Chapter 2 #2
I decide to let it go. Parker’s not going to listen to me when he’s drunk and high.
He’s been doing that shit almost every night since the accident, which means he’s more worried about it than he’s letting on.
He used to only get like this on the weekends, but now it’s all the time.
I’d probably be the same way if I weren’t under all this pressure to get perfect grades and win us the game on Friday.
When I get home, I race up to my room and lock the door.
My dad’s car wasn’t in the garage, but I’m not taking any chances.
He could be home any minute now and start banging on my door to give me one of his many lectures or throw something at me.
I hate him so damn much, to the point I almost fought back the last time he hit me.
But fighting back could mean losing the car.
He could also take away all the money I saved.
So for now, I’ll put up with it. I’ll take his punches and force myself not to fight back, knowing I’ll be out of here soon.
I get out my laptop and attempt to study.
Last week, I got a C on a quiz that I should’ve gotten an A on.
It wasn’t worth much of my grade, but it made me realize how much I’m falling behind.
At this rate, instead of being second in class, I’ll be third, or maybe even lower.
My father would kill me if that happened.
After three attempts to read through my chemistry notes, I still have no idea what they mean. I’m too damn tired, and too distracted by thoughts of Ella. I want to talk to her, but I can’t. I need to stay away from her. And I need to stay awake if I’m going to get any studying done.
I go down to the kitchen and grab an energy drink from the fridge. I gulp it down, then grab another.
The door to the kitchen swings open, and my father walks in. He stops when he sees me. “Briggs. You startled me.”
“I was just getting a drink. I have a lot of studying to do. I’ll be up in my room.”
He comes around the center island, standing in front of me. “Your mother called.”
Shit. He’s drunk. I can tell by his drooping eyes and slouched posture. And he’s got a glass of scotch in his hand that’s nearly full.
“When did you get home?” I ask, wanting to change the topic away from my mom. Talking about her makes him angry, even when he’s not drunk.
“About ten minutes ago. Howard dropped me off.”
Howard is one of his friends from the country club, an old guy and a retired judge.
He had been close friends with my grandfather.
Howard took it upon himself to watch over my dad when my grandfather died — and by watch over, I mean keep my dad out of trouble.
My father would never admit that, but it’s true.
Howard always drives him home when he’s drunk, knowing my dad would drive himself if he didn’t.
He also gets him out of situations where he might embarrass himself, like when my father drinks too much at a party and starts saying things he shouldn’t, or doing other inappropriate things that could damage his reputation.
If I did those things, my father would slap me or punch me or throw something at me, and yet he doesn’t seem to realize when it’s him doing those things.
“How’s Howard?” I ask. “I haven’t seen him for a while.”
“He has a brain tumor.” My father takes a drink of his scotch.
“Howard has cancer?” I ask, wondering if that’s why my dad’s drinking. He pretends Howard is just a casual friend, but I know he sees him more like a father.
“They found it last week,” my father says, swirling his scotch in the glass. “He’ll be fine. He’s a tough old bastard.” His gaze goes from his glass up to me. “He’s planning to be at your graduation. He offered to help you with your valedictorian speech.”
I keep quiet, not wanting to talk about that, knowing it’ll just end in a fight.
“Did you hear me?” my father snaps. “Howard’s willing to help you with your speech.”
“I appreciate the offer, but I can handle it.”
He nods, then takes a drink. “How was school?”
“Fine.” I wish I’d stayed in my room. If I’d known he was home, I would’ve locked myself in there until morning.
“Did you get a new partner?”
“For what?”
“That class you’re taking. The one with the Quinn girl.”
“I can’t change partners. It’s too late in the semester.”
“It’s never too late. Give me your instructor’s name. I’ll call and take care of it.”
“Dad, it’s not worth it. We only have a few more assignments and we’re doing them separately. She’ll do this week’s and I’ll do the next one.”
His brows rise. “You’re trusting her with your grade? That doesn’t seem wise.”
“She’ll send it to me before we turn it in. I can make changes if I need to.”
“I’m surprised she’s even taking such a high-level class. She can’t possibly be very bright. Her father mows lawns for a living. Is she even going to college?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t asked her.”
He has no idea how smart Ella is, which is good. It means he’ll never guess she’s number one in our class. The only way he’ll find out is if Ms. Whittaker tells him, but I can’t see her doing that. She’s strict about student confidentiality.
“May I be excused?” I ask. “I really need to study.”
“We’re not done yet. I didn’t finish telling you about your mother.”
“What about her?”
“She called to say she’d like you to visit her.”
“In India?”
“No. At her home in Italy. She’ll be going back there in a few weeks to get some of her things. She wants you to spend the week with her.”
“I can’t miss that much school. I’m already—” I stop before telling him I’m falling behind.
“You’re what?”
“Nothing. I’m just saying I have a lot going on with school and rugby season starting.” I pause. “And honestly, I don’t want to see her.”
He gives me a smug smile. “I thought you might say that. In fact, I told her so.”
“And what did she say?”
“She said I was being cruel and that you’d be thrilled by her offer.
But I know my son. You’re like me. You don’t reward disrespect.
You punish it. Your mother disrespected you by refusing to attend your graduation.
And she’s embarrassing our family.” He pats my shoulder.
“I knew you’d side with me on this. I taught you everything you know.
Your mother chooses not to believe that, as if you’d somehow take after her.
She was never even around when you were growing up, and now where is she?
Off at some camp for hippies instead of supporting her son!
” he huffs. “And to think I chose her as a partner. I rarely admit my mistakes, but just between you and me, marrying your mother was the biggest mistake I ever made.” He finishes his drink and sets the glass down.
“That was all. You can go to your room now.”
Relieved to be done with this conversation, I go around him, heading to the door.
“Oh, about this Saturday,” he says.
I turn back. “What about it?”
“You won’t be going to the office with me. I’ll be meeting with the accountant all day to resolve some tax issues.”
“What about Sunday?”
“I’ll need to catch up on some things. I won’t have time to deal with you.”
“Okay,” I casually say, trying to hide how fucking happy I am at finding out I have the whole weekend to myself.
Back in my room, I’m able to breathe again. As soon as I saw my father, and saw that he was drunk, I prepared myself for the worst. I went into survival mode, my muscles tight, my breathing shallow. I never know what he’s going to do. I have to be prepared for anything.
Just a few more months. I keep telling myself I can do this, but each day is a struggle. And now that I don’t have Ella to talk to, it’s even harder. Ella was keeping me going, helping me see the light.
Now all I see is darkness. I feel trapped, knowing I need that valedictorian title, but not sure how to get it. Maybe it won’t even matter. If the cops find out about the hit-and-run, I’ll be spending graduation in jail. I won’t have to worry about the future because I won’t have one.