Chapter 5
Before
Joyce got out the good china tonight.
She spent hours in the kitchen, making her famous roast, lit candles, and hung up a congratulations banner. All for me, because I got my medical school letter of acceptance.
I think I might actually be the luckiest man alive. I have that thought more and more these days, but with Jess’s hand on my knee under the table, the indentation of her ring digging into my skin and Frank cutting the chocolate cake—
This family took me in and loves me as their own, and it’s been all smiles tonight, everyone genuinely happy because of my success.
Except for Will.
He’s been off the entire night. Barely said a word. Hasn’t touched his food. And nobody is saying anything about it.
There’s a disconnect between Jess and her parents and Will. When Jess and I started dating, he was a nice kid. Annoyed Jess, but I think that’s normal. As an only child, I wouldn’t know.
But somewhere along the way, he started to act out. Started to hang out with different people and stay out later. Argues with his parents if he does talk to them, but most of the time, he doesn’t.
I try to include him anyway. He’s nineteen, still practically a kid.
And it makes me feel bad, seeing him like that, secluded at the end of the table.
All but ignored. I ask him about his day and tell him a story I figure he’d get a kick out of.
The first time he gives me a one word answer and looks away.
The next, he says cool and stabs his roast with his fork.
Jess’s hand slides up my thigh under the table with a squeeze, and I’m distracted long enough that I forget my concern.
Until Frank raises his beer, beaming at me from the head of the table. “To my son-in-law,” he says, and I’m smiling immediately. “First doctor in the family. We couldn’t be more proud.”
Joyce cheers in agreement, and Jess pulls me into a kiss, bordering on inappropriate for the dinner table. It’s all perfect, until—
“Must be nice.”
We all go quiet, looking over at the forgotten member of the family. What he said sounded casual, but it had a weight to it that everyone at the table felt.
“Will,” Jess chides in that voice she always uses when speaking to her brother.
“What?” He looks up, and his eyes don’t look right. Red around the edges, glassy. “I’m just saying, it must be nice having everything come so easily to you.” He shrugs. “Good for you, man. Really.”
“William—” Joyce chimes in, but he’s not paying attention to her.
He meets my eyes, and I don’t like the way he’s looking at me right now. “Doctor Nolan Murphy. The good son. Everybody loves you. That’s great.”
The way he says it doesn’t sound like a compliment.
I match his stare. And I should be annoyed. I am. He’s making a scene when we’re supposed to be celebrating something I’ve worked my ass off for. But I can see something that he tries to cover up. The silence at the meal. The way no one speaks to him.
It doesn’t feel right.
I open my mouth to respond, but Jess takes my hand, pulling me into conversation with her and Joyce, and that’s that.
Everyone goes back to normal while Will and his antics are all but forgotten.
Until I glance over at him again, when dinner is winding down. He’s staring at his hands in his lap, his food gone cold, and like he can feel me watching him, he looks up.
I look away before I can notice the sadness in his eyes.
Now
Will’s knee bounces the entire drive home, a constant restless movement that I’m all too aware of. Neither of us speak, letting the silence exist between us.
It’s going to be fine.
It’s not like before. He’s sober now.
I unlock the front door and push it open, calling out to the kids, “I’m home!”
Ollie appears at the end of the hallway, sliding on the hardwood in his socks, catching himself against the wall. “Daddy!” He launches himself at me, and I catch him, barely. He’s getting big, and I’m getting old. “You’re late!”
“I know, bud. I’m sorry. Appointment ran long.”
Ollie doesn’t seem too upset, losing interest quickly as his eyes slide behind me to where Will is standing like he doesn’t know what to do with himself, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans.
“Who’s that?” Ollie asks, staring him down.
“That’s Mom’s brother. Uncle Will.”
He tilts his head, studying him. “The one from the pictures at grandma and grandpa’s?”
Before anyone can say anything else, there’s a noise from upstairs and footsteps pounding down the carpeted stairs before Addie appears, Emmett trailing behind her.
She crosses the rest of the house in a few steps, a flash of pink, and throws her arms around him before he’s fully braced for it, but Will catches her anyway, the same way he caught her at eight years old. “Oh my God,” she says into his shoulder. “You’re actually here!”
“Addie,” he says, hugging her back with his eyes closed, his arms tight around her.
She pulls back to look at him, hands on his shoulders, scanning his face. “You look different,” she announces. “Old.”
He scoffs, reaching out to tug a strand of pink hair. “You’re one to talk.”
Her smile is bright before she remembers her friend behind her. She takes a step back, turning to pull Emmett forward by the hand. “You remember Emmett? I think you guys met back when we were kids.”
“Hey,” Emmett says, the discomfort of meeting someone he used to know pre-transition clear on his face, but Will nods, easy as anything.
“Hey, man, how’s it going?”
His shoulders drop at the greeting, and not for the first time, I hate that he has to worry so much. He’s a good kid. Deserves to be himself without having to worry about how people feel about it.
“I’ll go get dinner started. Go easy on your uncle,” I tell the kids, setting Ollie down, shooting a look Addie’s way, but from her expression, that won’t be happening.
And from the kitchen, I can hear her already.
“What was jail like?” she asks, and I close my eyes, wondering who taught my daughter manners.
“Addie,” Emmett says, already exasperated, and I don’t blame him.
“What? You know you’re curious.”
I open the fridge and take inventory, hoping that something edible will magically appear. There’s some sandwich meat I bought three weeks ago that needs to be thrown out. Some leftovers I don’t remember making. Ollie’s apple juice and a single can of Dr. Pepper.
“Were any of the guards cute?”
“Oh my God,” Emmett says.
“What’s jail?” Ollie asks in a quiet voice, still unsure about his new family member.
There’s a long pause before Will says, “It’s like a long timeout.”
“How long?”
“Pretty long.”
“Daddy puts me in timeout for hitting. Did you hit someone?”
“Of course not,” Will says, and I think I believe it. He’s never been violent. Other than the shove that I don’t hold against him.
“Daddy says hitting isn’t nice.”
“Your daddy’s right.”
“He’s always right,” Ollie says with a sigh, and I turn back to the fridge with a smile.
The leftover pasta definitely isn’t safe. I close the tupperware and put it back to deal with later. I open the freezer, and nothing immediately sticks out other than Ollie’s waffles, but if I let him have them for dinner once, he’ll want them every night.
This is a disaster.
Why did I think I could have company?
The house is a mess, and we don’t have any food and—
I hear Will laugh.
It’s different than the laugh from earlier. He’s not stopping it before it can happen. He’s genuinely laughing at something Ollie said, and it’s a strange sound to hear.
I don’t know if I’ve ever heard him laugh.
It’s a nice sound.
I’m still staring into the freezer when Will comes into the kitchen.
When I look over, he’s leaning in the doorway, and the smile on his face dies when our eyes meet, fading into something neutral, bordering on angry when he sees me.
I look back at the freezer, ignoring the feeling it leaves behind.
“I’ve been meaning to go to the grocery,” I tell him when he comes to stand next to me, an inch too close, to peer into the freezer. He finds a couple of frozen pizzas from the back that I overlooked. “Just throw some pizzas in. I don’t need anything fancy.”
With that, he moves back to the counter, leaning against it with his arms crossed, looking around at my messy kitchen. “I’ve been eating vending machine food for the last week.”
I turn toward him, opening my mouth to say something, to apologize for not inviting him over, but the way he’s looking at me says he doesn’t want me to make it a big deal, so I don’t. “We should go shopping,” I say instead. What I should have done a week ago.
He unfolds his arms, pushing off the counter. “I’ve had much worse, trust me. I’m good.”
That may be, but something I don’t like has taken residence in my chest, so I don’t give in. “Friday,” I say. “We’ll go to the grocery on Friday after my shift.” He opens his mouth to reject my idea, but I turn toward the freezer to get the pizza. “It’s not up for debate.”
Once the pizza’s ready, everyone crowds around the table, eating our pizza and going back for seconds. Addie’s claimed the seat next to Will and hasn’t slowed down with her questions.
But he’s answering all of them, no matter how ridiculous. And when she starts telling him about her art, I can tell he’s genuinely interested.
“Can I see some of your drawings?” he asks, nodding at the sketchbook she brought to the table, even though we have a no art during dinner rule.
She slides it across to him without hesitation, something I’m not sure she’d do for me, and he flips through, making comments here and there that make her smile.
“Those are tattoo designs,” she says when he gets toward the back.
“Hm. I’ve been thinking about getting a tattoo. Maybe I’ll let you design it.”
“Really?” she exclaims, standing abruptly. “I have to go get my pencil.”
“Sit down,” I tell her. “Wait until after dinner.”
“But Dad—”
“You know the rules.”
“Fine,” she says with a pout, sitting back in her chair, but I can tell she’s lost in her head, already planning this supposed tattoo design.
Will looks up at Emmett then, now that Addie isn’t paying attention anymore. “You’ve been around since you guys were what, five?”
“Something like that.” Emmett nods.
“You look different.”
“Yeah,” he agrees, holding his gaze, daring him to say something.
But instead, he gives him a reassuring smile. “Loosen up, kid. I don’t got a problem with you. How’s your family? They cool with it?”
“Mom is,” Emmett opens up, to everyone’s surprise. “Dad, not so much.”
“That’s usually how it goes,” Will says, picking up his pizza.
Emmett looks back down at his plate, and Addie bumps him with her shoulder, checking in even though she wasn’t paying attention a second ago.
“Are you two together?” Will asks, his eyes darting between the two of them.
“No,” Addie says, at the exact same moment Emmett says, “of course not.” They talk over each other, explaining why that will never happen and it’s insane to suggest, all while their cheeks turn a bright red.
Will looks at me across the table, raising his eyebrows.
It’s the first time he’s looked directly at me since we sat down, I can’t help but notice. He’s been present for everyone, talking, laughing, asking questions. Being perfectly friendly to everyone except me. Ignoring my contributions like I’m not even here.
I don’t know why that bothers me, but his eyes on mine now ease whatever I’m feeling about it momentarily.
It’s nothing, a shared acknowledgment that yes, I realize my daughter and her best friend are full of shit and have been in love with each other for years. “My mistake,” he says, but he doesn’t sound the least bit sorry.
Ollie has been working on the same slice of pizza for twenty minutes.
Mostly because he’s using it as a spoon for his ranch. I’ve given up on trying to make that kid eat normally.
When he inevitably runs out of ranch, he grabs the bottle on the table, struggling to pour it. But Will reaches over and steadies the bottle for him, helping him pour a generous amount on his plate. Ollie beams up at him. “Thank you, Uncle Will!”
“Anytime, bud.”
He’s good at this uncle thing. He was even back then, no matter how he felt about Jess and me, he was always good to Addie.
I’m glad the kids get to have him back, even if it’s hard for the rest of us.
At the door, Addie hugs him for a long time, until Ollie tugs on his shirt and Will lets her go to crouch down to his level. “Will you be back?” Ollie asks.
“Of course.”
“You could stay,” he says. “You can sleep in Daddy’s room. His bed is huge.” I avoid Will’s gaze this time as my own cheeks heat up. He’s just a kid. He doesn’t know why that would be weird.
Is that even weird?
He reaches out and ruffles his hair, not making it any more awkward than it already is. “Maybe another time.”
He accepts this with a nod, stepping back to tug on Emmett’s shirt now, asking him to play a game while I drive Will back home. I hold the door open as he straightens up, stepping past me into the cool night.
After he’s in his motel room and I can see the light flick on through the curtains, I pull out my phone and stare at Jess’s contact.
I press call.
It goes straight to voicemail.