Chapter 4
Year One of Marriage
Alizé
Hey, this is Alizé. Your wife.
We need to discuss holiday visits.
I get it, we live apart. No communication. I prefer it that way too.
But for family events like Christmas, how are we going to do this?
You come to France one year, I go to the States the next?
Cillian
No.
Alizé
Well, you’re just a ray of sunshine.
Is your plan for us to never meet again?
(Last message not delivered)
Email from: Alizé De Villier
Email to: Cillian O’Leary
Subject: Six-monthiversary
It’s me, your supposed wife. Reaching out…again.
Just message me back. We don’t have to be lovers or even good friends, but it’d be in both our families’ best interests if we at least got along.
Dearest husband,
Common courtesy dictates you should have sent your condolences on my father’s passing to me, not my brother, but considering the length of that stick up your ass, your boorish attitude is not surprising.
As detailed in the contract signed between our families, your presence is required at all important family functions, including my father’s funeral. The attached obituary notice is your formal invitation.
This is not a request. Trust me, at this point, I’d rather not extend you this courtesy, but at least if you don’t show, our contract will be void. No contact means an easy annulment, and therefore no more need for me to be proactive and send out pointless communications you won’t respond to.
Sincerely,
Alizé De Villier
Dear Mrs. De Villier,
Attached you will find photographs of Mr. Cillian O’Leary in attendance at your father’s funeral as mandated.
It is our understanding that these will prove satisfactory in demonstrating his compliance with the contract terms. Per Mr. O’Leary’s request, we ask that you please send any further crucial correspondence through our office in order for him to maintain the strict abidance of the terms and conditions of your contract.
Sincerely,
John Hanklin, Esq
Law Offices of Duke & Doley
Email from: Alizé De Villier – CEO of Maison DV Parfums
Email to: Cillian O’Leary
CC: Law Offices of Duke & Doley
Subject: Visit to Boston
I’ll be in Boston in August through the first week of September to visit a friend.
In case you weren’t aware, our first anniversary is coming up at the end of my trip.
Since I’m perfectly aware people in our types of families and businesses don’t get divorces—however foolish that may be—I want us to clear the air and set terms. You want little to do with me, fine.
I’m not too fond of you either, but I want to give you the courtesy of discussing an open marriage since we are obviously not happening.
I’ll stop by your lawyer’s office on the 1st of September at two in the afternoon.
Please let me know if this time does not work for you.
Email from: Alizé De Villier – CEO of Maison DV Parfums
Email to: Cillian O’Leary
Subject: In Office
Where are you? Our meeting should have started twenty minutes ago, but the receptionist has kept me waiting in the lobby with no information.
I told you I was coming. You and your lawyers had more than enough time to notify me you needed to cancel.
I am warning you, right now. You either come over here this instant, or I swear you’re not going to like what happens.
Email from: Law Offices of Duke & Doley
Email to: Alizé De Villier
CC: Cillian O’Leary
Subject: Incident on September 2nd
Dear Mrs. Alizé De Villier,
Attached, please find the list of damages for the incident that occurred on September 2nd at Mr. Cillian O’Leary’s place of business, The Rose and Dragon Pub on Broadway, Boston, USA.
A copy has been sent to your residential address in Lyon, France.
Mr. Cillian O’Leary demands reimbursement for said damages incurred by the equivalent of a stink bomb left in his establishment, or he will be forced to press charges following your threat on file, sent September 1st.
Respectfully,
John Hanklin, Esq
Law Offices of Duke & Doley
Email from: Alizé De Villier
Email to: Law Offices of Duke & Doley
CC: Cillian O’Leary
Subject: Re: Incident on September 2nd
Dear sirs,
Mr. O’Leary is free to attempt to press charges.
However, he will be violating the protection clause established between our families, signed by himself and his father.
As such, he will find his monthly stipend cut off and our contract terminated.
I will gladly accept the attempted charges if that is the outcome.
If not, he is free to visit me in Lyon to discuss terms as was previously proposed by me before this unfortunate and untimely incident took up his time.
Sincerely,
The Wife
Email from: Law Offices of Duke & Doley
Email to: Alizé De Villier
CC: Cillian O’Leary
Subject: Re: Re: Incident on September 2nd
Dear Mrs. Alizé De Villier,
It is Mr. O’Leary’s desire to forego all charges. However, he will be unable to travel to Lyon in the coming months, but he is willing to settle on the topic of an open marriage and give his full approval without conditions. Please let us know if you have any further questions or concerns.
Respectfully,
John Hanklin, Esq
Law Offices of Duke & Doley
Alizé
He agreed to it.
Maeve
Course he did. The prick.
Word on the street is they’re all fucked-up.
O’Leary, more like O’Sleazy.
Alizé
I didn’t expect his acceptance to hurt though.
Do you think I’m crazy?
I am, no?
Maeve
No, of course not.
Alizé
I just want to be someone’s exception.
I want to be someone’s priority.
Maeve
Do you even have the time for that?
Alizé
Probably not.
Maeve
Then fuck him.
Alizé
That’s one of the problems, isn’t it?
Maeve
Babe, divorce him.
You’re worth a hundred of him.
Alizé
It’s not done in our circles.
Plus, my brother just took over the family business.
It’s not the time to push for it.
On the plus side, I came up with a new formula and vaporized a mannequin, imagining it was him.
Maeve
That’s my girl!
Alizé
Plane’s going to take off. Talk soon.
Maeve
Come back and visit soon.
Love having you over.
And babe?
Alizé
Yeah?
Maeve
You’ll always be my person.
Alizé
Same.
Year Five of Marriage
Dear Mr. Cillian Donal O’Leary,
I do not believe in forcing loved ones into detrimental situations, and this union between you and Alizé long ago became that.
Following a recent conversation with my sister regarding your relationship, it is time to reassess the durability of the contract with the intention of finding a peaceful dissolution.
However, should you disregard my request, as Alizé informs me you are apt to do, I suggest you read the following carefully.
Per our families’ contracted agreement, it is incumbent upon me to inform you of an event requiring your presence.
I will be marrying Persetta Iannelli from the California Iannellis in just over a month.
While the following invitation has been issued to you, I formally request that you not attend.
You will not fly to France at any time in the next month.
You will not send a wedding gift. What you will do is break your end of the contract, hence freeing my sister from a loveless and fruitless agreement that we have received no benefit from.
Our situation no longer requires your side of the bargain to ever be fulfilled.
In return for your compliance, I agree to waive the repayment of sums made as mandated by said contract.
I will leave you with this parting warning should you disregard my advice. My men and I enjoy a good hunt, especially when the target is mobile.
Sincerely,
Adrien De Villier, CEO of DV Bank and Holdings
Cillian
Take a look at this letter.
See if you can find what’s going on.
The De Villier bastard sounds too cocky.
They’re going to try something.
Brody
On it.
If I find something?
Cillian
Put a stop to it.
And get flights for us.
We’re going to that wedding.
Alizé
So, don’t tell Adrien, but husband dearest just showed up.
Three rows behind me, five seats to the left.
Looking mighty fine in that suit.
Really not fair.
Erel
Putain d’enculé. Fucking fucker.
Alizé
The whole gang is there.
Not conspicuous in the least. That’s a lot of seething gingers, freckles, and baby blues.
Got to hand it to them, the O’Learys know how to make a show of force.
Erel
Adrien’s going to have a coronary.
Alizé
Where are you going?
Sit your butt down.
I’ll take care of this.
Erel
Your husband is making a mockery of us.
Alizé
Of Adrien. Not you.
And he’s not my anything.
Erel
Paperwork says otherwise.
Alizé
Oh, shut it.
You men are all the same. Can’t take a hit to your ego.
Testosterone seriously turns all of you into hairless apes.
Erel
Adrien was trying to get you what you want.
Alizé
How did that work out for him?
The world would be better off if women ruled.
At least we’d use compassion and common sense.
Just stay here. I’ll handle this.
Erel
How the hell are you going to manage that?
Alizé
Watch and learn.
Erel
Whatever it is, hurry.
Tessa walks down the aisle in five minutes.
A couple of minutes later
Maeve
?? What exactly did you pour on the O’Leary brothers? In the middle of your brother’s wedding, of all times.
Alizé
A failed batch of perfume.
The acid will probably stain their suits.
Maeve
Why are you carrying that?
Alizé
I brought it home from my lab to figure out what went wrong with it.
Guess I won’t need to anymore.
Maeve
Do I want to know why they got doused?
Alizé
A needed lesson against bad behavior.
Maeve
He ever shown any good behavior?
Alizé
You’re right. I should probably make more.
Maeve
Considering how fast they ran out of the church, it was effective.
My suggestion: Market that, babe, and milk it.
Alizé
I should call it: the Evacuator.
Either way, husband dearest doesn’t get to show up and embarrass my family after all these years.
Maeve
And if he comes back inside?
Alizé
There’s always more tricks up my sleeve.
Consider it foreplay. ??
The most I’ll ever get from him.
Maeve
And if he offered?
Alizé
I’m game if he is.
Maeve
…?
He abandoned you.
Alizé
*shrug* I’d still grapple up that body of his like a koala to a tree.
See if he fucks as good as he looks.
Maybe I’d even teach him how to be my good boy.
Spank that ass. Peg him a bit. Make him beg for it. Just once.
Maeve
Oh god, I really didn’t need the visual.
Alizé
You think he’d learn?
Maeve
Before or after the courts annul your marriage?
Alizé
We should hear back any day now.
Maeve
By the way, your brother’s best man…
Alizé
Erel?
Maeve
Think you could get me his number?
Alizé
Seriously? Him?
Maeve
What? Serious and broody is my type.
All that pent-up energy, and the size of those arms, yum.
Have you seen those fingers?
Just think what he could do with them.
Alizé
What have you done with my Maeve?
Year Six of Marriage
Judiciary Tribunal of Lyon
République Francaise
Lyon, October 4th
Mrs. Alizé O’Leary, born De Villier,
Following the review of your request for the annulment of your marriage to Mr. Cillian Donal O’Leary, per article 146 of the civil code, we regret to inform you that your grievance has been denied following the receipt of a non-cohabitation agreement signed by both parties.
With the deadline for annulments capped at five years, any further requests will automatically be denied without review.
Please accept our sincerest regards.
Signed,
The Public Prosecutor
Email from: Alizé De Villier – CEO of Maison DV Parfums
Email to: Cillian O’Leary
Subject: Annulment
Listen, asshole. I’m not the kind of woman you can just walk all over or ignore. I’ve tried being nice. I’ve tried being patient. Now I’m done.
An annulment was the cleanest cut we could have had.
A piece of paper is all that separates us from being nothing at all to each other.
As you have made perfectly clear, you have no wish to be associated with me in any way, shape, or form.
You had no right to intervene in my request for the annulment.
Consider this me demanding that you get your head out of your ass. I wonder if I will finally hear from you when you realize your spousal donation this month is a tenth of what was agreed upon.
Email from: Law Offices of Duke & Doley
Email to: Alizé De Villier
CC: Cillian O’Leary
Subject: Re: Spousal donations
Dear Mrs. Alizé De Villier,
We regret to inform you that unless the entire donation is sent within the month, as agreed upon nearly six years ago, our client will be forced to pursue legal action for breach of contract.
You will promptly receive a similar letter by courier.
We urge you to reconcile your differences and abide by the terms of your agreement for the continued well-being of your arrangement and the sake of you and your family’s business reputation.
Respectfully,
John Hanklin, Esq
Law Offices of Duke & Doley
Unknown
Have you received them yet?
Cillian
Who is this?
Unknown
Sign the divorce papers, Cillian!!!
I want my life back.
Every month, you’ll receive divorce papers.
At each of your homes. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.
Your businesses. ALL OF THEM.
Your lawyer’s office.
Your lawyer’s home.
Your brothers’ homes.
Every single month, you will get more until you sign, or they bury and suffocate you!
I’m not giving up.
(Phone number blocked)