Chapter Twenty-seven – Not Running Anymore
Chapter Twenty-seven
Andie
NOT RUNNING ANYMORE
Performed by Sir Woman
I’d spent the entire drive home from the ranch letting work slip away and focusing on the tantalizing hope for the future that Cooper so clearly saw for us.
It shone like a beacon in the dark, calling me home, calling me to him.
I’d let him convince me that it would be more selfish to walk away from us than to stay, and now I just had to hope it would be true.
When I pulled into my drive and saw the lights blazing from his windows, it felt like another sign.
I could walk into my cold, dark house where not even the dog I’d temporarily inherited was waiting for me, or I could walk toward the warmth, toward people and an animal who were truly thrilled to see me.
It was no contest.
At his door, I debated whether I should knock, but when I turned the handle, it opened with ease. As I stepped inside, I expected the peaceful calm I’d come to expect from Cooper’s house, and instead, I found tension filling the air.
Eden sat, relaxed and at ease, on the couch, staring across the coffee table at Cooper, who was quietly seething. His shoulders were stiffer than concrete blocks, and he looked moments away from jumping across the table and strangling his ex.
That should have scared me—the idea of another man in my life being capable of violence—but it did the opposite.
Because I knew just how much it would take to push Cooper to act on those feelings.
The only time I’d seen him actually let his rage loose was when it had been directed at someone who’d threatened the people, the town, or the family he loved, and even then, it had only been with words and not his fists.
When Eden flounced out after her dramatic little speech, and he stood there, battling for control, I felt the last piece of me that had been holding back fly away.
I went to him, trying to infuse some of the tenderness and care he’d repeatedly given me over the last few weeks into him. I tried to show him that he was worthy of more than Eden had ever offered. Worthy of someone putting him first, regardless of whether he could do the same in return.
The kiss we shared was life-altering in a different way, as it was full of promises we were giving not only to each other but to ourselves. It wasn’t about sex. It was about devotion. About souls aligning. About coming home.
And it might have continued for an eternity, if a bedroom door hitting a wall and the stomping of feet hadn’t drawn us apart.
“You had no right to send her away!” Luca hollered.
Akela had trotted in after him, and on seeing me, the dog bounded over, nearly knocking me over with happiness.
It took Cooper a minute to respond. And I knew him well enough by now to realize he was taking that moment to control his emotions. He dragged a hand through his hair and then unholstered his service weapon, stowing it in a gun safe below the hall table before answering his son.
“She isn’t allowed around you without supervision, Luca. At a minimum, if she wants to see you, she has to call and make arrangements for me to be here too.”
“She’s my mom! She shouldn’t have to make an appointment to give me a hug. And you knew she was in Swift Rivers. You knew she was here and didn’t even tell me or give me a chance to see her. Just because you hate her doesn’t mean I have to.”
“I don’t hate her. I can’t hate her, because she gave me you,” Cooper said, and my insides nearly exploded with the love I heard in his voice.
But if Luca heard it, he didn’t acknowledge it. He was one-hundred-percent the sullen teenager I’d first met the day he’d broken my window. He crossed his arms over his chest, glaring and looking, uncannily, so much like his father it almost hurt.
As if talking to a caged animal, Cooper asked gently, “What happened while she was here?”
“Nothing! We talked. She took a few pictures of us together. Normal sh—stuff.”
They stared each other down, testing to see who would break. I was surprised when it was Cooper.
“Did she post the pictures already?” Cooper asked, the resignation in his tone held a meaning I couldn’t quite catch. A purpose that wasn’t clear to me.
“Yeah. Of course she did. She said people missed me. That they were asking about me…” His voice trailed off, and his eyes widened ever so slightly, as if he finally understood the purpose of Cooper’s question.
His throat bobbed, and his eyes welled. “That’s all she really wanted, right?
A picture for her socials? She’s taking heat because I disappeared.
She hasn’t been able to show me off and keep up her mother-of-the-year image… ”
When Cooper didn’t disagree, Luca deflated, torso nearly folding in on itself.
“Is that all I’ve ever been to her? A prop? A hook?”
Cooper crossed the room and attempted to pull his son into a hug, but Luca shoved away.
“You’ve known. All this time. You knew.”
“Luc—
“I’m nothing to her. A photo op at best, but mostly just an inconvenience.
That’s why it was so easy for her to forget me…
forget to show up at my parent-teacher meetings or at my competitions…
It’s why she forgot to tell Helena to watch out for me when she went to Hawaii.
” Tears fell, and his next words almost shattered my heart. “Why doesn’t she love me, Dad?”
This time, when Cooper reached for him, Luca didn’t pull away. He wrapped his arms around his dad, his shoulders shuddering as he cried.
“She does love you in her own way, Luca. It’s just that her idea of love is twisted from things in her past and from the fame that hit her out of nowhere at too young of an age.
She doesn’t know how to share it without requiring something for herself in return.
But if she could love anyone unconditionally, it would be you. ”
Cooper kissed the top of Luca’s head.
It was so similar to what he’d done with me, such an effortless move, that it revealed the truth of him.
He was a caring man by nature, but his job dealing with the ugliest of humanity and an ex-wife who’d taken his goodness and shoved it back at him had given him a crusty outer shell you’d take as the real him unless you got close enough to see beyond it.
Unless you got to witness this—the love he gave freely—firsthand.
After a few minutes, Luca’s shoulders stopped shaking, but he didn’t let go of his dad.
His voice was muffled against Cooper’s chest when he said, “I’m not dumb.
I knew a lot of the gifts she bought me were guilt presents.
I just thought… I thought it was because she really did feel guilty.
That she truly felt bad. But she didn’t, did she?
All she cares about is her image, making sure her fans see her as a good mom… a good human. But she’s not.”
His voice cracked. From the moment I’d met him, I’d known Luca saw more than kids his age should.
The realizations he was voicing tonight were unlikely new.
He’d probably had them stewing in his brain for months…
years…but he’d wanted to believe he was wrong, wanted to believe his mother loved him, until he didn’t have a choice but to bear witness to the harsh truth.
I understood, all too painfully well, what that was like.
Wanting to believe your parents actually gave a damn.
I hadn’t had my blinders ripped away until Dawson had turned up at my high school graduation.
I’d known things weren’t right at home. I’d felt betrayed repeatedly by the people who were supposed to love me the most, but I’d believed the problem was me.
I was certain Cooper and Luca had forgotten I was there, but I wanted desperately to hug them. I wanted to soothe them. I wanted to give this boy all the love his mother had withheld.
I’d just taken a tentative step toward them when a loud growl from the depths of my stomach broke the heavy silence. I flushed, pushing a hand against the noise, but all it did was rumble more.
Luca pulled away from his dad, and both men turned to me with matching grins.
And seeing those smiles made any embarrassment I might have had fly away. I’d do anything, make a fool of myself a thousand times over, to make them happy. To bring lightness to a moment full of grief.
“Way to bail us out of that one before it got really sappy,” Luca teased.
His dad choked out a laugh.
“Luc—” Cooper’s voice was gritty and tight with emotions still.
“I’m okay, Dad.” He shrugged. “It’s Mom’s issue, not mine, right?”
“It’s her great loss, Luca. Her loss.”
They stared at each other for a moment before Cooper leaned in and ruffled Luca’s hair. The teen waved him off in fake irritation while hiding a smirk as he loped toward the kitchen with Akela on his heels.
When Cooper’s eyes met mine, I saw every ounce of pain he’d tried to hide from his son. I made my way across the room, grabbed his hand, and squeezed, trying to convey some of what I felt, even if I couldn’t quite express it in words yet.
Luca called out from the kitchen, “Are you coming? Grams was thrilled to hear Andie was sleeping over. She fixed a plate of leftovers for each of you.”
Cooper kept our hands joined until we reached the kitchen, where Luca was punching numbers into the microwave. While his son’s back was turned, Cooper raised my hand and placed a soft kiss on the palm before letting it go and turning toward the refrigerator.
My heart was still in my throat when he waved a beer and a soda at me in question.
“Water?” I choked out.
He handed me a bottle and uncapped the beer for himself. He took a long slug, eyes still glued on me. I wasn’t exactly sure what he was trying to convey, but it felt…as if I’d done something right, as if I’d eased the turmoil in him without a single word.
After Cooper and I were both seated at the table with plates in front of us, Luca hovered at the end of the table, hopeful eyes settling on his dad. “Maybe we can work on the half-pipe tomorrow?”