31. thirty one
thirty one
EZRA
“That’s all? Just a kiss?” Zack questioned with a harsh tone.
His widened eyes almost pierced me like an emerald sword.
He crossed his ankles on the wooden table at the library.
His shoes had lost their shine, and his trousers were wrinkled.
The burgundy vest he’d been wearing over his white button-up was stained in different shades and hues.
“Well, what did you expect?” I asked as I rolled the wheels of my chair to face him. “A movie filled with fleshly pleasures? You know I’m not like that.”
Zack rolled his eyes. “I expected more from you. As your friend, it is within my obligation to correct your wrongs. How dare you not take advantage of the opportunity? The girl was served to you on a silver platter.”
I shook my head. I used to be just like him. I used to idolize Zack for the number of girls he could woo, but whenever I attempted to be someone I wasn’t, I felt like I’d been sinning.
“When are you going to give up that pipe dream of getting married and having a big traditional family? That is so old school. Even our parents have given up on that fantasy.”
“Your parents and my parents grew up in a society filled with hypocrisy and vanity. They had no choice but to be married off for the prosperity of their families,” I argued.
“I don’t wish to bestow upon my children the same nightmare that I lived because my mother did not love my father, and my father only loved himself. ”
Zack offered me a skeptical glance. As much as I loved my childhood best friend, I was not as shallow as he was.
He believed women to be objects, disposable toys.
I found women to be admirable, strong, and astonishing.
My mother was a woman. And it was a woman’s womb that nurtured me to life, it was a woman’s care that supported me through the darkness of my life, and it was Lysandra’s resilience which inspired me to be a better man for her.
He then sat up and pulled out his wallet from his back pocket.
“How much do you want this week?” Zack asked, counting one hundred US dollar bills between his fingers. “I hope you don’t mind these. It’s all I got right now.”
“I wasn’t doing this for the money,” I explained.
“Sure, you weren’t!” he snickered, his golden hair falling over his face. “Then why have you never rejected my money?”
I breathed in through my nose.
“It started as a joke, but the joke is over now. You can keep your money.”
“Don’t tell me you fell for her!” he cackled.
But there was nothing to laugh about. “This isn’t funny.”
Zack noticed my blank expression and immediately stopped chortling. Swiftly, he cleaned the tears of laughter that had escaped the corners of his green orbs. “In all seriousness, I was planning on giving you a thousand this week.”
I was baffled. “Her downfall really means that much to you?”
“She embarrassed my sister when she first got here. And you know how Scar is. She won’t let me forget about it for another five years if I don’t use my charms to ruin her. I didn’t do it with that other English girl, and you saw how she was hospitalized. Sorry, but it’s me or that Lysandra girl.”
“Scarlett needs therapy,” I muttered.
“That she does,” he agreed.
As silence filled the space between us, I wished I hadn’t accepted the bet.
“Why did you dare me to talk to her? Why didn’t you just do it yourself?” I asked.
“I tried to speak to her, and she wouldn’t respond to me. You know I don’t have patience for troubled girls who feel all that deep crap. You do.”
And it was then that I realized Zack had used my pride against me to hurt Lysandra.
But I wasn’t going to cut her more open any more than she already was.
I hadn’t meant for it to go this far. At first, I accepted the dare for the fun of it, but then I saw just how profound she truly was, and I was entranced within a matter of seconds.
After that, I simply wanted to be her friend, I never planned to use her and discard her like Zack intended me to do.
My head moved side to side. “Let’s not change the topic. Keep Scarlett away from Lysandra.”
“I’ll try.” He shrugged.
I knew then that my romance with Lysandra would be cut short because of my deception.
An eerie feeling rushed down my back, like I was being watched.
I scanned the library, it’d been dark, but the lights blanketed the bookshelves and wooden tables with a wonderful glow.
This always felt like home. I was able to enter other worlds, other people’s minds, and other lives through the books that were shelved on the walls.
And it was also another safe haven for Lysandra and me.
We got to know each other more when we met in the library. Now, it seemed as though it was being marked with blood as I left this clandestine meeting with my best friend. All because I agreed to a stupid dare. But it was that dare that got me the girl of my dreams.
How was I to deal with this remorse, this guilt, this need for repentance for approaching her with the wrong intentions? How was I to hide this from the person who saw through me so clearly?
This was not a matter I could hide. I could hide nothing from her.
Not even the misery I held onto for so long.
Yet, I knew deep down, one day she would have to know.
One day, she would find out. I had to do everything in my power to stop her from knowing the truth.
I’d lose her if she knew. She had received nothing but the worst scars in life; I didn’t wish to be another mark on her heart.
Nonetheless, we spent the rest of the semester deemed as quite the pair. Many knew of our relationship, but none of them approved. I was born into a family of privilege, and she had none.
Students spoke about how my father would disapprove of her.
Those same nosy people rushed to report to him that I’d been infatuated with a girl out of our social class.
I knew he would disapprove of her for all the wrong reasons, but I was going to prove him wrong.
At first I didn’t want her to attend dinner with my family, to protect her, yet she insisted.
Truthfully, I wanted her to meet my mother. And my mum wished to meet her. So here we were, sitting with my entire family around the dinner table. Except Maya. She wasn’t allowed to be among us.
There’d been candlesticks laid intricately across the center of the table.
Vases with different flowers surrounded the bench top.
There’d been round plates with silver linings mounted with grapes, strawberries, and mangoes.
The servants in their uniforms moved robotically from our dining table and into the kitchen with our courses.
My nerves made me feel on edge. There’d been nothing but anguish as I watched my father glare at me whenever Lysandra wasn’t looking.
She laughed with my mother at a joke I hadn’t caught on to because of his disdainful glances.
It seemed as though he wished to kill me with his sneer.
“How long do you plan to stay here in Edinburgh?” my mother asked with her angelic voice.
“For as long as I can. The academy gave me a scholarship, and right now I’m working a few shifts at a nearby pub to have extra cash while I study,” Lysandra replied sweetly.
How I wished she hadn’t shared her plans out loud. My father would only use them to his advantage.
He cleared his throat.
“And what about your parents? Don’t they have the resources to provide for you, so you don’t have to humiliate yourself in such a way?”
I flinched for her. I knew my mother wasn’t trying to be mean about it, but it sure seemed like it because only I knew just how difficult it had been for her.
She remained cool and impassive. Her breathing was calm and collected.
How did she do it? How did she lift these walls of confidence so quickly?
“I don’t have parents. I have no choice but to provide for myself. I have goals that I intend to meet to give to my children what I didn’t have.”
“What are those goals of yours?” My father asked.
“To become an author. A well-known one. I have a couple of stories bouncing around in my head,” she chuckled.
But so did my father.
It wasn’t a laugh of joy, but one of prejudice.
My mum’s fork clinked with her plate, the servants were moving around in the kitchen, yet the silence that followed had been the loudest. I felt my entire body tremble.
If my father had another one of his episodes, I feared I wouldn’t be able to protect her when I could barely fight back myself.
Lysandra set her hand over mine. She wasn’t shaking like I was. Her hand was warm, giving me the comfort that I desperately needed.
“It’s getting late. We have to head back to the school.” I pushed my seat back, the legs screeching under me.
“But we haven’t even started dessert?” My mum said gently.
Lysandra checked her watch and stood up with me. “Yeah, I think that’s best. It was very lovely to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Van Dorren.”
“Okay, let me see you two out.”
Lysandra’s sweet presence had lighten up a room filled with darkness.
She extended a hand for my mum; my mother’s chestnut strands fell over her shoulders as she pulled Lys into a hug.
Her jeweled hand wrapped around her back, nothing but affection and care for her.
“It was so nice to meet you, Lysandra. You seem like such a sweet girl for my son.”
Lysandra thanked her and leaned her cheek on my mother’s shoulder. It was then that I realized that it was the first motherly solace she’d received since she was six.
My father didn’t even stand to see us out, he remained with his gaze focused on his food. Lysandra looked up at me and then to my father. “It was nice to meet you, sir. Hopefully we can have more lovely dinners like this in the near future.”
My father only grunted as he chewed on his roasted chicken.
“Excuse him,” I uttered.
“Don’t worry.” She smiled.
“I’ll walk you two out,” my mother chirped.
I walked ahead of them two as they conversed. “Please convince my son to come and visit me more often. His presence is very much missed whenever he is at school.”
“You’ve got nothing to worry about. I will try to convince him so his visits can become a weekly habit,” Lysandra replied.
“Take good care of yourself, Lysandra. You are a lovely girl, and I wish you and my son the best in this new chapter as a couple.”
I grabbed her coat from the rack by the entrance before walking over to her, setting it over her shoulders. I wished to speak. I wished to enjoy this moment with my mother. But my fear seemed to have paralyzed any positive emotion within me.
A soft joy lit her features.
“Thank you, mum, for receiving us and preparing such a great meal.”
“You know it was the servants who made the food,” my mother argued.
I shook my head. “I know when it’s your cooking.”
She scrunched her nose up when she grinned. I kissed her forehead. “I’ll be back soon, mum. The semester is almost over.”
“Mmm, fine. Bye, darlings! Take care.”
Lysandra and I walked out of the house and into the car. The workers had already parked my vehicle near the entrance. It was silent as we entered the transport.
“What’s wrong?” she asked me.
“Nothing.”
“What is it, Ezra? Did I do something wrong?”
“No! No, you didn’t do anything. You were… you are perfect. It’s just my father. I don’t know how much longer I can handle that kind of treatment in my life. I hated the way he belittled you the entire time.”
“You know I don’t mind. He and the rest of Scotland can reject me as long as you don’t.”
“I don’t care if you have money or not.”
“Then why are you so troubled with what they have to say?” she asked.
“I don’t care what they have to say or think about us. I just don’t want my father to ruin what we have.”
She grabbed my hand, snaking her soft hand over mine.
“Nothing will ruin what we have.”
If only she knew what I’d been hiding since January. But I remained quiet, despite having been screaming in my mind the truth that I’d been keeping to myself. I intertwined our fingers before kissing her hand.
“Now, don’t get me wrong. I love spending time with you, but I do have an essay that’s due tomorrow, and I would really like to keep my A in British Lit,” she mentioned.
I nodded, turning the key in the ignition, and the engine settled with a soft rumble.