Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Kell
Anger had a taste. Kell had spent the last few days eating and drinking everything he could to get it out of his mouth.
The current spearmint gum wasn’t cutting it anymore. He picked up the trash bin under his desk and spat it out.
Then he set the bin down and slammed the clean surface of his desk with his fist, hard enough to let out some fury but not so hard as to break bones. Being at the office after the worst weekend of his entire life called for a certain level of decorum, but he was struggling to regulate his emotions.
The anger was leaking out.
His mind had spent the rest of the weekend battling his heart in a competition to see which could torture him more. They were currently tied.
But his heart was at a disadvantage, already partially broken, limping along valiantly.
After throwing Alissa and then Rachel out of his apartment, he’d beaten up a pillow, screamed into it, consumed three beers quickly, and pulled out a set of free weights. He lifted until he remembered that the alcohol made it unsafe.
Alissa’s printout lay on the kitchen counter, next to the last of the beers Rachel had brought. At this point, Kell felt like the victim in his own murder mystery.
He was still alive, but his pride had been beaten to death.
By two people he’d trusted.
His trust in Alissa had been fading for a while, but Rachel? Really? He’d now spent too many sleepless nights in bed, combing over every interaction with Alissa and Rachel in the past year, but there’d been no big “aha!” moment where it all made sense.
Quite the opposite. It just made him feel worse.
Four weeks. He had four weeks left here at EEC, and it was going to kill him. Nineteen days of work, with one holiday in there.
Nineteen days of misery.
Fellows had cubicles, so he couldn’t easily hide, but then again, why should he hide? He’d done nothing wrong. It was Alissa and Rachel who should feel ashamed, not him. But he did, mixed with so much confusing anger over being taken advantage of.
Checking his email, he scanned the subject lines and froze.
An email from the HR department at the governor’s office in LA.
The capital of California was Sacramento, of course, but a state government system as big as California’s had many offices. The job Kell had interviewed for was based in LA.
Rachel’s hometown.
Great. Just… great.
He took a deep breath and opened the email.
Dear Mr. Luview, it began, which always made him think of his father.
We are pleased to offer you the position of …
He’d done it. Really done it.
The letter continued with specifics: salary, benefits, start date, the whole bit.
But then he reached the final paragraphs.
We must, in the interest of transparency, inform you that two different people from EEC have contacted us independently to express concerns about your possible conflict of interest in working with the State of California.
Both referenced your family connection to Commissioner Theodore Luview of the Maine Department of Agriculture, Forestry, and Conservation.
The position you are being offered involves no dealings with the State of Maine, but should circumstances arise, consult with your supervisor. We are very careful to avoid employees working on any projects where a conflict might occur or be perceived.
Kell’s eyebrows dropped.
People from EEC contacted them? Why would anyone from EEC reach out to his potential employer to warn of a conflict of interest?
And two of them?
Closing his laptop, he walked down the hall to Karen’s office, tapping lightly on the glass next to her open door. As she saw who it was, she gave him a funny look.
Oh, no. Not this, too.
He had the job in California. It was his for the taking. The taint of having someone–two people!–interfere, though, was something that made his gut twist.
“Karen?”
“Kell. Come in. Close the door.”
She acted like she was expecting this.
He did as told, then moved to one of the chairs in front of her desk.
“I assume this is about the job with the governor’s office. Congratulations.”
“You know I got it?”
She nodded. “I happen to know someone in administration there, and she let me know.”
“Thanks.”
“But that’s not why you’re here.”
“You–are you one of the two people who reached out to EEC?”
As she shook her head, his gut hurt even more, head starting to throb. “No. But my friend told me about that, too. It’s highly irregular.”
“Do you know who did contact them?”
A wary look came over her face.
“You do know. If it wasn’t you, who was it?”
As Karen opened her mouth, then closed it, he knew one of them with certainty.
So he said it.
“Alissa.”
Karen’s expression told him he was right.
“Wow.” He digested this. “She’s determined to ruin my life, isn’t she? And she’s the one who tried to use me!”
“I’m so sorry, Kell. I know the basics. I tried to discourage her from taking the job at MonDex, but she was determined. I had no idea she was also using you for your connections.”
“It’s worse than that. Rachel’s in on it, too. Is Rachel the other person?”
“Rachel? No! Rachel would never do that.” Karen sounded shocked.
He snorted. “I thought Rachel wouldn’t do lots of things, but she was scheming with Alissa.”
“What? That doesn’t sound like her at all.”
“I thought so, too, but there are emails. Proof.”
“Oh, no.” Karen sighed, then took a sip of coffee and leaned back.
Kell’s phone buzzed. He ignored it.
“Who was the other person, Karen?”
“I can’t say, but you can guess. Who had the most to gain by undermining you?”
“It’s hard for me to think that way. Where I come from, we don’t stab people in the back just to get ahead of them.”
Karen gave him a look of pity. “That’s very sweet, Kell.”
“I thought coming to D.C. and working in environmental policy would be all about collaboration. That we’d all be connected by a mission to make the world healthier. Better. I never imagined it would be so cutthroat.”
She shrugged. “I can’t change that.”
“You can tell me who it was.” He thought for a second. “The only person who would benefit from undermining me at the job is John. He applied for it, too.”
Her eyes settled on his in a meaningful stare.
“You can’t be serious,” he groaned, breaking the gaze and leaning forward. “John?”
“People can be incredibly competitive when it comes to their careers.”
“I have no problem with competition, Karen, but everyone has to play by the same set of rules!”
“They are,” she said softly. “Everyone but you and Rachel.”
“You mean Jonas? Lila? All of them? Everyone’s willing to hurt other people to get ahead?”
“Not everyone. But a lot of people.”
“That’s wrong!”
“That’s reality.”
“Am I that naive, Karen? That stupid? They don’t teach you this workplace crap in school.”
“No, they don’t. You have to get out into the real world and navigate it yourself.”
“I didn’t sign up for this. I came here to help people.”
“It goes with the territory. Your job in California won’t be any different, Kell. You’ll have people playing these games there, too.”
His phone buzzed again. He ignored it again.
The expression on Karen’s face said she understood, but was also well past the point he was at.
“There will always be competition and politics and infighting, and just plain old petty dislikes, in any job, no matter how lofty or shared the goals. Developing a thick skin is part of working in policy, and it’s part of any corporate job, too,” she said kindly, as if she were explaining to a child that Santa isn’t real.
“It shouldn’t have to be! Why can’t people just be rational and reasonable?”
“Good luck finding a place like that.” She laughed.
“I come from a place like that,” he said softly.
Karen’s desk phone rang. Apologetic eyes met his.
“I have to take this. You have some decisions to make.”
His own phone buzzed a third time, and he stood.
“Thank you. I appreciate the straight talk.”
“Anytime. Sorry it hurts so much.”
He slipped out of her office and looked at his phone.
Mom.
Three messages in a row.
Your dad is fine, but it finally happened. He truly fell. Harness was on, but his leg caught funny.
Free fall twenty feet, lots of scrapes from branches, harness did its job.
We’re at the hospital. Compound fracture in his ankle. More X-rays coming. Please call when you can.
Fists going tight, Kell took a deep breath as he re-read the messages.
Dad fell. Dad broke his ankle.
Dad fell that far in a harness.
Did he break a rib? Kell wrote back instantly.
Three dots, then:
They’re X-raying his chest now. Likely. Or maybe his collarbone. Twenty feet’s a long drop, harness can hurt when you stop.
Kell muttered a string of curse words his mother would not like but would understand right now.
Every part of him, all the whole ones and all the broken ones, found its way to an arena inside him, a big, open-air space where he gathered them all and surveyed them.
The part of him that loved going to bars and clubs with friends.
The part that enjoyed sitting in on collaborative policy meetings and helping write white papers.
The part that read the job acceptance email just now.
Then he looked at all the parts of him in Luview.
His friends there, and his family. Working with his dad all those years.
Learning to climb a tree and use a harness.
Managing a handsaw in the air, then a chainsaw.
The fine art of operating a cherry picker.
How to handle unexpected clusters of poison ivy in deep holes in trees, angry squirrels, and once, a fisher cat.
He remembered the patient look on his father’s face as he taught Kell everything, naturally, step by step, and with an open grace that Kell took for granted.
As he stood in the hallway outside Karen’s office, John walked past, then paused. Kell had just typed back to his mother:
I’ll call you in an hour. Keep me posted.
A string of hearts was her reply.