Chapter 23
AVA
The next morning, Theo isn’t in his crib. I stare down at the empty space where I put him down, the rumpled blankets. Mom and Dad never come into the bedroom this early – it’s not even six – and just snatch him up. Panic pounds through my body, choking me, making me feel like a trapped rat.
Where is my son? Where is my baby?
I stop in the living room, breathing hard. Rafe is sitting in the chair, rocking Theo gently, making soft cooing noises. He looks up, then quickly stands. He rushes over to me with Theo in his arms.
“Shit, Ava. I’m sorry. You thought something was wrong?”
My shoulders relax. I shake my head. “Just had a dream. If shit is his first word, I’m blaming you.”
He grins, but there’s a hint of tension in it. “Fair enough.”
He offers Theo to me, but I gesture for him to keep our son for now. He smiles, looking almost boyish.
“Am I going to work today?” I ask quietly.
Rafe swallows and returns to the chair, sitting down carefully as he cradles Theo. I sit nearby, tugging at my PJ shorts. Rafe’s eyes snap to them, hunger flaring. But he tames it and focuses on our baby.
“I don’t think so,” he says carefully. “You and your parents will need to stay here. But I hope it’ll just be for one more day.”
“Do I want to know?” I ask.
He stares down at Theo, amber-gold eyes blazing. “I don’t think so, angel.”
I swallow, wringing my hands together. Part of me wants to ask what he has planned. But mostly, I know he’s right. I’m trying to stay in my world, on my own path. “Are you going to be okay? Tell me that, at least.”
“I think so,” he says. “But you never know. A man is a man, and a bullet is a bullet.”
I go to the chair, sitting on the arm as I reach down and let my hand glide over his shoulders. He reaches up to tighten his grip around me, holding me tightly.
“When will you know if he loves art?” Rafe asks.
A smile breaks across my face. “I’m not sure.”
“When did you know?” he asks. “Or did you always know?”
His shoulder trembles slightly as he talks, like he’s holding in a lot of emotion.
“I always knew,” I tell him. “I just remember loving colors. Mom had this red scarf, and it would blow in the wind when we would walk around the park. I just remember loving how red it was. Wishing I could make something as beautiful. Well, as much as a toddler can think like that, I guess.”
He turns, eyes hard, but his lips are soft. “Isn’t it amazing to just look at him and know, Ava, just know you’d do anything? Give anything?”
“Yes,” I whisper, tears pricking my eyes. “It’s a miracle. Every time I look at him.”
“I need to end this or leave you forever. But even now, it’s too late. He knows I care.”
“He does? How?”
“He threatened you,” Rafe snarls. “And our son. And he must’ve been able to see how close I was to exploding.”
“When do you have to leave?” I ask, my heartbeat punching with emotion.
“A couple hours.”
“Want some coffee?”
He smiles, turning back to Theo. “Sure.”
I go into the kitchen, walking past the bathroom. The diaper genie has a diaper in. It was empty last night. I smile and look back at Rafe and Theo… in his new, clean diaper. It’s a small thing, maybe. But it feels huge.
Brewing the coffee, I carry it back into the living room. I gently take Theo and move him to the bassinet. He sleeps softly, like he’s felt safe in his daddy’s arms.
“I’m sorry if I was blunt yesterday,” I say, sitting in the chair next to his.
“You weren’t.”
“You told me something horrible. And I just… wanted to tell you we have to take this slow. Just had to say that.”
“It’s the smart thing,” he says stiffly, like he’s in pain, agony any time he has to think about not being with me. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t seriously like that.
“But I am so, so sorry. For what you saw. For what it made you.”
“It didn’t make me anything. I was always going to be this man.” He laughs dryly, flashing those gold eyes in my direction. “Until I met you.”
“Don’t use lines on me.”
“I’ve never learned how to use lines on anyone.”
I take my coffee cup in both hands, blowing on the steam. “I’ll need to call Adrian and let him know I can’t come in.”
“And your parents will need to call too.”
“Mom’s retired. Dad doesn’t work Mondays.”
“Will they stay here?” Rafe asks.
“I think I can get them to,” I say, taking a scalding sip. “But they won’t be happy.”
“I just want them safe,” he grunts. “We can worry about happy later.”
“You sound tired,” I murmur.
He yawns, raising an eyebrow. “You can tell? I haven’t slept. I was just… looking for something. But somehow, like magic. Maybe it’s this city.” He leans into me, looking a little frantic. He’s fried. “This magic city, angel. We had that night, and now there’s… something here.”
“Okay, you’re delirious, not just tired.”
“Maybe I am. Maybe it’s helping me see things clearly.”
I put my coffee cup down and walk to his chair, grab the lever, and pull. His legs kick out and his back reclines. He laughs huskily. “Didn’t know this was one of those chairs.”
“Sleep, Rafe.”
“I thought you were going to climb on—”
I shoot him a look. “Just sleep, Rafael.”
“The whole stubborn and annoyed thing works better when your cheeks haven’t gone beetroot red.”
“Shh,” I whisper, but I can’t stop the smile from forming on my lips.
I return to my chair and curl into a ball, listening to the sound of Rafe’s breathing. I’m going to stay awake. That’s a promise. I’m tired of waking up and discovering he’s disappeared.
Time passes as the three of us rest. Theo and Rafe are sleeping for real, their breaths mingling. I drift on the edge of consciousness, making the world blur, shimmering and changing shape, making anything possible. I jolt out of near sleep when I feel myself drifting, forcing myself to my feet.
It's seven AM. I’ve been drifting for hours.
Rafe is on his back, mouth open, snoring. Theo snores too, more high-pitched, as if mimicking his dad.
I sneak off to the bedroom and grab my cellphone, calling Adrian.
“Yeah, Ava?” he says, answering. He sounds busy.
“Adrian, I’m sorry, but I think I’ve got a sore throat—”
“You’re welcome to take as long as you need,” he says. “I don’t need the sick routine. I get it.”
I sit on the edge of the bed. “Okay… You get it?”
“Rafael is complicated, but, hell, I don’t know.”
“BUT WHAT?” I ask. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to yell.”
And I did. Yell like I’m trying to collapse this building.
“But I think he’ll do the right thing. I’ve heard good things. For a man in his position… he can be an annoying, arrogant asshole. But, yeah, I think you’ll be okay. And when you’re ready for work, come back, okay? Listen, I need to run.”
He hangs up before I can say anything. His words reverberate in my head. It’s not like it’s the world’s most enthusiastic endorsement, but it’s better than what I had before. Adrian has forgiven Rafe, then? Or maybe he still dislikes him, but thinks he’ll do right by me, by us.
I stand up, going back into the living room. Rafe is standing at the door, holding Theo swaddled in a blanket to his chest. He stops mid-step, as if he was about to leave, to take Theo, without me knowing.
“Where are you going?” I say voice wobbly.
“I’m sorry. I have to end this.”
“But… Theo.”
“I know.” He stares down at our swaddled child. “It’s sick. But this has to end.”