Chapter 2 #3
I adjusted in my seat and decided it was best to respond to his smile with a glower.
He was not going to get off this easy. He leaned forward, our knees close to touching.
I scooted my chair back, but he reached out, gripping the sides of my seat and dragging my chair closer to him until our knees actually did touch.
I yelped in shock, the heat from his body almost flowing into mine.
What was happening? Why was this so hot?
His hands were still there, touching the outer part of my bare thighs.
I was getting overheated. Was I going to pass out?
I felt like I was going to pass out. I had freaking heart palpitations.
Be cool, Cammy. Don’t pass out. He can’t ever know he has this kind of effect on you. You are an adult. Be better than this.
“Camilla Robinson,” he began. “There’s no apology good enough that I can give you for destroying the precious friendship that we had.
The best I can do is give you a why. And not the why I gave you then.
It was dumb and, to be real, a lie. You are one of the most important people to me in my life, and all I ever wanted to do was protect you from the fucked-up world that I lived in. ”
I shook my head, confused. “I grew up with you. I knew your world.”
He sighed, shutting his eyes and then opening them again.
He looked pained. What was happening with him?
“Cammy, you knew the world as something my parents and the elders in our families did. The face they showed you wasn’t the truth.
And you didn’t know my part. I kept that from you.
And, for the most part, it wasn’t as damning until I got out of business school.
Marcus took the brunt of the ugly side of our operation before then.
But when I was done with my education, my father expected me to take a leadership role in his world.
And it was a dark world. That’s a world you never saw.
It’s a world I never wanted you to see. It would have changed you.
It changed my brothers. My mother stayed medicated.
Marcus lost his childhood. I never had one, except during my time with you, and Sammy turned to drugs.
We weren’t okay. I didn’t want you to see that. ”
I inhaled, and his woodsy yet sweet scent filled my nostrils, momentarily distracting me from the seriousness of his words. I needed to talk to him from afar. “I didn’t know that. I would have understood. Why were you so mean then?”
He nodded slowly. “I had to be so you would be shielded from it all. I had to make you hate me so I wouldn’t be tempted to keep you…
around. I relied on you a lot for my happiness.
More than I should have. You tutored me.
You came to my soccer games. Helped me dodge the women who weren’t so good for me.
You were my world. More than you knew. It wasn’t fair to you, what I could have done to you if I kept you near. ”
He lightly tapped the side of my thigh, and just that minimal contact fluttered my core. Really, he could barely do anything to me, and it seemed my body would fall apart for him. This is what happens when you are basically celibate and then meet the man who ignites your whole sexual soul.
“Cammy,” he commanded. Could he tell my mind was drifting? “I also might have pushed you away because I hated your ex.”
I twisted my lips. “I knew that. You told me so. In fact, if I can recall correctly, it was the day I told you we were getting engaged that you called me weak.”
His face scrunched, and he had the decency to look remorseful.
“Yeah, I didn’t call you weak because you were with him.
I wanted better for you. He was a self-absorbed asshole.
Instead of calling you weak, I wanted to say you were too good for my world.
I’m sure your parents felt the same, they just didn’t say anything. ”
Of course, my parents wouldn’t. They were reaping too many benefits and access from the wealthier world that Harris’ family gave them.
My dad knew where they buried the bodies, literally.
Often in other realms. However, he never said anything about my connection with Harris.
Never dissuaded him from coming over to play.
Never seeming to worry when I went out to the movies, or the mall, or anything with him.
In fact, he seemed less worried. I chalked it up to the fact that a bodyguard was always around, so he knew I’d be safe.
It was only when we got older, college age, that my parents seemed to tense whenever Harris came around.
I couldn’t figure out why at the time. However, now I knew, and Harris had just confirmed it, that he was getting more emersed in the criminal life as he got older. A life everyone shielded me from.
I looked back at Harris, his eyes already searching my face for something.
An acceptance of his apology? It made me sad to think of the time we’d lost, but now, I wondered if there just wasn’t any other option.
I didn’t know everything about his father or grandfather, but I’d heard rumors.
I’d seen bruises on Harris that he refused to talk about.
I’d see the haunted look in his eyes from time to time.
I still remembered the one time, when we were fourteen, he climbed up to my window, surprising me one random evening.
He just lay his head in my lap and asked me to stroke his hair.
He didn’t say what was wrong. Didn’t cry.
Didn’t really speak. And I just did as he asked until we both fell asleep.
When I woke up, he was gone. I remembered how my heart broke for him.
I knew his life was tough. I knew I was an escape, and I was glad to be that for him. Always.
“You thought pushing me away would protect me?”
He gave me a sad smile that nearly split my heart.
“Yeah. Having people close to you makes you vulnerable. I saw that my whole life. Hell, look at what just happened. My dad and grandfather could be cruel, but it was because, in some small part, they were fearful. Sometimes, going overboard and being overly controlling was their way of stopping the fear. That affected me. They had a right to be scared and paranoid. Especially about the safety of those they loved. I hated how they moved, but in retrospect, a part of me grew to understand it. Something happened that wouldn’t let me pretend that life could be normal for me. ”
He lost his smile, leaning back in his chair, and I was slightly sad that he’d moved away, although I could still feel our connection as our legs touched.
I felt more comforted by that than I should have.
“A couple of weeks before our argument, I got a call from someone we couldn’t trace, and they threatened to hurt you. They thought you were my girlfriend.”
I frowned, running back that time in my head. I had no clue. “That would be when I had gone overseas for vacation with the ex. It was a last-minute thing that my parents surprised us with.”
“Yes, I paid for you and that asshole to go away while we…neutralized the threat. It was then that I knew I couldn’t keep you around.
If some random thug could see how important you were to me, then stronger enemies could too.
I couldn’t risk it. You had to get away from me.
I didn’t want to lose you, but I couldn’t be selfish.
And you were already moving to New York anyway to work and be with that asshole. ”
“I’m not going to push it, but the asshole has a name.”
He gave me dead eyes, lifting a shoulder.
He really hated that guy. Maybe more than me.
I was a little delighted by that. “The point is, it was better you were with him than being on your own and ever coming back in my life. Our distance over these several years possibly saved you. And I would do it again. No matter how much it hurt me. Coming here and having whatever just happened proved that I wasn’t wrong.
So, this is not an apology as you deserve, but I am sorry that it had to be that way.
” He leaned forward and picked up my hands, which were resting on my lap, and gave them a gentle squeeze. “Can we move past this?”
I blew out a breath, releasing fifteen years’ worth of anger.
I didn’t necessarily agree with how he did things, but I couldn’t say I didn’t understand.
He’d gone through great lengths to keep me safe, and I never knew.
And I did find some solace that he had hurt losing me.
Just as I hurt losing him. I nodded and squeezed his large hands back. “Yes, but why reconnect now?”
He lowered his head and kissed the back of each hand, and I might have disassociated for a millisecond from the feel of his soft lips on my skin.
He was treating me so gently, as he normally had, but there was a tenderness now that felt different.
Something had shifted. I’d always felt protected by him, but his attention to me now felt like I really was someone precious to him.
“I was always coming back for you. I let you walk away for a little while, but I knew at some point, I would make my life better and safer for you. Not run things the way my elders did. I’m so close now, and for you to show up as you did, it was fate.”
I scrunched my eyes in confusion. It felt mildly like he was professing something. “You make it sound like I was yours to put on hold.”
He gave me a devilish grin. “I’m glad you understand.”
No, I didn’t. What was happening? I opened my mouth for more questions because my mind was swimming right now; however, I heard the buzzing of a phone that wasn’t mine.
He growled, and my core tightened at the sound.
He dug his phone out of his pocket and looked at it.
“I’ve got to work with my people to figure out what just happened to us.
I’m not leaving here until a guard comes but I need to step outside to talk.
Don’t go anywhere.” He stood up and kissed my forehead, before turning and leaving me breathless.
When I heard my front door close, I slouched down in my seat, overwhelmed. “What is happening right now? Who does he think he is? What am I-”
Searing pain once again stabbed through me, darkening my vision. It felt like every bone in my body was breaking, and my head throbbed against an invisible vice. I fell forward on the hardwood floor, screaming in agony, as I rolled side to side. I felt like the life was draining out of me.
I couldn’t breathe.
I was dying.