Chapter 9 The First Real Kiss
No More Pretending
Nathaniel had always believed that protection meant anticipating danger before it arrived.
It was how he ran his company.
It was how he handled investments.
It was how he approached almost every serious decision in his life.
He studied the risks, considered the consequences, and tried to prevent problems before they had a chance to become disasters.
With Evan, that instinct had become something more complicated.
For weeks, Nathaniel had told himself that he was protecting him.
Protecting him from the age gap.
Protecting him from Richard's anger.
Protecting him from public attention.
Protecting him from financial dependence.
Protecting him from the possibility of someday regretting the relationship.
But after Evan had stood in the kitchen and told him that he would walk away if Nathaniel couldn't respect his ability to choose, Nathaniel finally understood what he had been doing.
He had been making decisions for Evan while pretending he was protecting him from difficult decisions.
The realization had stayed with him all day.
Nathaniel sat alone in his office that evening, staring at a document on his desk without reading a single word.
Evan's voice kept returning to him.
I need you to believe that I'm capable of choosing you.
Nathaniel closed the file.
He had no right to decide what Evan would regret.
He had no right to treat Evan's age as proof that his feelings were temporary.
Evan was twenty-three.
He was an adult.
He had his own career, his own finances, his own opinions, and enough stubbornness to challenge Nathaniel whenever he believed Nathaniel was wrong.
Most importantly, Evan had made his choice with his eyes open.
Nathaniel had to respect that.
The problem was that respecting Evan's choice meant Nathaniel had to confront his own.
He loved Evan.
He knew it now.
There was no point hiding behind responsibility anymore.
Nathaniel stood and left the office.
He found Evan in the living room.
Evan was sitting with his feet tucked beneath him, reading.
He looked up when Nathaniel entered.
"You've been quiet."
"I've been thinking."
"That's dangerous."
Nathaniel smiled.
"I deserved that."
Evan closed the book.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong."
Nathaniel sat beside him.
"I came to talk."
Evan looked cautious.
"About what?"
"Us."
Evan set the book aside.
Nathaniel took a breath.
"I've spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that the safest thing I could do was keep my distance from you."
Evan listened.
"I told myself it was because of the age difference. Because of Richard. Because of the imbalance in money and experience. Because you're carrying my child."
"Those are real concerns."
"They are."
Nathaniel nodded.
"But I've been using them to avoid admitting something."
Evan's expression softened.
"What?"
Nathaniel looked directly at him.
"That I want you."
Evan didn't move.
Nathaniel continued.
"I don't mean I want to be responsible for you. I don't mean I want to protect you because you're carrying my child."
His voice became quieter.
"I want you."
Evan's eyes searched his face.
Nathaniel reached for his hand.
"When I first realized I was attracted to you, I told myself it was wrong because you were Richard's son."
Evan squeezed his fingers.
"Then we kissed."
"Yes."
"And I called it a mistake."
Evan's expression changed.
"It wasn't."
"I know."
Nathaniel looked down at their joined hands.
"I've tried to find explanations for everything I've felt since then. I told myself I was worried because you're pregnant. I told myself I was protective because you're younger. I told myself I wanted you close because it was safer for you."
He looked back at Evan.
"But none of those explanations are complete."
Evan was quiet.
Nathaniel moved closer.
"I think about you when you're not here."
Evan's breathing changed.
"I look for you when I come home."
Nathaniel's thumb moved across his hand.
"I remember things you say without trying. I know when you're tired. I know when you're pretending you're not nervous. I know which foods you reach for when your stomach isn't cooperating."
Evan smiled faintly.
Nathaniel smiled back.
"And when you're happy, this house feels different."
Evan's eyes became glossy.
Nathaniel continued.
"I don't just care about your safety. I care about your happiness."
Evan whispered, "Nathaniel."
"I love the way you argue with me."
Evan laughed softly through his emotion.
"That's a strange thing to love."
"I know."
Nathaniel lifted Evan's hand.
"I love that you refuse to let me make your decisions. I love that you have your own life and refuse to surrender it simply because you're with me."
Evan looked at him.
"I love that you're carrying our child, but that's not why I love you."
The room became completely still.
Nathaniel felt his own heart beating hard.
"I love you because you're Evan."
Evan's eyes filled with tears.
Nathaniel reached up and gently wiped one away.
"I'm finished pretending this is only about the pregnancy."
Evan closed his eyes briefly.
"Are you sure?"
Nathaniel nodded.
"I've never been more sure of anything."
Evan opened his eyes.
"Even with the age difference?"
"Yes."
"Even with my father?"
"Yes."
"Even with everything that's going to happen?"
Nathaniel took a breath.
"I can't promise that everything will be easy."
"I don't need easy."
"I can't promise nobody will judge us."
"I know."
"I can't promise we won't fight."
Evan smiled.
"We probably will."
Nathaniel laughed softly.
"But I can promise that I won't make decisions for you because I'm afraid."
Evan's smile faded into something tender.
"That's all I wanted."
Nathaniel leaned closer.
There was no rush.
No uncertainty about whether they were crossing a line.
They had crossed it long ago.
This time, Nathaniel wasn't running away from what he felt.
He lifted his hand to Evan's cheek.
"Can I kiss you?"
Evan smiled.
"You've asked me that before."
"I want to ask this time."
"Why?"
"Because this isn't a mistake."
Evan looked at him for several seconds.
Then he nodded.
"Yes."
Nathaniel leaned forward.
Their lips met gently.
There was no urgency.
No desperation.
Just recognition.
The first kiss between them had been driven by tension they had both tried to resist.
This one was different.
It carried everything they had refused to say.
Nathaniel pulled back slightly.
Evan's eyes remained closed for a moment.
When he opened them, he smiled.
"That was different."
Nathaniel touched his cheek.
"Yes."
"Better."
"Much."
Evan laughed quietly.
Nathaniel kissed him again.
This time, Evan leaned into him.
Nathaniel wrapped an arm around his waist, careful and gentle, mindful of the life growing between them.
Evan rested one hand against Nathaniel's chest.
They stayed that way for several moments before separating.
Nathaniel looked at him.
"I don't want you to think I see you differently because you're pregnant."
"I don't."
"I need you to know that."
"I do."
"You were the man I wanted before we knew about the baby."
Evan's expression softened.
"And now?"
Nathaniel smiled.
"Now you're the man I love."
Evan swallowed.
"I love you too."
Nathaniel closed his eyes briefly.
Hearing the words was different from knowing they were true.
For weeks, he had carried the feeling silently.
Now it belonged to both of them.
Nathaniel rested his forehead against Evan's.
"I should have said it sooner."
"You were scared."
"I was."
"Are you still?"
Nathaniel considered the question.
"Yes."
Evan smiled.
"Good."
Nathaniel raised an eyebrow.
"Good?"
"It means you're still human."
Nathaniel laughed.
Evan leaned against him.
For the first time, Nathaniel allowed himself to imagine a future without immediately listing every possible problem.
He imagined Evan beside him.
He imagined the baby growing.
He imagined breakfasts and appointments and ordinary evenings.
He imagined coming home and knowing that Evan would be there.
The thought didn't feel like a threat anymore.
It felt like something he wanted.
Something he could choose.
Nathaniel looked down at Evan.
"No more pretending."
Evan smiled.
"No more pretending."
Nathaniel kissed his forehead.
The relationship between them had started with a forbidden attraction neither man wanted to admit.
It had been complicated by pregnancy, age, family, money, and fear.
But the pregnancy had not created what existed between them.
It had simply forced them to confront it sooner.
Nathaniel finally understood the difference.
He wasn't choosing Evan because circumstances had made them responsible for one another.
He was choosing him because, given every reason to walk away, Nathaniel still wanted to stay.
And for the first time, he wasn't afraid of what that choice meant.
He was ready to make it.
Husband Without a Ring
Evan could still feel Nathaniel's kiss long after they had stopped.
Not because it had been overwhelming or rushed.
Because it had been deliberate.
There had been no hesitation in it, no sudden retreat, no attempt to call it a mistake afterward.
For the first time, Nathaniel had kissed him without looking for an excuse.
Evan sat beside him on the sofa, their shoulders touching.
Neither man spoke for several moments.
The silence felt different now.
Before, silence between them had been filled with questions.
What were they doing?
Where was this going?
Was the pregnancy the only reason they were still together?
Was Nathaniel going to walk away?
Now there was an answer to at least one of those questions.
They were together.
Even if neither of them had said the words officially.
Evan looked at Nathaniel.
"So what are we now?"
Nathaniel glanced at him.
"What do you want us to be?"
Evan smiled.
"You always answer questions with questions."
"I've learned from you."
Evan laughed softly.
Then he became serious.
"I want this to be real."
Nathaniel nodded.
"So do I."
"I don't mean just because of the baby."
"I know."
"I don't want every conversation about us to eventually become a conversation about the pregnancy."
Nathaniel reached for his hand.
"It won't."
Evan looked at their joined hands.