Chapter 18 #2
“The guy would’ve turned us in even if we’d done all the shit he told us to do. At least I’m not out ten grand. Forget all that. Let’s just hang out tonight. Just come over for a few hours.”
“I can’t be around Finn right now. I’m sick of him acting like this doesn’t matter. He got us into this mess and he doesn’t even give a shit.”
“He’s not coming over until later. It’ll just be you and me.”
I consider it, not wanting to go, but also not wanting to be here.
“I’ll be there in twenty minutes,” I tell him.
“No shit?” he says with a laugh. “I didn’t think you’d do it.”
I end the call and run upstairs to my room to shower.
I’m not sure why I’m going over there. My friendship with Parker hasn’t been the same since the accident.
He’s become more like Finn, not giving a shit about anything.
He hasn’t talked about college since the accident.
He’s given up on his future and turned to drinking and drugs to avoid having to think about what’s going to happen to us.
When I get to his house, the door’s unlocked, so I go inside and find him in the kitchen, looking through the fridge.
“Hey,” I say, getting his attention.
He looks back and smiles. “Holy shit, you actually showed up. You hungry?”
“What do you have?”
“Leftover pizza.” He takes out the box and sets it on the counter.
I’m not hungry, but I haven’t eaten much today, so I take a slice.
“What’s Finn doing?” I ask.
“A girl,” Parker says, laughing as he takes a slice of pizza. “He met her at his brother’s house last week. His brother was done with her, so Finn took her.”
“He’s doing a girl his brother just had?”
“Yeah,” Parker says, before biting into his pizza.
I just shake my head. Finn’s changed since the accident, too. He’s more obnoxious and careless than he ever was before.
Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, maybe he was always that way, and I just didn’t notice.
Maybe Parker hasn’t changed that much either.
Maybe I just think Finn and Parker have changed because I’ve changed.
I feel like a different person after that night, and I think it’s more because of Ella than the accident.
Getting to know her and confiding in her changed me.
I miss her.
I miss her so fucking bad. I wish things didn’t have to end between us.
She’s the only person I could talk to who actually listened.
And as angry as I am that she saw my father hit me, it was also a relief.
I no longer have to keep this deep, dark secret all to myself.
I didn’t want Ella to find out, but in a strange way, having her know this freed me from the constant burden of trying to cover it up.
Parker stands at the counter, looking through his phone as he eats. “It’s been a week and nothing’s happened. What if he decided not to do it?”
“He’ll do it,” I say. “He’s purposely waiting just to torture us. It’s part of his fucking game.”
Even though the texter told us he’d wait, I’m still surprised that he did. I thought for sure he would’ve gone to the cops by now.
“Want a beer?” Parker asks.
“Not right now. I’ll take a soda.”
He takes a can from the fridge and tosses it to me.
I open it and it sprays all over my shirt. “What the hell?”
Parker laughs. “You should’ve waited. It got shook up when I threw it.”
Setting the can down, I go to the sink and rinse the sugary soda off my hands, then go back around the counter to where I was eating.
“You want to throw that in the wash?” Parker points to my shirt.
“No, I’ll just toss it.” I take it off, not even thinking, and throw it on the floor near the trash can. “You got one I could wear?”
Parker drops his pizza on the counter. “What the fuck happened?”
He’s staring at the bruise on my stomach. Shit!
“Nothing,” I say, racing to get my shirt from the floor.
“Holy shit!” I hear him say. “Who the hell did that to you?”
I look back and see him staring at the bruises on my back and shoulders. Fuck!
“It’s from the game,” I say, hurrying to get my shirt on.
“That did not come from the game. I got beat up on the field more than you did last night and I’m not bruised at all.”
“Just forget it,” I say, taking the rest of my pizza to the trash.
Parker’s watching me, wanting answers. Do I tell him? We used to be best friends. I should be able to tell him anything.
Part of me wants to do it, knowing I’ll feel even more relief if I stop hiding this and just tell him. Nobody else would have to know. I could just tell Parker, although he has a hard time keeping secrets.
“Briggs, what’s going on?” he asks. “How did that happen?”
I walk up to him. “If I tell you, you tell no one. I need your word that you’ll keep your mouth shut.”
“Yeah. I won’t tell anyone.”
“I’m serious, Parker. You tell no one.”
“Yeah, got it. If I can keep a secret about the accident, I can keep a secret about this. So who did it?”
I blow out a breath. “My father.”
His eyes widen. “Your dad did that?”
“We got in a fight and . . . he lost his temper.”
“Fuck yeah, he did. What the hell? Has he done this before?”
“Yeah,” I mutter. “I think I’ll take that beer.” I go to the fridge and get it.
Parker turns to me as I close the fridge. “How bad does your dad look? I’m guessing you beat the shit out of him.”
I don’t answer. I open the beer and drink it down, noticing I don’t feel the same type of relief I felt when Ella found out my secret. Why is it different with Parker?
“You beat the shit out of him, right?” Parker says.
“It doesn’t work that way.” I swig what’s left of my beer. “You want to go do something? I don’t feel like sitting around here.”
Parker laughs. “You let him do that to you and didn’t fight back?”
I knew he wouldn’t understand. I never should’ve told him. He’s not like Ella. He doesn’t know me the way she does. He doesn’t understand the situation. If he did, he wouldn’t be giving me that look right now, like I’m an idiot for not fighting back.
“Just shut the fuck up, okay?” I say, walking out of the kitchen.
Parker follows me. “You seriously didn’t do anything? You just stood there and let him hit you?”
“Shut the fuck up!” I turn and grab him by the shirt, yanking him up to my face. “You tell anyone about this, I’ll fucking kill you!”
“If you won’t even hit your dad, I’m not too worried about it.”
I let him go, then swing my arm back and punch him so hard he stumbles back.
“What the fuck?” He rubs his jaw as blood drips from his nose.
I go up to him. “That was a warning. You tell anyone about this, you’ll end up a lot worse. Keep your fucking mouth shut!”
He mumbles something as I storm to the door. I go out to my car, and as I’m driving away, I pass Finn. Parker better not tell him what I said. He better not tell anyone. If he does, I’ll deny it. I’ll say he made it up.
Fuck! Why did I tell him?
For the next hour, I drive around, not wanting to go home.
My dad isn’t there, but I still hate it.
I hate being in that house. It’s cold and dreary and filled with bad memories.
The only good memories are the ones I have of Ella being there.
The day we spent at the pool. The night we spent in my bed.
I want to see her. I can’t, but I want to. I need to warn her. She can’t control my father, but she at least needs to know he’s a threat. I owe her that. I’ve done so much bad shit to her. I can’t go back and change it, but I can at least tell her the truth about what’s going on.
Before I change my mind, I pull up to her house and go to the door.
“Ella.” I knock on the door several times. “Ella, I need to talk to you.”
The door opens, and when I see her standing there, I feel this intense need to take her in my arms. I want to hold her and feel her against my chest. It’s the only thing that would make me feel better right now. But I can’t do it. Ella and I are over.
“What do you want?” she asks in a cold, angry tone.
It’s what I deserve after how I treated her last week.
She tried to be nice, offered to help me, told me she was there for me for whatever I needed, and what did I do in response?
I told her to leave me alone. I told her what we had meant nothing.
I told her it was all an act. I told her I was only pretending to be friends with her so she’d hand over the valedictorian title.
I hated myself for saying those things to her.
I hated seeing the hurt on her face, knowing I was causing her pain.
But I did it because I had to, because I needed whatever it was we had together to end, for good.
I couldn’t keep going back to her, falling for her even more, but I was too fucking weak to stop myself.
So I needed Ella to stop it, which would only happen if she hated me.
I thought saying all those horrible things to her would make her hate me, and maybe it did, but it also hurt her, which is not what I wanted. I never wanted to hurt her.
“Briggs, what do you want?” she asks.
“I need to talk to you.”
“I’ve heard enough,” she says, trying to shut the door.
I hold it open. “Ella, you need to hear this. It’s about my father.”