Chapter 8 #2
Charlie and Camille eventually agreed to take half of the money from the profit of the penthouse sale.
The three of them spent many hours dispersing Elias’s belongings, many of which Renn donated to the SEA for display and historical purposes.
The rest he put into storage and savings, hoping to never need it if he could help it.
School would continue to be a substantial cost—a reason Renn could justify using it for—but would rather leave it untouched if possible.
All of his professors encouraged him to take some time off and offered to make adjustments for him to catch up, but he didn’t want a reason to be still.
The busier he was, the better. He exhausted himself so much in his schoolwork that he didn’t see his friends much, besides Nate.
It was study, sleep, eat, for weeks, until he eventually hit a wall where mentally he couldn’t think anymore.
But still, he couldn’t get his body to rest.
He didn’t want to disturb Nate when the night’s sleep never came, so he would wander campus.
One evening, he found a small garden—a hideaway among the buildings.
The campus was large enough that it could easily be missed.
Littered throughout were benches that he would sprawl out on and look up at the heavens.
While he couldn’t see many stars, he still gazed, wondering.
Would he meet his end out there as his father did?
Were his parents somewhere out there—on some plain of existence that no one could reach until death?
Someone cleared their throat and he jolted up, finding Blair. She moved casually toward him, an unsure smile on her lips. She was always gentle and thoughtful, and Renn had always appreciated that about her.
“Hello,” she said sheepishly.
Renn hadn’t spoken more than a few words to his friends in the past weeks, doing his best to reassure them he was fine, but he should have known Blair would worry more than the others. “Nate told me you come here sometimes when you can’t sleep.”
He wasn’t as mysterious as he had thought.
“I never took Nate for a stalker.” He chuckled.
“I hope you don’t mind that I’m here. I’ve been . . . worried about you.”
He smiled at her confession. “I haven’t been good company for a little bit, have I?” he asked, not expecting an answer. He had been in a state. Of what, he wasn’t sure. He didn’t know what to call it, if it even had a name.
“I think everyone goes through periods of depression at some point,” she said cautiously, like she was unsure how he would take her statement.
Renn paused. Was he depressed? Perhaps it had a name after all.
“You know I never acutely thought of it that way until now,” he admitted, and he suddenly felt lighter know that he could label it.
They sat in comfortable silence for a beat before she asked, “Do you want to be alone?”
“Actually, would you mind sitting with me?” He tapped the space beside him, and she crossed over to him, folding her arms around herself and she sat down.
“So, what are you doing out here?” she teased. It wasn’t lost on him that it was odd to be sitting in a garden in the middle of the night.
“Thinking.”
“What are you thinking about?” she asked gently.
“You sure you want to know?” he asked, a whisper of a smirk on his lips.
She nodded slowly.
He took a deep breath. “I’m thinking about how horrible of a person I must be that, at my own father’s funeral, I wasn’t thinking of him at all. I was thinking about a person I’ve never met.” The confession fell from his lips easily.
Her brows pulled together for a moment before she put it together. “Your mother,” she said with an edge of sadness at the realization.
The group knew that Renn’s mother had died when he was born, but that was the extent of the details he ever shared. Not even Nate knew much about his mother.
“You shouldn’t beat yourself up about that, Renn. It’s completely understandable to wonder how things would have been different, but . . .” She pursed her lips, unsure if she should go on.
“But?” he encouraged her with a smile.
“But, you can’t wonder how things could have been—you’ll get lost in it.
And then the future won’t look so bright anymore, and your future is bright, Renn.
Don’t let the darkness of the past pull you under.
” She blushed as she finished, nervous that she may have said too much, but Renn felt the impact in his chest because she was describing exactly what he had been feeling and thinking.
“How did you know that’s exactly what I needed to hear?”he asked, astounded. Her cheeks turned a shade of pink again, and then she leaned in, pressing her lips to his just for a moment before quickly pulling back.
“I’m sorry. I should have asked. I know you probably don’t feel the same way about me, but . . .”
“Blair.”
She stopped, swallowing nervously.
“I haven’t felt much of anything for a long time. But that . . . that felt good.” He hoped it wasn’t rude to confirm that, while he may see Blair more as a friend, kissing her was something he didn’t want to pass on.
He leaned in, but waited for her to choose to close the gap. He didn’t know what love felt like, didn’t know if it began in a kiss or a feeling, but he wanted to find out. Maybe not today, but someday.
She stared back into his green-grey eyes for a long moment. “You really are something, Aldrenn Anton.”
It wasn’t just his looks, but the genuineness of his friendship, his charisma, the fact that he was a person you always felt good around. She liked everything about him and wouldn't let another moment go by where she wasn’t kissing the most handsome man she had ever seen.
She crashed her mouth to his—a bit too forcefully, as their teeth bumped into each other.
They laughed as it was a bit messy, but gradually, they got the hang of it.
And Renn realized, sometimes a person just needed a few kind words and a kiss to not feel so alone anymore.
Maybe he would never fall in love, but the company of intimacy was something he couldn’t deny.