Chapter 10
Tiernan
“This is a good thing, Tiernan,” Donal assures quietly.
My eyes flick to him, then the door. Jack closed it because she prefers closed doors, but a chill lingers now that her presence is gone.
Has she closed the door on us too? We’re going to be married, yet I’m sure there will be more locked doors between us than open ones.
I’ve kissed her twice, but feel a frustrating itch under my skin.
“Tiernan,” Donal says. “You need to sign as well for this to matter.”
“She’s not doing this because she wants to,” I finally reply.
“She’s doing it because it’s the smart play. She knows it. You outlined it well and protected her interest within the contract.”
He keeps saying ‘contract’ like I said arrangement, but Jack already used the word that the world will see.
This is a marriage and I’m going into it with a wife that doesn’t want to be mine.
I can’t be sure if it’s because the circumstances are less than ideal in her world or because I didn’t propose.
Would she have said yes if I got down on one knee and summoned any shred of romance in my body? Or would the answer have remained no because we’ve kissed twice and she’s been here because of another contract she didn’t want to sign.
A pen nudges my hand.
The way she spoke to me, the heat in her eyes, the frustration and confidence in every word she fed me about myself lingers in my head. I wrap my fingers around the pen, but struggle to make myself sign the document that will confirm our arrangement.
“It’s just another contract. This one happens to ensure that there is nothing that can be held against you. It secures you.”
“I know what it does, Donal,” I interrupt.
“The ends justify the means.”
For the first time, I meet his eyes. I don’t doubt that it will save my business interests.
I’m questioning whether it will serve my private desires.
The way Jack looked at me before she left, before she refused to let me see her face, makes me question if she’ll kiss me again when we’re alone, if she’ll give me a taste of her smile, or if I’ll only hear about her from others in this house and wish she gave me half the attention.
Whether I should want her focus is no longer a question I can let myself debate. ‘Should’ doesn’t matter in my chest. I want her name on my lips as much as I want to taste her again. I want her to want me. My signature might kill that possibility.
Boxing her in cells and a future made from ink that she’d need a lawyer she can’t afford to get out of doesn’t feel like something a good man does. I’ve never aspired to be a good man to anyone buy my side, however, she’s now on my side.
I sign my name and clear my throat. I set the pen down, but still feel the weight of it in my hand.
“Witnessed,” Donal says. “I’ll file this and move forward.”
I incline my head.
Taking it back after what she said will make me look weak in her eyes. If a man gives in just because a woman disapproves or speaks against something, his feelings don’t matter. People will only remember the weakness and they’ll know how to push at it until they take something vital.
I walk Donal out so my body has something to do. He nods to me, assures everything will be filed properly and this is what needs to be done.
“I don’t need a reminder on how to run my business,” I warn.
“Of course,” he replies simply.
“Do your part and save your assurances for someone who needs them,” I finish before shutting the door.
Turning, I go to the kitchen. Coffee isn’t going to soothe me. It won’t taste like her either, but it is something to do with my body to force it to keep moving rather than going over the same thoughts, regrets, and ‘maybes’ that no longer matter.
I expect to be alone, but find Jaime there. He glances from me to the coffee, then clears his throat. “You’re-”
“Tiernan,” I fill in before he can use another name for me. “You good?”
He nods once, keeping a careful distance between us. “Yeah. Thanks for the rescue. For protecting Jack too.”
I fill my mug with lukewarm coffee and nod once.
“Seriously. If you wouldn’t have been an option, she would have stormed in herself and I don’t want to think about how that would go.”
“Don’t put her in a position like that again,” I warn.
His eyes flash to me, then away. “I already know I fucked up. I don’t need reminders. I’m wearing half of them and have nightmares about every other possibility.”
I nod again.
“I was stupid. I’m trying to get out not make it worse.”
“I know,” I state clearly.
“Plus, they went back on the deal. They can’t take my debt back. That’s not how this works,” he defends.
“People like Emilio will always change things for their benefit,” I say calmly. “Whether it’s right or not. They decide how things happen.”
Jamie looks at me for a long while. He tries to ask if I’m different, he asks how much longer Jack has to stay here, he asks plenty of things that I answer with non-answers. Finally, when he realizes his coffee has gone from lukewarm to cold and he’s achieved nothing, he sighs.
“I’ll be leaving in the morning. This isn’t the place for me and I have school,” he informs.
I incline my head. “If you notice something suspicious, tell Jack immediately.”
“I can handle myself.”
“She can’t handle the worry,” I counter.
He looks away, then pours his mug out in the sink. “I’m supposed to be strong enough to protect myself.”
“That’s not how family works. Tell her or she’ll worry. I’d rather have my men investigate and it be nothing than end up in another hostage situation.”
“Yeah, I guess that makes sense.”
His eyes fall on me and stay for a long moment.
He’s trying to piece things together, like any decent brother would, but he’s not in any position to question my motives when it comes to Jack.
Even if I was honest with him – that I feel something for her, that I don’t like keeping her trapped – it would change nothing, only complicate the situation.
Anything I have to say about her, should be said to her.
“Maybe I should get a gun,” he finally says.
“Only if you know how to use it and are prepared to kill a man.”
He watches me for a moment longer, then steps forward. “No matter what I owe, keep her safe. She deserves it. She didn’t do anything wrong.”
I arch an eyebrow.
“She’s my sister. Innocent. Always done the right thing and she’s keeping your men alive because she wouldn’t allow herself not to,” he says, eyes sharpening. “Remember that.”
He walks away, leaving me with an unsatisfying coffee, no ground to stand on, and the knowledge that he doesn’t know as much about his sister as he should. She’s innocent comparatively, but she’s as tangled as he is now.
Even if I did let her walk away without a contract, my men would still seek her out. She doesn’t ask questions, she doesn’t demand answers from them. Her touch heals more than their wounds. There is no option to leave once a person is involved with this line of work.
Jack is in it, as my wife on paper even if she refuses to be one in practice. In a matter of days or weeks, it will be official and I’ll have to question again if she means it when we’re married, or if she’s just fulfilling what’s been demanded of her.
Unless I can find a way to fix this and have it all. That thought lingers in my head. I can prove I have feelings for her as long as she’s open to accepting the fact that my feelings are real. If she has any for me, then we can have more than a lonely agreement that ties us together.
For the first time since I was a child, I feel the urge to cross my fingers, but wishing won’t be enough when it comes to Jack.