Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
Ana
Positive.
The test results stared at her, glowing from her phone screen.
POSITIVE, it said, in all caps, like it was screaming.
“Oh, honey,” Brie said as Ana sagged against her, the ginger ale she just drank turning to acid in her stomach. The notification had come into her email, and when she’d logged into the lab’s website, she’d clicked on the PDF and…
This.
She was pregnant.
Pregnant with Harris’s baby.
“How is this my life?” she said in a whisper-scream, Brie giving her a sympathetic look, the weight of all the emotion behind that like a millstone around her neck.
“It’s–well, it just is, isn’t it?” Brie replied, clearly uncertain what to say. Hell, Ana was a trained therapist with a license that said she was supposed to know what to say to comfort someone, and even she had no idea how to react.
Then again, she wasn’t her own patient.
Her phone rang. It was the doctor’s office. Tempted to ignore it, she let it ring three times, Brie’s eyes getting bigger with each ring, until finally she answered.
“Hello, is Ana there?”
“Hi, Peggy.”
“Oh! Hi, there. Is this a good time to talk? Your pregnancy test results came in.”
“I’m staring at them right now.”
“I see. Are you in a good place?”
Ana knew what that meant.
“My best friend is right here with me.”
“Excellent. Now, according to the HCG level, we’re estimating you’re six weeks or so along. We’d like for you to come in and talk.”
Ana also knew what that meant.
“Of course,” she said. “Can–can I call back later after I’ve looked at my schedule? Then I can pick a time for an appointment in the next few days?”
“Definitely. You have lots of decisions to make in the next few weeks, and emotions to process. I’m glad you have support.”
Brie squeezed her hand.
An image of Dennis came to mind, making her heart hurt. Ignoring him while she waited for the results had felt like holding her breath for so long, the world disappeared.
And now, not only had the world as she knew it disappeared, so had any hope of ever being with him.
“I have lots of wonderful people in my life.”
“Excellent. Call back for an appointment, then.”
“I will. Thanks.”
Ending the call took some of the immediate pressure off.
“I have to tell Harris,” she moaned, and Brie made a growling noise at the mention of his name.
“I am so glad you didn’t move in with that rat bastard.”
“Hey. That’s not nice.”
“You’re right. Rats don’t deserve to be compared to him.”
“He’s the father.” The word father felt strange in her mouth, like it was coated in bitter dust. Ana’s hand went to her belly, shaking slightly. A little being, no bigger than a grain of rice, was in there.
Growing.
Having a unicornuate uterus wasn’t something she had ever talked about with anyone other than her mother and her doctors. Even Brie didn’t know. It was invisible, a medical condition that shaped her life but was easy to hide.
Being told years ago that she would struggle to conceive at all, and carrying a child to full term would be risky, if not impossible, had meant that she’d just floated through life, trying not to think about it, postponing any big internal processing.
She was thirty-five now, right on the threshold of major fertility and family planning, and she’d thought she’d deal with it next year.
With a long-term partner.
Nature had a different plan.
“You don’t have to tell him,” Brie said firmly. “He’s out of the country. Plus, this is your…” Brie’s eyes darted away, then back to Ana, “...your choice.”
“Oh!” Ana’s eyes filled with tears.
“You do have a choice,” Brie continued. “And Harris has no say.”
“It’s not–not that.”
Mind racing, she struggled to think what to say.
Although she was adult enough to know that she didn’t owe Brie an explanation, she also felt powerless suddenly.
So many aspects of her life were thrown into tumult by the blood test, and a long list of actions and decisions was starting to pile up, pressing against the anxiety centers of her brain.
Like laying on the horn.
“What do you mean?” Brie pried gently.
“If I’m–” Ana cleared her throat, mind scrambling to comprehend her new reality. “Okay, I am pregnant. And that’s a bit of a miracle.”
“Miracle?”
“I’ve never talked about it with you before, but I have issues. Medical issues with my uterus.”
“You do? Like, endometriosis?”
“Something different.”
“You don’t have to share.” Brie caught Ana’s hesitation instantly. “It’s none of my business.”
“You’re my best friend, and my uterus, well… it is your business. Now, at least. Because I’m going to need you. Need your help.”
“I’m here. No matter what. Always here.”
Brie’s hug felt so good, warm and comforting, accepting and unobtrusive. Having a friendship like theirs meant walking around with a sense of security, knowing that there was goodness and light at the core of her life.
“I know.” Her hand went back to her belly, and Ana smiled. “I would never, ever pick Harris to have a child with after what he did, but this might be my only chance.”
“Really?”
“I–I don’t know. And it might not even stick.”
“Stick?”
“I have a high chance of miscarrying. My uterus is misshapen.”
“It is?”
Giving an anatomical lesson on her body’s anomaly was not how Ana had planned for her day to go, but nothing seemed to be under her control when it came to Harris, so she took in a long breath and adapted on the fly.
“I have something called a unicornuate uterus. It’s like having half a uterus. I only have one fallopian tube, too.”
Brie looked at her, chin dropping in increments until she was staring up at Ana from under the fringe of her long, beautifully thick eyelashes.
“You have that and never told me?”
“I–”
“Never mind. No, no, Brie, stop!” Brie chided herself, then placed her hand on Ana’s arm, eyes warm and caring. “But thank you for explaining now. Is that why your periods are always so erratic?”
“Yes. I only have one ovary.”
“Wow.”
“So conceiving like this is…”
“A surprise.”
“A huge surprise. And…” Ana’s voice trailed off, emotion rising like a thermometer as she struggled to stay calm. “And it might be my only chance!”
“You don’t know that.”
“I kind of do. I’m thirty-five. Just got dumped. I already had a less-than-fifty-percent chance of conceiving, and there’s still a decent chance I’ll miscarry. So,” she said, suddenly certain. “So unless Harris drops some bombshell on me, I already know what I’m doing.”
“Co-parenting with that asshole for eighteen years sounds like hell.”
“I know. I’ve thought about that.”
“A lot, I’ll bet.”
The way her friend looked at her made Ana believe in mind meld. All she could do was nod.
“Harris could make this very difficult, but I don’t think he will. He fled the country. He’s a jerk,” Ana began, but Brie cut in.
“Enough of a jerk to never bother seeing his own child, ever? Oh, wait. Rhetorical question.” She snorted. “He absolutely is that big of a jerk.”
“Yeah,” Ana said as she reached for her phone. “And now I have to leave yet another message he’ll ignore.”
“You’re going to tell him he’s about to become a father by leaving a voicemail? Savage.”
“Not savage. Practical. He won’t answer his phone, and he doesn’t reply to texts or emails anymore. I have an obligation to let him know. Once he knows, we’ll go from there.”
“One step at a time.”
“Right.”
“I wish I could offer you a drink for fortitude.”
“How about a hand?”
Clasping hands, they intertwined their fingers and Ana closed her eyes, soaking in her friend’s love. Years of being a therapist meant she had plenty of experience in helping people to regulate their emotions, but that didn’t make her a pro at managing her own.
Especially in a crisis like this.
“Look. We’re here for you. The whole cheesy family.”
“Thank you.”
“I mean it.”
“I know you do.” Ana began to tear up. “And I’ll take you up on it, all of it. Because Harris is going to make this hard. I need as much help as I can get.”
“Screw Harris. But you know, it’s going to be hard without him, too. You’ll be a single mother.”
A memory of Dennis, how he laughed as they held hands at the bar, made her tears pool deeper.
“I will. Everything’s changed, just like that.” She snapped her fingers with her free hand.
“It’s going to be fine, Ana. You’ll be an incredible mother.”
Mother.
For so many years, she’d forced herself to set that idea aside, knowing the chances were twenty percent at best for natural conception and full-term pregnancy. Reproductive technology was her best bet, her specialists always said.
Ana had defied the odds. At least, for this stage.
Harris had some determined swimmers, escaping a condom like that.
“Mother. Right.” With the edge of her palm, she wiped the tears that flowed freely now. “Guess I’m off the market, then.”
“Huh?”
“No worries about dating. It’s a relief.”
But the taste of Dennis’s kiss wouldn’t leave her tongue.
Memory always seemed to invade at the worst of times, and this was one of them. She knew that inside, some part of her was screaming for him, while her more practical self was moving into protective mode.
The more practical self was winning, but the one who wanted Dennis would not go down without a fight.
“You’re a catch, no matter what. And think about your boobs!”
“My… what?”
“Boobs! You know. Pregnant women have big racks.”
“You think I’ll have more guys interested in me for my pregnant boobs?”
The two burst into hysterical laughter, Ana’s eyes still dropping tears as her belly shook with giggles.
“We’re procrastinating,” Ana finally said, steeling herself for the call.
“Have you decided what to say?”
“No. I’ll wing it.”
“He’s blown you off every other time. Why would this be any different?”
Phone in hand, she hit Harris’s contact and waited for the inevitable voicemail.
The recorded monotone of his intentionally boring voice came on.
“It’s Harris. I’m not a slave to my phone. You know what to do.”
Beep
But did she, really? Know what to do?