Chapter 48
Playground Talk
Jon
On the swing at the playground where Paul and I used to hang out, I waited to see if he’d show. I’d texted him to meet me here, but with prom just hours away, he probably had better things to do.
I gripped the metal chains and gazed up at the sky. Emily was leaving soon. The ache of missing her intensified with each passing day. Life without her was fucking shit—but I had to respect her decision. She said no, so it meant no... Despite myself, I was proud of her for taking a stand like that.
The grass edging the playground was speckled with daisies. She looked so freaking cute with a daisy behind her ear.
“Hey, man,” Paul’s voice said, and for a second I had to convince myself it wasn’t an auditory hallucination.
“Hi.”
He settled on a swing next to me. He looked exhausted. I instinctively reached for my squares.
“Not getting high?” he said.
“Nope, that’s in the past.” I pulled out two, passing one to him along with a lighter. For a few moments we sat in silence, inhaling and exhaling like back in the day.
Finally, he said, “I just got back from the police station.”
I tensed. I had spilled everything to Humphrey. Not just the threats against Paul, but everything that’s been etched in my memory since I was fourteen. Once Humphrey’s skepticism eased and he decided to listen, I couldn’t shut up. Being heard was a rare thing for me—especially from him.
He hadn’t exactly kept me updated on their progress, only saying it might take a couple of days until they could make an arrest.
“They told you to come in?” I asked.
“Yeah. He’s... a dick. I understand why you hate him.”
I nodded.
Another silence.
“You knew this whole time, huh?” Paul said, though without heat. It sounded more like disappointment, and dealing with that was more annoying.
“I messed up, man. I know.”
“Big time,” he agreed, shifting his weight on the swing.
“I should’ve gone to the police right away, but everything seemed so... normal for once.”
I puffed on my cigarette. For a few weeks, I was able to give Little German everything she deserved. I was selfishly holding on to that, worried that if I dumped another pack of problems on her, she’d realize that I could never be a good boyfriend.
“Normal?” Paul stopped the motion of his swing. “You didn’t even talk to me, dude. That’s not normal. We were best friends, and shit—you left me hanging.”
I gritted my teeth. “When you called me at New Year’s... you were right about what you said. I wasn’t ready to give Emily what you could’ve given her. And then you found me, despite the shit I’d pulled.” I looked out at the daisies. “Fuck, I was ashamed—and that made the cravings more intense. Every time I saw you, I was tempted to use again.”
I spoke from a place I hated to visit, a place I’d invited only Emily into until now. At meetings I was always just listening, never sharing. But I had to suck it up and get it out. I needed my damn best friend back.
Paul flicked his cigarette away. “You should’ve said that in the first place, dickhead,” he said, and I couldn’t help but smile. “I was fucking hurt that you stole—fuck, I don’t like that word—whatever, that you dated my girlfriend, but I’m over it now.”
My eyes widened. “How?” I couldn’t fathom getting over Emily. It seemed impossible.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love her. But just because I love her doesn’t mean I’m meant to be with her.” His features were calm, radiating peace. “You, though, bro...” He shook his head and looked up at the sky. “Ah, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but fuck—” He looked back at me. “You’re meant to be with her. So go get your girl back. I know it’s not too late.”
Those words gave me newfound strength. I stood up and so did he, and we hugged like we never had in all our years of friendship. I had my bro back. And this time I wouldn’t mess it up again.
“There’s something else I need to tell you,” I said as we pulled apart.
The fresh smile on his face vanished as I started talking.