Lindsay
After another fulfilling pool session the next day, I find myself in Matteo’s bed once again. He hasn’t fucked me yet, though. I walked through the door and found him on the phone, speaking rapid Italian to the person on the other end.
My Italian is a little rusty, so I settle for sitting on his bed, staring at him and waiting for him to be done. He paces the length of the room, strong hands gripping the phone as he speaks.
I’ve become intimately aware of what those hands can do. The damage they can inflict.
My ass is still sore from yesterday. He was so sweet and gentle and yet I could feel the danger lurking in his depths. I’m glad he let me experience that. He didn’t hold himself back. He let me see all of him.
And for the first time, I think I’m okay with it.
I find myself wanting all of him. And even more if he’ll offer it to me.
It’s not just the good sex, it’s everything else. The thoughtful gestures, his patience and kindness. Matteo Vitale might just be the man of my dreams. And I’m not sure what to do with that realization.
The phone call ends and then he looks at me with a smirk.
“Why are you staring at me like that, creep?” he questions, moving to sit by my side on the bed.
I hesitate before voicing the question that’s been spinning inside my head.
“Could you tell me about Leo’s mom?” I ask softly.
Matteo pauses, then he sighs like he had been expecting it.
“I was wondering when you’d get around to asking,” he drawls.
“So you’ll tell me? Were you married? Did you love her? Is she alive?” I say, firing the questions rapidly.
“Slow down.” He chuckles. “I’ll tell you everything you need to know. But you need to tell me something, too. Quid pro quo, princess.”
I suck in a harsh breath, considering. “Fine, I guess it’s only fair.”
He nods once, before settling in deeper in the bed. We’re facing each other and the air around us grows still, trapping us in the moment before he starts to speak.
“I met Sara when I was around your age, actually. I’m a very guarded person, Kitten. I don’t usually let people in, but I let her in. And for a little while, things were going well between us. I guess you could even say we were falling in love,” he says sardonically.
“You guess? You don’t know if you were in love?”
“She probably loved me, at least she said she did, but I could never say it back. I had just started getting the hang of my role in the family and I didn’t see the point of letting emotions get in the way of that. Love always seems like a bad idea to me so I stay away from it.”
“But?”
“But then Leo happened. We found out she was pregnant and it all changed. I guess she wasn’t ready for such a big commitment like she thought she was. On my part, I was ready to make her my wife, take responsibility. Sara didn’t want that, though.”
“I mean, can you blame her? She didn’t want you to marry her just because she was pregnant. She probably wanted you to love her.”
“Well, I couldn’t give her all of that. I made the offer I thought I needed to make but she said it wasn’t worth it.
She knew all about my life and she got scared.
She didn’t want to be a part of it forever.
I mean… I’m sure I’d grow to love her if she stuck around but…
she left. She walked out on me and Leo.”
The words he’s saying burn. I realize I’m in the same shoes Sara was in. He’s putting himself out there again, but can he ever love me? I would hate to feel stuck with someone who’s only with me for the logistics. He’s letting history repeat itself and hoping it’ll end differently.
I wish I could assure him that it won’t, but I can’t. Not with my heart on the line like that.
“What happened to her? Sara. Is she still alive?” I ask, suddenly worried.
From what I’ve heard, it’s not easy to get a clean break from the mafia. Most people don’t walk out alive and I’m terrified that Matteo might have killed her.
Matteo gives me a look like he can tell exactly what I’m thinking. It stings.
“It’s not a matter of choosing between your life and staying in the Cosa Nostra, Lindsay,” he states.
“Sara walked away, and I let her. There’s always a choice.
She’s still alive. Lives in Atlanta now with her husband and two kids.
She calls Leo on his birthdays and on holidays.
But she’s made her stance pretty clear about her role in our lives. ”
One thing I know for sure is I’d never leave my son to a life I didn’t think was worthy of me. I know everyone is going through this journey called life and messing up along the way, but that’s pretty fucked up.
“I can’t believe she would abandon her child like that. Abandon you,” I say softly.
He shrugs. “I’ve made my peace with it. I just hope one day, Leo will too.
I know he misses his mother. He probably doesn’t understand why she’s not a part of his life.
I’ve lied to him so far and told him she’s too far away to see him.
One day, though, he’ll realize the truth.
I just have to do my best to be enough for him. ”
“You are enough, Matteo. That little boy adores you,” I assure him.
He exhales a soft breath and I can see gratitude in his expression as he looks at me. I’m glad I could lend a listening ear, allow him to talk about his doubts and his past.
“Your turn, princess.”
“Talking about my mom is always hard,” I murmur.
“She died nearly thirteen years ago and I still feel her loss acutely today. It’s like an open wound that won’t close.
My mom was a superhero, the same way you are to Leo.
It felt like she could do anything. I still remember her bright smile and her eyes.
Great Expectations was one of her favorite books.
She loved to read to me. Always said her greatest joy in life was watching my face light up as I read the words on the page of a book.
She told me she loved me every morning when I woke up and every night before I went to bed.
The last time she said it was the morning before her accident. ”
My eyes grow a little bleary with tears. Matteo doesn’t say a word. His silence is comforting.
“Some idiot, bless his soul, ran a red light and crashed into her car. They both died. One stupid mistake, and my mom was gone forever. For a long time I blamed myself for it. She was coming home to see me. I told her to hurry up because I missed her. I know that’s not right anymore; she would have hated that I blamed myself.
But I just—I needed my mother, and she’s gone.
I can’t hear her voice anymore. She can’t read to me anymore.
She can’t tell me that she’s proud of how far I’ve come.
She’s just gone.” My voice cracks, and finally Matteo moves.
He shifts forward, pulling me into his arms.
“She’s not gone, Lindsay. You feel her every day, and your love for her is a tether.
Your grief is a sign of that love. Your mother could never be gone, sweetheart.
She’ll always be there for you,” he states.
“And I’m proud of you, for what it’s worth.
Proud of all you’ve accomplished and all that you still have to achieve.
You’ve forced me to shut down two accounts with all of your poking and in doing so saved the government millions. ”
I sniff, laughing quietly. “You can be strangely sweet sometimes. It’s creepy.”
“Tell me about it,” he mutters, dropping his forehead against mine. I breathe him in for a couple of seconds, feeling the ache in my chest loosen. “Come on.”
He lies down on the bed, pulling me in with him. I rest my head on his chest and we just stay like that for a while.
I wish he would stop doing things like this. It’s only making it that much harder not to fall for him.
Eventually, the silence starts to grow irritating. I don’t want to dwell on our past in silence. An idea sparks in my head and I smile wickedly against his chest.
“Let’s play a game, Matteo,” I suggest, sitting up and crossing my legs. “I have a proposition.”
Matteo smirks, probably remembering the last time I propositioned him, “I’m listening.”
I reach for a coin I noticed on the bedside table.
“Heads or tails?” I ask, staring at him.
“Tails,” he replies smoothly. “What is this little game, Kitten?”
“Heads, fellatio. Tails, cunnilingus.”
“Hmm.” Matteo chuckles darkly. “If you win, you get to suck my cock. If I win, I get to eat your pussy?”
“Pretty much,” I say, desire rolling through me.
Technically it’s a win-win, but no harm in a little fun.
“Throw the coin, gorgeous.”
A thrill rolls through me at the lazy, half-lidded look in his eyes. He’d devour me without a second thought. And I fear I would let him.
With a flick of my thumb, I spin the quarter through the air and it clatters onto the bed. I peer over and laugh.
“On your feet, baby,” I say salaciously.
His expression darkens when I run my tongue over my lips, making sure to keep eye contact as I do. I’ve wanted to do this for so long. I want to taste him, to drive him just as wild as he drives me. I want to give him this, to make sure I’m forever burned into every inch of him.
Matteo rises to his feet while I slide down to my knees in front of him. The moment stretches between us. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as I look up at him.
“Go on. Take it out,” he prompts.
The raw power in his gaze has a shiver rolling through me. He reaches down to swipe against my bottom lip with his thumb.
“I’m going to fuck your pretty mouth, Lindsay. You want that, don’t you?”
I nod without hesitation, a little annoyed that I’m giving in to him so easily. I know I shouldn’t, but I want it too, and I need to learn to allow myself to want things. To want him without a fight.
Very slowly, I reach into the pants he’s wearing, grabbing his cock and releasing it from its confines. It pulses in my hand, large and hard and beautiful. I run a hand over the shaft, once, twice.
“Let me,” he says softly.