Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Kell
The king cab of the truck was full of Dean, Deanna, Portia, Stan, and Tim. As Dean pulled away, he gave a friendly tap on the horn, and Kell waved back. Portia was touching up her lipstick before his dad hit the accelerator.
She didn’t flinch – or make a single error – as the truck lurched forward.
Time to go home and take the next step.
Connecting families.
Luke, Kylie, and Harriet were headed back in their car, graciously taking the unused guitar for him so he could greet all the people who wanted to hug him and Rachel, shake hands, offer congratulations, and share in the general merriment.
It felt like a wedding reception line, greeting everyone, and he flashed forward to that moment in the future when they’d do this again.
Only as husband and wife.
Wife.
The word felt so right on his tongue. Like it was meant to live there, Rachel already his, the world catching up to some deep truth.
Something unfinished in him was completed. Just like that, a hollow corner of his soul was filled. Call it cliché, but the feeling was anything but.
Her yes didn’t just complete him. It aligned every part of his world and grounded him in reality like no other moment ever had.
“You mean it?” he clarified as they got a brief break from chatting with people, Dotty walking off with Annabeth, heads huddled and talking about some mystery series the two liked to read.
Rachel looked at him, eyebrows knit in confusion.
He knew the words were unnecessary but was unable to stop himself.
“What?” she asked, perplexed.
“Your yes. You mean it?”
“Of course I mean it,” Rachel said with a laugh. “I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t.” Her chocolate eyes narrowed, sharp and clever, warm and loving. “Where’s this coming from, Kell? You’re definitely not the insecure type.”
The word insecure came out of her mouth so quickly, it made him wince.
“It’s not insecurity,” he replied. “It’s incredulity.”
That made her laugh even more. “You had any doubt?”
“No, not... real doubt. It’s just that I didn’t realize how important the yes was until I heard it from you.”
Already giddy with emotion, Rachel gazed at him with an intensity that made his bones hum. The microphone on stage screeched with feedback and they both flinched, but Skylar appeared suddenly, awkward but exuberant, introducing the next contestant.
He guided Rachel away from the gazebo, over to an old and dappled beech tree.
“Does the world feel different to you now, Kell?” she asked.
“How can a few words make everything change so much? I feel it, too. It’s as if we unleashed a force of energy we didn’t know was out there.
No one tells you this! All the articles on engagements and proposals and what to expect and what to do…
” She took in a deep breath. “But no one talks about this, this feeling, this charge between the two of us...”
“Maybe they don’t talk about it because they don’t feel it. Maybe it’s that unique.”
She just blinked, once and then twice, the seconds passing as if all he were meant to do was share this space with her.
Nothing else mattered. Nothing else existed. Just the two of them, talking about how their love had exposed a secret aspect of existence.
You know. Everyday stuff.
“Thank you for being my best friend,” he said in a hoarse voice, emotion making him stumble over his words.
His mind raced, trying to find the right turn of phrase for the sense of awakening inside him.
“Thank you for giving me a second chance. Thank you for loving me even at my worst. And thank you for loving me into my best, Rachel. I don’t just feel like some empty space has been filled by this proposal.
I feel like a door has been unlocked. There’s a new path for us as a couple that I’m so excited to experience with you.
I think it’s a part of being that has to be imagined by every couple. ”
“What do you mean?” she asked, her fingers pressing into his shoulders, the warmth of her drawing him in. Ludicrous lemur costume aside, the searing sense that they were in a timeless moment, one imprinted in his memory forever, gave every word more meaning. More gravitas.
Just… more.
“Relationships have a certain roadmap,” he replied, struggling to explain it.
“First you meet, and there’s the dance of attraction.
Once you know that’s reciprocated, then there’s the dance of commitment.
Then you commit to each other, and next, there’s the dance of growth.
That’s what my mom says, at least,” he said with a laugh.
“I see it in us. Not all of it because we haven’t lived enough of our lives together to see it.
But I see the beginnings of it. We’re creating a completely uncharted future with each other, Rachel.
No one has ever lived what we’ve already lived together, or what we’re about to live.
And I am so grateful to you for letting me do it with you, for choosing me.
You didn’t have to. You could have had so many other men. ”
She scoffed at his words. “Stop it, Kell!”
“I don’t mean it in a negative sense,” he corrected himself. “Not like that. Not in a jealous way, or a self-pitying way. I mean that of all the men you could have chosen, you’re here with me. And of all the people I could have chosen, I’m here with you.”
“I don’t think it was really a choice,” she said softly.
“Look at how circumstance threw us back together. I don’t know what you want to call it, but it’s as if some unseen force made really sure that we were together.
Call it fate, call it something religious, call it energy.
I don’t know.” She smiled at him. “And I don’t care.
It did what it needed to do. What I needed it to do. ”
“Neither do I,” he replied. “It can be any of those or none of those. I just know that what we have together, I now get to have for the rest of my life with you. I can’t wait to grow old with you, Rachel.
I can’t wait to see what you’re going to show me about life, and what I’ll show you about it as well.
We’re each other’s teachers now, not just each other’s partners. ”
“You’re not just my best friend,” she answered. “You’re not just my lover, and soon you won’t just be my husband.”
Hearing the word husband out of her mouth gave him a sense of grounding, as if he grew bigger, as if the weight of the word itself rooted him in place.
And shot a powerful thrill through his blood.
“We’re creators,” she continued. “We’re going to use our love and our imagination to create our own world. What better gift could we give each other? And,” she added, pulling in closer, “we’re going to do it here.”
“You’re sure?” He had talked about wanting to stay in Luview and raise a family with her many times, and every time, he felt selfish.
Rachel’s life back in L.A. was something that she had wanted to leave, but he still felt like he had pulled her away against her will.
Not entirely, he knew, but part of her would always be that L.A. girl.
Plus, there was her family to consider.
“I’m here because I want to be here,” she said firmly.
“I’m here because this place has its own magic, Kell.
You and I create a different kind of magic when we’re together.
But Luview, Maine, really does have this spiritual love component to it.
It’s not religious–it’s so hard to explain.
This community came together and created its own reality, its own relationships, and I get to walk into this world and be enveloped by it and accepted. ”
He chuckled. “Not by everyone.”
She laughed. “There are a few stragglers I still have to win over. But you know what I’m talking about!”
Her beseeching tone made him nod. “I do. It’s why I came back. It’s why I don’t want to leave.”
“I’ll never ask you to leave.”
“I would for you.”
“I know. And I’ll stay for you, too.”
Desire overwhelmed him, not just to be intimate and naked and sweaty with her, but to be fully with her. Intertwined, free and complete, connected in every way possible. She would be his wife soon and he, her husband. In the future, they would be parents to wonderful offspring.
For now, though, what he wanted more than anything else in the world was to forget he was separate from her.
Forget he was ever so stupid as to turn her away.
“I am the luckiest man alive.”
“You are.”
“I’m glad you realize that. You’re so amazing, Rachel.”
“I am. So are you.”
“But is this… enough?”
“What do you mean?”
“Settling for small-town life?”
“Kell! Why are you bringing this up again? We’ve talked about it so many times.”
“But we never talked about it when you were wearing an engagement ring on your finger.”
“This diamond doesn’t change how I feel about you. Or Luview. I am here forever, if you’ll have me.”
“Of course I’ll have you. That’s the entire point of the proposal!”
“Not according to my mother. The proposal is an excuse for a Vogue photo shoot.”
“I’m not marrying your mother, Rachel. I’m marrying you. To hell with her Vogue shoot, if you don’t want it. I want to give you what you want. What you need.”
In that instant, as his words sank in, he could almost feel the warmth that flooded her.
“With you, I’m never ‘Portia Starman’s daughter.’ I’m Rachel Hart. Just Rachel. I’m enough. Always enough.”
“Of course you are.”
“I love you so very much,” she said fiercely. “I wish my words could convey how much I truly, deeply, hopelessly adore you. Thank you for seeing me. All of me.”
“I want all of you.”
“Yeah? All of me?” On impulse, she reached out and stroked him, his groan of anticipation telling her he wanted her right here, right now, town be damned. That sound was made for her and only her. Knowing she was the only woman who would ever hear it going forward was a victory. A triumph.
A huge win.