Chapter 8 The Age Between Us #2
Before love became impossible to untangle from every part of their lives.
It sounded like protection.
But deep down, Nathaniel knew what it really was.
Fear.
And for the first time in years, he wasn't sure whether walking away from something he loved would be the responsible choice—or the greatest mistake of his life.
Evan's Choice
Evan spent most of the night thinking about what Nathaniel had said.
He understood why Nathaniel was afraid.
That was the part that made everything harder.
If Nathaniel had been cruel or dismissive, Evan could have been angry and walked away without looking back. If Nathaniel had treated the age difference as something Evan was too young to understand, Evan could have fought him on it and ended the conversation.
But Nathaniel had been honest.
He was afraid Evan would regret choosing him.
He was afraid that eighteen years between them meant Evan hadn't experienced enough of life to understand what he was giving up.
And beneath all of that was something Evan recognized as genuine concern.
Nathaniel loved him.
That should have made Evan feel secure.
Instead, it made him realize how dangerous their situation had become.
Nathaniel was prepared to sacrifice their relationship because he believed it might protect Evan from a future regret.
Evan couldn't allow that.
The following morning, Evan found Nathaniel in the kitchen.
Nathaniel was standing beside the coffee machine, dressed for work.
He looked tired.
Evan knew he had probably slept as little as Evan had.
Nathaniel looked up.
"Good morning."
"Morning."
Evan poured himself a glass of water.
Neither spoke for several seconds.
Finally, Evan said, "We need to finish our conversation."
Nathaniel's expression became serious.
"I thought you might say that."
Evan sat across from him.
"I've been thinking about everything you said."
Nathaniel nodded.
"I didn't mean to put pressure on you."
"You didn't."
Evan looked directly at him.
"But you did make one mistake."
Nathaniel waited.
"You assumed that because you're older, you understand my future better than I do."
Nathaniel looked down.
"I know."
"I don't think you're trying to control me."
"I would never want to."
"I know."
Evan folded his hands on the table.
"But sometimes trying to protect someone can become another form of control."
Nathaniel looked at him.
Evan continued.
"If you decide that I should leave you because you think I might regret staying, then you're still making the decision for me."
Nathaniel was quiet.
Evan took a breath.
"I know you're eighteen years older than me."
"I know."
"I know you have more money."
Nathaniel nodded.
"I know you have more life experience."
"Yes."
"I know you've already built a career, a company, a home, and a reputation."
Nathaniel watched him carefully.
"And I know I haven't."
The words were not defensive.
They were simply true.
Evan continued.
"I'm not pretending we're the same."
Nathaniel's shoulders relaxed slightly.
"But being different doesn't mean I'm incapable of making a decision."
"I know."
"Do you?"
Nathaniel looked at him.
"Yes."
"Then believe me."
Nathaniel didn't answer immediately.
Evan could see the conflict in his face.
That was the thing about Nathaniel.
He could hide his emotions from almost everyone.
But Evan had learned how to see through him.
Nathaniel's silence was rarely emptiness.
It was usually a storm.
Evan stood and walked toward the window.
"I've thought about what my life could have looked like without you."
Nathaniel remained silent.
"I could have dated someone my age. I could have moved somewhere else. I could have focused entirely on my career. I could have lived alone for years before deciding whether I wanted a family."
He turned around.
"Those were possibilities."
Nathaniel looked at him.
"They still are."
"I know."
"But I don't want them."
Nathaniel's expression changed.
Evan walked back toward him.
"I don't want you because you have money."
"I know."
"Let me finish."
Nathaniel nodded.
"I don't want you because you're older."
"I know."
"I don't want you because you're the father of my baby."
Nathaniel's eyes softened.
"I know."
"I want you because you're you."
The words were simple.
But saying them aloud made Evan's chest ache.
"I want the man who remembers what tea I like. I want the man who makes breakfast before I wake up. I want the man who listens when I talk about work even when he doesn't understand half the details."
Nathaniel smiled faintly.
"I understand more than you think."
Evan smiled.
"I want the man who worries too much but still tries to respect my boundaries. I want the man who notices when I'm tired. I want the man who sits beside me when I can't sleep."
His voice became quieter.
"And I want the man who held my hand when we heard our baby's heartbeat."
Nathaniel looked away.
Evan could see the emotion in his eyes.
"That moment mattered to me."
"It mattered to me too."
"I know."
They stood facing each other.
Evan continued.
"The baby is part of our story, but the baby isn't the reason I fell for you."
Nathaniel's voice was almost a whisper.
"When did you fall for me?"
Evan smiled.
"I don't know."
"That's not an answer."
"It started before the pregnancy."
Nathaniel looked at him.
"I think I knew when you kissed me."
Nathaniel's expression tightened.
"I shouldn't have."
"Maybe not."
"I was trying to resist you."
"You weren't very good at it."
Nathaniel laughed softly.
Evan smiled.
"But I knew after that night that I wanted more than one mistake."
Nathaniel stepped closer.
Evan didn't move away.