28. Mason #2
“Chalk it up to another reason I’m an asshole. She’s not dead. She’s in rehab—again.”
“Again?”
I slid down the wall and dropped into a crouch. “She’s been in and out of rehab since Zoe and I came to live with my dad when I was eleven and Zo was three. Mom’s longest clean stretch is six months in the past seven years. After her last relapse, she’s in rehab for a year.”
“A whole year? How often do you see her?”
“Not often.” I scrubbed my hands over my face.
“The deal is she needs to be clean for six months before she can see Zoe. Last time, she made it three. Every time the helplessness burns a hole in my gut. I’ve tried everything I can to help her stay clean.
Hockey was my way of getting my dad’s attention.
I figured once he saw how good I was, he’d help us.
Help her.” If I had been better younger, he’d have shown up earlier.
He’d have helped us sooner, before it got really bad.
If I’d been more dedicated to hockey and proving myself to my father, she wouldn’t have had to deal with me all by herself.
She reached for my hand. “Hockey shouldn’t matter one bit when it comes to him being there for you and being a dad.”
If only that were true.
“But it worked, and he took me and Zoe in, and she got to have a life she never could’ve had with our mom.
And he got my mom all the help she needed.
Rehab, set her up in apartments when she got out, even arranged for part-time work for her or legal help.
” No matter how much he pushed me on the ice, he’d done more than expected when it came to my mom.
I couldn’t hate him or even resent him when my mom would literally be dead if it weren’t for him.
And Zoe and I would’ve been separated, shuffled off to foster care.
“So applying for the scholarship was your way of trying to fix this for me, like fixing things for your mom and Zoe,” she said, cautiously testing the idea.
“Yeah, I guess it was like that. Rhode Island felt like the only way to stay together. I called the admissions office at Rhode Island Design. Your sketchbook and what you’ve sewed in the lab would be enough of a portfolio.
All you’d need to do would be submit the application.
The scholarship would be a championship trophy on the whole thing.
” Lilah was in my system and had rewired the whole damn thing.
After two days, my skin barely contained the bristling restlessness, and that was knowing she was close.
How was I supposed to survive being several thousand miles away?
She covered both of my hands with hers and squeezed them. “You wanted me to be with you that much.”
“More than breathing.” I shoved off the wall, sat beside her and draped my arm around her shoulder, bringing her in tight, so there was no space between us.
Lilah rested her head on my shoulder.
I released a shaky breath as the tension that had been coiled inside because of her anger with me slowly unfurled.
“I know you want to fix this, and now I know why you want to fix it, so thank you for explaining. But this has to be my choice, Mason. And as much as I might want to choose Rhode Island because working on fashion design and being ten minutes away from you sounds like a dream I never could’ve fathomed before, I need to think about the reality of my future. ”
I stiffened, stood and turned to face her. “But—”
She jumped up and pressed a finger against my lips. “I know.” Both her hands wrapped around me. “I know, Mason. I’m not making this choice to hurt you—it hurts me too—but we’ve got to be realistic about all the changes we’re going to go through.”
“There’s no change that would make being away from you worth it to me. I love you, Lilah.”
Her head snapped up and she stared at me. Her stunned look transformed into a sad smile.
I braced myself for the gentle letdown.
She leaned in and kissed me. Tender and sweet, her lips brushed against mine, and she whispered, “I love you too.”
Soaring emotions fired in my chest. I spun her around, her back making a barely audible thump against the wall.
Both hands braced on either side of her head, I kissed her like her lips were the only way I’d ever draw oxygen again.
She looped her hands around my neck and drew me even closer by the hair at the nape of my neck.
I grabbed one of her legs and hooked it around my hip.
Lilah ground herself against me, stoking the all-consuming hunger after two whole days without seeing each other.
The door to my left opened, flooding our private bubble with reality and bright light.
“Mr. Shaw! Ms. Byrd.” The nurse squawked at us, arms flapping in the light. “I expected more of you.”
Lilah blanched and struggled to dislodge her leg. “Sorry, Ms. Nielsen. We—”
I set it back down, running my finger along the back of her knee.
Lilah yanked her leg away and scowled at me.
I grabbed her bag off the bed and wrapped an arm around her waist, hugging her to me.
“We’re leaving now. And you can report this to whoever you want, but we’ve got an undefeated season and my father’s on the board, so decide if you want to be on his bad side.”
I walked Lilah out of the nurse’s office.
Lilah’s panicked breaths were loud even over the busy hallway. The bell must’ve rung while we were otherwise occupied.
“I’m going to get into so much trouble.” She grabbed her head with one hand.
“She won’t say anything, Lilah. Don’t worry about it. It’s handled.” I kissed her temple.
She looked up at me with uncertain eyes.
“This won’t touch you. There’s a hell of a lot worse going down in this place. A couple of students making out in the nurse’s office is the least of our worries. Plus, it happened on her watch. She won’t say a word. Trust me.”
Lilah nodded and let me keep her bag.
A roar of rightness went off in my chest. Now I had to figure out how to stay together after this year ended, because I wasn’t going to go another day without Lilah in my arms.