
I won’t be able to give you that much again for a while, but I’ll start making monthly payments, okay?
And I’ll pay the back support as I go. I want to do the right thing here, Melly. ”
“Uh-huh. Four years too late, but okay. You’ve got my attention. Tell me all your lame excuses for not calling before now.”
“I was an idiot and an asshole,” he says. “I wasn’t ready for a kid and—”
“No one’s ready for a kid, Bryson. You figure it out.”
“I know.” He sighs. “I know that now.”
“What happened? Near death moment? You see a cute kid at the park?”
“No,” he says. “I just grew up, okay? I was saving for a house, and I was stable. I finally had the freedom to live my life on my own terms. It was everything I ever wanted, but it was empty. Harper is this huge gaping hole in me and what I did to you… I fucked up, Melly. I see that now. And I want to make it right. I’ll do anything you ask. ”
“I need to know you’re staying, Bryson. I need to know this isn’t just a whim.”
“Doesn’t the sixteen grand I sent you indicate how serious I am?”
“I’ll let you know when the check clears,” I say. “And I want to meet you in person before you see Harper. I need to look you in the eyes and make sure this isn’t just another one of your whims.”
He chuckles. “You always could read me like no one else.”
For a moment, I’m nineteen again. In love and sure that nothing and no one can destroy my happiness. When things were good between me and Bryson, they were so, so good.
“When will you be in Catalpa Creek?”
“I don’t officially start my job for a couple of weeks, but I’ve got a place rented and I can move to town whenever you’re ready for me. I can be there in three hours, whenever you want to meet. Or whenever you decide to let me see Harper.”
“No guarantees,” I say. “I get to decide if you see Harper, and you abide by that.” Even if there is no way in hell I’ll keep him from seeing our daughter when he’s living in this town.
“I get it,” he says. “Everything happens on your terms.”
“If it happens at all.”
He’s silent for a long moment and, when he finally speaks, his voice is raspy. “If it happens at all.”
“Good. I’ll be in touch.”
“Melly, wait.”
My heart stutters, ready for the bad news.
“Can you send me a picture? Just one picture.”
“Fine.”
I hang up and shoot him a text with a picture of Harper as a newborn. No way will he be able to recognize our daughter on the street if he does come to town early.