Chapter 19 Our Baby
The Final Weeks
The final weeks of pregnancy were nothing like Evan had imagined.
He had expected excitement.
He had expected nervousness.
He had even expected discomfort.
What he hadn't expected was how quickly ordinary things could become exhausting.
Walking upstairs required planning.
Getting comfortable in bed became a nightly negotiation.
Putting on socks had somehow become a complicated task.
And every time Nathaniel noticed Evan struggling, he appeared within seconds.
"Do you need help?"
"No."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
Nathaniel watched him.
Evan sighed.
"Maybe."
Nathaniel smiled and helped him sit down.
"Thank you."
"Anytime."
Evan looked at him.
"You enjoy this."
"Helping you?"
"Yes."
"I do."
"You're becoming unbearable."
Nathaniel laughed.
"I've been unbearable for years."
"True."
Their home had changed almost as much as their lives.
The room that had once been an unused guest room was now the baby's nursery.
A crib stood against one wall.
There was a changing table.
Shelves filled with tiny clothes.
A rocking chair sat near the window.
Evan had spent an entire afternoon folding baby clothes.
Nathaniel had spent two hours organizing them by size.
Evan had laughed when he discovered what he'd done.
"You made categories."
Nathaniel looked confused.
"Of course."
"They're baby clothes."
"They're different sizes."
"Babies grow."
"Exactly."
Evan shook his head.
"You're going to be one of those fathers."
"What kind?"
"The kind who labels everything."
Nathaniel looked offended.
"I like organization."
"I know."
Evan smiled.
"That's why I married you."
Nathaniel came closer and kissed his forehead.
"One of the reasons."
"One of many."
"Good."
The wedding had been several weeks ago, but Evan still occasionally caught himself staring at the ring on his finger.
Husband.
The word had become normal surprisingly quickly.
Nathaniel still introduced him as his husband.
Evan still smiled every time.
And privately, Nathaniel still used the old nickname.
My wife.
Evan had stopped pretending he disliked it.
He secretly loved the warmth behind it.
Now, however, the pregnancy was demanding most of their attention.
Every doctor's appointment felt more serious.
The baby was growing quickly.
The due date was approaching.
The medical team had told Evan that everything looked reassuring, but the final weeks could be unpredictable.
That uncertainty made Nathaniel restless.
Very restless.
One evening, Evan found him standing in the nursery staring at the crib.
"What are you doing?"
Nathaniel turned.
"Checking it."
"You checked it this morning."
"I know."
"It's still there."
Nathaniel looked at him.
"You don't know that."
Evan laughed.
"You're ridiculous."
Nathaniel walked toward him.
"Did you eat?"
"Yes."
"Enough?"
"Yes."
"Water?"
"Yes."
"How long have you been standing?"
Evan stared at him.
"Are you interviewing me?"
Nathaniel smiled.
"Maybe."
Evan shook his head.
"You are definitely more nervous than I am."
"I'm not nervous."
"You're checking the crib twice a day."
"It's important."
"You've packed the hospital bag three times."
"I wanted to make sure everything was there."
"You've installed the car seat."
"Correct."
"Then reinstalled it."
"I wanted to verify it."
"You watched four videos about newborn sleep."
Nathaniel paused.
"Five."
Evan burst out laughing.
"Five?"
"They were informative."
"They were terrifying."
Nathaniel laughed.
Evan walked toward him.
He rested his head against Nathaniel's chest.
Nathaniel's arms immediately came around him.
"You're nervous," Evan whispered.
Nathaniel sighed.
"Maybe."
"I knew it."
"I don't know how to do this."
Evan looked up.
"Neither do I."
"You seem calmer."
"I'm pretending."
Nathaniel smiled.
"You're very convincing."
"So are you."
They stood together in the nursery.
The room was quiet.
Soft light came through the curtains.
Tiny clothes were folded neatly in drawers.
The crib waited beside the wall.
Everything was ready.
Almost.
Evan placed Nathaniel's hand over his stomach.
The baby moved.
Nathaniel smiled.
"Hello."
Evan laughed.
"You always talk to the baby."
"I like saying hello."
"You'll have plenty of opportunities soon."
Nathaniel's smile faded into something more thoughtful.
"That's what scares me."
Evan looked at him.
"What?"
"What if I don't know how to be a father?"
Evan's expression softened.
"You'll learn."
"What if I make mistakes?"
"You will."
Nathaniel raised an eyebrow.
"That's comforting."
Evan smiled.
"Everyone makes mistakes."
"What if I make too many?"
"You'll apologize."
Nathaniel looked at him.
"How do you know?"
"Because I've watched you."
Evan touched his face.
"You've spent your whole life thinking responsibility means having every answer."
Nathaniel nodded.
"Maybe."
"But being a father isn't about having every answer."
"What is it about?"
Evan thought for a moment.
"Being there."
Nathaniel's expression softened.
"That's it?"
"That's a lot."
Evan rested his cheek against his chest.
"You don't have to be perfect."
"I know."
"You just have to love our child."
Nathaniel looked down at him.
"That part won't be difficult."
Evan smiled.
"I know."
They left the nursery together.
Later that night, they sat on the sofa with the television playing quietly in the background.
Evan's feet rested across Nathaniel's lap.
Nathaniel gently rubbed one foot.
Evan closed his eyes.
"That feels good."
"Good."
"I could get used to this."
"You should."
Evan smiled.
"You're spoiling me."
"You deserve it."
Evan opened his eyes.
"You say things like that now."
"I mean them."
Evan looked at his husband.
The man who had once struggled to admit that he loved him now said it freely.
There was no hesitation.
No shame.
No fear.
Evan smiled.
"Do you remember when you thought protecting me meant keeping me away from you?"
Nathaniel sighed.
"Unfortunately."
"You were terrible at it."
"I know."
"You kept telling me the age difference made everything complicated."
"It did."
"It still does."
Nathaniel nodded.
"But it isn't the only thing that defines us."
Evan smiled.
"No."
He looked around their living room.
Their wedding photograph sat on a nearby shelf.
The nursery was down the hallway.
The hospital bag waited near the front door.
Their lives had become a collection of small preparations.
A home ready for a new person.
A marriage learning its rhythm.
A family about to become three.
Evan rested his hand over his stomach.
"I wonder what they'll be like."
Nathaniel looked at him.
"Who?"
"Our child."
Nathaniel smiled.
"Hopefully stubborn."
Evan laughed.
"Why?"
"Because they'll get that from you."
"Excuse me?"
Nathaniel laughed.
"I said what I said."
Evan nudged him with his foot.
"They'll get your seriousness."
"Unfortunate."
"And your habit of overthinking."
Nathaniel sighed.
"Probably."
"They'll get my stubbornness."
"Definitely."
Evan smiled.
"And hopefully they'll get both our ability to love."
Nathaniel's expression softened.
"They will."
Evan looked at him.
"What kind of family do you want?"
Nathaniel thought carefully.
"I want a family where nobody is afraid to speak."
Evan listened.
"I want our child to know that disagreement doesn't mean rejection."
Evan smiled.
"That's important."
"I want them to know they can come home."
Nathaniel paused.
"Always."
Evan's heart tightened.
"Even when they make mistakes?"
"Especially then."
Evan nodded.
"What else?"
Nathaniel looked toward the nursery.
"I want our home to be warm."
"It already is."
"Because of you."
Evan smiled.
Nathaniel continued.
"I want our child to grow up knowing that love isn't control."
Evan's eyes softened.
"That's very you."
"I learned it from you."
Evan reached for his hand.
"And I want our child to see two people who choose each other."
Nathaniel squeezed his fingers.
"Every day."
"Not because they have to."
"Because they want to."
Evan leaned against him.
For a while, neither spoke.
The baby moved again.
Nathaniel placed his hand over Evan's stomach.
"Almost time."
Evan smiled.
"You're nervous."
"I am."
"More nervous than the pregnant man."
Nathaniel laughed.
"I don't think that's possible."
"It absolutely is."
Nathaniel kissed his forehead.
"Maybe you're right."
Evan smiled.
"I usually am."
"Don't push your luck."
Evan laughed.
Then his expression softened.
"I can't wait to meet our baby."
Nathaniel's hand remained over his stomach.
"Neither can I."
Evan looked at him.
"Whatever happens, we're ready."
Nathaniel nodded.
"Together."
Evan smiled.
"Together."
The house was quiet around them.
The crib waited.
The tiny clothes were folded.
The hospital bag was packed.
The wedding rings were on their fingers.
And the baby was growing stronger every day.
Soon, the waiting would end.
Soon, their little family would become three.
Evan leaned closer to his husband.
Nathaniel kissed his hair.
Neither of them knew exactly what the future would look like.
But they knew what they wanted it to feel like.
Safe.
Loving.
Honest.
Full of laughter.
A home where nobody had to earn their place.
A family where love was never confused with control.
And as another small movement passed beneath Evan's hand, he smiled.
Their baby was coming.
And they were ready to meet them together.
The Birth
Nathaniel had imagined the moment their baby would arrive.
He had imagined Evan waking him in the middle of the night.
He had imagined rushing through the house with the hospital bag.
He had imagined sitting beside Evan, holding his hand, telling him everything would be fine.
He had imagined being prepared.
What he had not imagined was how quickly everything could change.
It started just after midnight.
Nathaniel was asleep when Evan shook his shoulder.
"Nathaniel."
He woke immediately.
"What happened?"
Evan was sitting upright.
"I think something's happening."
Nathaniel pushed himself up.
"What do you mean?"
Evan looked at him.
"I think I'm having contractions."
Nathaniel stared at him for half a second.
Then he was out of bed.
"How far apart?"
Evan blinked.
"I don't know."
"How long have you been having them?"
"Only a little while."
Nathaniel reached for his phone.