Chapter 28
Pregnancy Scare
Emily
Five years ago...
“Papa?”
All the lights were off. I clutched my weekend bag really tight. I’d used the spare key hidden behind a yucky old bucket to open the door.
It had been like a whole month since I was here. I missed the last time because I got invited to this birthday party by my new friend group. It was okay, I guess. The girls laughed a lot, and even though I didn’t really think they were that funny I laughed along.
I took my bag into my room. There wasn’t much left in there anymore, just the basics. It smelled. I think the sheets hadn’t been changed in months.
After searching every room, I still couldn’t find Papa. I ran into my brother’s room, suddenly scared to be alone in this big house. Lucas had stopped coming over ages ago, and when I asked him why, he didn’t really say.
I dialed Papa’s number and pressed the phone to my cheek. “Papa?” I asked, but all I got was his stupid voicemail.
There I was, all alone in this house for the whole weekend. The perfect trip for someone who just turned twelve. I thought about calling Mama or Richard to pick me up. But they don’t really like Papa, and I didn’t want to give them more reasons to criticize him. There wasn’t much food, but I somehow managed to make pasta with applesauce.
In the middle of the night on Saturday, the door burst open and Papa stumbled in, totally drunk. I knew because he was screaming all over the place. I hid under the stinky covers and waited. By the time Mama picked me up the next morning, Papa was still knocked out. At least I got to cuddle with Pitus.
“How was your weekend?” Mama asked when I hopped into the car.
“Good,” I said, smiling.
The first lie I ever told in my whole life.
Now...
It’s funny how life can undergo a complete transformation in just a month. A smile played on my lips as I leaned my head against the brick wall of Walmart, relishing the fresh air and the sun on my skin.
Paul and I had put our plan into action. When we made pancakes one morning and he brushed against me while reaching for something in the cupboard, I squealed, “Grilled cheese!” and he stepped away with a smile. I unintentionally overstepped when I decorated his pancake with a smiley emoji made out of fruit and whipped cream. He yelled, “Tomato salad,” which earned us confused looks from Gena and Henry.
I had also told Paul that I’d talked to Jon. He had a hard time believing Jon had nothing to do with it, but let it go when I insisted that I trusted him.
Natalia held out a pack of cigarettes. “You want one?”
I promptly shook my head. “I’m good.”
“Look at you,” she teased, tucking the cigarettes into the back pocket of her jeans. She threw me a devilish smile, though the effect was mitigated by the two cute buns on top of her head. “You and Jon looked happy last weekend. I assume you got lucky?”
I felt the blood rush into my cheeks. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Damn, he’s that good?” She snickered, and I shrugged, grinning. My mind kept slipping back to it—that tremendous feeling in my chest when we became one.
“Oh, Emily,” Natalia said, throwing her arm around my shoulders and kissing my cheek. “It’s too bad you won’t be my coworker forever.”
“Let’s not think about that yet,” I said. For now, life was unfolding in unexpected, delightful ways and I couldn’t help but enjoy the twists and turns. Caroline kept reminding me there was still a lot we had to work on. But my little black book kept right on filling with reasons why everything was better than fine.
The cash was quiet today, so I moved to the aisles and shelved packages of tissues instead. I was just about finished when someone said, “Emily, I need your help.”
“Madison?” I gasped. She stood there in a wool jacket, perfectly straightened hair and—a pregnancy test!
She pulled me further down the aisle. “Please, I need you to buy this for me! I can’t have anyone see me with it.”
I raised my brow at her. “You expect me to help you after you told everyone about my breakdown?” The audacity of her request should’ve surprised me, but then again, this was Madison. She only really cared about herself.
“I only told my boyfriend Jackson. He promised not to tell anyone, but he... It was a traumatizing experience for me too,” she said defensively.
The nerve. “Traumatizing for you to see me break down?”
“Y-Yeah!” Madison stammered. “You were my friend, and knowing you veered so far down the wrong path like that, I felt terrible.”
“Madison.” I let out a breath. Not everything is about you, I wanted to say, but I didn’t get to.
“Oh, girls! How wonderful to see you two chatting.” Mrs. Stone walked up to us with broccoli in her cart. Madison’s face turned pale.
“Is that—” Mrs. Stone’s mouth opened, and I could see the gears working behind her eyes.
“It’s mine!” I squeaked, grabbing the pregnancy test from Madison. “Thanks for buying it for me so my coworkers wouldn’t know, Maddy.” I squeezed her shoulder. I couldn’t let her suffer like I had.
“I knew it!” Mrs. Stone stamped her foot, making the tissue boxes tremble on their shelf.
I turned to her with pinched-together lips. “What did you know?”
“That you’d end up pregnant!” Mrs. Stone pointed at me. “I’ve been feeling so guilty for accusing you of not being trustworthy, but here’s the proof. I was right all along. I made a mistake picking you as our exchange student! I wasn’t crazy!”
“You know what?” I looked her straight in the eye, chin raised. “I’m glad I didn’t disappoint.”
She grimaced and tugged at Madison’s arm. “Come with me, and don’t you dare interact with this girl again!”
I watched them leave with a peaceful heart: Madison wrapping her arms around herself, Mrs. Stone berating her for spending time with me. Before they turned the corner, Madison turned her head and mouthed, Thank you.
I nodded. If I had known this was how to get rid of Mrs. Stone, I would’ve done it months ago. Pride swelled in my chest. I had finally freed myself from her grip. Madison didn’t deserve my help, but I didn’t care. I was just grateful not to be stuck in her shoes.
My phone beeped. I reached for it.
Arschloch: Looking forward to our double date tonight ;)
Me: About that. Come an hour earlier, I need to fulfill a promise ;)
Arschloch: Should I be scared?
Me: Maybe.
After work, Natalia dropped me off at the Shields’ house. I was really tired of being the only one without a car and license, but in Germany you have to be eighteen to drive.
I had a couple of minutes before Danielle came over. I darted inside and collided with something firm—I would’ve tripped if steadying arms hadn’t stopped my fall. “Woah, watch out!” Paul said.
“P-Paul,” I stammered as I felt his broad hand on my waist. Grilled cheese was on the tip of my tongue, but in the presence of his ocean-blue eyes, I was momentarily speechless. The thing was, I liked looking at him. It always calmed me down.
“Tomato salad,” he said.
“Grilled cheese,” I replied.
But neither of us moved. He pressed his lips together, his hands still on my hips, his eyes still on mine. His eyes spoke more than he ever would. We weren’t where we wanted to be yet.
“Emi,” he breathed, resting his forehead on mine.
“Yeah?” I closed my eyes. Impossible to get over someone when they’re constantly around. Since we didn’t touch anymore, I missed it more than ever.
“I—”
“Um, guys?” Danielle stood in the doorway knocking on the frame.
I jumped to the side. “Hey!” I said a bit too loudly. “Um, you’re early.”
“I can come back later?” She jerked her thumb back.
“Hi, Danielle,” said Paul. “I was just going out. Have fun at... whatever you’re doing.” He threw her a smile and squeezed past her.
Danielle gave me a wide-eyed look, and I nodded toward my room. She literally exploded when I closed the door behind me. “Are you getting together with Paul again?!” she exclaimed. “I thought we were going on a double date with Jon tonight!”
“Danielle, stop. Paul and I are just friends.”
“Sure, because friends stare longingly at each other without noticing when someone’s standing right there.”
I gave a frustrated sigh. “That’s what it looks like to the outside?”
“Um, duh!”
“I care about him, Danielle.”
“You love him,” she corrected.
“Of course I love him.” I headed over to the closet and grabbed a blue floral dress. Danielle’s eyes popped. “But not in the way you think!”
She slapped her palms over her face and dropped onto the bed. “You’re giving me a headache.”
I slipped out of my work clothes and pulled the dress over my head. “I’m still trying to figure out my feelings for Paul myself... But I know what I feel for him isn’t the same as what I feel for Jon.”
Danielle cocked her head at me. “Can I give you my honest opinion?”
I sat down on the bed next to her. “You’ll give it no matter what.”
“I think you’re mistaking your feelings for Jon for love.”
I rolled my eyes. I was tired of this topic, tired of everyone being team Paul. “Oh yeah?”
“Stress hormones can feel like butterflies, you know? Just because Jon excites you doesn’t mean it’s love.”
My phone beeped, providing the perfect excuse to escape this conversation. Nothing anyone said would change my opinion of us.
Arschloch: I’m here
I had only seconds to convince Danielle to give Jon a fair shot. “Listen. I’m not confusing stress hormones with love. I love Jon, even when all we do is lie in bed doing boring homework. Please give him a chance tonight. I want my best friend and my boyfriend to get along.”
Danielle pouted. “Did you have to pull the best friend card?”
I smiled. “Is it working?”
She rolled her eyes and jumped up from the bed. “Fine, I’ll give him a chance. But only because you promised I could practice my men’s haircutting skills on him.”
“You want to give me a haircut?” Jon growled as Danielle pointed to a kitchen chair.
“You didn’t tell him?” Danielle complained.
Both of them glared at me as if I had made their worst nightmares come true.
I raised my palms in apology. “Jon, if I had told you Danielle wanted to cut your hair, I knew you would’ve found some excuse to run late.”
“Fuck yeah,” Jon said. Danielle shot daggers at him.
“Please? For me?” I gave Jon my best puppy-eyed look, and his face softened.
“Fine, but if she messes this up—”
“I won’t mess it up,” Danielle said frostily. Oh god, they might go at each other’s throats before our double date even got started.
But Jon smiled. “Good, I need a trim anyway.”
“Great.” Danielle gestured at the chair for Jon to sit. “Emily, can you get me a towel?”
“Sure.”
I headed for the bathroom. When I came back down the hall, the scissors were already snipping. “Just a reminder,” Danielle was saying. “I have the power to destroy your hair right now so you better be honest with me!”
I leaned against the wall and shamelessly listened in.
“Danielle,” Jon said in a controlled voice. “What is so hard to understand?”
“I know you. I was there for what you did to Kiki and countless other girls. I think I have a right not to trust you.”
“It’s good that you don’t.”
“Seriously?!”
“Ow! Stop pulling at my hair and let me finish.”
I couldn’t help but giggle into the towel.
“Fine, go on.”
“It’s good that you don’t because it shows you’re a good friend. And to be real, I don’t trust myself either.”
A pause filled the room. I clutched the towel tighter in anticipation.
“Seeing her happy is all I want,” Jon said. “I don’t ever want to cause her pain again. Because, believe me, the worst part of going through withdrawal was knowing what I had put her through because I was a coward. I want to be brave, for her.”
My heart melted into my chest. That was exactly what I wanted too: to be brave.
“Okay,” Danielle said. Even though I couldn’t see her face, I knew she liked what he said.
“But in case I do mess up—”
“Jon!”
“I’m just saying, for Christ’s sake. Let me talk!”
“Okay, okay.”
“Just—don’t tell her I told you so or whatever in case I do mess up. I’m trying my best here, but addiction is a sickness. I don’t mean it as an excuse or a loophole. I just want to know that you’ll be there for her in case I can’t be.”
I rested my head against the wall. Jon was doing better, but he was right. The fight wasn’t over yet; it still thrashed in his blood every single day... every second of his life.
“Don’t give up. Okay?” Danielle said in a softer voice.
“I won’t,” Jon replied, and I knew their conversation was finished.
I took a deep breath and stepped around the corner. “Sorry, couldn’t find a clean towel. What are you two talking about?”
Danielle smiled. “Oh, just how I’ll make him look like a mushroom-head if he won’t treat you right.” I burst out laughing, and so did Jon.