Chapter 6
Briggs
When I wake up, I check my phone and see it’s after ten.
This is the first time I’ve slept this late on a Saturday since my mom moved out.
My father hates it when I sleep in. If he were home, he would’ve been banging on my door at seven, yelling at me to get up.
But today he’s at the office. He’ll be there all day.
I have an entire Saturday with no set schedule and nobody telling me what to do.
I stretch my arms out and breathe, smiling as I relive last night’s game.
We totally crushed the other team, and it wasn’t an easy team to beat.
They’ve ranked higher than us for the past three years.
It felt fucking awesome to take them down, wiping that smug look off their faces every time we scored.
Parker and I were on fire, plowing down the field, taking down anyone in our path.
I wish Ella were there to see it. She doesn’t like sports, but I’d still like her to see me play, at least once.
I’m not sure why it matters to me, but it does.
I’m doing everything possible to stop thinking about Ella and to stay away from her, but I swear it just makes me want to be with her even more.
When she texted me yesterday at school, asking me to meet her at noon, I told myself not to do it.
Then noon came, and I almost went to see her, but then stopped and went back in the building.
I met up with Parker in the cafeteria, but I wasn’t listening to anything he said.
All I could think about was Ella. Finally, I just gave up trying to fight it and went down to the field.
I thought for sure she’d be gone. I was counting on it, hoping I wouldn’t have to see her, knowing that when I’m alone with her, things happen. Things I can’t let myself do.
When I saw her there, I immediately wanted her.
I wanted to take her in my arms and kiss her in a way that would have her begging me to do more.
I wanted to go back to how things were when we were together, before I decided to make Ella hate me again.
I know it has to be this way, but it’s not what I want.
It’s not what Ella wants either. She actually told me that. She asked if we could be friends again.
It killed me to tell her no, because fuck, I miss her like I can’t even believe.
My chest literally aches at the thought of never being with her again.
Those few weeks we were together, I felt like a different person.
For once, I felt good about myself, like maybe I’m not the shitty person I think I am.
My own parents don’t even want me. What does that say about me?
Ella’s the only person who ever showed genuine interest in me — in who I am and what I want and how I feel.
Nobody else gives a shit. I’m surrounded by people who act like they worship me.
They do what I say and tell me what I want to hear.
But it’s all fake. They only do it because I’m popular.
Because I drive the most expensive car at school.
Because I’m captain of the rugby team. And because they’ve seen what I can do to people who piss me off.
Like Ella. All it took was spreading a few rumors about her and calling her names to get everyone to turn against her.
She didn’t even do anything to provoke me.
When people saw that, they didn’t even try to challenge me.
I rule Devonshore High, but the people there only pretend to like me. The truth is, most of them hate me. I intimidate them, scare them, threaten them. I’m a bully, like my father, and although I hate that about myself, it’s just who I am.
Ella somehow managed to push that part of me aside and see the real me. The one I forgot was even there. I’ve been filled with so much rage, so much hate, for so long that I forgot that I wasn’t always this way.
But with Ella, I felt the rage die down, the hate fade into the background. I felt compassion for Ella. For her losing her mom. For her not having friends. For her having to sweep grass off rich people’s sidewalks every afternoon.
Ella made me happy, a feeling I don’t remember having since I was a kid. Even then, I didn’t get to experience it much, so when I felt it with Ella, it almost felt strange, like it wasn’t real.
Ella made me laugh. She made me think. She challenged me. She supported me.
And now she’s out of my life, and I know for a fact I’ll never feel that way again.
My phone rings. It’s Parker. I let it go to voicemail. I already know what he wants, and the answer is no. I’m not dealing with Aubrey tonight, and I know she’s one of the reasons he keeps nagging me to go to this party. Aubrey wants me back, and she’s using Scarlett and Parker to help her.
The phone rings again, but I ignore it and take a shower. When I’m getting dressed, it rings again.
I finally answer. “I’m not going, so stop calling.”
“Briggs, what the fuck? You have to show up tonight. You skipped last night’s party and it was the biggest party of the year.”
“I had a headache.”
“Who the fuck cares? You show up at team parties. It’s a fucking rule, especially when you’re the team captain. You and I are the reason we won that game. You know how many girls you could’ve had?”
“I wasn’t in the mood. In case you forgot, there’s a good possibility we’re going to jail soon.”
“All the more reason to be with as many girls as you can.”
“What about you? Did you cheat on Scarlett last night?”
“It’s not cheating. We have an open relationship.”
“So how many?”
He laughs. “Two.”
“And Scarlett knows this?”
“I didn’t tell her, but I’m sure she found out. She was wasted last night. I heard she ended up in a room with some guy.”
“That doesn’t bother you?”
“Not when I’m getting some too.”
“That’s messed up. You should just break up with her.”
“Fuck no. She’s hot, and tonight I get her all to myself. She wants to try all this kinky shit. I think knowing I was with other girls last night turned her on, or maybe she wants to prove she’s better than them. Either way, it’s gonna be an awesome night.”
“I need to go. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Briggs, you have to show up tonight. People are going to think something’s going on with you.”
“That’s not why you want me there. This is about Scarlett, and about people thinking less of her party if I don’t show up. Scarlett’s using you to get to me, hoping you’ll convince me to go. And if you don’t, all the kinky shit she said she’d do with you tonight isn’t going to happen.”
He doesn’t respond.
“I know I’m right,” I say. “Don’t even try to deny it.”
“Yeah, whatever. I’ll pay you. How much do you want?”
“Trust me, you don’t have enough to make me show up. And you can tell Aubrey to stop using you and Scarlett in her attempt to get me back. It’s not happening.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not even sure Aubrey will be there.”
“It’s Scarlett’s party. They’re best friends.”
He sighs. “Okay, yeah, she’ll be there but just ignore her. Have some drinks and get laid. I’m sick of you being so fucking serious all the time.”
“That’s what happens when your future’s in the hands of some person who keeps threatening to ruin your life.”
“Forget about that and have some fun, even if it’s just for a night. There’s gotta be something I can do to convince you to go.”
As he says it, an idea pops into my head.
“I’ll go if you do what he says.”
“Who?” Parker asks. “What are we talking about?”
“The person texting us. He’s going to text us again and tell us to do something. If you agree to do it, and get Finn to agree to do it, I’ll go to the party tonight.”
“We don’t even know what it is yet. I can’t agree to it if I don’t know what it is.”
“You can, and you will, if you want me to go tonight.”
He sighs. “I’ll talk to Finn and let you know.”
I end the call, pleased with myself for coming up with that. It’s perfect. For days, I’ve been trying to figure out a way to get Finn and Parker to do whatever’s in the next text, and I finally found the answer.
An hour later, Parker calls back.
“What’d you decide?” I’m smiling, already knowing what he’s going to say.
“We’ll do it. But you better show up, and you can’t leave after an hour. You have to stay until at least midnight.”
“Looking forward to it. See you then.” I toss my phone down and lie back on the bed, wanting to tell Ella about this.
She’s so damn worried something’s going to happen to us, and it might have if I hadn’t worked out this deal with Finn and Parker.
Telling her this would put her mind at ease, at least for a few days, but I can’t tell her.
No calling, no texting. Those are my rules.
I’m supposed to be making her hate me. Honestly, it’s more about me hating her.
I need to truly hate her in order to do what I have to do to steal the valedictorian title from her.
I still don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I need to do it soon, before my father finds out Ella’s the person keeping me from being number one.
Hating Ella isn’t going to be easy. Even when I bullied her, I never hated her, but I could’ve made myself feel like I did if I really tried. Now I’m not sure it’s possible. How do I make myself hate her when I care about her?
I keep trying to convince myself that doing this is helping her, not hurting her. I’m saving her from my father. If she knew what he’s capable of, what he does to his own son, she’d understand why I have to do this. Why I don’t have a choice.
I wish I could tell her the truth. There are so many things I wish I could tell her. But I can’t. I live a life of secrets. A life of shame. A life I don’t want anyone ever knowing about. That’s just how it is, and how it has to be.
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