Chapter Ten
Iain would have gladly thrown the blasted rudder into the ocean if he didn’t need it so badly. It took him and three crew members most of the night to get it back in working order. The sun had risen as the cursed thing began to work properly once more.
Fortunately, their schedule was not impacted by the lack of steering. A stiff wind had more than made up the time they’d lost the day before. However, Iain would not have minded the extra time if it meant being able to spend it in bed with his wife.
While he’d not pressure her in treating him like a proper husband by offering her body, he could tell things had been moving in that direction the night before and that she was just as eager as he.
Perhaps it was better it had not worked out. She may have regretted it later if she’d lain with him when caught up in the throes of lust. She was likely glad he’d not come to their bed, once her mind had cleared from the passion of his kisses.
Jack was up with the sun and his normal good-natured self as he came out on the deck. He offered his assistance where he could. But every time Iain tried to speak to him, he didn’t seem to understand.
Once he’d pulled a small slate and a bit of chalk out of his coat and wrote a message.
“If you write it down, I can read it,” he’d written.
That was well and good, except Iain could barely read this message. Writing one back would be quite difficult and highly unhelpful, as the lad was unlikely to understand Iain’s scratches as words.
Instead, he just smiled and gestured his wishes.
Jack was clever and picked up on things quickly.
By the time Maisy came out on the deck, the men were fed and everyone was buzzing with excitement.
It didn’t matter the length of the voyage or how much a man loved being at sea, coming into port was a thrill.
“You must be exhausted,” she said when she came to him.
“I managed a bit of sleep up here, but I wanted to be close by if the repair didn’t hold.”
She nodded, but looked away with a frown. Was she disappointed he hadn’t come to their room? That couldn’t be right. She should have cooled by now and been glad things hadn’t gotten out of hand.
He would never pretend to understand the workings of a woman’s mind. Instead he held out his arm in an offer to stroll. She took it readily and they walked toward the front of the ship where the sea spray hit their faces.
“I’ve seen you speak to Jack without using your hand signals and he’s understood you fine, but when I speak he does not. Am I doing something wrong?” he asked.
Maisy shook her head. “Not wrong. It’s your beard. He reads lips but cannot see yours well enough to understand your words behind the whiskers.”
“Ah. That makes sense.”
“He can write messages when he doesn’t understand. You can communicate that way.”
For a moment he hesitated, unwilling to share his short-comings, but then decided it was best she know so she didn’t think him stubborn or unaccepting of her brother.
“I’m afraid letters and numbers have been a challenge for me most of my life. I had many tutors through the years, and while I understand the fundamentals, when I look at something written on parchment they tend to twist and turn into something I’ve never seen before.”
“That must be difficult,” she said, not in pity, but with understanding clear in her light brown eyes.
“Hodge is able to read and write. He often helps. Oddly enough when I look at a map, it is easy for me to understand. Those lines are twisted on purpose.”
She smiled at his jest.
“We all have our trials. And things we excel at.”
“We do,” he agreed.
She frowned and shook her head.
“I must be honest. I don’t excel at much.
I’m not skilled at playing a musical instrument despite all the instructors.
I can barely complete a stitch when it comes to embroidery.
Perhaps I should have studied those things harder in my youth.
Instead, most days were spent running with Jack through the wilds of Cornwall.
My mother was gone, and father and Nelson rarely ever stayed there.
It was just the two of us. I guess, that will be how it is again. ”
He watched her face for any sign she was unhappy about this, and couldn’t tell. Not until she followed it up with a question.
“How long will you stay?”
The way her gaze glanced away and the frown on those lush lips he’d kissed the night before, told him she was displeased that he would be leaving her. She probably wished for some grand romance between them. Despite her age and stern countenance, she was still a woman.
He hated the idea of disappointing her, but she would certainly become frustrated with him if he stayed.
“A few days, at least. Long enough to get things settled. I’ll not leave you until I’m certain the repairs are underway and the place is fit for you to live in.
” He could have easily hired someone to see to the repairs.
It would do no good to lie to himself and think he stayed for her. Not when it was he who wanted to stay.
“Thank you.”
She glanced at him and then away. He couldn’t help but feel like she wanted to say something else.
“What is it?”
She let out a breath and then turned toward him.
“I wanted to ask you about how we would handle things once you sailed away with no plans to return.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s my understanding that men have urges and needs that he would normally sate with a wife.
Am I wrong to assume those needs would still arise when you are thousands of miles away?
” His wife was nothing if not practical.
He would have praised her bravery for tackling such a difficult subject if he wasn’t focused on how he might shift the topic to something far easier to discuss.
Instead he struggled to find words to say in much the same way he did when trying to wrangle words on a page.
“Oh. Uh.” For the life of him, he didn’t know how to answer that question. He looked out at the water only taking a breath to contemplate jumping overboard to get away from having to speak about this.
“I am not a schoolgirl. I know the ways of men and women.”
His brows pulled together as he heard himself ask, “How do you know?”
She shook her head.
“I’m chaste. It’s just that my best friend is a married woman and she shared plenty.”
“I see.” He rubbed his beard as he considered what to say. “Women have needs as well.” He didn’t know why he thought it pertinent to point that out, but he did. “You may wish to take a lover while I’m gone.”
Her face almost looked sun-kissed with the pink rising beyond her cheeks. He hid a smile.
“I can’t say what will happen years from now. I have no plans to do so, but I guess a life is not fully lived until you have experienced such things, and it’s true I may want to see what it’s like.”
He’d said it to tease her, he hadn’t planned on her agreeing.
He pushed his anger down for it wasn’t as if she had been untrue.
She only planned to. Or if not planned, she was leaving her mind open to the possibility.
It was more than he wanted to think about, but she was right.
It wasn’t fair of him to take her to wife and then leave her alone.
If they had married under different circumstances, he would feel like the villain. But she knew his plans when she’d agreed to marry him. She’d chosen him under these conditions.
But had she chosen him or just taken the only option available? A woman like her would have preferred to marry for love if it had been possible. She was desperate and simply took the only option offered.
“I’m sorry.”
“It is as we’d discussed. I shouldn’t be upset about the situation.”
Saying she shouldn’t be upset wasn’t the same as saying she wasn’t upset. Rather than apologize again, or make promises he couldn’t keep, he offered the truth.
“I can’t say what will happen. I’m not a man who takes a woman at every port, but I have been known to partake on occasion. If you are asking me to be faithful to my vows, I would do so.”
“I would have no way of knowing if you remained true.”
“You would have my word.”
“Of course. I didn’t mean any disrespect. I have no right to anything more than what we had agreed upon. You offered a safe home for my brother and me. That was all I had hoped for when we’d married.”
She was a sensible lass, but he could tell she was unhappy with the situation already. To be honest, he didn’t like the idea of leaving her to the rest of her life without him either, but he didn’t say anything.
He was a captain. That’s all he knew how to do.
His life was on the sea, breathing in the salty air and looking out at the stars from his bed.
He’d not be content being Lord Kesson. That was not who he was.
It was not anything he’d ever thought to be.
But then he’d never thought to be a husband either.
Iain was spared from having to say anything more, when Jack came up and began speaking to his sister with his hands.
Thank you, Jack.