Chapter 10
RAFAEL
Icould hold him all day, even while he’s asleep. He feels so tiny in my arms, a small bundle that feels linked to me by an invisible rope. Now that I know he exists, I find it unbelievable I didn’t… sense him before somehow.
“Why don’t I put him to sleep?” Mrs. Ward says. “Perhaps we should give you both some alone time?”
Mr. Ward nods, standing. “Sure.” He looks at his daughter. “We’ll be in the kitchen.” His gaze turns to me, brimming with protectiveness. “Right next door.”
I hand Theo away reluctantly, then quickly stand and grab his lion toy. “Maybe see if he’ll sleep with this?”
Mrs. Ward smiles, but just like Ava’s dad, her expression is conflicted as she looks at me. It’s not like I can blame them. And that’s with them only knowing the partial truth. If they knew the whole thing…
I return to the couch, sitting close to Ava. Her hand is resting on her thigh. She’s wearing a skirt today, her hand on her black tights. I try to tame the savage in me when I look at her tights, holding on for dear life against all that perfect curviness.
Taking a chance, I reach down and lay my hand over hers. She flips hers so that we can interlock fingers, looking at me with a flush creeping over her cheeks and down her neck.
“I think they like you,” she says quietly.
“More fool them,” I say with a smirk.
She rolls her eyes.
“I’m sorry. I was joking.”
“Ha, ha,” she says quietly.
“I’m glad,” I tell her. “That they’re here for you, for Theo. That you have people looking out for you. And yeah, that they’re willing to let me in. They seem like good people.”
“They are,” she says. “Between them and work, I’ve had a lot of support.”
“Work, meaning…”
“Cassie,” she says, then looks down. “And Adrian. They’ve both been very helpful.”
Adrian.
I still can’t figure out what his angle is, if there is one. I’ve been making quiet enquiries into the Hungarians, but so far, I’ve turned up nothing that proves they were behind the men last year.
“Is he a good boss?” I say.
“Yes, very good.”
“And he’s…” Safe. “Respectful?”
She bites her lip. If she knew how hungry I got when she did that, she might think twice about it, especially with her parents next door. Hell, the door to the hallway isn’t even fully closed.
“Yes, Rafe, he is. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you sounded jealous.”
“Has he…” I grit my teeth.
“What? No. Adrian is happily married.”
I let out a relieved sigh. “You’ll probably tell me I’ve got no right, and hell, it’s not like I can argue… but the truth is, Ava, yeah, I’d be jealous. Seeing you with any other man would snap something in me.”
“Something that has no right to be snapped,” she says, but her flush deepens, and her breath comes faster.
“Maybe so,” I agree.
I wrap my arm around her, pulling her close. In the reflection of the TV screen, we look right together, like we belong. She cuddles close, resting her head on my shoulder. I lean down and kiss her forehead.
“I’ve missed this,” I tell her.
“We only had this for hours, Rafe.”
“Don’t downplay it,” I tell her. “I know you felt it too.”
“What did I feel?”
I give her a squeeze. “Like the world finally stopped spinning. Like there was a chance at something. As if we could finally stop being on the outside looking in. Like we could be part of our own story for once.”
“Okay, mind reader,” she teases, squeezing my leg.
I shift away, a warm shiver coursing up my thigh. She tilts her head up at me.
“Is something wrong?”
I glance at the door.
“Don’t worry,” she says, laughing softly. “I’m not going to jump your bones.”
“It’s better if you don’t play with fire,” I warn.
Her face lights up, a clear sense of power flooding her features. “Is that what I’m doing, playing with fire?”
I lean down and bring my face to hers. Her breath whispers over me as my body responds as fiercely as the ache in my chest. “Yes, angel, that’s exactly what you’re doing.
I’ve spent a year thinking about you, dreaming, fantasizing.
One touch is enough to set me ablaze. I’m a man who’s used to taking what I want.
Don’t tempt me to be that… that goddamn savage here. Now.”
She reaches down, never taking her eyes off me, and lays her hand against my thigh again.
“Do you need me to show you how difficult you’re making things?” I groan, reaching down and squeezing onto her thick, perfect leg.
She moans, a noise that goes straight to my base, firing through me like liquid temptation. She looks at me with wide eyes, the same desire in them I remember from our magical night together.
“Your parents are in the next room,” I growl.
She bites her lip, nods, never takes her eyes off me. Maybe the danger is part of the excitement. Or maybe it’s just like that first night. We’re magnetized, our physical chemistry never in question even when things get complicated.
I slide my hand up her leg, glancing at the door, my length throbbing as I glide closer to her sex.
“Has anyone touched you since me?” I growl.
“Okay, Mr. Possessive,” she says, trying for sassy, but her voice comes out breathy and needy.
I risk a look at her, my face deadly serious. “Answer the question.”
She shakes her head slowly.
Fuck.
I slide the rest of the way, pushing my hand between her legs, sure I can feel her wetness even through the fabric of her clothes. She bites down and leans against me, burying her face against my chest.
I know I should stop. We’re getting out of control, but I can’t. I’m like some savage animal who’s finally got his hands on something he’s been waiting too damn long for.
I pump my arm up and down, savoring the sounds of her muffled moans against me, the way she squeezes her thighs around my hand as if to trap me there. Faster, harder, more urgently, I move my arm up and down until her hips rock and she has to bite down on my shoulder to stop from screaming.
When the orgasm hits her, hot precome leaks achingly out of my end, soaking my briefs, making me shudder as I warn myself this is the furthest we can go here. We’ve gone far enough already.
She sits back, face red, chest heaving.
“Whoa,” she murmurs.
“I warned you,” I growl.
She glances at the door, then smooths her shirt down. “Is this… normal for you?”
“What?”
“The whole unhinged-animal-beast-losing-your-mind thing?”
I laugh at her phrasing, then shake my head. “No, baby, it’s not even close to being normal. But we have a connection—”
She rolls her eyes.
I lean down, lay a gentle kiss against her lips…
or as gentle as I can be in this moment.
“Pout, roll your eyes, look at me like I’m crazy, I don’t give a damn.
It’s the truth. Apart from anything else, our child means we’ll always be connected.
But it’s more than that. That night we spent together… ”
“Yeah, it was hot,” she murmurs.
“It was more than hot. You made me forget, Ava, about everything. That’s a miracle in my book.”
“It is… interesting,” she murmurs. “But you can’t just expect me to accept all of this like that.” She snaps her fingers.
“Let’s go on a date, then,” I tell her. “Slow things down. Try and attempt to be normal. You can bring the little guy, or we can go alone. I’m fine with either.
I’ve missed you, Ava. I know you might struggle to believe that, but it’s the truth.
” I lean closer and kiss her again. This time, she responds by taking my face in her hands and stroking her tongue against mine. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’ve missed you too,” she murmurs, then sighs. “Okay, a date. But it’s conditional, Rafe. Everything with us is conditional until I feel like I’m on steady ground.”
“I thought you were dead,” I murmur, tracing my thumb over her knuckles. “Just having the chance to prove myself is more than I thought I was going to get.”
The look in her eyes is devastating, like she wants to trust me but knows she shouldn’t. I get the strong, unshakable feeling that I’ve never met someone so complex, conflicted, trapped between the dark and the light. The mob world and the civilian one.
For a heart breaking second, I’m struck with clarity, with certainty…
I should leave her alone.
I push the thought away as best as I can, but it lingers, ugly and with too much truth in it. I want her, want to be in my son’s life, but before I returned, she was doing well. She was making the best of it.
She strokes her hand along my face. “What are you thinking?” she murmurs.
“Noth—”
“No more lies, remember?” she cuts in.
I swallow. Dammit, she’s right.
“I was thinking that it might be better for you if I walked out that door and never came back.”
She nods matter-of-factly. “Hmm, it might be. I guess that’s what we’re trying to figure out.” She stands, then offers me her hand. “Do you want to say goodbye to Theo?”
I guess that’s my cue…
She shifts on the spot, biting down, her legs pressed together as she’s trying to fight the aftershocks of the insanity of what we did on this couch. I take her hand, stand, and pull her into a hug.
“I don’t want to say goodbye to either of you, Ava. But yeah, let’s do it.”
She makes a point of distancing herself from me before we walk into the dining room.
When Mr. Ward looks at me, it’s like he knows what I just did to his daughter in the next room.
Shames pricks me, then another wave of heat hits me as I realize that I’d do it all over again without a second thought.
Mrs. Ward stands and offers me Theo. I take him carefully, still a little afraid I might somehow hurt him just by being close. But when he peels his eyes open and stares up at me, all doubt drains away. I lean down, whispering, “I love you, little man.”